Fic: All That I Feel (Norrington/Groves; Norrington/Beckett; NC-17; 1,2/7)
James stood next to the helm of the Interceptor, leaned down against the railing in front of him, drumming his fingers in annoyance. He watched the black water in front of them turn white under the glow of the mood then be split in half by the bow, only to have the cycle repeated over and over again. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but he knew that by God he would stay awake until he found it. Elizabeth-she had been missing for far too long and he felt like a failure that he had not found her yet. Sparrow-but he had lost all trace of him a while back. His own damn life, perhaps? He looked up to the sky and watched as a shooting star crossed the blue velvet. He let out a breath and wished silently. He did not wish to find Elizabeth or Sparrow, but instead wished to fix his strained relationship with his lover. It had taken them almost nine years to regain their trust of one another after James had made the decision to leave Theodore Groves’s bed and instead bed a young aristocrat by the name of Cutler Beckett. Even now, they sometimes found themselves simply staring at one another as if they were complete strangers. James let his head fall foreword again and closed his eyes. He had been awake for at least two days, now going on three, and it was beginning to wear on him. But he could not rest yet. Silently, Groves made his way up the 4 steps that led up the raised deck and walked to James’s side. “With all due respect, Commodore, you are falling asleep on your feet like a horse. Perhaps it is time to turn in?” He said in a soft tone.
James opened his eyes again and looked to Groves. “An excellent idea,” he responded in a whisper. He pushed himself off the railing and walked down to the main deck then into his cabin with Groves close on his heels. James had barely closed the door behind him before he turned and kissed his lover hard on the mouth. “I have denied you as of late; Forgive me,” he told him, rubbing the side of his lover’s neck gently.
Groves reached to James’s hand and stilled it, bringing his hand closer to his mouth. He gently kissed his fingertips, occasionally nipping at them, then showered his palm and wrist with kisses. “There is no need, James.” He pressed a gentle kiss against the pulsating vein in his wrist. “Duty before love. I know that.”
James sighed softly. “I know, but please, forgive me for this transgression.”
Theodore just had to smile a bit. “If it would make you feel any better, then of course I forgive you. Not that I needed to say it aloud.” James brought Groves closer to his bed as he sat on the edge. He rested his right arm on his thigh and let his head hang as he let out a sigh. “You’re exhausted. Why haven’t you just listened to your body and slept?”
“Because I cannot obey my body when my mind is working on overtime,” was his response. He looked up and shook his head. “People-and ships-do not simply disappear into thin air. It’s just not logical.”
“You’re thinking too hard again James. I told you not to do that. You’re going to sprain your brain.” Both had to simply laugh softly at the obscure nature of the comment. “You know what I meant.” James nodded. “The more you hit your head against the wall in some vain attempt to come up with a plan, the harder it’s going to be to come up with said plan. Take a deep breath. It will come to you.”
James smiled gently. “You should be in this uniform, not me,” he said, pulling Groves closer, his arms wrapped around his waist.
“Don’t be ridiculous. If anyone deserves it, Commodore, it is you.” Theodore just smiled down to James and held onto his head when he rested his head against his abs.
The next morning, James awoke feeling as though he had a hangover. He groaned softly and turned his head into the pillow, trying to fall asleep again. Unlike his normal disposition of being up before his crew and on deck before them, today he simply wanted to rest. He let out another soft groan and closed his eyes again. Theodore looked over to him and sat up, stroking his side gently. “James, what’s wrong?”
James shook his head and gently lifted his face from the pillow, looking over to him. “Nothing,” he said softly, rubbing his eyes. “I’m just…exhausted.”
Theodore gave a sympathetic nod then smirked. “Maybe you have a hangover,” he said, highly amused.
“Excuse me?” James said, looking back over to him. “I don’t think so.”
“It was simply a suggestion,” he said, getting out of the bed. He looked to James and he dressed. They always left at separate times when they spent the night together. They could not risk the questions. James had turned on his back and was watching him dress, that golden Canterbury cross that he wore always catching the first rays of the morning sunlight. He shook his head. Not only would he be hung for his ‘unnatural’ thoughts and desires but he was doomed for hell. He leaned down and kissed James gently. But he could not help who he loved. “Until tonight, mon coeur.” He walked towards the door and gave a glance back to James, who had sat up on the edge of the bed with a soft smile, and smiled back as well before leaving silently as not to attract attention to himself.
James ran a hand through his dark hair and let out a soft breath. This routine was so monotomus, it drove him insane. He muttered a prayer under his breath that he had been saying since he had learned to speak and semi-consciously crossed himself before pushing himself off the bed. He dressed slowly, his mind running in circles. After putting on his powdered wig, he left his cabin, his hat tucked neatly under his right arm. He joined his other officers on the deck, watching them argue over what route would be best to take in order to find Governor Swann’s daughter. He stumbled upon one of his lieutenants suggesting a route that would take them straight through an East India Trading Company trading route. “No,” he said, laying his hat down on the map table and standing next to Groves. “I refuse to take a route that will take me within a thousand meters of any East India ship. I refuse to have a run in with the men who are simply one step higher on pirates in their sense of honesty and propriety. Find another way.”
“Commodore there is not another way. The Company controls most of the waters.”
“Most of, not all of it. Find another way.” ‘I refuse to see that man. If I do…’ James shook his head a bit. ‘I might kill him. For making me so weak, for making me lie to Theodore. For seducing me into his bed. For penetrating my head.’ He gave a glance to Groves then back to the map in front of them. “We shall keep away from here,” he said, pointing at the islands of Hispaniola and Puerto Rico. “Not only would Sparrow not sail to these islands, but they under almost complete control of the Company. No, we shall sail in open waters towards these islands,” he added, running his finger from Puerto Rico towards a string of smaller islands to the east known as the Windward Islands. “The smaller of these are havens for piracy. It is here that we shall have the most luck in our search.” He glanced back to Theodore, who was standing with his arms crossed across his chest in thought, nodding. He looked back to his other officers. “Then do it. And avoid any ship flying the colors of the East India Trading Company. Avoid them like the pirates they are.” He straightened again and nodded for the men to disperse. They did, leaving only himself and Groves next to the map. “You doubt me, Lieutenant?” he asked softly.
“Of course not, Commodore. Only wonder why you are so advent on avoiding the Company like they are the plague as you are.” He cocked his head slightly. “Is there some special reason?”
“The reason is my own, Theodore,” he said, his tone harsher then he had expected. He closed his eyes and bit on the end of his tongue. He hadn’t meant for it to come out that way.
Theodore only gave a slight nod, hurt clearly on his face. “Of course Commodore,” he replied before bowing slightly to him then walking away.
James winced in pain as he started to draw blood from his tongue. He let out a soft breath. Damn. Beckett had once again managed to do something he did not even want to do-and the man wasn’t even present! ‘That man is going to kill me. Damn it, but not if I kill him first.’ He slid his hat back on and walked up next to the helm, eyes on the water in front of them.
James opened his eyes again and looked to Groves. “An excellent idea,” he responded in a whisper. He pushed himself off the railing and walked down to the main deck then into his cabin with Groves close on his heels. James had barely closed the door behind him before he turned and kissed his lover hard on the mouth. “I have denied you as of late; Forgive me,” he told him, rubbing the side of his lover’s neck gently.
Groves reached to James’s hand and stilled it, bringing his hand closer to his mouth. He gently kissed his fingertips, occasionally nipping at them, then showered his palm and wrist with kisses. “There is no need, James.” He pressed a gentle kiss against the pulsating vein in his wrist. “Duty before love. I know that.”
James sighed softly. “I know, but please, forgive me for this transgression.”
Theodore just had to smile a bit. “If it would make you feel any better, then of course I forgive you. Not that I needed to say it aloud.” James brought Groves closer to his bed as he sat on the edge. He rested his right arm on his thigh and let his head hang as he let out a sigh. “You’re exhausted. Why haven’t you just listened to your body and slept?”
“Because I cannot obey my body when my mind is working on overtime,” was his response. He looked up and shook his head. “People-and ships-do not simply disappear into thin air. It’s just not logical.”
“You’re thinking too hard again James. I told you not to do that. You’re going to sprain your brain.” Both had to simply laugh softly at the obscure nature of the comment. “You know what I meant.” James nodded. “The more you hit your head against the wall in some vain attempt to come up with a plan, the harder it’s going to be to come up with said plan. Take a deep breath. It will come to you.”
James smiled gently. “You should be in this uniform, not me,” he said, pulling Groves closer, his arms wrapped around his waist.
“Don’t be ridiculous. If anyone deserves it, Commodore, it is you.” Theodore just smiled down to James and held onto his head when he rested his head against his abs.
The next morning, James awoke feeling as though he had a hangover. He groaned softly and turned his head into the pillow, trying to fall asleep again. Unlike his normal disposition of being up before his crew and on deck before them, today he simply wanted to rest. He let out another soft groan and closed his eyes again. Theodore looked over to him and sat up, stroking his side gently. “James, what’s wrong?”
James shook his head and gently lifted his face from the pillow, looking over to him. “Nothing,” he said softly, rubbing his eyes. “I’m just…exhausted.”
Theodore gave a sympathetic nod then smirked. “Maybe you have a hangover,” he said, highly amused.
“Excuse me?” James said, looking back over to him. “I don’t think so.”
“It was simply a suggestion,” he said, getting out of the bed. He looked to James and he dressed. They always left at separate times when they spent the night together. They could not risk the questions. James had turned on his back and was watching him dress, that golden Canterbury cross that he wore always catching the first rays of the morning sunlight. He shook his head. Not only would he be hung for his ‘unnatural’ thoughts and desires but he was doomed for hell. He leaned down and kissed James gently. But he could not help who he loved. “Until tonight, mon coeur.” He walked towards the door and gave a glance back to James, who had sat up on the edge of the bed with a soft smile, and smiled back as well before leaving silently as not to attract attention to himself.
James ran a hand through his dark hair and let out a soft breath. This routine was so monotomus, it drove him insane. He muttered a prayer under his breath that he had been saying since he had learned to speak and semi-consciously crossed himself before pushing himself off the bed. He dressed slowly, his mind running in circles. After putting on his powdered wig, he left his cabin, his hat tucked neatly under his right arm. He joined his other officers on the deck, watching them argue over what route would be best to take in order to find Governor Swann’s daughter. He stumbled upon one of his lieutenants suggesting a route that would take them straight through an East India Trading Company trading route. “No,” he said, laying his hat down on the map table and standing next to Groves. “I refuse to take a route that will take me within a thousand meters of any East India ship. I refuse to have a run in with the men who are simply one step higher on pirates in their sense of honesty and propriety. Find another way.”
“Commodore there is not another way. The Company controls most of the waters.”
“Most of, not all of it. Find another way.” ‘I refuse to see that man. If I do…’ James shook his head a bit. ‘I might kill him. For making me so weak, for making me lie to Theodore. For seducing me into his bed. For penetrating my head.’ He gave a glance to Groves then back to the map in front of them. “We shall keep away from here,” he said, pointing at the islands of Hispaniola and Puerto Rico. “Not only would Sparrow not sail to these islands, but they under almost complete control of the Company. No, we shall sail in open waters towards these islands,” he added, running his finger from Puerto Rico towards a string of smaller islands to the east known as the Windward Islands. “The smaller of these are havens for piracy. It is here that we shall have the most luck in our search.” He glanced back to Theodore, who was standing with his arms crossed across his chest in thought, nodding. He looked back to his other officers. “Then do it. And avoid any ship flying the colors of the East India Trading Company. Avoid them like the pirates they are.” He straightened again and nodded for the men to disperse. They did, leaving only himself and Groves next to the map. “You doubt me, Lieutenant?” he asked softly.
“Of course not, Commodore. Only wonder why you are so advent on avoiding the Company like they are the plague as you are.” He cocked his head slightly. “Is there some special reason?”
“The reason is my own, Theodore,” he said, his tone harsher then he had expected. He closed his eyes and bit on the end of his tongue. He hadn’t meant for it to come out that way.
Theodore only gave a slight nod, hurt clearly on his face. “Of course Commodore,” he replied before bowing slightly to him then walking away.
James winced in pain as he started to draw blood from his tongue. He let out a soft breath. Damn. Beckett had once again managed to do something he did not even want to do-and the man wasn’t even present! ‘That man is going to kill me. Damn it, but not if I kill him first.’ He slid his hat back on and walked up next to the helm, eyes on the water in front of them.