I would love to have this kind of friendship, but I think I am also scared to death of it. The one person I have really pursued in the last 2 years has let me in a bit, but has also told me she feels like she can never be enough for me. I don't feel like I'm asking too much, but she does, so...friendships can be so complicated.
I think the problem is, people who are actually willing to commit their hearts are very rare these days... people are in so much pain that they build layers and layers of shell around them until even they don't know how to get to the core. It's impossible to really share or connect when you are that guarded. :-( I hope you find someone who is willing and able to give as much as you.
Openness is so incredibly important. When I feel my soul friend withdrawing from me, even for emotional reasons, I really want to encourage her out of her shell. When she's withdrawing, presumably because she doesn't want to involve me in everything since I only see her once a week, I feel like she's keeping her thoughts, her love from me. I know she's just distracted and anxious, and on anti-depressants, but I want to be there for her. I guess I could give my love to her, since I really want it from her.
♥ I feel you. I don't think there is any room in soulfriendship for withdrawal, because withdrawal is closed, it is the opposite of openness. Just because openness is painful sometimes doesn't mean it should be avoided.
I hope you guys work out a more balanced state so that you can both get what you need. Perhaps a trial period of complete openness, say a month with neither of you withdrawing?
I feel that would be very powerful, and I think part of the reason for her closing off is because she is in the midst of these life situations that are taking over from her priority of being open and loving. She's not quite as advanced as I am, in that way.
It's the kind of thing where ideally she should be more open, just to let life flow through, but for her, with possible depression always there, and nervous energy with wondering about school, her kids, finances, it's more difficult to be open.
I will try and raise this with her, because I think it's important for our soulfriendship.
I don't think it's harsh or unnatural. I think perhaps most people want this type of friendship but either cannot articulate it or never would because in today's society they would be viewed as unreasonable
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I think the problem is, people who are actually willing to commit their hearts are very rare these days... people are in so much pain that they build layers and layers of shell around them until even they don't know how to get to the core. It's impossible to really share or connect when you are that guarded. :-(
Maybe there are other people who ARE intersted in a soul friendship with you but would never broach the subject. Everyone hates rejection and even more so when they are deeply invested emotionally.
Thank you for saying that, it helped give me the courage to approach Hannah about soulfriendship, and it turns out that it was exactly as you said -- she wanted it but had no idea that I did too.
It may be hard for someone to ask you ... perhaps due to having heard so much about this person or that and feeling like they would always be less than.I think maybe you mean yourself? And I hate the idea that you might feel that way. I don't know how to express this very well, but it's just not true. There is enough room in my heart
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Re: I would like to add some things.belenenApril 25 2006, 07:05:46 UTC
1. I completely agree.! 2. Again I agree. ;-) 3. VERY good point, and it makes me feel all proud because that's how Ben and I handle arguements. 4. That also is a very good point, and one I need to take into account in my marriage. We've been just snatching bits of time for a long while now... that needs to change. We need to practice appreciating each other's time. 5. ooooooooooh excellent point. It's a sort of subconscious practice with me, that I never really thought about, but it should definitely be something that is talked out and agreed upon.
I really want to meet you and spend time with you. You are so amazing. ♥
If you want to be sincere with others, you must be sincere with yourself, and if you find you CAN´T assimlate one of his/her likes, you must say "sorry but I don´t like...", if you really can´t.
I agree. ;-) For instance, if my soulfriend loved country music, I would try to tolerate it, but I don't think I could ever love it!
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I hope you guys work out a more balanced state so that you can both get what you need. Perhaps a trial period of complete openness, say a month with neither of you withdrawing?
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It's the kind of thing where ideally she should be more open, just to let life flow through, but for her, with possible depression always there, and nervous energy with wondering about school, her kids, finances, it's more difficult to be open.
I will try and raise this with her, because I think it's important for our soulfriendship.
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Maybe there are other people who ARE intersted in a soul friendship with you but would never broach the subject. Everyone hates rejection and even more so when they are deeply invested emotionally.
Thank you for saying that, it helped give me the courage to approach Hannah about soulfriendship, and it turns out that it was exactly as you said -- she wanted it but had no idea that I did too.
It may be hard for someone to ask you ... perhaps due to having heard so much about this person or that and feeling like they would always be less than.I think maybe you mean yourself? And I hate the idea that you might feel that way. I don't know how to express this very well, but it's just not true. There is enough room in my heart ( ... )
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2. Again I agree. ;-)
3. VERY good point, and it makes me feel all proud because that's how Ben and I handle arguements.
4. That also is a very good point, and one I need to take into account in my marriage. We've been just snatching bits of time for a long while now... that needs to change. We need to practice appreciating each other's time.
5. ooooooooooh excellent point. It's a sort of subconscious practice with me, that I never really thought about, but it should definitely be something that is talked out and agreed upon.
I really want to meet you and spend time with you. You are so amazing. ♥
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I agree. ;-) For instance, if my soulfriend loved country music, I would try to tolerate it, but I don't think I could ever love it!
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