Going solo

[beldar]

She used to call me her “soulmate.” And I believe she meant it. Turns out she was a “meant it at the time” kind of person.

Looking back with over a decade's perspective, it’s easy to see a continuum, a process in which we drifted apart. That last summer we were spending less time together. She started spending weekends in another town with friends,

Comments

[fallconsmate]

Incredibly written and DAYUM unthoughtful. And here I thought someone driving someone to a suicide attempt, visiting in the hospital ONLY because of the color tv and the fact it was Indy weekend, then filing for divorce before it was ascertained that she was going to survive was an incredibly dick move.

Twenty years this coming May 25. And isn't it a lovely thing to be happy again? Many happy years for you and Ms Snack! :)

[beldar]

For a moment I thought you meant I was unthoughtful for posting this. Was getting ready to apologize profusely. Should I put a triggery warning at the beginning?

[fallconsmate]

I don't think so. I was horribly offended on your behalf, that you had been treated so cavalierly, and discarded the way you were. It wasn't really triggery except me thinking of how my ex left me. Having divorce papers served on the psych ward was surreal, to say the least.

The people I talk to online through LJ become friends in my mind. And knowing any one if them was mistreated makes me hurt for them, if that makes sense.

[beldar]

I try not to hold her treatment of me against her (keeping the anger to a minimum helps with keeping contact with my son -- who is turning 21 so it's less of an issue now). I've come to realize she has the sort of narcissism in which she filters everything through herself. If she likes it, others obviously do as well. If something is a good idea in her mind, of course I'd want to do it. Conversely if she doesn't like something, there's no reason for me to like it. The really fun aspect was that if she was awake at 3 a.m. then I obviously was as well and available to talk on the phone. For a couple of years we had the routine of disconnecting the line every night.

That hellasucks they way you were served the papers. My ex didn't want to bother with divorce as my life being in limbo had no effect on her, living happily in another town with another man. So I finally filed. Thus the divorce was "my doing."

[namfle]

I gotta say, your choice of icons for this post was hilarious in such a black way.

Also, if this really did happen to you, then I'm terribly sorry. Having been through very recent break-up issues myself, I know how quickly things can spiral out of control, when just days before it didn't seem like anything bad could happen.

And, I agree about the whole "soul mate" bit. I've been three separate women's soul mate, and none of them would want to speak to me ever again at this point. I'm glad you found a best friend, I think that's a much better idea.

-elf-

[beldar]

Had that icon for a couple of years. It was to be my "toast" icon but then realized the message it sent so have only used it for things like this.

It all did really happen (I tend to forget how off-normal my life can be). It was close to 20 years ago, and not with the person I'm with now, so things are better.

Yeah, not making the "soulmate" mistake again. Perhaps its the kind of thing that one doesn't have to say, you just know. If you have to keep reminding each other, maybe it's not for real after all.

[falnfenix]

thank GOD for that disclaimer at the end. was going to ask what the hell happened, etc.

well written, sir. very well written.

[beldar]

You're not the only one to freak out. The LJ Idol moderator sent me a private message to ensure things were OK, leading to the disclaimer and subtle edits.

Thanks.

[ecosopher]

I've been with my best friend for 13 years now. I don't actually believe in soulmates - or at least, not that it has to be my husband. I'm glad you found a lovely new best friend too :) I hope you get to see/spend time with your son still.

[beldar]

My son turns 21 at the end of the month. He's over 500 miles away, but we try to keep in touch.

[myrna_bird]

It seems a shame, what happened but I am happy that things have turned out for the best for you.

[beldar]

Thanks. Things are better now. =)