(Untitled)

[benchilada]

Please excuse any shitty grammar or punctuation mistakes, I literally finished this two minutes ago and have decided to fire it off without reading it. Hope it turned out okay for a first draft. *smooches*

Comments

[pensylvania_joe]

That was interesting. I liked it. I would like to know a little more about how Frank survived. Maybe just a comment about how there is a burning pain somewhere in his body. Or how strange it that there is NOT a burning pain somewhere in his body.

I'm too tired to do any kind of spot editing. But on the whole, I like the style, as usual, and I like the content.

My one question, though: Why can't Frank see into anyone ELSE'S future? He knows he'll die, but why not be able to see anyone else? I would think that not being able to see anyone else would have convinced him not that he would die, but rather that the world would end. (though it could be explained, in the reader's own head, that the reason he couldn't see past that night was because he wouldn't have the ability anymore).

I just think he would believe that the whole world was ending.

[benchilada]

Honestly, this was kinda just a punchline joke I needed to get out of my system. But I did enjoy it a lot more than I thought I would.

Why won't his psychic powers work past the point that he loses them? Um...magic. :P

As for why he didn't think the world was ending: too self-centered. The emptiness clearly just means that he's gone, not everybody else.

[benchilada]

And yeah, I figure the power can't see past when it doesn't exist...

[pensylvania_joe]

Still, if you want to make this viable for publication (and I think it would be) you might want to consider explaining some of that.

You could probably do it all with a quick set of dialogue.

When Frank has explained why he knows he's going to die, Billy could nod his head and then say "Are you sure that doesn't mean that the whole world is going to end?"
To which Frank might reply "What?"
And Billy, in turn, would say "Do you think you can't see past tonight for anyone because NO ONE has a future past tonight?"
And Frank could say "What the fuck do I care? I'll be dead!"

Which, in itself, would be funny.

Love your espresso stories, by the way. And I am now addicted to that fucking site.