fetishizing nudity: only I can give meaning to MY body

[belenen]

I recently overheard a conversation about how being "scantily clad" is a declaration that one wants sex, and it reminded me of being told that my clothing was "provocative" and more recently told that if I go naked in a public place, I am sexually harassing anyone who sees me, by drawing them sans-consent into my sex scene. In response to these

Comments

Last time I checked...

[dputiger]

"She was asking for it" is not a legal defense. The courts have been extremely clear on this one -- how you dress or where you dress that way is not an invitation.

With that said, we use how a person dresses as a measure of many things unrelated to sex. If you wear a yarmulke, burka, Catholic robe + collar, or any number of other particular types of dress, it heavily implies that you're affiliated with the religious faith in question. Wearing certain colors in the right(wrong) neighborhoods is a sign of gang affiliation. I might wear a suit and tie to work (which sends one set of signals) and old ratty canvas shorts + a T-shirt at home (which sends another).

You can take this back to ornamentation and evolution. Humans don't have fancy peacock feathers; we send signals via external adornment.

I agree 100% with what you've said regarding clothing NOT being an invitation, and consent not being something other people can take for granted. Sexuality itself, however, is only one thing people "dress" for.

spend a few hours checking by reading up

[belenen]

"She was asking for it" will not be accepted as a reason for raping someone: however, it most certainly IS used, constantly, to "prove" that what happened was not rape but consensual sex. In the courts, a victim's character and intent is scrutinized, and how a person dresses IS used as "proof" that they consented to sex. In court, victims of rape are re-victimized because we live in a rape culture, where consent is assumed unless verbally and vigorously resisted. No one asks someone whose house was robbed if they had kept their curtains closed so that passers-by would not know they had expensive items, and insinuates that if they didn't keep their curtains closed it was actually because they wanted to give their things away to the first person who came along -- yet that is EXACTLY what happens in rape trials

Re: spend a few hours checking by reading up

[dputiger]

There's several different threads of conversation here

Re: spend a few hours checking by reading up

[wantedonvoyage]

I kind of want to take this to another level (and yes I know it's an ancient thread).

To me, even if you wanted to wear sleeveless shirts because your arms were particularly toned and you wanted to show them off on a warm day, that still shouldn't be read as an invitation to impose one's self on you. If someone has worked hard on hir physique and gets some validation from having people notice, to me that's all it is (it's freaking hard work, and in a sense your body is your "art"). I might comment favorably if I felt like it would be received favorably and not seen as aggressive, but there's no implication to me that anything further is "okay" just because of the amount of skin (s)he is showing.

[imafarmgirl]

Well said.

And, I can't believe there are still people who think it's strange that I don't wear a bra when I am home and hang out in pajamas. Then, if I mention I take the pajamas off to sleep, it's like all hell breaks loose because lying in my own bed naked is something awful. I mean if I am doing that and I am alone I must be masterbating the entire time, right?

People are strange.

I keep clothes on when in public because I am modest and chicken.

At home is a different story.

[camilleyun]

I know several women who wear bras with their pajamas to sleep. One has a husband who was very relieved to learn she does this. I never ever wear a bra around the house. I practically live in my pajamas because that is most comfortable for me since I am almost always cold. And I don't like people looking at me...with or without clothes on.

[imafarmgirl]

No way would I wear a bra to bed. They aren't comfortable.

[dputiger]

Wearing a bra to bed? This is actually a thing?

I mean hey, I've known people who wear corsets to bed, so I guess I shouldn't judge, but that just doesn't sound comfortable.

[ladywind]

GODS YES, THIS.
Well put, O James.

[xochitl]

AMEN!!

[kmiotutsie]

I read an article recently about "de-sexualising the male gaze" but I didn't bookmark it. Wish I had.

When I ran the google search, different things came up if I spelled "sexualizing" with a Z or an S. Just in case you were gonna go lookin ;)