Spin the Light to Gold (J2, NC-17) 4/6

[belyste]

After that, things are good. In fact, everything is good. After surviving several weeks of campers with his sanity intact, Jared finally starts to feel like he belongs at the camp, like he’s settled in and knows what he’s doing, and he’s comfortable with all the other counselors. They might not be the tight-knit family he envisioned, but they’re all close, all friends, and Jared finally feels like he fits in.

He feels like he’s settled into being a counselor, too. At first he was the awkward junior counselor who knew nothing about kids, but now the bizarre conflicts that come up every week barely make him blink. He’s learned what’s a big deal and what’s not, and how to let things go when they’re not worth a lot of fuss. He’s learned how to coexist with Chad, even to the point where they split up their duties almost automatically and communicate wordlessly about what camper’s where or what activity is when. Jared memorizes campers’ names effortlessly each week, along with their allergies and medication schedules, and he finds himself managing their lives more efficiently than he’s ever managed his own.

He’s the king of the craft room now, master of beads and bracelets and paints and glitter and glue, and he’s perfected the art of the vague compliment, encouraging whatever random creation comes to life on the tables. He’s even gotten good at packaging up a week’s worth of crafts for the ride home, so the kids can inflict their art on their parents.

Sometimes he still leaves the place with a sequin stuck to his neck or glitter in his hair, but Jensen just laughs and tells him he’s a pretty, pretty princess before he helps Jared clean up. And that’s the biggest part of Jared’s happiness: Jensen. Somehow, despite the awkwardness at the beginning and a couple false starts, things are really good between them.

Jensen goes home for a few days around the Fourth of July, when they don’t have campers, and when he gets back, it’s with a strangely shaped object wrapped in a blanket. When Jared asks what it is, Jensen just pushes him to sit on the bed and puts it in his lap, telling him to unwrap it. When Jared gets the protective covering off to uncover a guitar, he turns to Jensen, completely speechless.

Jensen shrugs. “I had an extra at home that no one was using, so brought it up.” His mouth quirks. “Besides, you really need the practice.”

Jared elbows him, but his “Shut up” is totally ruined by the way he can’t keep a huge grin off his face. He practices so much in the following days that his fingers are tender and red at the tips and his hand and wrist cramp, but it’s worth it when he sits next to Jensen in front of the campers at the nightly campfire and strums along to their singing for the first time.

They spend almost all their time together. Jensen’s painted so many cat figurines in the craft room that he has entire shelf devoted to them, varying poses and colors and patterns (because it turns out that Jensen’s artistic talent tends more toward the bizarre - that, or he doesn’t really like cats). He lets Jared name them at first, but when after Jared names a particularly odd quartet after ABBA, Jensen declares him mentally unsound and renames them after action heroes.

Jensen even comes over to find Jared when he’s doing something boring like reading or listening to music (it turns out most of the older counselors knew well enough to hide their ipods from Candace’s confiscations, the bastards), and they’ll sit on the dock for hours in comfortable silence. They keep up the guitar lessons, easier now that Jared has his own guitar, and he steadily improves, mastering songs and getting better at playing on campfire nights.

Even Sandy, who admits to Googling pictures of puppies and babies when she needs a mood lift, says they’re disgustingly cute. But she’s just bitter because she’s got a crush on the guy who does groundskeeping for the camp, who’s a high school kid and therefore even worse jailbait than Jared, so they let it go.

And the sex is…God. Jared doesn’t really have anything to compare it to, but it’s so good sometimes that he can’t fathom the existence of anything better. It’s still hard to find time during the week, with both of them having campers to take care of, but they’re horny and inventive, so they get by, at least until the weekend.

And then there’s the waterfront emergency. Every camper has a little plastic tag labeled with a number, and when they want to go swimming - which is pretty often, given the fact that it’s summer and it’s hot out - they have to stop at a large wooden board at the shore and have a counselor move their tag from “on land” to “in the water.” The kids have to have a partner in order to go in the water in the first place, so that when the lifeguard blows their whistle every half hour and tells them to buddy up, it’s fast and easy to make sure everyone’s accounted for.

It’s a process that all the counselors take seriously, but some of the kids, despite being told repeatedly how important it is, forget. That’s what happens this time - a girl decides to get out of the lake and go to the bathroom, and neglects to tell her buddy, who’s having a foam noodle fight with someone by the dock. But that’s right when the lifeguard calls a check, and then they have a buddy-less kid and a tag clearly stating there’s someone in the water they can’t find, which means they have a waterfront emergency.

Which means that Candace rings the bell in the middle of the camp (not a short ding like when they’re being summoned for lunch or dinner, but long, constant ringing) and the counselors drop whatever they’re doing, wherever they are, and run for the lake. Jared’s in the craft room when he hears it, helping a boy glue popsicle sticks into a cabin, and his stomach immediately drops into his shoes. He’s never run so fast in his life, taking the stairs three at a time and sprinting across the grass, and he can see the other counselors doing the same, stripping off shirts and shoes as they go. They converge at the waterline, organizing automatically into a neat line, and at someone’s hasty one-two-three, they’re plunging in, wading through quickly through the shallows and starting dives when the water gets deeper. Jared’s hoping to find something and praying not to at the same time, and every time he ducks under the water, waving his arms in front of him and peering through the murky, green-gray water, he doesn’t let himself think about what it is he’s looking for.

But then when they surface, after a half a dozen times, Candace is yelling and waving her arms on the dock, and next to her is a frightened, crying little girl. Candace explains as they tread water, and Jared’s arms and legs almost stop working when he understands that it was a false alarm. The other counselors react the same way, slow to make their way out of the water as the adrenaline fades and weighs them down.

Candace is yelling directions to the campers, instructing them to change and meet back at the lodge, but when Jared wades out of the lake, still in shorts and a drenched t-shirt, all he can do is sit down hard on the sand and breathe for a minute. Kristen collapses next to him, and Jared puts an arm around her, letting her wet hair drip down his arm. After a second, someone sits on his other side, and when Jared feels Jensen’s hand slide into his own, he squeezes back as hard as he can, letting his head tip onto Jensen’s shoulder as he gets his pulse back to a normal rate.

When they finally get up, Mike says, “Clearing, ten minutes.”

The other counselors nod, but Jared’s confused. “What?”

“We’re all getting extremely drunk,” Jensen says, helping Jared to his feet.

“But the kids - “

“Candace is keeping the kids in the lodge for the rest of the night,” Sandy says. “They’ll have dinner and watch a movie. We just have to be back for bedtime.”

Jared realizes that even though this is possibly the scariest thing that’s ever happened to him, it must have happened before, for these kinds of plans to be in place. He shudders as he walks back to his cabin. He hopes it never happens again. And especially not for real.

But getting drunk sounds like an excellent idea. Everyone’s at the clearing within minutes, and when Mike passes a bottle of vodka around, everyone takes a slug without complaint. Even Sandy, who hates doing shots, takes a healthy gulp when it’s her turn. They pass the bottle around until it’s empty, then start on another. They switch to beer when the shots start going down like water, which is about when the hooking up starts. It makes a certain amount of sense - they thought a camper might be dead, and there’s nothing to express your relief like life-affirming sex - but it’s still a little weird when Mike and Allison start sticking their tongues down each other’s throats. Tom’s on the phone with his girlfriend across the clearing, and from the look on his face, Jared suspects the no-phone-sex rules are being broken. Chad’s missing, along with the other three girls, and Jared has a moment of terror wondering if that’s not a coincidence, but Chad’s not that lucky. At least, he doesn’t think so.

“That’s fascinating,” Jensen says. “But instead of sitting here listening to you ramble on about other people hooking up, we could be enjoying a little alone time ourselves.”

There’s no way Jared’s saying no to that. It’s still early, leaving them plenty of time before the campers get back, so they head to Jensen’s cabin. Sex on a twin bed is never easy, especially when Jared doesn’t fit on the bed in the first place, but Jared finds it weirdly hot to get Jensen off in his cabin, so he doesn’t mind. It’s not because of the campers (that would make him kind of perverted, if he enjoyed sex just feet away from where children sleep), it’s because Jensen’s bed is barely hidden from the room by the partition, and there are screen doors at either end of the cabin, which would make it ridiculously to get caught. And Jared doesn’t really want anyone to walk in on them (and especially not a camper, or Candace) but sometimes when they’re in the middle of things - like right now, when Jared’s on his knees at the edge of the bed blowing Jensen and Jensen’s arching back on his elbows, sweaty and breathless - Jared thinks it’s so unbelievably hot that he wants the whole world to know. That’s why he doesn’t bother trying to be quiet, moaning around Jensen’s cock as he takes in as much as he can and sucks. Usually Jensen’s hand will tighten in his hair at the noise, but tonight they’re both drunk enough not to care. If anyone’s listening outside, they’re getting a good show.

And since he’s drunk and Jensen’s drunk and they’re throwing the usual rules out the window (or the screen door, heh) Jared gets a little adventurous. Because it’s not like he hasn’t been thinking about it. He’s as capable at downloading porn as any other guy, so he knows what guys do with each other. And he and Jensen aren’t there yet, which is fine (blowjobs and handjobs are more than fine, actually), but that doesn’t mean Jared’s not thinking about what might come next. And he’s right there, in between Jensen’s legs, so it’s easy to just slip a finger in his mouth alongside Jensen’s cock and slide it down for a little exploration.

Jensen sucks in a breath and squirms when Jared’s fingertip circles his hole, but when Jared pulls off to ask “Is this - ?” Jensen says, “Yes. Yeah,” before he can finish the question. His voice is a little higher than usual, but he doesn’t pull away when Jared works his finger inside, and when Jared takes him in his mouth again, he swears in a shaky voice.

Jared takes that as a good sign and moves his finger around a bit, looking for that place that’s supposed to be - oh. Okay, that must be it, because when he brushes against it Jensen’s hips shoot up, and when Jared presses harder, he gets a choked, breathless noise from Jensen. A few more firm strokes and Jensen’s digging his fingers into Jared’s neck and flooding his mouth with come.

Jared’s still not very good at swallowing, so he pulls off after a second and strokes Jensen through it, finding a t-shirt on the floor to clean up with. It’s kind of hard to concentrate on menial things like that, though, when he’s really more interested in Jensen’s reaction to a finger up his ass. He’s always thought that taking it up the ass looked seriously painful, but if Jensen reacts like that to one finger, then he must really like it, and it must not be as bad as it looks. Which has Jared even more curious about the whole process.

Jensen blows out a breath. “Uh, I wasn’t exactly planning on…this.”

Jared shucks his shirt, shorts and boxers, climbing on the bed on next to Jensen. “Meaning…?”

Jensen wipes a hand across his forehead, pushing his hair up into damp spikes. “Meaning, I don’t have, you know…stuff.”

“Oh,” Jared says, licking a drop of sweat from Jensen’s neck. “I have - “ he clears his throat, trying not to blush. “Um. Condoms.” He ducks his head. “I mean, they’re in my cabin, not here, but. Yeah.” Wouldn’t that be ironic, if the condoms Chad forced him to buy in hopes of banging a girl turned out to be useful here.

“Yeah, but we’re gonna need more than that,” Jensen says.

“Oh. Right.”

“Yeah.”

Jared clears his throat. “But we could get some, right? Sometime?”

“Yeah, sure,” Jensen says. “But the only place around here is the general store, and if you can go in there and buy lube from Janice with a straight face, you’re a lot braver than me.”

Oh, yeah. Shit. Jared had enough trouble getting out “condoms” in front of Jensen, so that’s not looking likely.

Jensen reads the look on his face and laughs. “Yeah. Look, we’ll just - next time we hit Rockville, we’ll grab some at Target. No big deal.”

Jared’s more than happy to have confirmation that Jensen wants to do this, and getting lube at a big, impersonal store is a good idea. But Jared has no idea how soon they’re going to Rockville, and he also has a very neglected hard-on that makes waiting sound like torture.

But Jensen says, “In the meantime, we’ll just - here,” and he’s rolling onto his stomach, exposing his back and ass. Jared’s not sure how this is supposed to help at all (because, hello temptation) but Jensen looks over his shoulder and goes on, “On top of me, between my legs,” and then Jared’s obeying before he can even think about it, surrounding Jensen with arms and legs. His cock slides between Jensen’s thighs, pressing up behind his balls, and God, that’s good. Tight and snug and perfect, and Jared can’t even imagine what the real thing must feel like, if this is so good.

He moves his hips experimentally, and Jensen tenses his thighs even more in response, providing friction that’s heavenly. They both moan, Jensen into the pillow and Jared into Jensen’s neck, and then he’s moving again, thrusting in and out, licking his way down Jensen’s neck and sucking a red mark into his shoulder. It’s still humid outside, heat from the day lingering even as the sun’s going down, and sweat slicks the way between them quickly, making it easier to speed up.

And Jared’s gotten a lot better at going slow - Jensen torturing him with an hour of sporadic licking and sucking all over his body saw to that - but right now his head’s about to explode from the heat and alcohol and hotness, and he drops his head down to rest between Jensen’s shoulder blades, gasping against his spine as he slides in a few short strokes before he tenses and comes.

The room’s spinning pleasantly by the time Jared rolls off, and he lets his eyes slip half-shut to enjoy it, thankful for the gentle breeze coming through the screen door that brushes against his heated skin. Jensen sighs and moves onto his back after a few minutes of silence, and that’s when Jared makes himself stand on wobbly legs and wet a towel at the sink to clean up with.

They both lay there a few minutes longer, close but too hot to touch, breathing in unison, but Jensen finally checks his alarm clock and says the campers will be back from the movie soon. Not immediately, but Jared still has to get dressed and back to his cabin and probably a little more sober in the meantime, so he groans and gets to his feet.

They pull on the bare necessities and gather up the other clothes, exchanging lazy, sloppy kisses at the door. Jared has a terrible thought outside the door of his cabin, but everything’s silent inside, and Chad’s fast asleep on his bed, no sexcapades in evidence. Jared has a moment’s pride for Chad’s restraint (or his low alcohol tolerance, whichever) before shaking him awake and plying him with water so they can be responsible counselors again before getting a well-earned night of sleep.




*     *      *

He’s glad he got that sleep the next morning, when Sandy disrupts breakfast with a lot of yelling. Jared’s last in line, keeping an eye on some of his campers (because if there’s one thing he’s learned this summer, it’s that syrup is a disaster waiting to happen, and then it’s a bitch to clean up), so when Sandy hisses, “You said you were going to bed!” pointing a spoon accusingly at Sophia over the bowl of whipped cream, he’s in hearing range.

“I know!” Sophia says, slumping against the serving table. “I just - I had a weak moment.”

“Oh, God, he’s going to be insufferable now,” Sandy mutters, and Jared guesses that Sophia fell victim to the same hooking-up instinct the rest of them did. He’s a little curious about who - Mike seemed pretty busy, as did Tom, unless they switched off later, or something, which would be kind of kinky, but not out of the realm of possibility.

But then Sandy says, “Does he think you’re back together?” and Jared’s stomach sinks.

“Of course not,” Sophia says, but she’s barely finished speaking before Chad’s sliding into line next to her with a bouquet of wildflowers.

Jared’s breakfast suddenly looks a lot less appetizing. When Sophia lets Chad down with some choice comments about his performance and Chad storms off after calling her some very harsh names, Jared gives up and gives his waffle to the camper in front of him.

*     *     *

The Chad/Sophia feud escalates for the rest of the week, both of them sniping at each other at every chance (which is sort of funny to watch when they have to keep things PG and positive around the campers - Jared has to hand it to Sophia when she very sweetly tells Chad he has bananas for brains and suggests he take his pasty donkey for a ride on a very pointy broomstick). Jared tries to stay out of it as much as he can, since he likes both people involved and neither of them exactly has the higher ground this time, but when Sandy and Kristen come to him spitting mad and threatening an intervention if Chad doesn’t stop hitting on one of the sixteen-year-old campers, he tracks Chad down for a come-to-Jesus talk.

Chad claims he was just trying to make Sophia jealous by flirting with the girl, but after Jared uses the words “statutory rape” and “illegal as all hell” and “prison full of men with nothing better to do than bulk up,” Chad promises it won’t happen again. He doesn’t make any promises about pursuing Sophia, but Jared figures he can deal with the scheming and plotting and public arguments. At least someone’s less likely to get arrested.

So by the time the week’s over and the campers are heading home, Jared’s more than looking forward to a weekend of relaxation. He loves the kids, but there’s only so many renditions of “Sally the Camel” he can stand before he loses it (seriously, it’s not that funny that she ends up being a horse, not after twelve repetitions), and after a week he could kill for some adult conversation where he doesn’t have to censor himself. Plus, on weekends he gets Jensen. Not all to himself, but a lot more than during the week.

When Allison announces they’re having a special campfire Saturday night, Jared thinks about skipping it. He can probably talk Jensen into a night alone with a minimum of effort, and he’s not really in the mood for anything more social than that. But when he tells Allison he’s a little tired and he’s probably going to turn in early, she reacts like he announced he tortures small animals in his spare time. When she repeats it to Sophia and Tom, who pass by with supplies (“Jared’s tired. He wants to turn in early,” in the same tone you’d say, “Jared’s a serial killer. He likes to dismember people”), they both give him the same look of disbelief.

“Jared,” Sophia says, shaking her head in disappointment.

“What?” he demands.

She sighs. “Get your ass to the clearing before I give you encouragement in the shape of my foot.” She shakes her head again. “Tired. I don’t believe it.”

Jared’s completely baffled by this point, but since it’s apparently going to be the best campfire party ever and it looks like there might be a revolt if he misses it, he goes along with them.

But dinner isn’t anything special - just brats from the kitchen and potato chips - and Jared has no idea why everyone’s acting so shifty. Because Jensen’s doing it, too - he was talking to Sandy when Jared came into the clearing, and he stopped immediately. The girls whispering among themselves is nothing new, but they don’t usually form a huddle off to the side, not unless they’re about to launch a surprise water balloon attack. But when they break apart, it’s not water balloons they’re holding - it’s a cake. With candles. And they stop right in front of Jared.

It’s not until they start singing that he actually gets it, and then he can’t believe how stupid he’s been. He doesn’t exactly have much use for a calendar out here - the days of the week are a lot more important than the days of the month - and the weeks all kind of blurred into each other. But that doesn’t explain how everyone else seems to have known that it’s his birthday when he totally forgot himself.

When the singing’s done and Kristen sets the cake on Jared’s knees, he says, “How did you even - “

Allison grins. “Your mom sent you a card with a “Happy Birthday” sticker on the envelope. It wasn’t that hard to steal your phone and call her to get the exact date.”

“You stole my phone?” Jared pauses when the other, more important part sinks in. “Wait, you stole my birthday card?” There was probably money in there!

Allison rolls her eyes. “Relax, it’s around here somewhere.”

As if to prove her point, Sandy materializes with an armful of wrapped presents and hands him the card before dumping the gifts on his lap. “It was only a twenty,” she tells him. “Hurry up and blow out the candles so you can open your presents.”

There are only five candles, so it’s not that hard. Jared thinks about making a wish first, but when he looks around the campfire at his friends, gathered together on a beautiful, clear night, then down at the cake and the pile of presents, and finally up at Jensen at his side, he can’t think of anything to wish for.

When he finally blows the candles out, Kristen takes the cake back and starts cutting it up into pieces to pass around. Sandy nudges a present closer to Jared’s hand. When she tells him that’s his present from the guys, the obvious bottle shape wrapping paper can’t hide makes more sense.

Jared doesn’t know exactly what he’s going to do with a bottle of Jack - he doesn’t drink the stuff, and he can’t really bring it home with him - but he thanks Mike and Tom and Chad and Jensen anyway. The next present is from the girls, Sandy informs him, and it’s got three parts he has to open in the right order. The first package makes him laugh in delight - it’s stuffed with every kind of candy the general store stocks - but when he gets the second present open, he doesn’t know whether to laugh or blush or hide the thing back in the wrapping, so he ends up doing a little of all three.

Sandy won’t allow that, though, and pulls the t-shirt out of the paper and holds it up against Jared so the whole group can see it.

“‘My boyfriend can beat up your boyfriend,’” Jensen reads. “Jesus. If you actually wear that people will think you’re dating Bigfoot, or something.”

“Are you saying it’s not true?” Tom asks. “You won’t defend poor little Jared?”

“It’s not like he’s helpless,” Jensen says. “Besides, violence is not the answer.”

“Aw, come on,” Sophia says. “You’re saying that if someone insulted Jared you’d just let it slide?”

“I’d let Jared handle it.”

“But what if he couldn’t? What if he was drunk?” Mike puts in. “Or sick, or drugged? And then some guy came up and started talking shit about him and throwing punches and he couldn’t fight back and you were the only other person there.”

“I’d call the cops,” Jensen says matter-of-factly.

“That could take forever,” Kristen argues. “And maybe you don’t have a phone, and there aren’t any nearby.”

“Where the fuck would we be without phones nearby?” Jensen wonders.

“Never mind,” Sandy says. “You’re just going to let your poor boyfriend get beaten up by some random guy because you’re opposed to violence?”

Jared tries to interject and point out exactly how ridiculous this whole scenario is (and insulting, too) but he’s shushed into silence.

“Yeah,” Sophia chimes in. “He could be seriously injured! He could die! You can’t just let him get hurt like that!”

“Okay, okay!” Jensen yells, waving his arms. “In the extremely rare event that Jared was incapacitated and someone started randomly attacking him and there were no phones and no way to avoid violence, I’d beat the guy up. Satisfied?”

There’s a general consensus of shrugs and nods. Jensen shakes his head, raising an eyebrow at Jared. Jared shrugs and gives him a mushy smile. “Thanks, honey.”

“No problem,” Jensen says, patting his thigh. “Just try not to get drunk or sick or drugged someplace without phones, okay?”

“Got it.”

It’s only then that Jared remembers there was a third part to the present, which turns out to be another t-shirt underneath the first. This one makes Jared laugh outright, and before anyone else can ask to see it, he pulls it over his head. It’s kind of tight, and it bunches up over his other shirt, but it’s worth it to see Jensen’s reaction to “I ♥ my boyfriend” and dozens of bright red hearts splashed across Jared’s chest.

Jensen shakes his head, but when Jared makes moony eyes and him and puckers his lips, Jensen sighs and leans in kisses him, provoking a round of awwws from the girls.

Then it’s back to presents. There’s just one left, which Sandy tells him is from Jensen. “He was going to just be part of the guy present, but then we decided he’s your boyfriend, so he had to get you something on his own.”

It turns out to be a book on beginning guitar, complete with a CD full of videos to play along with. “Thank you,” Jared says, oddly touched. It’s not a big deal, but the whole thing with Jensen started with a guitar lesson, and ever since, playing has been something he associates with Jensen, even when he’s just practicing on his own. Judging by the way Jensen smiles at him, he’s not the only one who knows that.

With presents out of the way, the party quickly moves toward the usual second phase: drunkenness. Jared’s usually drinking along with everyone else, but even though it’s his birthday and he’s more than happy to be out here with his friends, he wasn’t lying before when he said he was more in the mood for an early night. He does a few birthday shots of Jack, but then he switches to beer and takes it easy, hoping to avoid both a hangover and a long night.

And then Jensen, who’s been doing the same, leans up against Jared and just happens to whisper in his ear that he’s got another present for Jared back at his cabin, which makes an early exit even more appealing.

Thankfully, the rest of the counselors are currently paying more attention to an impromptu round of drunken charades (especially the way Chad’s acting out what looks like something to do with a claustrophobic squirrel), and it’s not hard to sneak away.

It’s quiet on the way back through the woods, the way it always is when the daylight wildlife is settling down for sleep and the nocturnal set is just stirring, the sun dipping below the trees on the other side of the lake and dusk settling in. Jensen doesn’t say anything, but he takes Jared’s hand when the path widens out of the woods and they don’t have to walk single file anymore, leading him through the row of cabins to his own.

Jared’s not sure exactly what his present’s going to be, as he pulls open the screen door to Jensen’s cabin and heads in, but he knows he’s going to like it. It’s going to involve sex and Jensen, which are two of his favorite things, so it’s definitely not going to be bad.

And Jensen starts off the evening by pushing Jared up against the door and kissing him breathless, which is excellent. He lets his hands land on Jensen’s hips, moving up after a minute to the warm skin under his t-shirt, and Jensen pulls back to pull the shirt over his head. He goes for Jared’s next, and there’s a moment of confusion and laughter when they both forget about Jared’s two shirts and everything gets caught around Jared’s head. But soon enough the shirts are hitting the floor and Jensen’s pushing Jared back toward the bed.

But when they get the rest of their clothes off and Jared’s anticipating a birthday blowjob, Jensen throws him for a loop by rolling off the bed.

“Uh, Jensen?”

“Just a second.”

There’s some rustling around, then Jensen’s back, climbing on the bed. “Here, sit up.”

When Jared obeys, he presses something into his hands. “Happy birthday.”

It’s a plastic bottle, and Jared stares at it for a second in the semidarkness before his mouth drops open. “Oh.”

Jensen smirks against his shoulder. “Yeah.”

“Oh,” Jared says again. “You - I thought - when - ?”

“I paid Mike to buy it from the general store,” Jensen tells him. “Guy’s got no shame, and he’ll do anything for money. It’s a good combination.”

Jared nods, a little dazed. “Right. So. We’re going to - “

“Yeah,” Jensen says. “I mean, if you want to.”

“Do you want to?”

“Of course,” Jensen replies immediately.

“Because you know that I’ve never - “

“It’s fine. I can talk you through it.”

“You don’t care that I’m not doing this first? Since I have no idea what I’m doing and all?”

“Jared.” Jensen pushes him down on the bed and straddles his hips. “I want to. I wouldn’t have bought the lube if I didn’t, okay?” He leans down to suck on Jared’s earlobe, biting gently. “I want you to fuck me.”

Hearing those words, low voice right next to his ear, makes it clear to Jared just how much he wants to do that, and his “Okay, yeah,” comes out sounding a little breathless and squeaky. He clears his throat. “Okay. What do I do?”

He can feel Jensen’s smile against his neck. “Okay, then. First, you need to get your fingers slicked up.”

He rolls them onto their sides in one motion, slinging a leg over Jared’s waist and flipping the cap open to coat his fingers with cool liquid. Jared rubs it between his fingertips, spreading slickness, then takes a deep breath and reaches down between them, letting his fingers slip along behind Jensen’s balls.

“’Kay,” Jensen says, when Jared’s fingers stop, pressed against him. “You’ve got this part down already.”

Which is not entirely true - being drunk and adventurous doesn’t make you an expert at anything - but Jared’s not going to argue, not right now. He slides a finger in cautiously, and something twists in his stomach at the way it feels - it’s always a surprise how the inside of another person can possibly be so warm and tight. He’s touched himself there a few times since they started doing this, curious, but it’s a whole hell of a lot different when he knows he’s going to replace his fingers with his dick in a few minutes - that Jensen’s going to let him do that, be inside him like that.

Speaking of which, Jared focuses his attention on the present and moves his finger, looking for that spot that drove Jensen crazy last time. When he finds a place that makes Jensen inhale sharply, Jared brushes more firmly over it and watches as Jensen bites his lip, cutting off a curse.

It sends sparks down Jared’s spine, and he leans in to suck Jensen’s bottom lip between his for a second, swallowing the sound Jensen makes. “Can I - more?”

Jensen nods, and Jared slips another finger in beside the first, stroking in an out slowly and scissoring gently. Jensen’s hand lands on Jared’s forearm, and Jared matches his pace to the tightness of Jensen’s grip, slowing whenever there’s a squeeze. By the time he’s up to three fingers, Jensen’s breathing hard, sweat darkening the hair at his temples, and he slides a hand down to stroke himself in time with Jared’s fingers moving inside him, his hand brushing Jared’s stomach as he jerks himself.

It’s indescribably hot, watching Jensen touch himself as he rolls his hips down onto Jared’s fingers, and Jared almost wishes the light wasn’t fading, because every inch the sun drops darkens the shadows and makes it harder to see the way Jensen’s eyes darken with want.

But Jared’s also really invested in getting this show on the road, because if he watches Jensen rock back and forth between their hands anymore, he might spontaneously combust. Finally, thankfully, Jensen says, “Okay, you can - “ and then they’re moving, rearranging, until Jared’s on his back and Jensen’s fumbling for the condom and lube. He gives Jared’s cock a quick stroke with the lube, just a fleeting touch, but it’s enough to have Jared gasping, so ready he can barely stand it. But Jensen seems to understand, because it’s barely a second before he’s steadying himself on Jared’s shoulders and lowering himself down slowly.

And Jared’s not sure exactly what he expected this to feel like, but the reality is far beyond anything he imagined. The way Jensen felt around his fingers was amazing, but the way it feels as he slides down inch by inch is so good and overwhelming that Jared can barely breathe. But even as his whole body is flooded with amazing sensations, the most mind-blowing part of the whole experience is the visual - Jensen above him, right there for Jared to look his fill. His eyes never leave Jared’s as he sinks down, and somehow that’s hotter than anything Jared could have imagined, watching Jensen bite his lip and breathe hard as he eases his way down. He’s gorgeous like this, sweaty and tense, and when he stops moving, eyes falling shut, Jared realizes, maybe a little belatedly, that they’re actually doing this. That he’s actually inside Jensen right now.

Something in his chest twists at the realization, he reaches out and to grasp Jensen’s hips, needing to touch him and stroke his skin. At his touch, the last of the tension drains out of Jensen’s face, and he opens his eyes to give Jared a small smile.

Everything in Jared is clamoring for moremoremore, but he pushes that aside, grabbing one of Jensen’s hands. “You okay?”

Jensen’s grin is full and bright this time, and he squeezes Jared’s hand. “More than okay. You?”

There’s no way Jared can describe exactly what he is right now - how very okay he is, and at the same time, how insane this whole thing is making him feel - so he just nods.

“’Kay,” Jensen says, leaning down carefully to kiss him. Then he moves his hips a little, just a tentative shift, and Jared sucks in a breath at the sensation. Jensen does it again, lifting himself up and sliding back down, and this time he says, “Come on,” encouraging Jared to move with him, and God, that’s the best idea anyone’s ever had. It takes a little effort to get it right, to find a rhythm and speed that works for both of them, and Jensen’s still controlling most of it, so he can’t go as fast or hard as he wants to, but that’s okay. It’s even more okay when Jensen suddenly gasps and arches his back, and Jared grips his hips tightly to keep him at that exact angle, so he’ll keep making those helpless noises that spark an answering rush low in his belly. It hits him then, how close he is to coming, and he scrapes together enough brainpower to hold back a little, at least until he can get a hand on Jensen and even things up a bit.

Jensen moans at his touch, jerking up into his hand, and to Jared’s eternal gratitude, it doesn’t take much before he’s tensing and coming all over Jared’s stomach and chest. Jared’s not sure if he actually makes a conscious decision to let go or if Jensen coming apart above him is more than enough to push him over the edge, but either way it’s just a few more short, hard thrusts before he’s coming, too.

He doesn’t remember much about what happens after - detaching and cleaning up and sliding under the covers - but he does know that he falls asleep wrapped around Jensen, and that he’s never felt so incredible before in his entire life.

When Jared finally makes his way back to his own cabin, sometime around noon the next day, he’s still riding the high and grinning so hard his face hurts. Chad cracks open one eye from his bed, then groans and chucks a pillow at Jared’s head.

“Y’r stupid face s’gonna stick that way,” he mumbles, and Jared thinks it’s a measure of just how far gone he is that the possibility doesn’t alarm him at all. He had sex last night with Jensen. Real, honest-to-God no-confusion-about-labels officially-virginity-losing sex. And it was probably the best thing ever to happen to him. If the result is a permanent goofy grin, it’s a small price to pay.

Jared flops down on his bed and smiles at the ceiling for the rest of the afternoon.

*     *     *

He calls his mom later, to let her know he got the birthday card and thank her for the money. She’s a little disappointed that he didn’t call last night, on the actual day, but when she hears the other counselors threw him a party, she gushes about how wonderful they are and forgives him right away.

“You know,” she says, voice casual, “Those girls who called to ask about your birthday sounded very sweet.”

And that, right there, is why Jared’s glad that the camp gets such bad cell reception and his mom can’t call him. Because if she could, she’d be calling at all hours to check up on every aspect of his wellbeing, and this would definitely be a part of it.

“Mom,” he says.

“What? I’m just saying, they sounded very nice. And then they threw you a party, which is very sweet.”

“Okay, yes,” Jared says, “They’re very nice girls.” It’s not strictly true - they’re way too devious and invested in his sex life to be nice by his mom’s standards - but it’s obviously what she wants to hear.

“Mm-hmm,” his mom agrees. “Very nice.”

Jared waits for it.

“Do they have boyfriends?”

Jared starts to reply, since he knows for sure that Kristen’s taken, but then he has to stop and actually think about it. Does Sophia’s on-and-off thing with Chad count? Mike and Allison are obviously into each other, but Jared’s not sure if them hooking up was a one-time thing or not. “Uh, some of them do,” he finally says.

His mom finally comes out and asks. “And what about you?”

Jared panics a little at first, because it sounds like she’s asking if he has a boyfriend, too, and since he never told her (or anyone else in his family) about his maybe-sort-of-into-men revelation senior year of high school, she’d have to be reading his mind or a lot more perceptive than he’s given her credit for. Then he realizes that she’s just asking if he’s dating anyone, but that’s still kind of scary. “Uh,” he says again, stalling for time. “Well, I don’t - I’m not really - “ But he sucks at lying, especially to his own mother. “Yeah. I, uh, I’m seeing someone.”

“Oh, honey,” his mom says, sounding elated. “That’s wonderful! Why didn’t you say something earlier?”

If Sandy and Sophia were here, they’d come up with some perfect explanation that wouldn’t give anything away, but Jared’s all alone on this one, so he goes with the truth again. “It’s just - I’m not really ready to talk about it yet.”

“Oh. Well, is everything all right?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Jared rushes to assure her. “Great. Just…new.” Not in the sense of time, but as far as Jared’s past experiences go, new definitely describes it.

“Okay, then, I won’t pry. You just tell us when you’re ready.”

“I will.”

They talk a little more about camp and Jared’s birthday, and his mom reads him a couple letters he got about college orientation and housing and registration. Then they say their goodbyes.

Jared doesn’t go back to his cabin right away, though. He sits down on the grass in the clearing, back against one of the logs they use for benches, and stares out at the bit of the lake through the trees.

He wasn’t lying to his mom. He’s going to tell her. He kind of has to, after what happened this weekend, because if there was any lingering doubt in his mind about him being attracted to men, going all the way with Jensen thoroughly squashed it.

And then there’s the other part. Because getting laid is one thing (and a very good one) but being so close to Jensen like that, and spending the night wrapped around him and waking up to lazy morning kisses, made it abundantly clear to Jared that he has feelings for Jensen that go way beyond affection or lust. He laughed when he saw the second t-shirt the girls got him last night, but the fact of the matter is that it’s true. Jared’s in love with his boyfriend.

He’s never been in love before, so he wasn’t expecting it to happen so fast, but this is definitely it. Jared doesn’t even really know how he knows - he couldn’t put what he feels into words or explain how it happened - but this is definitely it. He didn’t go into this thing with Jensen intending to fall in love (it was a possibility, he supposes, but not an expectation), but he’s completely head over heels.

Given that fact, along with the fact that Jared doesn’t plan on giving Jensen up anytime soon, he really is going to have to tell his family. He doesn’t think they’re going to be horrible about it - they’re pretty liberal, and they were okay when one of Jared’s cousins came out a couple of years ago - but it’s still a big deal, and it won’t be easy. He didn’t tell them before because it was still mostly theoretical - he liked men along with women, and since he didn’t have experience with either, it didn’t seem logical to make a fuss over something that might not happen. But now that it has, he has to do it. The timing’s going to suck, with him only having a week at home before he leaves for college, but he’s not going to hide Jensen. He could probably get away with it, but he doesn’t want to. He wants his parents to meet Jensen and see just how wonderful he is. He wants them to know how happy he is.

It’s going to be hard, but, he thinks as he dusts himself off and heads back to the cabins to find Jensen, it’ll be worth it.

*     *     *

Jared’s so caught up in thinking about his parents and how they might react that it takes him a few days to realize the other significance of his birthday: it marks the end of July, which means there’s only three weeks left of camp.

At the beginning of the summer, Jared would have never in a million years believed that knowing the summer’s almost over would make him feel bad. He expected to miss his family and friends back home like crazy and want to be done with hanging around kids and singing juvenile songs and putting on ridiculous skits and living in an ancient, tiny cabin. And he does feel those things - he misses his family, he could happily go his entire life without singing the Froggie song again, and he’s looking forward to sleeping in an actual bed in his own room - but all that seems a lot less important than how much he’s going to miss the other counselors and the kids and the camp. Suddenly, three weeks seems like barely enough time to have with them.

And while Jared’s definitely excited to be going off to college and starting his life as an independent adult (or whatever it is the brochures say), part of him wants to stay here forever, stop time and live in a bubble where they’re always just like this. It’s a depressing thought, but come the fall, they’ll all be spread across the country at various colleges or jobs, and it’s not very likely that they’ll all be together again sometime soon. The camp only employs college students (or almost-college students), so it’s the last summer for Jensen, Mike, Tom and Allison. Even if Jared comes back next summer, it won’t be the same.

As the end nears, people start talking more and more about where they’re going and what they’re doing, finalizing their plans. Almost all the conversation at meals and downtime centers around leases and degree programs and flights, and cell phone conversations in the clearing triple, making it hard to find a quiet moment. More mail starts coming, too, and the competition for internet time on the lone computer in the lodge escalates to a frightening degree - Jared actually catches Sophia and Kristen having an argument over whether checking Facebook counts as research.

“It totally does,” Kristen says. “I’m researching which dorm has the coolest people living in it.”

“You’re just trying to catch up on gossip and whose relationship status changed,” Sophia argues.

“Social research is still research.”

“It’s time-wasting! I need to check my email, and you’re hogging the computer.”

“Fine. If you promise that no emails in your inbox will contain any gossip, you can go ahead.”

Jared steps in before it turns into an all-out catfight, but even when Candace makes them sign up for fifteen-minute blocks of internet time a day ahead, it’s not uncommon for the next person in line to show up early and read over their predecessor’s shoulder until they get fed up and leave. And then Mike signs up for ten blocks of time that he doesn’t actually need and starts selling it off, and accidentally sells the same spot to Chad and Sophia, and it’s a miracle that everyone comes out of it unscathed. After that, Candace makes her own schedule and tells people to take their half hour of daily time without complaint or drive the forty minutes to the public library.

Jared’s actually surprised by how much time Jensen spends on the internet and the phone. He shouldn’t have that many arrangements to make - he’s already got his TA assignment, so it’s just an apartment and his schedule - but it seems like every time Jared sees him he’s either talking on the phone or trying to find a little extra internet time.

And Jared doesn’t really have any reason to be worried about the two of them. Jensen’s in Dallas and Jared’s in Austin, so they’re not going to be that far apart. Hell, Jared’s already got plans to see Sandy in a couple months, and she’s going to be all the way out in California. He and Jensen are in the same state. It shouldn’t be a problem.

But when he tries to bring it up, it doesn’t quite go as he planned. It’s a rainy Tuesday afternoon, and they’ve been cooped up in the lodge all day, entertaining campers at hyper speed. Candace seems to have a theory that the key to keeping the kids from going stir crazy is to switch from game to game like a gnat on speed, and while it definitely tires everyone out, the manic pace also exacerbates the claustrophobia. By the time she’s got the kids sacked out in front of a movie on the projector screen, Jared really needs some air.

Besides, he really can’t sit through another viewing of Finding Nemo. It’s cute and funny and all, but if a summer at a camp full of little children has taught Jared anything, it’s that you can kill the enjoyment of anything with too much repetition. That song about a song that never ends was kind of funny at first, but now Jared’s pretty sure it’s satanic in origin, given how it gets stuck in his head and makes him want to kill things.

Thankfully, there’s a bench outside that’s sheltered by the roof, and the cool air clears his head of cabin fever and clown fish. Well, kind of.

Finding Nemo always sort of brings back bad memories. Jared had a pet fish when he was ten, and he got so excited about dropping the little bits of food in the water and watching the fish gobble them up that he did it all the time, not just at breakfast and dinner like he was supposed to. The fish kept eating the food, so he figured the thing was hungry. Jared understood - he hated his mom’s rule about no snacks before dinner. But as he discovered one day, constant snacking had a different effect on fish than boys. When Jared snuck fifteen Oreos before dinner, he got a stomachache and extra chores. The fish, however, ended up floating at the top of his bowl.

Jared still feels bad about that.

Unfortunately, Jensen knows it. When he comes outside a minute later and sits down beside Jared, his first words are, “You still feeling bad about Sparkles?”

“His name was Rainbow,” Jared corrects. “And yes. I murdered him, so I think I have the right to feel bad about it.”

Jensen’s mouth twitches. “Jared, you were just a kid. You didn’t mean to do it.”

“He still died.”

“And you’re making way too big a deal out of it. I ran over a salamander with my bike when I was little, but you don’t see me crying about it ten years later, do you?”

“You killed a salamander?” Jared likes salamanders. They’re slimy and cool.

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Not the point. It was an accident. Just like you and Raindrop.”

“Rainbow.”

“Whatever. You were trying to nourish him. It’s not your fault his brain was too small to tell him to stop eating.”

“Yes, it is,” Jared says morosely. “What if it’s some kind of cosmic sign? I can’t be trusted with lesser life forms. I try to nurture them, but I only end up smothering them.”

Jensen shakes his head. “Chad’s still alive. That totally disproves that theory.”

Jared rolls his eyes. “I’m not in charge of feeding Chad.”

“Which is probably a good thing.” Jensen leans into his arm. “Hey, I know. Maybe you need to start with something a little easier to take care of.”

Jared snorts. “Easier than a fish? What, like a rock?”

“That’s an idea.” He ducks Jared’s smack. “Actually, I was thinking of something cuter. Because it just so happens that I know of a few kittens that need a good home.”

“What? You don’t - oh. Oh, God. Not your cats.”

Jensen’s grinning. “Come on, they’d be perfect! No care or feeding necessary, just a lot of love.”

One of the (many, many) downsides to Jared’s post in the craft room is that Jensen often ends up there when he’s on a break or has the day off, and since Jared has to help other children glue sticks together or string beads or whatever the hell it is they’re calling art that day, Jensen often ends up bored.

Which means that his collection of painted ceramic cats has grown to epic proportions. They range from bad (one day Jensen tried to figure out what color you get if you combine all the paints - the answer is pretty nasty) to the absolutely bizarre (once they were having a conversation about food they missed from home as Jensen painted, and he tried to make a visual representation of meatloaf. On a cat), and while Candace has allowed them space on one of the shelves, she’s threatened several times that Jensen has to do something with them before the summer’s over.

“No way,” Jared says flatly.

“Why not? There’s no way you can kill them,” Jensen points out. “They’re un-smotherable. Nurture-free.”

“They’re also creepy,” Jared points out. “How do you expect me to sleep with that many eyes watching me?”

Because one day Jensen went a little crazy with the glue gun and those little plastic googly eyes, and now the cats’ eyes really do follow you when you move.

“Hey, that’s my art you’re mocking,” Jensen says. “The expression of my soul in material form.”

“That’s what your soul looks like?” Jared asks before he can stop himself. Jensen gives him a wounded look. “Okay, okay, sorry. I really can’t take them, but I’m sure we can find something positive to do with them.”

“Like what? Send little Bjorn, Benny, Anni-Frid and Agnetha to the ABBA museum?”

“No, we can - wait, what? There’s an ABBA museum?”

“You named them, you should know.”

Jared shakes his head. “I don’t even want to think about that. Maybe we can sell them.”

“To who?”

“I don’t know. There has to be some kind of niche market for stuff like this. Old ladies, maybe. People with severe visual impairments.”

“Hey!”

“Kidding,” Jared says quickly. “You know I love everything you make, sweetheart.”

“Aw, honey,” Jensen says, matching his sappy tone and earnest eyes. “I do it all for you.”

“And I’d totally take some of the cats,” Jared continues, “But you know what they say about splitting kids up. They’d get lonely. And I know you, you’d never pay child support.”

Jensen snorts. “So now they’re my children?”

“The children of your soul,” Jared corrects. “I’ll take one with me, but you have to promise to come visit it every week. I don’t want my cat growing up without its other daddy.”

“I’m not visiting a ceramic cat every week.”

Jared leans into him, putting on a sad face. “Not even if I’m there?”

Jensen sighs, pushing Jared back, and doesn’t answer the question. “I’ll probably just shove them in a cardboard box somewhere and forget all about them.”

“That might be a good idea, actually,” Jared says, scooting close again and patting Jensen’s thigh. “You know. Sometimes junk gets more valuable when you let it age.”

“Fuck you,” Jensen says.

“Mm, okay,” Jared replies, nuzzling into Jensen’s neck. He’s suggested it a couple times before, but they’ve never actually gotten around to it.

But Jensen pulls away again, this time standing up. “Come on, we’d better get back inside.” He doesn’t wait for Jared to get up before he leaves.

And that’s when Jared starts to feel weird about things between them. Because now that Jared thinks about it, they’ve never really talked about doing anything beyond camp. Well, they’ve talked about what they’re doing after camp - their separate plans for college - but never made any plans together. And seeing as Jared’s got plans with people half a country away and Allison’s already planning a winter reunion for all of them, it seems like they should have at least talked about it once or twice.

Because they definitely are going to have plans together. It’s not like they’re breaking up when camp ends, or anything. This isn’t one of those summer flings that people have, a few months of fun before they go back to their real lives.

Well, it isn’t for Jared, anyway. He can’t imagine leaving Jensen behind when he leaves camp, like it never even happened. What he feels about Jensen isn’t anything that can be brushed aside or easily forgotten. But when Jensen acts so oddly about the cats, Jared can’t help a pinprick of worry. Because it was a conversation about ceramic cats, but Jared was serious about wanting Jensen to visit. And Jensen was weird about it, like he didn’t want to talk about it at all, not even joking.

Jared tries to bring the subject up again over the next few days, but every time he starts to say something about it - asking about Jensen’s apartment, or guessing how far it is from his school, or mentioning his fall break - Jensen dodges the subject or ignores the question or suddenly finds something he has to be doing on the opposite side of camp. He’s been kind of moody and distant about everything lately, come to think of it.

Jared tries asking Jensen about it, point blank, but they’re standing in the clearing checking their voicemail messages, and before he can finish the question, Jensen gets distracted by a voicemail someone left him and starts laughing so hard he can barely breathe.

“Uh, Jensen?” Jared asks. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just a second,” Jensen wheezes, waving a hand. But when he’s got his breath back, he pushes the key to call the person back, and the greeting on the other end when someone picks up is so loud that Jared can hear it from a few feet away.

“Hey, asshole,” Jensen says, grinning a mile wide. “Are you serious? Where are you?” When the reply comes, he laughs again. “Cows and shit everywhere, huh? Yeah, sounds about right.” He pauses. “Of course, you fucker. Call me when you’re close. Okay.” He snaps the phone closed, grinning and shaking his head. “I don’t believe it.”

“What?” Jared asks, totally confused.

“Chris is coming.”

*     *     *

Part Five