Fic: The Boyfriend 3/12
Title: The Boyfriend
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Puck/Kurt
Genre: Romance/Humour/Angst
Warning: Some swearing throughout fic. Rating will change for very last installment (a bonus missing scene).
Word Count: 4494 (out of around 56,000)
Disclaimer: Glee is not mine.
A/N: I started this fic back in May but a new job, a bereavement and a million other things got in the way so I've only just finished. Kind of perfect timing as it's set during Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Summary: Puck has been working his butt off for the last three years as a PA so when his totally ungrateful boss, Kurt Hummel, offers him his dream on a silver platter he should be happy right? The catch - he has to pretend to be Kurt's boyfriend.
Chapter Three
Digging around in the bottom of his tiny closet, Puck pulled out a bag big enough for his upcoming trip to Ohio and threw it onto his bed. He then walked over to his chest of drawers and opened the top draw, grabbed a handful of underwear then slammed it shut. The next draw down always stuck so he yanked it open with enough force to almost pull it out of the unit. Rummaging through the contents, Puck chose some casual t-shirts, a few long sleeved shirts and two sweaters in case the weather was shit then threw them towards the bed. He grabbed a clean pair of jeans then wandered back to the closet debating whether or not to take some smarter clothes.
There was the anniversary party to consider and Puck had no intention of giving Hummel any excuse not to up hold his end of the deal. Was Thanksgiving a dressing up occasion? Puck figured it probably was in the Hummel household so he took two dress shirts and a pair of smart trousers off their hangers and spread them out on the bed.
Once he had everything he could possibly need dumped on the bed he carefully folded his smart clothes and placed them in the bottom of his bag. Puck then grabbed the rest of his clothes and shoved them on top, along with his dress shoes which he threw in a plastic bag first. Dropping his toiletries into another plastic bag he placed them on top of his clothes, pressing down on them to work the zipper closed then he dropped the bag next to his front door.
While some leftover lasagne was being nuked in the microwave he grabbed his cell to tell Mike the bad news. As he pressed number three on his speed dial he took a moment to wonder if it was worrying that Hummel came before his mom and his best friend in his speed dial.
“Hey Puck, excited for Saturday?”
“Yeah I was.”
“Don’t tell me he has you working this weekend?”
“I have to go out of town with him tomorrow night and won’t be back for a week.”
“Shit. Sorry dude that blows.”
“Totally. Will you be able to find someone else to go with?”
“No worries one of my work buddies wants a ticket.”
They chatted for a few minutes until Puck’s dinner was ready and Mike rang off with a wary good luck. Puck dropped his phone onto the counter and opened the microwave, wrapping a tea towel around the too hot bowl, he picked a fork off the draining and sat down to watch mindless TV for an hour or so. It was rare these days for him to actually have free time but when he did he realised how much he had sacrificed in the last three years. Puck didn’t regret his choice, not really but he did miss certain aspects of his old life. Gone were the long afternoons hanging out with friends, the dates and the parties. Hell, he even missed living with his family at times despite the fact that living in an oestrogen filled environment had driven him mad.
After washing up his bowl, Puck took a quick shower and decided to call it a night since they were heading to the airport straight after work. His great plan was spoiled however by his cell ringing just as he drifted off. Arm flailing Puck grabbed at the phone knocking it onto the floor and half under the bed. Battling with his covers, he shuffled sideways then leant over the edge, managing to answer before whoever it was hung up.
“Sup?” he muttered into the phone still half asleep.
“That’s how you answer the phone?”
Puck shot up to a sitting position blinking rapidly as he registered that the voice belonged to Hummel. He glanced at the alarm clock on his bedside table then stared at it in disbelief when he saw that it was twenty past one.
“It is when I’m asleep” he replied in an incredibly pissed off tone.
“Oh. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you. I’ll just go.”
“Wait.” Puck wondered if this was all some kind of weird dream because he could have sworn that Kurt Hummel had just apologised to him. “Why did you call?”
If he said he needed more toilet paper or something Puck was going to hit him first thing the next morning, damn the consequences.
“I just wanted to check you were still okay with the plan.”
“Well I’m as fine with it as I was a few hours ago.”
“Good. Okay. Fine” Hummel gave an odd laugh. “I’m sorry I called so late I thought you would be a night owl for some reason.”
If Hummel had ever bothered calling him during the night before rather than sending demanding texts, he would have realised that Puck liked his sleep and just had a killer vibrate setting on his phone.
“I thought an early night was a good idea considering we’re travelling tomorrow” Puck replied with a yawn.
“Of course, you’re quite right. So I’ll just see you tomorrow.
“Night Boss.”
“Goodnight Noah.”
Puck stared down at his phone shaking his head slightly as he slid it onto the bedside table before he lay back down and attempted to get back to sleep.
A few hours later he stashed his bag under his desk and made his way into Hummel’s office with a cinnamon dolce latte, stopping short when he stepped through the door. For once his boss had actually beaten him into work and by the looks of it he had been there a while.
“I’m not late am I?” Puck asked checking his watch.
“No. I’ve been here a couple of hours” Hummel shrugged carelessly and took a sip of his coffee, then sighed as if it were heaven in a cup.
Despite being a workaholic Hummel had never come in before eight before, some of the other assistants joked that it took him until then to get the pole up his ass. In reality it probably took that long to get dressed, the dude wore some ridiculous clothes.
“Why?” Puck asked before he could stop himself.
Hummel raised an eyebrow “I couldn’t sleep so I came in around four.”
Sensing he should shut up, Puck began to reel off what was in store for Hummel that day including a last minute meeting and then confirmed the departure time for the plane. As he spoke he gazed at the two large matching Louis Vuitton suitcases neatly standing side by side. If Puck hadn’t worked for a fashion writer for three years he doubted that he would have recognised the brand. He certainly wouldn’t have known that they would have cost Hummel over five grand if he bought them retail, not that the dude ever paid retail prices. Puck couldn’t understand why Hummel needed two large suitcases as well as the smaller carry-on bag that rested on the floor next to the potted fern, they were only going to be gone a week.
The day past agonisingly slowly as he answered endless phone calls and fact checked Hummel’s latest work. Halfway through the afternoon, Puck’s mood improved when he realised that this would be the last time he would have to tell people that Hummel was too busy to talk to them. It was also the last time he would ever have to read an article about clothes or copy anything or proof read or fact check or more importantly fetch someone else’s coffee. If Hummel stuck to their arrangement then the next time he was in the building it would be as a writer, not as someone’s assistant. Puck spent the rest of the day with a huge grin on his face and just shook his head, laughing slightly when the other assistants asked him why he was so happy. Not even Hummel asking if he had gas dampened his smile.
At six on the dot Puck let out a silent victory cheer and switched off his computer, he had already taken home the random crap that he had accumulated over the years so he had no reason to return to the fifteenth floor.
Grabbing his leather jacket and bag, Puck walked back into the office to help Hummel with his bags and was surprised to see him already dressed in his coat with his man bag worn across his body. Hummel picked up the carry-on, hooking it over the handle of one suitcase then took hold of both suitcases handles obviously intending to tow all of his luggage on his own.
“Here let me take one” Puck offered reaching out for a handle.
Hummel’s eyes narrowed slightly “I am perfectly capable of doing it on my own.”
“I’m sure you can but it’ll be easier if I take one. We’ll move faster.”
Seeing the logic behind his offer, Hummel let go of one handle and marched forward clearly expecting Puck to follow his lead.
The journey to the airport was hell but their first class tickets got them whisked through the airport and onto the waiting plane faster than Puck could believe. The slowest part had been when they had to remove their shoes and only because Hummel wore boots laced up to his knees. Puck settled down next to Hummel, tucked his bag away and stretched out his legs marvelling at the difference in the amount of room compared to what he was used to.
A few minutes into the flight Puck asked for a Coke and a bottle of water as the steward passed, then handed the water over to Hummel who was looking much more nervous now they were in the air.
“You okay?”
Hummel looked across at him startled “Yes of course. Why do you ask?”
“You’re fidgeting.”
He bit his lip “I’ll admit to being a bit nervous.”
“Why?” Puck asked, reeling from the knowledge that someone like Hummel could get nervous. Seeing it the day before etched on his face was one thing but Kurt Hummel actually admitting he was human like everyone else? Mind blowing.
“I’m starting to think this may be a very bad idea.”
He was just starting to think that? “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
Hummel nervously fiddled with his scarf and looked down at his lap. “That’s easy for you to say, it’s not your family” he sighed heavily. “I just want them to be happy.”
Puck reached out stilling his hand “Trust me Kurt, we can totally do this thing.”
“That’s the second time you’ve called me by my name.”
Puck hadn’t even realised he had. "Sorry."
"Don’t be. I like it" Kurt murmured.
Puck just nodded and opened his can of Coke so he had something to do.
“Anyway you better get used to calling me that, my parents will be suspicious if you never use my name.”
Giving a half grunt in agreement he dug around in his bag pulling out the latest issue of Crank Shaft and skipped forward to Elizabeth Hudson’s article just like he did every week.
“Are you interested in cars?”
“Yeah. Are you?” he asked more to be polite than because he thought that Kurt would say yes.
“My dad owns a garage. I know a bit about them” Kurt admitted.
Now that was a shock but owning a garage didn’t mean that the dude ever got his hands dirty though. “Really?”
“Mmmhmm. Scott Teller’s is pretty good this week.”
Recovering quickly from the realisation that Kurt read the same magazine as him, one which wasn’t all about jaunty angles to wear a hat or three thousand dollar shoes, Puck made a noise in agreement. “He’s usually fairly good but I’m reading Elizabeth Hudson’s article first.”
“Elizabeth Hudson?” Kurt gave him an odd look “But that’s half way through.”
Okay so maybe most people started at the beginning but he knew plenty of people who started at their favourite article and went from there.
“Yeah she’s my favourite writer actually.”
“What do you like about her?” Kurt seemed genuinely interested.
“She tells it like it is you know? And she’s so damn witty.” Puck rambled on and on about how awesome Hudson was for a good five minutes before he registered Kurt’s strange expression and tailed off.
“It almost sounds like she’s your hero” Kurt said in a tone which would be considered teasing if it came from anyone else.
“Pretty much” Puck admitted.
“Umm well that’s good to know” Kurt said obviously just being polite after Puck’s epic ramble.
Puck shrugged “Yeah she’s awesome. I was supposed to meet her at a motor show this weekend” he added without meaning to.
“Which you’re missing because of this. I’m sorry Noah” Kurt winced slightly.
“S’fine there’s always the International Auto Show in the Spring.”
“True but Elizabeth Hudson won’t be there.”
Puck sighed accepting the truth, Hudson never appeared in public so he was about to miss a once in a life time event. Kurt patted him awkwardly on the arm, quickly taking his hand away when Puck looked down at it.
“If it makes you feel better you would have been disappointed if you had gone. I heard on the grapevine that she cancelled” Kurt said with shrug,
“Really? She cancelled?”
“Yes, so I heard.”
Puck narrowed his eyes and Kurt shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. “Boss do you by any chance know Elizabeth Hudson?”
“Maybe.”
“Kuuurt” he drew out his boss’s name just the way his mom used to do when she wanted the truth.
“Okay fine. Yes I know her and no before you ask I won’t introduce you to her.”
“Why not?” Puck’s sudden excitement swiftly turned to disappointment.
Kurt seemed to be getting more and more uncomfortable “She’s a very private person.”
“But she was going to open the motor show and sign autographs!”
“Her editor harassed her into doing it but she likes the anonymity she currently has. I doubt she’ll ever be persuaded again.”
“Is it coz she’s a total dog?” Puck asked.
“Excuse me?”
“My buddy Mike thinks she doesn’t have a picture coz she’s ugly but that’s a stupid reason. I mean there are plenty of ugly people writing for that magazine.” He frowned “Was she like scarred in a car crash or something?”
Kurt stared at him with a bemused expression “Something like that.”
They barely spoke for the rest of the flight, Puck was content reading his magazine followed by the latest bestseller while Kurt plugged in his iPod and closed his eyes. As the plane descended Puck took off his glasses, tucked them into his pocket then slipped his book into his bag. Looking over at Kurt for the first time in an hour he found him sleeping propped up against the window, headphones still in his ears. Puck leant over and gently shook him awake, long eyelashes fluttered across pale cheeks and he was soon staring into sleepy blue eyes.
“Hey” Kurt whispered stretching slightly.
Puck smiled back before he mentally slapped himself for thinking that the Ice Princess was anything other than a grade A pain in his ass. “Umm we’re about to land Boss... I mean Kurt.”
Kurt rapidly came to his senses, suddenly becoming tense as he pulled the headphones out, then began patting his hair and straightening his clothes.
Checkout was relatively painless considering how much luggage Kurt had brought and they swiftly located the driver of their hired car holding a placard reading ‘Hummel’. They were both yawning by the time they set off for Lima and Puck thanked his lucky stars that Kurt hadn’t expected him to drive them.
“Tell me something about you I should know if we really were dating.” Puck figured he should know a few basic details about his supposed boyfriend other than his coffee order and toilet paper preferences before he had to meet the parents.
“Well you know that I went to College in New York and was scouted from there. I lived with Rachel and my brother went to Ohio State but visited as often as he could.”
“What about high school?” Puck asked.
“I err wasn’t the most popular kid but I had some good friends mainly from the Glee club.” Kurt admitted, glancing across the seat.
Puck almost snorted but stopped himself just in time. Considering the size of the dude’s superiority complex it wasn’t exactly surprising that he hadn’t been popular. “You sing?”
“Yes I used to sing counter tenor in Glee. I’m also fairly good on the piano.”
“I play the guitar.” Puck shrugged “You should probably know some stuff about me too.”
Kurt looked thoughtful for a moment “Good thinking Noah.”
“So what else should I know about you?” he asked rolling his eyes.
“I came out to my dad when I was sixteen but he already knew” Kurt said with a slightly embarrassed smile “I probably would have told my boyfriend that.
“I have my nipple pierced” Puck countered, trying to steer the topic away from sexuality. The last thing he wanted or needed was Kurt mooning over him for real.
“I don’t think my parents will expect to hear that” Kurt murmured staring at Puck’s chest.
He shrugged “So tell me about your family.”
Kurt shook his head as if trying to clear his thoughts “Okay, there’s my dad Burt.”
“Your names rhyme?!”
“No really do they?” he asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. “As I was saying my dad’s called Burt, he owns a garage like I told you, he likes Mellancamp and that deadliest catch program.”
Kurt waited for Puck to absorb that then continued “My mom is called Carole, she works in a doctor’s office and likes baking.”
He paused again “Then there’s my brother Finn, he used to be the quarterback in high school and is pretty much your typical jock except he has a wider range of human emotions” he bit out obviously bitter, making Puck wonder if he hated his brother or jocks. “He dated Rachel on and off since high school and well you know her.”
“Yeah I know her” Puck replied, voice laced with hidden meaning. Kurt laughed so he obviously agreed that his future sister in law was a wacko. “So what’s your favourite food?”
Kurt took a few seconds to think “Strawberries. You?”
“Waffles” he said without hesitating. They were delicious and holey what more could you want?
“Seriously? Waffles?”
Their conversation went on like this for quite a while, both sharing things that they would have told each other had they really been dating. It was mostly mundane things such as favourite movies, music and for some reason Kurt thought that Puck needed to know about his facial routine, in depth. Nothing they discussed was particularly personal and Puck was content to keep it that way. They weren’t friends and he had no intention of speaking to Kurt again once this was all over if he could manage it.
It was pitch black outside when the car pulled up in front of a house which had warm lights glowing in the downstairs windows and an old truck parked out front. If Puck was honest it wasn’t what he was expecting at all. He had always assumed that Kurt had come from money and that he would have grown up in a huge place with servants and extensive grounds. Kurt’s family home was actually very normal and homely looking, not that much bigger than the house that Puck had grown up in.
Kurt’s dad must have been watching for the car because as soon as they pulled up, the front door was flung open and a middle aged man in a baseball cap came striding down the path. Kurt stepped out of the car and was immediately pulled into what looked like a bone crushing hug.
“Can’t breathe” he gasped, burrowing closer into his dad’s arms.
Burt laughed letting him go only to put a hand on his shoulder.
“Damn it’s good to see you kid.” He finally seemed to notice Puck who was standing beside the cab staring at the embracing pair, his expression became disapproving. “So you’re the boyfriend then?”
“Dad I’d like you to meet Noah Puckerman. Noah, this is my dad Burt.”
“Nice to meet you sir” he held out his hand which Burt reluctantly shook then moved to get their baggage out of the trunk.
The man in front of Puck was not what he had imagined at all, the dude seemed to be the complete opposite of his son. When Kurt had mentioned his dad owned a garage he had assumed that he would be hands off but if the roughness of Burt’s hands were any indication he was the complete opposite.
Once all of the luggage was inside the house, they were led through to a sitting room which sported large comfy looking couches and the biggest TV Puck had ever seen. A woman, he presumed Kurt’s mom, entered the room from the direction of what looked like the kitchen and smiled at them pulling Kurt into a hug.
“Hello you must be Noah, I’m Carole.”
She had a warm friendly smile and Puck couldn’t help but be reminded of his own mom which was weird. Kurt’s mom should definitely not be reminding him of his mom, she should be a snob who didn’t think he was good enough for her son. With such normal parents how the hell had Kurt turned out the way he had?
“You boys must be hungry. I could heat up some chicken casserole if you’d like?” She let go of Kurt after pulling him into a second hug and wandered towards the kitchen.
“Finn and Rachel will be arriving tomorrow afternoon” Burt said, more for something to say than to actually inform Puck suspected.
Kurt made a suitable reply then asked about some guys that Puck had never heard of but from Burt’s replies they seemed to work for him at the garage. Carole entered the room carrying two bowls then offered them drinks which they both accepted. He couldn’t tell if it was the food or the fact he hadn’t eaten since lunch but the casserole was like ambrosia, delicious and creamy and honestly the best he had ever tasted. If his mom cooked like that he would probably never have left home.
“So what do you do for a living Puckerman?”
“Noah is a writer dad.” Apparently Kurt didn’t want them knowing that Puck was a PA and that was fine by him. Technically as soon as they were back in New York he wouldn’t be one anymore, he really would be a writer.
“Do you write fashion stuff like Kurt?” Burt really couldn’t be more different to his son, where Kurt was softly spoken and up-rightly perched on the edge of the couch his dad was gruff and relaxed, stretched out on his recliner. The older man obviously didn’t have a clue about the ‘fashion stuff’ Kurt wrote about.
“No sir, mostly sports actually.”
“You interested in football?”
Puck nodded, putting his now empty bowl down on the coffee table and took a sip of his beer before launching into a conversation about his favourite teams and players.
“He is also interested in cars” Kurt added a few minutes later, probably because he’d had enough of listening to them ramble on about football. After a few minutes talking with Burt about the best American cars Carole cleared her throat, gaining their attention.
“Well it’s getting late and you both must be exhausted after all that travelling.”
“Where will Noah be sleeping?” Kurt asked as they reached the bottom of the stairs.
Carole laughed “Sweetie you’re twenty five, we’re under no allusion that you don’t sleep together when you’re in New York.”
Kurt glanced over at Puck nervously but as there was little point in arguing if they wanted to maintain their deception Puck just shrugged.
“But... I just thought you might not be comfortab.....”
“Don’t be silly dear, if we let Finn and Rachel share a room we can hardly expect you not to.” She gave Kurt another hug, told him again how glad they were that he was home then bid them both good night as she made her way upstairs.
Burt glowered at Puck for a couple of seconds before he grabbed one of Kurt’s suitcases, presumably carrying it up to their room. Puck grabbed the other suitcase and his own small bag, dumping them in a room which was a lot less flamboyant than he was expecting. It was decorated in cream and royal Blue with one wall covered in various arrangements of shelves and the other featuring a large bed with a studded headboard. There was a vanity table in front of an en suite with a fancy looking chair posed next to it and a random canary cage resting on a small table. He vaguely heard Burt mumble a goodnight as he looked around the room and suppressed a smirk at his obvious discomfort. Turning back towards the door Puck noticed Kurt standing awkwardly in the doorway, carry-on bag at his feet and man bag clutched to his chest. He stared at the bed, cheeks slightly flushed and glanced at Puck every so often, looking like he didn’t have a clue what to say to him.
Puck had to stop himself from laughing out loud at Kurt’s obvious embarrassment, the dude’s lack of experience was written across his face. As if he would even want to try anything if they did share a bed, frigid stuck up bitches were not his type.
“I’m sorry Noah, I thought they would give you the spare room.” Kurt appeared to have found his voice.
“Do you have spare blankets and stuff?”
“Yes in the closet.”
Ignoring Kurt’s confused expression, Puck walked over to the closet and pulled out a few blankets and a pillow. He spread them on the floor beside the bed before heading towards the en suite with his toothbrush. Once he had peed and brushed his teeth, he stared at his own reflection for several minutes wondering just what in the hell he had gotten himself into before he headed to bed. He saw but ignored Kurt taking sneaky peaks at his body as he pulled off his t-shirt then unbuckled his jeans and stepped out of them, glad that he had worn underwear. Stretched out on his make shift bed, he watched Kurt grab some PJs out of his carry-on and quickly disappear into the bathroom.
Puck flipped onto his side, listening to the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. Closing heavy lids he drifted off to sleep, wondering if he would ever be able to persuade Kurt to introduce him to the elusive Elizabeth Hudson.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Puck/Kurt
Genre: Romance/Humour/Angst
Warning: Some swearing throughout fic. Rating will change for very last installment (a bonus missing scene).
Word Count: 4494 (out of around 56,000)
Disclaimer: Glee is not mine.
A/N: I started this fic back in May but a new job, a bereavement and a million other things got in the way so I've only just finished. Kind of perfect timing as it's set during Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Summary: Puck has been working his butt off for the last three years as a PA so when his totally ungrateful boss, Kurt Hummel, offers him his dream on a silver platter he should be happy right? The catch - he has to pretend to be Kurt's boyfriend.
Chapter Three
Digging around in the bottom of his tiny closet, Puck pulled out a bag big enough for his upcoming trip to Ohio and threw it onto his bed. He then walked over to his chest of drawers and opened the top draw, grabbed a handful of underwear then slammed it shut. The next draw down always stuck so he yanked it open with enough force to almost pull it out of the unit. Rummaging through the contents, Puck chose some casual t-shirts, a few long sleeved shirts and two sweaters in case the weather was shit then threw them towards the bed. He grabbed a clean pair of jeans then wandered back to the closet debating whether or not to take some smarter clothes.
There was the anniversary party to consider and Puck had no intention of giving Hummel any excuse not to up hold his end of the deal. Was Thanksgiving a dressing up occasion? Puck figured it probably was in the Hummel household so he took two dress shirts and a pair of smart trousers off their hangers and spread them out on the bed.
Once he had everything he could possibly need dumped on the bed he carefully folded his smart clothes and placed them in the bottom of his bag. Puck then grabbed the rest of his clothes and shoved them on top, along with his dress shoes which he threw in a plastic bag first. Dropping his toiletries into another plastic bag he placed them on top of his clothes, pressing down on them to work the zipper closed then he dropped the bag next to his front door.
While some leftover lasagne was being nuked in the microwave he grabbed his cell to tell Mike the bad news. As he pressed number three on his speed dial he took a moment to wonder if it was worrying that Hummel came before his mom and his best friend in his speed dial.
“Hey Puck, excited for Saturday?”
“Yeah I was.”
“Don’t tell me he has you working this weekend?”
“I have to go out of town with him tomorrow night and won’t be back for a week.”
“Shit. Sorry dude that blows.”
“Totally. Will you be able to find someone else to go with?”
“No worries one of my work buddies wants a ticket.”
They chatted for a few minutes until Puck’s dinner was ready and Mike rang off with a wary good luck. Puck dropped his phone onto the counter and opened the microwave, wrapping a tea towel around the too hot bowl, he picked a fork off the draining and sat down to watch mindless TV for an hour or so. It was rare these days for him to actually have free time but when he did he realised how much he had sacrificed in the last three years. Puck didn’t regret his choice, not really but he did miss certain aspects of his old life. Gone were the long afternoons hanging out with friends, the dates and the parties. Hell, he even missed living with his family at times despite the fact that living in an oestrogen filled environment had driven him mad.
After washing up his bowl, Puck took a quick shower and decided to call it a night since they were heading to the airport straight after work. His great plan was spoiled however by his cell ringing just as he drifted off. Arm flailing Puck grabbed at the phone knocking it onto the floor and half under the bed. Battling with his covers, he shuffled sideways then leant over the edge, managing to answer before whoever it was hung up.
“Sup?” he muttered into the phone still half asleep.
“That’s how you answer the phone?”
Puck shot up to a sitting position blinking rapidly as he registered that the voice belonged to Hummel. He glanced at the alarm clock on his bedside table then stared at it in disbelief when he saw that it was twenty past one.
“It is when I’m asleep” he replied in an incredibly pissed off tone.
“Oh. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you. I’ll just go.”
“Wait.” Puck wondered if this was all some kind of weird dream because he could have sworn that Kurt Hummel had just apologised to him. “Why did you call?”
If he said he needed more toilet paper or something Puck was going to hit him first thing the next morning, damn the consequences.
“I just wanted to check you were still okay with the plan.”
“Well I’m as fine with it as I was a few hours ago.”
“Good. Okay. Fine” Hummel gave an odd laugh. “I’m sorry I called so late I thought you would be a night owl for some reason.”
If Hummel had ever bothered calling him during the night before rather than sending demanding texts, he would have realised that Puck liked his sleep and just had a killer vibrate setting on his phone.
“I thought an early night was a good idea considering we’re travelling tomorrow” Puck replied with a yawn.
“Of course, you’re quite right. So I’ll just see you tomorrow.
“Night Boss.”
“Goodnight Noah.”
Puck stared down at his phone shaking his head slightly as he slid it onto the bedside table before he lay back down and attempted to get back to sleep.
A few hours later he stashed his bag under his desk and made his way into Hummel’s office with a cinnamon dolce latte, stopping short when he stepped through the door. For once his boss had actually beaten him into work and by the looks of it he had been there a while.
“I’m not late am I?” Puck asked checking his watch.
“No. I’ve been here a couple of hours” Hummel shrugged carelessly and took a sip of his coffee, then sighed as if it were heaven in a cup.
Despite being a workaholic Hummel had never come in before eight before, some of the other assistants joked that it took him until then to get the pole up his ass. In reality it probably took that long to get dressed, the dude wore some ridiculous clothes.
“Why?” Puck asked before he could stop himself.
Hummel raised an eyebrow “I couldn’t sleep so I came in around four.”
Sensing he should shut up, Puck began to reel off what was in store for Hummel that day including a last minute meeting and then confirmed the departure time for the plane. As he spoke he gazed at the two large matching Louis Vuitton suitcases neatly standing side by side. If Puck hadn’t worked for a fashion writer for three years he doubted that he would have recognised the brand. He certainly wouldn’t have known that they would have cost Hummel over five grand if he bought them retail, not that the dude ever paid retail prices. Puck couldn’t understand why Hummel needed two large suitcases as well as the smaller carry-on bag that rested on the floor next to the potted fern, they were only going to be gone a week.
The day past agonisingly slowly as he answered endless phone calls and fact checked Hummel’s latest work. Halfway through the afternoon, Puck’s mood improved when he realised that this would be the last time he would have to tell people that Hummel was too busy to talk to them. It was also the last time he would ever have to read an article about clothes or copy anything or proof read or fact check or more importantly fetch someone else’s coffee. If Hummel stuck to their arrangement then the next time he was in the building it would be as a writer, not as someone’s assistant. Puck spent the rest of the day with a huge grin on his face and just shook his head, laughing slightly when the other assistants asked him why he was so happy. Not even Hummel asking if he had gas dampened his smile.
At six on the dot Puck let out a silent victory cheer and switched off his computer, he had already taken home the random crap that he had accumulated over the years so he had no reason to return to the fifteenth floor.
Grabbing his leather jacket and bag, Puck walked back into the office to help Hummel with his bags and was surprised to see him already dressed in his coat with his man bag worn across his body. Hummel picked up the carry-on, hooking it over the handle of one suitcase then took hold of both suitcases handles obviously intending to tow all of his luggage on his own.
“Here let me take one” Puck offered reaching out for a handle.
Hummel’s eyes narrowed slightly “I am perfectly capable of doing it on my own.”
“I’m sure you can but it’ll be easier if I take one. We’ll move faster.”
Seeing the logic behind his offer, Hummel let go of one handle and marched forward clearly expecting Puck to follow his lead.
The journey to the airport was hell but their first class tickets got them whisked through the airport and onto the waiting plane faster than Puck could believe. The slowest part had been when they had to remove their shoes and only because Hummel wore boots laced up to his knees. Puck settled down next to Hummel, tucked his bag away and stretched out his legs marvelling at the difference in the amount of room compared to what he was used to.
A few minutes into the flight Puck asked for a Coke and a bottle of water as the steward passed, then handed the water over to Hummel who was looking much more nervous now they were in the air.
“You okay?”
Hummel looked across at him startled “Yes of course. Why do you ask?”
“You’re fidgeting.”
He bit his lip “I’ll admit to being a bit nervous.”
“Why?” Puck asked, reeling from the knowledge that someone like Hummel could get nervous. Seeing it the day before etched on his face was one thing but Kurt Hummel actually admitting he was human like everyone else? Mind blowing.
“I’m starting to think this may be a very bad idea.”
He was just starting to think that? “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
Hummel nervously fiddled with his scarf and looked down at his lap. “That’s easy for you to say, it’s not your family” he sighed heavily. “I just want them to be happy.”
Puck reached out stilling his hand “Trust me Kurt, we can totally do this thing.”
“That’s the second time you’ve called me by my name.”
Puck hadn’t even realised he had. "Sorry."
"Don’t be. I like it" Kurt murmured.
Puck just nodded and opened his can of Coke so he had something to do.
“Anyway you better get used to calling me that, my parents will be suspicious if you never use my name.”
Giving a half grunt in agreement he dug around in his bag pulling out the latest issue of Crank Shaft and skipped forward to Elizabeth Hudson’s article just like he did every week.
“Are you interested in cars?”
“Yeah. Are you?” he asked more to be polite than because he thought that Kurt would say yes.
“My dad owns a garage. I know a bit about them” Kurt admitted.
Now that was a shock but owning a garage didn’t mean that the dude ever got his hands dirty though. “Really?”
“Mmmhmm. Scott Teller’s is pretty good this week.”
Recovering quickly from the realisation that Kurt read the same magazine as him, one which wasn’t all about jaunty angles to wear a hat or three thousand dollar shoes, Puck made a noise in agreement. “He’s usually fairly good but I’m reading Elizabeth Hudson’s article first.”
“Elizabeth Hudson?” Kurt gave him an odd look “But that’s half way through.”
Okay so maybe most people started at the beginning but he knew plenty of people who started at their favourite article and went from there.
“Yeah she’s my favourite writer actually.”
“What do you like about her?” Kurt seemed genuinely interested.
“She tells it like it is you know? And she’s so damn witty.” Puck rambled on and on about how awesome Hudson was for a good five minutes before he registered Kurt’s strange expression and tailed off.
“It almost sounds like she’s your hero” Kurt said in a tone which would be considered teasing if it came from anyone else.
“Pretty much” Puck admitted.
“Umm well that’s good to know” Kurt said obviously just being polite after Puck’s epic ramble.
Puck shrugged “Yeah she’s awesome. I was supposed to meet her at a motor show this weekend” he added without meaning to.
“Which you’re missing because of this. I’m sorry Noah” Kurt winced slightly.
“S’fine there’s always the International Auto Show in the Spring.”
“True but Elizabeth Hudson won’t be there.”
Puck sighed accepting the truth, Hudson never appeared in public so he was about to miss a once in a life time event. Kurt patted him awkwardly on the arm, quickly taking his hand away when Puck looked down at it.
“If it makes you feel better you would have been disappointed if you had gone. I heard on the grapevine that she cancelled” Kurt said with shrug,
“Really? She cancelled?”
“Yes, so I heard.”
Puck narrowed his eyes and Kurt shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. “Boss do you by any chance know Elizabeth Hudson?”
“Maybe.”
“Kuuurt” he drew out his boss’s name just the way his mom used to do when she wanted the truth.
“Okay fine. Yes I know her and no before you ask I won’t introduce you to her.”
“Why not?” Puck’s sudden excitement swiftly turned to disappointment.
Kurt seemed to be getting more and more uncomfortable “She’s a very private person.”
“But she was going to open the motor show and sign autographs!”
“Her editor harassed her into doing it but she likes the anonymity she currently has. I doubt she’ll ever be persuaded again.”
“Is it coz she’s a total dog?” Puck asked.
“Excuse me?”
“My buddy Mike thinks she doesn’t have a picture coz she’s ugly but that’s a stupid reason. I mean there are plenty of ugly people writing for that magazine.” He frowned “Was she like scarred in a car crash or something?”
Kurt stared at him with a bemused expression “Something like that.”
They barely spoke for the rest of the flight, Puck was content reading his magazine followed by the latest bestseller while Kurt plugged in his iPod and closed his eyes. As the plane descended Puck took off his glasses, tucked them into his pocket then slipped his book into his bag. Looking over at Kurt for the first time in an hour he found him sleeping propped up against the window, headphones still in his ears. Puck leant over and gently shook him awake, long eyelashes fluttered across pale cheeks and he was soon staring into sleepy blue eyes.
“Hey” Kurt whispered stretching slightly.
Puck smiled back before he mentally slapped himself for thinking that the Ice Princess was anything other than a grade A pain in his ass. “Umm we’re about to land Boss... I mean Kurt.”
Kurt rapidly came to his senses, suddenly becoming tense as he pulled the headphones out, then began patting his hair and straightening his clothes.
Checkout was relatively painless considering how much luggage Kurt had brought and they swiftly located the driver of their hired car holding a placard reading ‘Hummel’. They were both yawning by the time they set off for Lima and Puck thanked his lucky stars that Kurt hadn’t expected him to drive them.
“Tell me something about you I should know if we really were dating.” Puck figured he should know a few basic details about his supposed boyfriend other than his coffee order and toilet paper preferences before he had to meet the parents.
“Well you know that I went to College in New York and was scouted from there. I lived with Rachel and my brother went to Ohio State but visited as often as he could.”
“What about high school?” Puck asked.
“I err wasn’t the most popular kid but I had some good friends mainly from the Glee club.” Kurt admitted, glancing across the seat.
Puck almost snorted but stopped himself just in time. Considering the size of the dude’s superiority complex it wasn’t exactly surprising that he hadn’t been popular. “You sing?”
“Yes I used to sing counter tenor in Glee. I’m also fairly good on the piano.”
“I play the guitar.” Puck shrugged “You should probably know some stuff about me too.”
Kurt looked thoughtful for a moment “Good thinking Noah.”
“So what else should I know about you?” he asked rolling his eyes.
“I came out to my dad when I was sixteen but he already knew” Kurt said with a slightly embarrassed smile “I probably would have told my boyfriend that.
“I have my nipple pierced” Puck countered, trying to steer the topic away from sexuality. The last thing he wanted or needed was Kurt mooning over him for real.
“I don’t think my parents will expect to hear that” Kurt murmured staring at Puck’s chest.
He shrugged “So tell me about your family.”
Kurt shook his head as if trying to clear his thoughts “Okay, there’s my dad Burt.”
“Your names rhyme?!”
“No really do they?” he asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. “As I was saying my dad’s called Burt, he owns a garage like I told you, he likes Mellancamp and that deadliest catch program.”
Kurt waited for Puck to absorb that then continued “My mom is called Carole, she works in a doctor’s office and likes baking.”
He paused again “Then there’s my brother Finn, he used to be the quarterback in high school and is pretty much your typical jock except he has a wider range of human emotions” he bit out obviously bitter, making Puck wonder if he hated his brother or jocks. “He dated Rachel on and off since high school and well you know her.”
“Yeah I know her” Puck replied, voice laced with hidden meaning. Kurt laughed so he obviously agreed that his future sister in law was a wacko. “So what’s your favourite food?”
Kurt took a few seconds to think “Strawberries. You?”
“Waffles” he said without hesitating. They were delicious and holey what more could you want?
“Seriously? Waffles?”
Their conversation went on like this for quite a while, both sharing things that they would have told each other had they really been dating. It was mostly mundane things such as favourite movies, music and for some reason Kurt thought that Puck needed to know about his facial routine, in depth. Nothing they discussed was particularly personal and Puck was content to keep it that way. They weren’t friends and he had no intention of speaking to Kurt again once this was all over if he could manage it.
It was pitch black outside when the car pulled up in front of a house which had warm lights glowing in the downstairs windows and an old truck parked out front. If Puck was honest it wasn’t what he was expecting at all. He had always assumed that Kurt had come from money and that he would have grown up in a huge place with servants and extensive grounds. Kurt’s family home was actually very normal and homely looking, not that much bigger than the house that Puck had grown up in.
Kurt’s dad must have been watching for the car because as soon as they pulled up, the front door was flung open and a middle aged man in a baseball cap came striding down the path. Kurt stepped out of the car and was immediately pulled into what looked like a bone crushing hug.
“Can’t breathe” he gasped, burrowing closer into his dad’s arms.
Burt laughed letting him go only to put a hand on his shoulder.
“Damn it’s good to see you kid.” He finally seemed to notice Puck who was standing beside the cab staring at the embracing pair, his expression became disapproving. “So you’re the boyfriend then?”
“Dad I’d like you to meet Noah Puckerman. Noah, this is my dad Burt.”
“Nice to meet you sir” he held out his hand which Burt reluctantly shook then moved to get their baggage out of the trunk.
The man in front of Puck was not what he had imagined at all, the dude seemed to be the complete opposite of his son. When Kurt had mentioned his dad owned a garage he had assumed that he would be hands off but if the roughness of Burt’s hands were any indication he was the complete opposite.
Once all of the luggage was inside the house, they were led through to a sitting room which sported large comfy looking couches and the biggest TV Puck had ever seen. A woman, he presumed Kurt’s mom, entered the room from the direction of what looked like the kitchen and smiled at them pulling Kurt into a hug.
“Hello you must be Noah, I’m Carole.”
She had a warm friendly smile and Puck couldn’t help but be reminded of his own mom which was weird. Kurt’s mom should definitely not be reminding him of his mom, she should be a snob who didn’t think he was good enough for her son. With such normal parents how the hell had Kurt turned out the way he had?
“You boys must be hungry. I could heat up some chicken casserole if you’d like?” She let go of Kurt after pulling him into a second hug and wandered towards the kitchen.
“Finn and Rachel will be arriving tomorrow afternoon” Burt said, more for something to say than to actually inform Puck suspected.
Kurt made a suitable reply then asked about some guys that Puck had never heard of but from Burt’s replies they seemed to work for him at the garage. Carole entered the room carrying two bowls then offered them drinks which they both accepted. He couldn’t tell if it was the food or the fact he hadn’t eaten since lunch but the casserole was like ambrosia, delicious and creamy and honestly the best he had ever tasted. If his mom cooked like that he would probably never have left home.
“So what do you do for a living Puckerman?”
“Noah is a writer dad.” Apparently Kurt didn’t want them knowing that Puck was a PA and that was fine by him. Technically as soon as they were back in New York he wouldn’t be one anymore, he really would be a writer.
“Do you write fashion stuff like Kurt?” Burt really couldn’t be more different to his son, where Kurt was softly spoken and up-rightly perched on the edge of the couch his dad was gruff and relaxed, stretched out on his recliner. The older man obviously didn’t have a clue about the ‘fashion stuff’ Kurt wrote about.
“No sir, mostly sports actually.”
“You interested in football?”
Puck nodded, putting his now empty bowl down on the coffee table and took a sip of his beer before launching into a conversation about his favourite teams and players.
“He is also interested in cars” Kurt added a few minutes later, probably because he’d had enough of listening to them ramble on about football. After a few minutes talking with Burt about the best American cars Carole cleared her throat, gaining their attention.
“Well it’s getting late and you both must be exhausted after all that travelling.”
“Where will Noah be sleeping?” Kurt asked as they reached the bottom of the stairs.
Carole laughed “Sweetie you’re twenty five, we’re under no allusion that you don’t sleep together when you’re in New York.”
Kurt glanced over at Puck nervously but as there was little point in arguing if they wanted to maintain their deception Puck just shrugged.
“But... I just thought you might not be comfortab.....”
“Don’t be silly dear, if we let Finn and Rachel share a room we can hardly expect you not to.” She gave Kurt another hug, told him again how glad they were that he was home then bid them both good night as she made her way upstairs.
Burt glowered at Puck for a couple of seconds before he grabbed one of Kurt’s suitcases, presumably carrying it up to their room. Puck grabbed the other suitcase and his own small bag, dumping them in a room which was a lot less flamboyant than he was expecting. It was decorated in cream and royal Blue with one wall covered in various arrangements of shelves and the other featuring a large bed with a studded headboard. There was a vanity table in front of an en suite with a fancy looking chair posed next to it and a random canary cage resting on a small table. He vaguely heard Burt mumble a goodnight as he looked around the room and suppressed a smirk at his obvious discomfort. Turning back towards the door Puck noticed Kurt standing awkwardly in the doorway, carry-on bag at his feet and man bag clutched to his chest. He stared at the bed, cheeks slightly flushed and glanced at Puck every so often, looking like he didn’t have a clue what to say to him.
Puck had to stop himself from laughing out loud at Kurt’s obvious embarrassment, the dude’s lack of experience was written across his face. As if he would even want to try anything if they did share a bed, frigid stuck up bitches were not his type.
“I’m sorry Noah, I thought they would give you the spare room.” Kurt appeared to have found his voice.
“Do you have spare blankets and stuff?”
“Yes in the closet.”
Ignoring Kurt’s confused expression, Puck walked over to the closet and pulled out a few blankets and a pillow. He spread them on the floor beside the bed before heading towards the en suite with his toothbrush. Once he had peed and brushed his teeth, he stared at his own reflection for several minutes wondering just what in the hell he had gotten himself into before he headed to bed. He saw but ignored Kurt taking sneaky peaks at his body as he pulled off his t-shirt then unbuckled his jeans and stepped out of them, glad that he had worn underwear. Stretched out on his make shift bed, he watched Kurt grab some PJs out of his carry-on and quickly disappear into the bathroom.
Puck flipped onto his side, listening to the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. Closing heavy lids he drifted off to sleep, wondering if he would ever be able to persuade Kurt to introduce him to the elusive Elizabeth Hudson.