an open letter to anyone who uses the words 'attractive' or 'ugly' like they have objective meaning

[belenen]

icon: "bodylove -- heart my belly (my bare, stretch-marked belly with my hands making a heart shape in front of it. There is an overlay of blue and violet radiating out from my navel)"
(This is modified from something I wrote to someone who says negative things about their looks -- but it applies even if you only do the 'positive' side of calling

Comments

[belenen]

I know that it is a process, believe me -- and in case you worried, this was not at all brought on by anything you have shared. Your kind of thing is less upsetting to me because I feel like you acknowledge that it is a self-destructive thought, and I understand having those thoughts! I understand it so well. I also can see you working on it -- and it isn't your fault that the thoughts are there to begin with, so really there is nothing for you to apologize for because all you can do is your best.

*much love*

[meteorology]

I know this is something I'm guilty of and I will try to do better. I know that I instinctively judge myself against current societal standards of "beauty", and when I do so, I'm aware that's what I'm doing, but even so it can be difficult to stop. I did have some vague awareness that expressing those judgments - even just about myself - could also be hurtful to others but thank you for the reminder and for explaining it so well.

[belenen]

I totally understand. It's a process for everyone, growing up in such a bigotry-filled world!

[topaznebula]

Yes yes yes, yessity yes yes.

[belenen]

oh thanks, thanks!

[webgirluk]

Awesome entry and I completely agree with you. Well said. I really don't agree with the idea that there is some kind of measure of attractiveness. At the end of the day, like intelligence, it's just another socially constructed issue so some people can feel superior and expect social luxury. I never feel too comfortable with people who are all about looks and catering to certain beauty standards in their views of others. Still, I have been guilty of referring to myself as ugly on occasions, but I just mean by it "I feel ugly to those who judge people by certain measures" although I can understand by even calling myself it, I am adding to it being reinforced. So you made me think.

[belenen]

yesssssssss I agree! it is just like intelligence. I think it is important to be able to talk about being judged as not measuring up, but also important to phrase in such a way that makes it clear that the measure is meaningless to begin with.

[seifaiden]

I have been thinking about this entry a lot. My thoughts aren't really cohesive, so I'll just write them piecemeal. I largely agree, but I wanted to discuss a couple of things

[belenen]

2) I can understand and agree with that perspective. I have not seen it used this way but I would not mind it. It's when it's used as a tool of self-harm that it gets to me.

I just never interpret people as saying "I think society would approve of how you look" (or rather if they say that I think "fuck you" and immediately put it out of my mind). I interpret them as saying "I enjoy looking at you" and I can like that without any idea of beauty entering into it.