on sexually violent language -- casual use of the word 'rape'

[belenen]

Comments

[finding_helena]

Very good post. I feel the same way... that kind of usage drives me absolutely nuts.

[belenen]

thank you *nods*

[finding_helena]

Do you mind if I link to this?

[belenen]

not at all!

[acid_burns]

♥♥♥

"Rape's not something where you just go, 'Well, get over it' or
'Believe in love and peace, my child, and it'll all be over.'
Well, fuck you, that isn't the answer. It's a great thought, OK,
but you can go and stick crystals up your butt and get on with
it. I'm all for love and peace, but that's not the side I work
on. If somebody would talk about it, or worse, joke about it, I
would be ready to kill. That's not healing. It was a very long
time after that before I was able to be with anyone again. And
it has never been the same as it was before." - Tori Amos -

[sidheblessed]

What a fantastic quote.

[belenen]

Tori has it right ♥

(I do think it is possible to completely heal -- just very difficult and it takes a lot of time and support.)

[queerbychoice]

I think that I have completedly healed from being raped. I would like to note, however, that there are many different degrees of damage to be healed from; some people who have experienced being raped have experienced it in ways that are a lot more difficult to recover from than others.

[sidheblessed]

I agree with every single word of this. I am so sick of this rape culture in which rape is apparently ok and how people just don't seem to realise that as long we use the word casually, this rape culture will continue and maybe even deepen (scary thought). How can people not realise how devastating their casual use of the word is? Not having experienced rape yourself is not an excuse for such offensive language.

I refuse to be friends with those who make rape jokes and use it as a metaphor for violation.

[belenen]

*nods emphatically* it is truly horrifying how much of a rape culture we live in... I've had "Transforming A Rape Culture" on my shelf for so long but it's so hard to read -- I've only read bits and pieces. When you really comprehend how every bit of interaction is influenced by this, it's overwhelming.

[moonvoice]

THANK YOU. I so agree with this. I've known people who will say things like 'I was raped by the train service today,' or 'I want to rape/molest X celebrity,' or whatever they say in a completely casual sense and not only does it trigger flashbacks for me, I think it's completely insensitive use of the language in general. :(

[belenen]

EXACTLY. That is exactly the sort of use I am referring to. It's horrifying.

[belenen]

yes, indeed they have. Here's one thing I said, "[Do] you feel it is positive to use the word 'rape' or other sexually violent words in casual ways in order to strip them of their power? I could also understand that, but I definitely don't agree that it would have that effect. Rape has power, horrible destructive power, and to strip the word of that power would strip the act of its power in the minds of those who have never experienced it and leave them less likely to care, less likely to make change to stop rapes." So essentially, the word rape needs to be a powerful word because the act of rape is a powerful act. Making the word less powerful would not make the act less powerful -- it would make the act have no appropriate word by which to call it. And if an act has no word to describe it, there is no way to open dialogue about it, which is the first step in working to stop it.

♥ I love your questions!

[belenen]

oh, wonderful! I think as I was writing that comment it clicked into place for me in a way it hadn't before. (and I added to my post because of it ;-))