don't fucking spy on your kids

[belenen]

icon: "snarling (a photo of a snow leopard snarling in profile with teeth bared, whiskers back, and ears flattened)"As a parent, you do NOT have the right to spy on your child NO MATTER WHAT. I don't care if they are suicidal or doing drugs, that doesn't give you the right to spy on them. You don't have the right to read their email or diary or

Comments

[ragnarok_08]

Preacher to the choir!!

[belenen]

excellent!

[hana_broom]

*huggles* control is awful - I know that when my mother was like that it used to drive me absolutely fucking insane and the more she did it, the more I backed off. Now I know she was just scared to death of what I might do, but yeah, at the time I just wanted my space.

[belenen]

I feel you! side note -- please do not use the word "insane" here on my LJ because it is a slur: http://tinyurl.com/pleasenoslurs

[choco_chippie]

I think this is a good reminder why an authoritative parenting style is far more preferable to an authoritarian style.

[belenen]

yeah, I think most people fail at authoritative and become authoritarian or permissive because they think that parenting style is just something you decide, but it isn't. It takes building trust with your kid and teaching your kid that your opinion is worthwhile by actually being useful, comforting, etc. You can't actually just be a shitty person and have your kids value your opinion! My parents thought they could *shakes head*

[daphnep]

Yeah. I had a parent like this, who believed everything the children said/wrote/did belonged to them. I haven’t separated out this trait as significant, so thank you for writing this.

[belenen]

I'm glad it helped you define that!

[miss_ljv]

All they will learn is hyper-vigilance against anyone who wants to get to know them, and they will learn to see you as the enemy and they will learn to hide things much better.

This is 100% what happened to me - I got sneakier and my parents were definitely my controlling enemies

[belenen]

I feel you! I actually feel lucky that my parents were so neglectful because they definitely would have done it if it had occurred to them. (I edited the original post to add a comment on this)

[miss_ljv]

It's so gross too that it's like, the silver lining on the neglect for you. I have similar instances for other situations as well.

I don't have kids, but my sister and I talk all the time about the ways that she is learning from the harm of our childhoods and not perpetuating cycles of control and violence!

(I accidentally posted this as a general reply and not a reply to the thread so I deleted and am reposting it)