rebecca's wedding / my breakdown-realization that I desperately want to know her

[belenen]

what an emotionally battering day.

My used-to-be-best-friend and sister-in-law Rebecca got married this morning. She was planning on next year, but about a month ago decided to go ahead and do it now. I didn't post about it because I shoved it firmly out of my mind -- but obviously I couldn't ignore the reality of it today. Fortunately Hannah

Comments

[catwingz]

I think I've found someone who is nonjudgemental and really, really knows how to listen.. but what I can say is {{({({((warmlovinghugstobelenen}})})}))}))})

[camilleyun]

I've felt that desperation and urgency but sadly it has not been reciprocal.

I guess that is where my fears/dislike of sharing come from. Maybe that is why I do not have friends here beyond my husband. What do you do when you are used to living in a vacuum? It is easier for me to be one on on with people.

If I have friends who have lots of friends I feel lost and insignificant because that is so different from what I know. I'm hypersensitive to hearing about the greatness other people have together as far as friendships go because I don't have that and have always wanted it more than anything. I have no idea how to get it and if I feel threatened by others paying attention to the person who I am focused on, then what? I don't know how I will ever let go of that feeling that there won't be any affection left for me. Historically that has always gone to others and remain empty handed. In those circumstances it is better for me to have nothing than feel the absence of something.

[ex_alariya46]

As I read this, I found myself aching to fill that little sad niche inside you, but I know that's not my job. I have an Analariya-shaped spot to fill and occupy and love on, and that is what I hope to do for you through our friendship. I have never had a freind that I loved as much and lost so much of. But it's hard to do that when you are closed, and I was for the longest and longest time ever

[wind_in_myskirt]

I know we don't know each other too well outside of this livejournal thing, but I am really sorry, and if it helps I do understand! I hope you're doing better by the time you get this comment.

[sidheblessed]

*says nothing but offers a big hug*