Heisenberg's Bastard, part I, or, The whole flock of ships*--

[bellatrys]

In which I take a jackhammer to the cement encasing my personal Chernobyl

"When someone tells shows you who they are, believe them."
--attr. to Maya Angelou
Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it

Comments

[wordweaverlynn]

I was never afraid of the dark as a small child: I remember playing in the moonlight, before things grew really bad. But it was easier to deal with the monsters under the bed, than the real ones in the house.

Yes. This.

This is gut-wrenchingly honest and well-written.

I honor your strength to survive and speak the truth.

[cbpotts]

I have read all of these, and can not comment right now, aside to say I have read every single word, and heard them all, and I know how much it takes to write like this, and thank you.

Seeking help

[jlb2009]

Your forgot to mention that for decades now he has also regularly offered to go with you anywhere, anytime, to any professional counselor or other form of professional help of your choosing, so that these problems can be worked through and, to whatever extent is possible, resolved.

Re: Seeking help

[rozasharn]

"The problem was always that he would say he was going to (or had) turn over a new leaf, and thus it was unfair to use pattern recognition in self defense be wary of him behaving the same way, and we were obliged to act as though amnesiac, to pretend that the past had never happened over and over and over again, and that it was totally unjust to be afraid of repeat bad behavior and to think that it was starting up again - this proved that we were all bad-faith actors who wouldn't let him be virtuous! Charlie Brown must let Sally hold the ball again, or be a wicked judgmental sort who deserves to have it yanked away from him."

Also, the prospect of being in the same room as one's abuser isn't an offer, it's a threat.

Re: Seeking help

[jlb2009]

"Being in the same room together" was never a mandate. He has been for decades (and continues to be) willing to pay for her to see, on her own and by herself, any therapist or other professional that she chooses in order to help her.

Re: Seeking help

[rozasharn]

Furthermore, I notice that your LJ account was created yesterday, has never been used for anything else, and doesn't subscribe to Bellatrys on your Friends page.

We don't look too kindly on sockpuppets around here.

[jlb2009]

And that he made that offer as a standing offer, which has never once been rescinded and continues even unto today.

All I can say is

[anonymous]

I admire you for telling the truth. Don't let other people lie about your life.