31_days - Final Installment of "A. atropos"

[beckyh2112]

This ficlet was written to "Gasoline" by Enter the Haggis, "Barbie Girl" by Aqua, "Tarzan and Jane" by Toy Box, and the George of the Jungle themesong. I am amazed the crack didn't infest it any more than it did

Comments

[poptartodoom]

Mmm, I like. More to come when I'm remotely coherent.

[ravenclaw_devi]

Well, you know how I feel about the Robo-smasher... at least you left it open-ended enough to allow me to imagine that they did become Decepticons by persuasion in the end. ;)

Overall, I liked it, esp. this bit -

"Of course..." Megatron stood up with them, the cat climbing up his arm and curling across his shoulders like an especially strange stole.

Yes, yes, Ravage is not a "cute kitty," but the mental image is still adorable! ^_^

Nitpicks: Megatron tensed just slightly, the way he did whenever expressed an... intimate interest in him.

There appears to be a word missing between "whenever and "expressed."

Also - what's with the "meal" and the "eating"? Don't they drink energon?

[beckyh2112]

There appears to be a word missing between "whenever and "expressed."

Fixed.

Also - what's with the "meal" and the "eating"? Don't they drink energon?

... I write Transformer smut, and you have problems with them enjoying an undefined meal at a restaurant?

[ravenclaw_devi]

I wouldn't say "problems," but it did sound like they were sitting down to eat some kind of solid food... (which could've been energon resin or the like, of course)

[beckyh2112]

There's a limited vocabulary for entirely liquid meals; perhaps I could have worked around that problem and still managed to convey what I wanted to convey. As it is, I settled for undefining what exactly they were having for dinner so the reader could decide for themselves depending on what suited their fancy.

[sapphirebreeze]

Heheh.

Where as I am as stubbornly pro-Robo-Smasher as some people are anti-Robo-Smasher, proving that you can't please everyone. ;)

Devi's already picked up on the only errors I caught. I'll reread again later and see if I can't find anything else.

I like it, but then, I've always had a strong interest in Constructicon origins (a stronger interest than I ever had in Megatron origins, to be honest, even back when I was a bigger Megs fan than a Constructicon fan). I think it's absolutely adorable that they feel they have to "look out for Omega."

It makes me think of all those times on the MUSH when someone's given the order to "protect Devastator." Always sporfle inducing, even when it makes sense. ^_^

[lunatron]

Yummy! I like how they're more worried about customers than morality. Hook's body posture's neat in this.