Something Borrowed, Something Blue (J2, NC-17) 4/5

[belyste]

There aren’t any strippers at Jeff’s bachelor party, thank God, but Jared’s pretty sure Jeff’s going to be embarrassed tomorrow morning anyway. Jeff’s currently got enough shots in him that he’s not feeling any pain (Chad took a ridiculous amount of pleasure in making him order rounds of slippery nipples, blowjobs, and virgin pussy from the hot bartender), but once Jeff sobers up (or sees the multitude of pictures Chad’s taken) he’s probably going to be a little less than pleased.

Because Chad, it turns out, is extremely resourceful and knows a lot of shady people. That’s why Jeff, as soon as he came into the bar, was stripped of his shirt and given a t-shirt that was actually a checklist of sketchy deeds he had to accomplish before the night was over. Some of them are fairly innocent - dance with two women at the same time, do a shot with a woman, and the like - but some, like collecting different types of women’s underwear, are a little more crude. And that’s not all. Chad also somehow procured a fake plastic ball-and-chain complete with shackle, which he attached to Jeff’s ankle, and it turns out that he has a friend who likes to do balloon art - specializing in inappropriate shapes, of course.

So Jeff’s currently three sheets to the wind and tripping over the ball and chain every time he moves, smeared lipstick prints on each cheek, a lacy blue bra dangling from his neck, and, to top it all off, a balloon hat shaped like a (very realistic) cock on his head.

And Jared might have stepped in like he promised, somewhere in between the balloon art and the acquiring of the bra (because it all just goes downhill from there - Jeff’s next task on the t-shirt list is to talk a woman out of her panties) but the problem is, Jared is also drunk.

Like, really, really drunk. He’s not sure how that happened, because he and Jensen were supposed to be staying relatively sober in case they had to be voices of reason, but somehow they failed, because Jared is drunk.

Jensen’s not as drunk, but he’s definitely tipsy. He keeps laughing at everything, even if it’s not very funny, and he’s talking a lot more than he usually does. Jared doesn’t mind. Actually, he thinks it’s kind of adorably hilarious. Jensen is usually kind of quiet and thoughtful and polite, so it’s pretty awesome when he starts saying anything that comes to mind, especially when he cleans up at a spur-of-the-moment poker game and scoops his handful of chips (which are actually beer caps), saying, “Take that, bitches! Screw you all and fuck your mothers sideways.”

And Jared, to his surprise, is actually having a really good time. Not that he expected the whole night to suck or anything, but so far, everything involving Chad pretty much has sucked, so he wanted to be prepared if it did.

But somewhere around the fifth shot, Jensen had pulled him aside, pushed him up against the wall, and said, “Remember, Jared - confidence.” He’d been pressed up against Jared from chest to toes, hands firm at Jared’s hips, and Jared had trouble swallowing, much less remembering why he was supposed to be confident. But then Jensen had leaned in, eyes dark, and spelled it out. “You’ve got everything going for you - friends, family, career, money, seriously good looks.”

He leaned in a little, rubbing up against Jared. “And you’ve got me. I’m hot and awesome, and I’m all yours.” He pulled back a little. “Remember that, okay?” And then, after giving Jared’s ass a friendly grope, he’d winked and headed up to the bar to get another drink.

And after that, Jared’s night really couldn’t go wrong. That’s twice that Jensen’s said he thinks Jared’s attractive, and the knowledge that Jensen - who’s maybe the most gorgeous man Jared’s ever seen - thinks Jared’s hot? It’s better than a year of therapy. Jared can’t keep a smile off his face for the next five minutes, and a girl walking past him grins back, which just proves Jensen’s point. Knowing that Jensen’s there if he needs him and armed with enough a good amount of liquid courage, Jared decides he’s going to relax and forget about all the stupid shit that he and Chad did during high school and just enjoy himself.

It works. Jared nearly breaks something laughing when Jeff dances with two women nearly his grandmother’s age, all drunken bump and grind to some Justin Timberlake song, and the hot bartender winks at him when he goes up for another round of drinks. Chad is actually being helpful for once in his life and seems to be avoiding Jared, and Jared doesn’t even bother getting pissed when he sees Chad hitting on some woman that’s clearly not his fiancé. He just looks the other way, heading back up to the bar again, where two girls stop to ask him what’s going on with their party.

He explains, flirting a little just because he can, but when they suggest he come sit with them for a while, he shakes his head. “My boyfriend’s probably getting lonely, so I should get back.” It’s only the second time he’s referred to Jensen like that (and the first time in front of strangers) and it feels good, even though it makes him blush. He looks over, automatically seeking out Jensen, and finds him staring at Jared from across the bar, heat and something Jared can’t name in his eyes.

Jared clears his throat and turns back to the girls, who make vaguely disappointed faces but don’t really seem that surprised. He’s promising to come sit with them anyway, if he gets bored, when he feels a hand on his back and Jensen’s suddenly there, up close. “Jared,” he says, breath warm against Jared’s jaw and neck, “I’m really glad you’re being all confident now, but it’s working a little too well.”

Jared swallows, already impossibly turned on by Jensen so close. “What?”

“You probably didn’t notice,” Jensen says, voice smooth and low like the whiskey he’s been drinking, “But Chad’s been watching you all night.” He slips two fingers into one of Jared’s belt loops, and Jared barely suppresses a shiver. “Practically the entire bar, too.” He leans in closer, nose brushing the hollow below Jared’s ear. “I think we need to show them all who you belong to.”

And then, before Jared can even work out what’s going on, Jensen pulls him down and kisses him, in front of the entire bar. And since Jared’s drunk and turned on, he kisses back. It only lasts a few seconds, just a brief, possessive meeting of mouths, but when Jensen pulls back his lips are pink and shiny, eyes wide against dark lashes, and Jared can’t help but stare.

The girls next to him are elbowing each other and giggling, and one of them says, “Holy shit, that was hot,” but all Jared can think about is the fact that he just kissed Jensen. Jensen, who he’s wanted to kiss since about the first second he saw him. Jensen, who’s gorgeous and awesome and feels amazing, all warm and pressed up against him. And Jared’s having a lot of trouble remembering why it is that he hasn’t done this before. All he can remember is Jensen saying confident people go after what they want, and at this second, Jared knows exactly what that is.

Jensen turns to go, apparently satisfied, but Jared pushes off from the bar, catching Jensen with a hand on his back, and walks them both around the corner, where there’s a dark, secluded little stretch of wall. He backs Jensen up against it, gentle but firm pressure, then strokes his thumb against Jensen’s face, tilting his jaw up, and kisses him.

Jensen’s a little shocked at first, mouth falling open in surprise, but it’s barely a second before he’s kissing Jared back, arching up into him, hands on Jared’s hips pulling him closer. It’s sloppier this time, more desperate, but Jared doesn’t even care, because Jensen tastes like Coke and liquor, sweet and sharp, and his tongue’s sliding against Jared’s, greedily exploring his mouth, and it’s so good it makes Jared’s head spin. He pushes closer to Jensen, stepping between Jensen’s legs to bring their hips together, and that’s even better, their belt buckles catching as Jensen’s jeans drag against his, and God, Jensen is definitely enjoying this as much as Jared is, and the knowledge and sensation send sparks down his spine.

And there were a million reasons not to do this, but Jared can’t remember any of them right now. He just knows that he wants this, and Jensen seems to want it too - when Jared pulls back and says, “Jensen, I want - I want to - “ Jensen’s eyes go dark, and he doesn’t hesitate before nodding.

It’s a good thing Jensen isn’t as drunk as Jared is, because Jared probably would have just gone for it right there, if not for Jensen manhandling him off the wall and toward a door. And Jared might have gone for the bathrooms, but thankfully Jensen’s sober enough to remember that this is Texas, not L.A., and he gets them outside, and fumbles the keys to their rental car out of his pocket.

The car is nowhere near big enough for both of them, especially not smushed into the backseat like teenagers, but Jared can’t bring himself to care, even when he’s got one foot braced against the door and the other in the footwell, his head jammed against the other door and a seatbelt digging into his ass, because he’s also got Jensen on top of him, kissing him as he rocks his hips against Jared’s, and that’s good enough to cancel out a lifetime of muscle cramps. Especially because Jensen’s undoing the buttons of his shirt, stroking hands across his chest and stomach and saying things like, “God, so gorgeous,” and “So hot, Jared” around heated kisses.

Jared finally remembers how to work his own hands and uses them to get Jensen’s shirt up over his head before heading south to undo his belt buckle. He doesn’t get very far before Jensen’s moving away, trailing kisses down his stomach and licking just above the waistband of his jeans, and oh God, Jared knows where this is going and all he can do is groan and say, “God, Jensen, please,” as Jensen works his jeans open and slides his mouth over Jared’s cock.

Because, yeah. Jared’s had his fair share of blowjobs before - bad, good, everything from awful to amazing - and what Jensen’s currently doing with his mouth surpasses them all by about a million miles. Maybe it’s just because Jared’s kind of drunk, but it seems like Jensen’s everywhere at once, mouth hot and tight around his cock as one hand jacks him and fingers dip lower. Jared reaches a hand down, thumb over Jensen’s cheek to feel himself inside, and Jensen replies with a low noise that vibrates around Jared’s cock in a way that should be illegal. And then there’s a slick thumb pressing right behind his balls, and that’s it, Jared’s done.

He hopes the sudden clenching of his hand on Jensen’s face is some kind of warning. Jensen swallows like a pro, and wow, there’s a thought Jared didn’t really want to be having right now. He brushes it aside, pulling Jensen up from his hunched over position. Jensen stretches gratefully, kissing Jared lazily, but Jared can feel the way his heart’s still racing. He gets Jensen’s jeans open and a hand inside, pushing aside boxers to wrap his hand around Jensen’s cock. Jensen groans and drops his head to Jared’s shoulder, hips thrusting down into his hand, and Jared tightens his grip, jerking him with firm, rough pulls.

It seems like only a minute more, Jensen panting and making breathy noises into Jared’s neck, before he’s tensing and arching and coming all over Jared’s hand and stomach. He collapses right after that, and they both lay there for several minutes, just trying to remember how to breathe.

Jared might have fallen asleep right there, sweaty and covered in come and Jensen, but Jensen groans and slides off. It’s probably a good thing, since there’s no way Jared could sleep scrunched up like that without needing his spine realigned or one of those massages where people walk on your back, and those look painful. Jensen also manages to find some tissues somewhere, probably left behind by whoever had the car before them, and get them mostly cleaned up. They sit up, getting all their clothes back on and rearranged, and Jared tries to get his hair to look like something other than blowjob-in-the-back-of-a-car sex hair. It’s a losing battle.

They’ve fogged up the windows, the only light the gentle haze of the streetlights outside, and when Jensen looks over, his face is half in shadow. Jared swallows hard. “Um. Wow.”

Jensen snorts. “Yeah.” He runs a hand through his hair, ducking his head a little. “We should probably get back inside, in case Jeff’s losing his last bit of dignity.”

“Yeah,” Jared agrees, but neither of them move. “You know,” Jared says slowly, moving across the seat toward Jensen, “I think that ship kind of sailed with the cock-shaped balloon hat.”

“Really?” Jensen asks, but then Jared’s kissing him again, the car’s interior spinning pleasantly around him as he licks into Jensen’s mouth, and Jensen murmurs, “Yeah, me too.”

It’s a long time before they go back inside.

*     *     *

Jared doesn’t remember much of the rest of the night. The combination of alcohol and orgasms means he can’t stop grinning, and he has the impression he had a fucking awesome time, but other than a few blurry memories of more shots, he doesn’t remember much that happens at the bar. He does remember stumbling back to the hotel after getting dropped off by a cab, he and Jensen giggling like thirteen-year-old girls as they tried to get their clothes off, and then some groping and making out like horny seventeen-year-olds until they passed out.

When he wakes up the next day, that’s what he remembers the most - drifting off with Jensen wrapped around him, warm and happier than he’s been in a long time - because when he wakes up, it’s in a cold sweat. His head’s pounding and he’s about twenty seconds from regurgitating the entire contents of his stomach (which, seriously, might just be pure alcohol), but what hits him the hardest is the sight of Jensen naked and stretched out next to him.

There isn’t really time to think about that, though, not when Jared’s stomach is trying to get back at him for the ridiculous amounts of alcohol he consumed last night, but after he’s puked up everything he’s got (and possibly some vital organs) and he’s leaning against the wall in the bathroom, sweaty and shaky, there’s plenty of time to think. There’s plenty of time to revisit just what happened last night and remember that Jensen is not actually his boyfriend. Jensen is an escort he paid to be his boyfriend, and Jensen is also the type of escort who gets paid to have sex with people.

Jared didn’t pay.

He feels a little bad about that, because he’s not one of those people - he never borrows money and forgets to pay it back, or forgets to pay off his late fees at Blockbuster (he does return the movies late sometimes, but that’s absent-mindedness, not malice) - but that’s nothing compared to how bad he feels about sleeping with Jensen.

Because Jensen started it, yeah, but he was just playing along. He was just being Jared’s fake boyfriend and putting on the show that Jared was paying him to. Jared was the one who took it further. And Jensen didn’t seem pissed or annoyed or anything, he seemed like he enjoyed the sex, but as Jared’s brain keeps reminding him, Jensen gets paid to have sex with people. He could have been repulsed by the whole thing and acted like he enjoyed it so he’d get paid. He could have felt sorry for Jared and done it just to keep him happy. He could have even done it because he thought he had to.

And God, that makes Jared feel like the worst person on the planet. He’d probably lose a popularity contest with Ann Coulter right now, even if she just stood there and didn’t open her mouth.

Because now he’s doubting everything about last night. He has no idea if that blowjob was because Jensen wanted to do it, or because he thought that’s what Jared wanted. Every kiss, every noise, every touch could have been just because Jensen was doing his job. It makes him sick to think that he could have forced that on Jensen without even knowing, that he enjoyed the whole thing and Jensen could have hated it.

Jared shudders a little at the thought. He hauls himself up from the floor and takes a scalding shower, but even scrubbing his skin near raw doesn’t help him feel less slimy. Does everyone feel like this after paying someone to sleep with them? They must not, Jared thinks, because prostitution isn’t really that uncommon, and that would be a significant portion of the population that was continually plagued by guilt. But then again, most people who pay for sex probably aren’t as close to the person as Jared is to Jensen. Because they’re friends, or at least Jared thinks they are, and friends don’t make their friends sleep with them without even having the decency to pay first.

He doesn’t know what to do about it, though, even after drying himself off. Logically, he should probably apologize, have a mature and honest conversation about it, and give Jensen some money (although he’s not sure how much - $1500? Or was a blowjob one of the a la carte options? He tries to objectively assess how much it was worth, as blowjobs go, but that makes his brain hurt, so he stops).

But Jared has never been accused of being overly logical, so instead, he does the totally immature thing and throws on the first clothes he finds, sneaking out of the room while Jensen’s still sleeping.

They left the rental car at the bar last night, but that’s okay. The place is only a few blocks away, and Jared could use the walk. The fresh air clears his head a little, but any positive effect is lost when he gets in the car, which still smells like the activities that took place in it last night. Awkward.

It’s almost noon, and Jared doesn’t have anywhere to be until the rehearsal dinner later that night, so he puts the car in gear, rolling the windows down for a little circulation, and drives aimlessly. Except he’s not really good at that, since he doesn’t have the best sense of direction, so after the third time he has to make a u-turn or hits a dead end, he gives up and just drives to his parents’ house. He could use some familiarity at the moment.

He finds it as soon as he pulls up in the driveway. Jared’s dad is working out in the garage, sawing and sanding thin, even pieces of scrap wood (“Your mother’s absolutely certain everyone will miss the church if we don’t line the road with signs,” he says, shaking his head. “Because apparently a thirty foot steeple isn’t obvious enough. And the signs need to be sturdy enough to survive a hurricane.”), and he lets Jared sit in the old armchair by his workbench and watch as he works. Jared’s dad’s shop has always been a kind of refuge, a men-only sphere where the old black and white TV’s always tuned to sports and power tools and the pounding of nails provide ample excuses not to talk. The noise doesn’t help Jared’s headache, but his father’s quiet efficiency and the drone of the TV relax him into a mindless, almost-comatose state.

It’s only interrupted by his mom, who calls them in for lunch. Jared doesn’t eat much, still wary of his irritable stomach, and when he helps his mom clear the dishes after, she stops him with a stern look and says, “Out with it.”

He plays dumb. “What?”

“Whatever’s got you moping so bad,” she replies.

“I’m not moping.”

“Jared, the only time you lose your appetite is when you’re upset.” She leans against the counter, crossing her arms over chest. “Remember that porcelain cat you broke when you were seven?”

He nods. He’d stolen it from his mom’s collection when Jeff needed a target for Chad’s new slingshot. In retrospect the idea seems even stupider, but at the time he rationalized that the only other option was to steal one of Megan’s Barbies, and Megan bit people when she got mad.

“All three of you boys denied it,” his mom says. “But that night you barely touched your meatloaf, and I knew. You confessed right after dessert.”

“I shouldn’t have,” Jared mutters. “You grounded me for months.”

“Two weeks,” his mother corrects. “And we paroled you early for good behavior. Now stop avoiding the subject and tell me what’s got you so miserable.”

Jared sighs. It’s a little disturbing how well his mother can read him. “It’s…Jensen.”

She frowns. “Jensen’s making you miserable?”

“No,” Jared says quickly. “Not him, me. It’s just - I did something stupid, and now I don’t know how to fix it. Or if it can even be fixed.”

“Have you tried?”

Jared shakes his head. “I don’t even - I have no idea how to bring it up. And I’m kind of worried he’ll just tell me what he thinks I want to hear, no matter how he feels about it.”

His mom frowns again. “Well, that’s a whole different issue, if he doesn’t feel like he can be honest with you.”

“I know,” Jared says, sighing. “I just - I want to make it right. But I don’t know how. Or if it’s even possible.”

“Honey, you love each other,” his mom says. “It might not be easy, but you can work it out. I’m sure of it.” She pats his arm. “But running away doesn’t solve anything. You need to get back to the hotel and talk to him.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jared says, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. It’s kind of weird, his mom giving him advice on a lovers’ spat when the real problem is Jared’s business relationship with his escort, but beggars and all that. Right now he’ll take any kind of help he can get.

He covers his mom’s hand with his own for a second, then pushes off from the counter to get his stuff and leave. As he’s almost leaving the kitchen, though, his mom says, “Jared, wait.”

When he turns, she says, “Just one thing - this doesn’t have to do with Chad, does it?”

Jared blinks. “What?”

“Your problem with Jensen. It’s not because of seeing Chad again, is it?”

“No,” Jared says, a little too quickly. “Of course not. I don’t know why you’d even think that.”

“Okay,” his mom says. “Good. Because we all love Chad, and he’s been a wonderful friend to your brother, but Jared, honey - he’s kind of a douche.”

Jared’s mouth drops open. “Mom!”

She raises her eyebrows innocently. “What? Is that a bad word? Your sister says it all the time.”

Jared’s not sure exactly where it falls on the scale of words that he wasn’t supposed to say growing up, but he definitely knows that mothers are not allowed to say that word.

“Fine,” his mom says when he tells her that, waving a hand. “I just wanted to make sure you knew that.”

“That Chad’s a dou - uh, a jerk?” Jared rolls his eyes. “I’ve known that since I was five and he had me convinced I was shrinking.”

His mom looks like she’s trying not to smile. “I forgot about that. You cried until we made him stop changing the marks on the doorframe.”

“Good times,” Jared mutters. “Look, I know Chad’s deal. That’s got nothing to do with Jensen and me.”

“Good,” his mother says again. “Because you and Jensen are good together.” She tilts her head, serious. “You do know that when you first told your dad and I about being gay, we weren’t upset because you liked men, right? It was something of a surprise, of course, but we weren’t angry about that. We were worried because you were seeing Chad, that he was older, and that you’d hidden it from us.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jared says, and he does. His parents were upset, but they never said anything about wanting him to change. Just that Chad was a bad idea.

“Good,” his mom says. “Because I know you had strong feelings for Chad, and you’ve brought home a few girlfriends since then, but honey, you’ve never looked half as happy as you do with Jensen.”

Jared’s not sure why, but he’d kind of been under the impression that the way he feels about Jensen - which is pretty much a messy combination of complicated emotions - was visible to everyone else, too. He’s also not sure why his mother saying that makes his chest ache a little. “Uh,” he says awkwardly. “Really?”

His mom smiles, bright and sincere. “I saw Megan teasing you two at the picnic yesterday. You just looked so comfortable together. I can see how much you care about him.” Her smile softens. “And vice versa. He never takes his eyes off you.”

“Oh. That’s - really?” Jared asks again.

“Really.” His mom pats his arm. “You love him, don’t you?” she asks softly.

And the thing is, no matter how completely off-limits Jensen is, no matter how many times Jared has told himself that it’s just an infatuation or a stupid crush, no matter that his chest feels like it’s broken open, there’s only one way he can truthfully answer that question. “Yeah,” Jared says finally, his voice barely more than a whisper. “Yeah, I do.”

She smiles. “Then go get him, honey. Make it right.”

*     *     *

Jared’s still not sure if things can be made right with Jensen, but he knows he has to do something. He’s not stupid enough to think that confessing his feelings or asking Jensen to become his permanent mistress is a good idea - Pretty Woman may be a good movie, but it’s not real life. Jensen’s not a broke hooker with a heart of gold and a fondness for pretty clothes, and Jared’s not a business tycoon or in any way rich enough to afford any kind of long-term relationship.

But he can apologize about last night, though, and get Jensen his money. And maybe, if Jensen’s okay with the sex for money, and not angry at Jared, then maybe Jared can find the courage to ask for something more. He doesn’t know what - maybe just to see Jensen again, maybe just friendship - but something more than just a business-client relationship.

But then fate steps in, in the form of a hungry, hungover Chad.

He shuffles into the kitchen just when Jared’s rummaging for a sandwich for the road (after talking to his mom, his appetite is back at full force, right on schedule), dark circles under his eyes and his hair sticking up all over, and almost walks right into the refrigerator door before he sees Jared.

“Oh, hey man,” he says, rubbing a hand over his face. “Didn’t know you were here. I think Jeff called the hotel looking for you a while ago.”

“Does he need something?” Jared asks.

Chad pushes past him, grabbing a carton of orange juice out of the fridge and closing the door with his foot. “Nah, I think he just wanted to make sure you were alive after last night,” he says, taking a swig straight from the carton.

Jared snorts. “Yeah. I’d be more worried about him.”

“He’s hungover as all fuck,” Chad admits. “Puking at the crack of dawn, and taking aspirin by the handful. But I think he was more worried that you didn’t have a good time.”

Jared leans back against the counter. “Of course I did. Why would he think I didn’t?”

“Well, there was that chunk of time where you disappeared,” Chad says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Guess he thought you were bailing or something. But I saw you drag your boyfriend outside like your pants were on fire, so I told him you were fine.” He leers. “More than fine.”

“Yeah,” Jared says, shifting uncomfortably. “No, I had a great time. It was a good party.”

“Great time, huh?” Chad asks, arching an eyebrow. “He that good?”

“Wow, there’s really nothing I want to discuss with you less,” Jared says.

“Defensive much?” Chad notes. “He must have sucked.” Then he laughs at his own bad pun. “Sucked at sucking?”

“Just forget it, okay?” Jared says irritably. “I don’t want to talk about it. Like I’m pretty sure you don’t want to talk about that random woman you were all over. You know, the one who wasn’t your girlfriend?”

To his surprise, Chad just laughs. “Saw that, huh? Yeah, that’s kind of the thing. ‘Cause Kenzie’s a nice girl, sure, and I love her. But she can be a little too nice sometimes. There are certain things she doesn’t really like to do, you know what I mean?”

“Jesus,” Jared mutters. “So you cheat on her? Nice.”

Chad shrugs. “This way everyone’s happy. What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her, and I get what I need.”

“That’s so disgusting,” Jared says. “She loves you, and you’re fucking other women behind her back.”

“Would it be better if it was other men?” Chad asks, setting down the orange juice.

Jared’s not sure where that came from, but before he can say anything, Chad moves closer. “Because I gotta say, you’ve grown up a lot since I last saw you,” he says in a low voice. “And you always did have a nice mouth on you.”

Jared takes an automatic step back, sliding along the counter, because he can’t believe this is actually happening.

“I saw you,” Chad goes on, “Last night - strutting around like you owned the place.” His eyes are steady on Jared’s, dark with want. “And that woman was good, but the whole time I was with her, I kept thinking about how you would be better.”

He smirks. “No one ever did measure up to you. You had no idea what you were doing, hotass little piece of jailbait, but you always wanted it.” He licks his lips. “God, Jay, you were so fucking eager.”

And now Jared’s earlier nausea has returned, and it’s not because of his hangover. “Shut up,” he says harshly, stepping back again. “Shut up, you asshole, you don’t get to talk to me like that.”

But the counter makes a ninety-degree turn, his back hitting another counter, and there’s nowhere to go. Chad grins and backs him further into the corner. “C’mon, Jay, what do you say? You were so hot, doing whatever I told you, whatever I let you. I bet you’re better now. No one would know.”

“Know what?” Jared asks, even though it’s pretty obvious what Chad’s saying. He wants to hear Chad say it, so he’s sure this isn’t just some kind of horrible prank or hangover-induced hallucination.

“Just once,” Chad goes on, pressing close enough for Jared to smell his obnoxious cologne. “For old times’ sake. C’mon, Jay.”

There’s some kind of noise at the kitchen door, a scuffle of feet or a hastily-drawn breath, but when Jared looks up, there’s no one there. It’s enough of a distraction to clear his head, though, and when he turns back to Chad, he remembers that this is not high school anymore. He’s not the confused, desperate teenager he was before, and Chad’s not the cool, older guy that milked his sexuality crisis and then dumped him. Jared’s got years worth of wisdom and a solid four inches on Chad now, and there’s no way he’s going to let this slide like he might have before.

He shoves Chad away from him, ignoring his “What the fuck, man?”

“Shut up. You’re disgusting. I might have fallen for your crap once, but that was when I was a kid. I’m a hell of a lot smarter now, and there’s no way I would even touch you, much less cheat on Jensen.”

He pushes past Chad, more than eager to be several miles away from him, but Chad snorts and says, “Man, that guy must be a hell of a cocksucker, to have you so - “ and that’s it.

He doesn’t even think about it, just lets his fury lead his body, and a second later Chad’s staggering back, clutching his face, and Jared’s knuckles are clenched and stinging. Chad’s yelling something, muffled through his hand, but Jared just says, “Don’t talk about him,” and goes out the door.

He’s really not a violent person, most days, but as he heads for the car, cradling his throbbing hand, a smile creeps onto his face. Jensen was right. Sometimes violence does make you feel better.

*     *     *

Jared’s riding a pretty amazing high when he gets back to the hotel room. He’s never consciously wanted to punch Chad before, but now that he did it, he realizes that it’s been a long time coming. It didn’t really solve anything, and Jeff will probably be pissed, but Jared doesn’t care. Chad’s been messing up his life for years, and Jared finally feels like he’s done, now. Over it.

Over Chad, really, and that’s why Jared can’t wait to get back to the hotel room. He wants to tell Jensen that, to thank him for all his help, and maybe, while he has the excuse of being hyped up on adrenaline, do something crazy - like kiss Jensen, or tell him that he’s in love with him.

He thinks about it all the way up to the room, watching the floors tick by impatiently, and he’s almost decided to just go for it, the whole nine yards, and tell Jensen everything, but then he yanks open the door with a little too much enthusiasm, and Jensen, who’s standing by the bed, doesn’t even look up.

“Hey,” Jared says cautiously, suddenly remembering the whole thing with the sex and his not paying first.

“Hey,” Jensen replies, barely glancing up at Jared before turning his back.

Okay. Well, Jared was planning on starting off with an apology right away anyway. “Look, Jensen, I just wanted to say - “

But then Jensen shifts aside, leaning down to grab a pair of shoes from the floor, and Jared finally notices that Jensen’s standing over his suitcase, which is almost totally packed. His carefully-planned apology falters, and he can only say, “What’s - what are you doing?” like it isn’t totally obvious.

“I think it would be better for everyone if I just leave,” Jensen says, words fast and short, like he doesn’t like the taste of them in his mouth.

“What? Why?” Jared demands.

Jensen just shakes his head and goes back to his suitcase, but Jared steps forward and catches his wrists, stopping his hands.

“Why?” he repeats.

Jensen’s jaw clenches. “Your brother called while you were gone. He wanted you to come by and pick up your tux.” He looks at the wall, the floor, or the bed while he talks, gaze anywhere but on Jared. “I didn’t know where you were, so he picked me up and brought me over to the house so I could get it.”

It takes a second, but then comprehension hits Jared like an out-of-control eighteen-wheeler, and his heart sinks. “You were there,” he realizes. “You saw.” Saw Chad pushing up against him and Jared frozen, and read the scene wrong.

Jensen nods. “It’s fine, you know,” he says. “I didn’t think that’s what you wanted, but hey. Good for you. I’m just thinking it would be stupid for me to stick around now.”

His voice sounds kind of funny, higher and tighter than usual, and Jared rushes to correct him. “No, no, that’s not it at all. I punched him in the face two seconds after you left, Jensen. We’re not back together.”

Jensen looks a little startled at that, finally raising his head to meet Jared’s eyes.

“I finally let him have it,” Jared tells him. “You’d have been proud. I feel a million times better already.” He grins. “Jensen, I’m so over Chad that it’s not even funny.”

“That’s good,” Jensen says, after a long pause. “That’s…great. I’m happy for you.” But then he tugs his hands back from Jared and closes his suitcase. “But now you really don’t need me, so I’m just going to…go.”

“Don’t need you?” Jared repeats. “No, Jensen, of course I do. There’s still the rehearsal dinner tonight and the wedding - the wedding - tomorrow. Of course I still need you.”

“I’m sorry,” Jensen says, jerking the zippers closed. “I’m just - Jared. I can’t.”

“Can’t what?” Jared asks, bewildered.

“I can’t be here. I can’t do this.” Jensen hefts the suitcase and grabs his other bag. “I’m on a flight tomorrow morning, but I’ll get another room for the night.” He pauses in front of a dumbstruck Jared. “I’m really sorry.”

He’s almost out the door before Jared can make his limbs work, and even then he can’t figure out what’s going on, but he has a random, inane thought, and reaches out to grab Jensen’s arm. “Hey, wait.”

Jensen stops obediently, and Jared ducks away to dig through his bag for the envelope he’s had since they left L.A. He opens it, flicking through the bills inside, then walks over and hands it to Jensen.

“Here. It’s all there. Three thousand.”

Jensen face tightens, almost pained, but nods. “Thanks.”

“I, uh, still owe you for last night,” Jared goes on. “I can get it from the ATM in the lobby if you want, or drop it off later. I would have given it to you sooner, but I wasn’t sure just how much it was supposed to be, and I didn’t have that kind of cash in my wallet anyway.”

Jensen’s eyes close for a long second, then he shakes his head and looks away. “Forget it.”

“No, I can - I can mail it you,” Jared suggests desperately. “Or send it to the agency, or whatever. I don’t want to cheat you out of your money, man, so if you just - “

“No,” Jensen says firmly. “Just forget it, okay? Jared. Forget it.”

He’s gone, out the door and out of sight, before Jared can say anything more.

*     *     *

Jared goes to the rehearsal dinner alone. He tells everyone that Jensen’s sick, caught some kind of bug that’s got him turning his stomach inside out, and most people nod sympathetically. A few relatives joke nervously about it being contagious, but Jared assures everyone he’s a diehard handwasher and promises not to take down the entire wedding party.

He kind of wants to, though. It would save him from explaining why Jensen’s not going to be there tomorrow, especially since Jared doesn’t know the reasoning behind that decision himself. His first instinct was to go after Jensen, to corner him and drag out some kind of explanation, but then he realized he was thinking about the whole thing like Jensen actually was his boyfriend. In reality, he doesn’t have the right to demand an explanation. Jensen agreed to do this for money, but the option to pull out was always his, and Jared hadn’t exactly respected their business relationship when he demanded sex and didn’t even pay for it. If Jensen’s finally figured out that he doesn’t want to be here, it’s not Jared’s place to hunt him down and drag him back.

But he wants to. He wants to find Jensen and beg forgiveness any way he can, to find some way that they can be okay again. He might have screwed things up, but he desperately wants there to be a way for things between them to be okay again. For them to be as close as they were.

But that’s stupid, because they weren’t close. Jensen was pretending to be in love with Jared - he was doing his job - and it’s not his fault if he was really fucking good at it. It’s not his fault that Jared had to go and fall for him and take things too far. It just seemed so real. It’s stupid, but it didn’t feel like Jensen was pretending. Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on Jared’s part or desperate conjecture, but he really felt like he and Jensen were getting to be…something. Friends, maybe.

And that’s why it hurts so much. Jared does all his groomsman jobs dutifully, watching Jeff and Rachel laugh their way through the fast, fake ceremony, but it all feels off. He feels wrong and out-of-place and unable to connect with anyone because, as stupid as it sounds, he doesn’t know how to do this without Jensen. He doesn’t know how he’s going to go to dinner later with his and Rachel’s families and sit through the slideshow of pictures his mom put together for Jeff and Rachel. He doesn’t know how he’s going to show up at the wedding alone tomorrow. He doesn’t know how he’s going to go back to his life in L.A. He’s barely known Jensen a month, but he already feels his absence like an empty space inside him.

Jared’s pretty useless for the rest of the night, antisocial and depressed, but he puts on his best cheerful face whenever anyone comes over to talk. His mother shoots him worried looks, but she’s busy trying to introduce all of their random relatives to Rachel’s family, and between introducing Jared’s great-aunt to Rachel’s step-grandfather, Jared avoids her easily enough. He cuts out with the first guests to leave, claiming a headache, and heads back to the hotel.

He had a stupid hope that Jensen might have changed his mind - he doesn’t even realize it until he’s in the door and his heart sinks all over again - but it’s useless. The only belongings in the room are his. The sheets were even changed while he was out, every last trace of Jensen gone with them. And even though Jared’s finally able to stretch out on the bed the way he likes for the first time in a week, he finds himself unable to get any sleep.

*     *     *

Part Five