The Very Last First (Three: The Fall)
Title: The Very Last First
Pairing: Yongseo
Genre: Romance; Drama
Rating: PG
Summary: Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be? How many “last chance” would you waste before you have the courage to go after what you really want?
Three: The Fall
September 2010
Kawagoe, Japan
“Hy~un?” I heard his voice and immediately sat up to fix my hair at the same time, get a quick glimpse at the mirror before I opened the connecting door.
“How come you’re still awake? I told you to just dream about me instead. Aigoo. You plan to spend the rest of the night thinking about your handsome and cool nampyeon?” he teased me.
I hit his shoulder lightly and replied,
“I’m awake because you woke me up. Choding.”
I couldn’t think of anything else to say and my blushing face was a damn giveaway. He chuckled as he put his arm around me. He opened the door overlooking the garden and we sat as we gazed at the stars.
“The garden, stars and the moon are so pretty. Don’t you think so, oppa?” I smiled like a child as I looked at the sky.
“Hmm.” His lack of response made me look at him quizzically.
“You don’t agree with me, oppa?” I asked him. He took a deep breath and sighed. He faced me again and seriously replied,
“I agree.”
“Then, why is your reaction like that? You look like a pickled kimchi.” I sulked and I knew my nose flared, much to his amusement. He laughed and kept me in a headlock.
“Choding!” I yelled when I got away from him. He chuckled lightly as he called me back to sit beside him. I refused of course. My hair looks like a mess. I just threw a temper tantrum and he probably thinks I’m a kid. This is so embarrassing.
“Seohyun-ah.” He kept laughing.
“Go away.” I answered back without looking.
“Hy~un…” he called me again.
“Shiro!”
I immediately snuck inside my bed covers and hid my face in the pillows and sheets. I could hear him walk towards me and I held the blankets tighter.
“I’m not done yet. Can you please hear me out before you fall asleep? I know you’re still awake, Seo Joohyun. Stop pretending that you aren’t. Yah!”
I tried to lie very still though my heart was beating fast. He started to tickle me and I can’t help but squirm violently. I tried to kick and resist but a choding is a choding. In the end, I gave up.
“Ahrasseo oppa! Stop it now, please?!” I huffed. My hair is a total mess and I want to cry because I hate to look so unkempt in front of him.
He smiled that cheek-bursting smile as he drew me closer and hugged me. I started to move away but he held on tighter as he said,
“Just one more minute Hy~un. Please.”
I didn’t argue and I can’t deny that I enjoy being in his arms. Though he asked for just a minute-long extension, I’m pretty sure it was more than that. I’m not complaining though. If I can have it my way, I would’ve preferred to remain in this position for hours. But then again, I’m not that courageous and bold enough to request for such a thing so I regrettably broke the hug and maintained at least a feet distance. I need this to calm my raging heart.
He stood up and wordlessly extended his hand in invitation. He led us to sit in the same spot. I was silent and still embarrassed over my silly outburst. I can’t believe I got mad over something so trivial and pointless. My hair’s still a mess and I could feel the crease in my forehead grow deeper.
He scooted closer to me and held my shoulders to turn me around and face him. This is the closest we got to see each other face-to-face and I am beyond mortified that this is also the worst look of mine that he has seen. Bare-faced, hair in huge disarray, with a frown to complete the ensemble.
I tried to focus on anywhere else but in the end, I lost. I was prepared to see this look of disdain and disappointment, but was surprised to be greeted with the most sincere smile that always makes my heart skip a beat.
I felt tears well up in my eyes. It amazes me how he is able to give me that look even if I probably am at my worst right now. It’s the same look he gives me whenever he thinks I’m unaware or focusing somewhere else.
“Aigoo. My Joohyun is upset. Mianhe. Oppa is sorry. Please don’t be mad.” he started. I blinked several times to stop the tears because the last thing I want is to solidify the image of being such a crybaby.
“As much as the sight of you pouting and frowning like that is so cute, I still prefer to see you smile.”
He came closer and started to fix my hair. Once the wild strands have been smoothened and I think I looked decent enough, he cupped my face with his right palm. I kept my eyes focused on anything else until I decided that looking down is probably the best and least tiring option. He asked me to look up, but I’m stubborn just as much as he is a choding, so he had to gently lift my chin until our gazes met.
“You didn’t let me finish.” He informed me as a matter-of-fact. I was about to say something but he held a finger to my lips.
“See? You’re going to interrupt me again. Aigoo. Just hear me out first, please?” he teased me.
He let go of my face and reclined to his earlier position. I felt disappointment wash over me. I thought I hated any sort of physical contact or even close proximity with the opposite sex. Yong oppa is making me think otherwise. He looked up the sky once more as he began to speak.
“I think the stars, the moon, and this garden are all pretty…” he paused and he looked at me again. I think I just turned into an ice cream because I could feel myself melting with that stare.
“But I couldn’t really appreciate it when my attention is drawn towards the most beautiful one I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Your beauty outshines the stars in the sky and illuminates me more than the moon could ever do even in the darkest hour.
It’s not just your physical attributes, but who you are as a person. You’re so…PERFECT. I know you’d disagree and probably start enumerating reasons why you think so, but I hope that one day, God would grant me the opportunity to let you see yourself the way I see you.
Most of the time I wonder what I did to deserve you. I know that many guys, especially your fanboys, would kill to trade places with me. That’s why I’m doing everything I can to fight for you and to prove to everyone else that I have a right to be a part of your life. I have a lot of those “what if?” questions in my mind and it did bother me for quite some time.
What if the leadership of CNBLUE didn’t change? What if it was Jonghyun you were paired up with and not me? What if it was me who’d do WGM but it won’t be with you but with one of your unnies? Or what if, it’s one of our members who are partnered? Would we have grown closer whenever we’d meet each other during their housewarming party? Would we be friends just because we’re ‘in laws?’ Or what if I’m just a regular guy and you’re just a girl? Would our paths have crossed?
You know what I’m thankful for? Because those ‘what ifs’ are meant to be just that and nothing more. None of it will ever come to life because THIS..this is our reality. Though others would say that it’s all just “scripted” and we didn’t really have a say in our career, I disagree.
Out of all the idols who were interested in the show, out of the countless pair the PDs and writers could’ve created and chose, out of the sunbaes and rookies, maknae-leader, rocker-girl group combination they could’ve made, they chose YOU and ME. US. Yonghwa and Seohyun. Yong and Seo. YongSeo.
I still think it’s surreal. Even if you’re beside me right now, I still feel like it’s all a dream. I feel like no matter what I do, I’ll never deserve you. But even so, I’m a selfish man. I’m greedy. I want more than what we have right now. I want you to be a part of my future not just as a colleague or friend, but as my special someone. Someday, I want to make this “marriage” real. I want you. I want us.”
Is this what I think it is? Is he going to say those words? Is this it? I should feel burdened like I always do whenever a guy shows his interest in me. However, all that I feel right now are excitement and anticipation. I don’t understand why I can’t come up with the usual thoughts of how to turn down a guy politely. Those thoughts are replaced with something like how do I respond if ever this is a confession? Do I say the same thing too?
My heart was beating like crazy and I felt my face flush with heat. I think I’m a little bit lightheaded too. He gently caressed my face and gave me that look again. I think I now understand how an ice cream feels when left under the burning heat of the sun.
“I know that you might feel burdened and I thought of holding back this confession until such time I think you’re ready. But, I’m also afraid, that if I let this go, I might never get the chance. There aren’t any cameras or staff to capture this moment. This is the real thing. I’m not being CNBLUE’s leader, but just an ordinary guy confessing to the woman he loves. I’m just the Jung Yonghwa who is bearing his heart and pride on the line just to say these words to a girl named Seo Joohyun….”
I think that any minute now I might faint so I fervently prayed that I have enough strength and sanity left in me to be able to hear the words he’s going to say next.
“Joohyun-ah…saranghaeyo.”
I looked into his eyes which were now glistening with tears. The way he called me by my real name affectionately, as well as saying I love you in formal language, was too much for my heart to take.
Our foreheads were touching and I knew that I wasn’t the only one catching my breath. When we recovered, we both looked at each other. I leaned closer, he leaned closer. Just when our lips were an inch apart, I heard him say,
“Is it okay if I kiss you?”
That broke the spell instantly. I distanced myself from him as I huffed and pouted again. He seemed confused and alarmed.
“Did I offend you? Did I say something wrong? I’m so sorry Joohyun-ah. I don’t want you to think of me that way.. I just..I thought..I uh..aish. I don’t want to pressure you and I’m not thinking of…aaah! How do I say this?”
I didn’t look at him as I thought to myself,
“This isn’t how it works in movies and those dramas. My unnies also said it’s supposed to happen naturally. Why is he asking for my permission like I’m a child? He’s the choding, not me. I can handle it. What made him stop? Aish.”
And then I heard him laugh. I realized then that I just said the words out loud. I tried to stand up to go hide under the sheets again but he held me by my waist and drew me closer to him. I squirmed and tried to look anywhere else because my embarrassment was killing me. He held my face in a gentle, yet firm grip so I had no choice but to look into his eyes.
“I love you. And this time, I’m not going to ask for your permission.”
He smiled as tilted his head to lean closer. I saw his eyelids shut and little did I know that I was doing the same. And finally…we shared our first real kiss. Those cheesy talk about fireworks? I hate to admit it, but it’s true.
Author’s Note:
The previous two were a little bit sad, so here’s a happy flashback. I think their Japan trip really drew them closer and I thought that it’s the perfect time for the confession to take place. At least, in my delusional mind. Haha.
Confession scenes are always the hardest for me to write, next to the kiss scenes. Putting that aside, I hope you didn’t cringe too much when you read it. I was aiming for a dramatic-romantic, “awww” type of confession and I am not so sure if I was able to deliver. Anyhow, I think if a guy tells me the line “I wish God would give me the opportunity to let you see yourself the way I see you” I might melt. LOL. Ignore that.
We've had enough of the throwback chapters so I guess it's safe to say, we can look forward to 2014 Yongseo interactions in the upcoming ones. Until then, thanks for taking the time to read and I’d love to know what you think about this so far. Have a happy weekend!
Pairing: Yongseo
Genre: Romance; Drama
Rating: PG
Summary: Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be? How many “last chance” would you waste before you have the courage to go after what you really want?
Three: The Fall
September 2010
Kawagoe, Japan
“Hy~un?” I heard his voice and immediately sat up to fix my hair at the same time, get a quick glimpse at the mirror before I opened the connecting door.
“How come you’re still awake? I told you to just dream about me instead. Aigoo. You plan to spend the rest of the night thinking about your handsome and cool nampyeon?” he teased me.
I hit his shoulder lightly and replied,
“I’m awake because you woke me up. Choding.”
I couldn’t think of anything else to say and my blushing face was a damn giveaway. He chuckled as he put his arm around me. He opened the door overlooking the garden and we sat as we gazed at the stars.
“The garden, stars and the moon are so pretty. Don’t you think so, oppa?” I smiled like a child as I looked at the sky.
“Hmm.” His lack of response made me look at him quizzically.
“You don’t agree with me, oppa?” I asked him. He took a deep breath and sighed. He faced me again and seriously replied,
“I agree.”
“Then, why is your reaction like that? You look like a pickled kimchi.” I sulked and I knew my nose flared, much to his amusement. He laughed and kept me in a headlock.
“Choding!” I yelled when I got away from him. He chuckled lightly as he called me back to sit beside him. I refused of course. My hair looks like a mess. I just threw a temper tantrum and he probably thinks I’m a kid. This is so embarrassing.
“Seohyun-ah.” He kept laughing.
“Go away.” I answered back without looking.
“Hy~un…” he called me again.
“Shiro!”
I immediately snuck inside my bed covers and hid my face in the pillows and sheets. I could hear him walk towards me and I held the blankets tighter.
“I’m not done yet. Can you please hear me out before you fall asleep? I know you’re still awake, Seo Joohyun. Stop pretending that you aren’t. Yah!”
I tried to lie very still though my heart was beating fast. He started to tickle me and I can’t help but squirm violently. I tried to kick and resist but a choding is a choding. In the end, I gave up.
“Ahrasseo oppa! Stop it now, please?!” I huffed. My hair is a total mess and I want to cry because I hate to look so unkempt in front of him.
He smiled that cheek-bursting smile as he drew me closer and hugged me. I started to move away but he held on tighter as he said,
“Just one more minute Hy~un. Please.”
I didn’t argue and I can’t deny that I enjoy being in his arms. Though he asked for just a minute-long extension, I’m pretty sure it was more than that. I’m not complaining though. If I can have it my way, I would’ve preferred to remain in this position for hours. But then again, I’m not that courageous and bold enough to request for such a thing so I regrettably broke the hug and maintained at least a feet distance. I need this to calm my raging heart.
He stood up and wordlessly extended his hand in invitation. He led us to sit in the same spot. I was silent and still embarrassed over my silly outburst. I can’t believe I got mad over something so trivial and pointless. My hair’s still a mess and I could feel the crease in my forehead grow deeper.
He scooted closer to me and held my shoulders to turn me around and face him. This is the closest we got to see each other face-to-face and I am beyond mortified that this is also the worst look of mine that he has seen. Bare-faced, hair in huge disarray, with a frown to complete the ensemble.
I tried to focus on anywhere else but in the end, I lost. I was prepared to see this look of disdain and disappointment, but was surprised to be greeted with the most sincere smile that always makes my heart skip a beat.
I felt tears well up in my eyes. It amazes me how he is able to give me that look even if I probably am at my worst right now. It’s the same look he gives me whenever he thinks I’m unaware or focusing somewhere else.
“Aigoo. My Joohyun is upset. Mianhe. Oppa is sorry. Please don’t be mad.” he started. I blinked several times to stop the tears because the last thing I want is to solidify the image of being such a crybaby.
“As much as the sight of you pouting and frowning like that is so cute, I still prefer to see you smile.”
He came closer and started to fix my hair. Once the wild strands have been smoothened and I think I looked decent enough, he cupped my face with his right palm. I kept my eyes focused on anything else until I decided that looking down is probably the best and least tiring option. He asked me to look up, but I’m stubborn just as much as he is a choding, so he had to gently lift my chin until our gazes met.
“You didn’t let me finish.” He informed me as a matter-of-fact. I was about to say something but he held a finger to my lips.
“See? You’re going to interrupt me again. Aigoo. Just hear me out first, please?” he teased me.
He let go of my face and reclined to his earlier position. I felt disappointment wash over me. I thought I hated any sort of physical contact or even close proximity with the opposite sex. Yong oppa is making me think otherwise. He looked up the sky once more as he began to speak.
“I think the stars, the moon, and this garden are all pretty…” he paused and he looked at me again. I think I just turned into an ice cream because I could feel myself melting with that stare.
“But I couldn’t really appreciate it when my attention is drawn towards the most beautiful one I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Your beauty outshines the stars in the sky and illuminates me more than the moon could ever do even in the darkest hour.
It’s not just your physical attributes, but who you are as a person. You’re so…PERFECT. I know you’d disagree and probably start enumerating reasons why you think so, but I hope that one day, God would grant me the opportunity to let you see yourself the way I see you.
Most of the time I wonder what I did to deserve you. I know that many guys, especially your fanboys, would kill to trade places with me. That’s why I’m doing everything I can to fight for you and to prove to everyone else that I have a right to be a part of your life. I have a lot of those “what if?” questions in my mind and it did bother me for quite some time.
What if the leadership of CNBLUE didn’t change? What if it was Jonghyun you were paired up with and not me? What if it was me who’d do WGM but it won’t be with you but with one of your unnies? Or what if, it’s one of our members who are partnered? Would we have grown closer whenever we’d meet each other during their housewarming party? Would we be friends just because we’re ‘in laws?’ Or what if I’m just a regular guy and you’re just a girl? Would our paths have crossed?
You know what I’m thankful for? Because those ‘what ifs’ are meant to be just that and nothing more. None of it will ever come to life because THIS..this is our reality. Though others would say that it’s all just “scripted” and we didn’t really have a say in our career, I disagree.
Out of all the idols who were interested in the show, out of the countless pair the PDs and writers could’ve created and chose, out of the sunbaes and rookies, maknae-leader, rocker-girl group combination they could’ve made, they chose YOU and ME. US. Yonghwa and Seohyun. Yong and Seo. YongSeo.
I still think it’s surreal. Even if you’re beside me right now, I still feel like it’s all a dream. I feel like no matter what I do, I’ll never deserve you. But even so, I’m a selfish man. I’m greedy. I want more than what we have right now. I want you to be a part of my future not just as a colleague or friend, but as my special someone. Someday, I want to make this “marriage” real. I want you. I want us.”
Is this what I think it is? Is he going to say those words? Is this it? I should feel burdened like I always do whenever a guy shows his interest in me. However, all that I feel right now are excitement and anticipation. I don’t understand why I can’t come up with the usual thoughts of how to turn down a guy politely. Those thoughts are replaced with something like how do I respond if ever this is a confession? Do I say the same thing too?
My heart was beating like crazy and I felt my face flush with heat. I think I’m a little bit lightheaded too. He gently caressed my face and gave me that look again. I think I now understand how an ice cream feels when left under the burning heat of the sun.
“I know that you might feel burdened and I thought of holding back this confession until such time I think you’re ready. But, I’m also afraid, that if I let this go, I might never get the chance. There aren’t any cameras or staff to capture this moment. This is the real thing. I’m not being CNBLUE’s leader, but just an ordinary guy confessing to the woman he loves. I’m just the Jung Yonghwa who is bearing his heart and pride on the line just to say these words to a girl named Seo Joohyun….”
I think that any minute now I might faint so I fervently prayed that I have enough strength and sanity left in me to be able to hear the words he’s going to say next.
“Joohyun-ah…saranghaeyo.”
I looked into his eyes which were now glistening with tears. The way he called me by my real name affectionately, as well as saying I love you in formal language, was too much for my heart to take.
Our foreheads were touching and I knew that I wasn’t the only one catching my breath. When we recovered, we both looked at each other. I leaned closer, he leaned closer. Just when our lips were an inch apart, I heard him say,
“Is it okay if I kiss you?”
That broke the spell instantly. I distanced myself from him as I huffed and pouted again. He seemed confused and alarmed.
“Did I offend you? Did I say something wrong? I’m so sorry Joohyun-ah. I don’t want you to think of me that way.. I just..I thought..I uh..aish. I don’t want to pressure you and I’m not thinking of…aaah! How do I say this?”
I didn’t look at him as I thought to myself,
“This isn’t how it works in movies and those dramas. My unnies also said it’s supposed to happen naturally. Why is he asking for my permission like I’m a child? He’s the choding, not me. I can handle it. What made him stop? Aish.”
And then I heard him laugh. I realized then that I just said the words out loud. I tried to stand up to go hide under the sheets again but he held me by my waist and drew me closer to him. I squirmed and tried to look anywhere else because my embarrassment was killing me. He held my face in a gentle, yet firm grip so I had no choice but to look into his eyes.
“I love you. And this time, I’m not going to ask for your permission.”
He smiled as tilted his head to lean closer. I saw his eyelids shut and little did I know that I was doing the same. And finally…we shared our first real kiss. Those cheesy talk about fireworks? I hate to admit it, but it’s true.
Author’s Note:
The previous two were a little bit sad, so here’s a happy flashback. I think their Japan trip really drew them closer and I thought that it’s the perfect time for the confession to take place. At least, in my delusional mind. Haha.
Confession scenes are always the hardest for me to write, next to the kiss scenes. Putting that aside, I hope you didn’t cringe too much when you read it. I was aiming for a dramatic-romantic, “awww” type of confession and I am not so sure if I was able to deliver. Anyhow, I think if a guy tells me the line “I wish God would give me the opportunity to let you see yourself the way I see you” I might melt. LOL. Ignore that.
We've had enough of the throwback chapters so I guess it's safe to say, we can look forward to 2014 Yongseo interactions in the upcoming ones. Until then, thanks for taking the time to read and I’d love to know what you think about this so far. Have a happy weekend!