Big Bang Fic: We Clean Up and Now It's Time to Learn (CW RPF AU, J2, NC-17)
TODAY IS THE DAY.
Title: We Clean Up and Now It's Time to Learn
Author: beckaandzac
Artist: fridayblues
Fandom: CW RPF AU
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, also Sandy/Adrianne, Chad/Sophia, Danneel/awesome
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: underage sex (characters are 17 when the story begins), underage drinking, mild drug use
Word Count: 26,000
Summary: Jared's time at the snooty New England boarding school he's attended for six years is coming to an end. It's senior year, and for Jared that means balancing schoolwork, college applications, and a new post on the school paper with a social life that includes lovable screwup Chad, sort-of-gay BFF Sandy, and shy-yet-awesome boyfriend Jensen. Jared never gave much thought to what he was going to do with the rest of his life, but now that the only thing anyone ever talks about is where they're going to school next year, he guesses he has to figure it out. This is a sequel to Dirt on Our Uniforms, and will be awesomer if you read that first. Notes and thanks are at the end!
Art Post: here!
September
“Did you hear?” Sandy asks, kicking off her shoes and settling in on Jared’s bed. “Danneel’s back.”
“Great,” says Jared unenthusiastically.
“Who’s Danneel?” asks Jensen from the desk chair. It’s easy to forget after last year, but Jensen’s still new, relatively speaking.
“Trouble,” replies Sandy with undisguised glee. “Her parents sent her to school in Switzerland last year because she was getting disciplinary notices every week here. I didn’t think they would even let her back.”
“She used to be Sandy’s best friend,” Jared tells him, digging his desk lamp out of a box and searching for the wall socket. “Before Sandy had the good taste to transfer the title to me.”
“Uh-huh,” says Jensen. “And why is Jared so unexcited that she’s back?”
“Jared doesn’t like anybody to be cooler than he is,” Sandy tells him before Jared can say a word.
“That’s so not true.”
Sandy rolls her eyes at Jensen. “Danneel thinks Jay’s kind of boring. She didn’t like us dating.”
“Our second break-up was because Danneel convinced Sandy she could do better.”
“It was five years ago, Jay. Middle school. You’re going to have to get over it. Besides, I don’t think she can call you boring now that you’re a sexual deviant.”
Jared snorts. “Yeah, you’re one to talk. Where’s your girlfriend?”
Sandy tosses her hair. “She’s at a student leadership conference in Cincinnati. She’ll be here tomorrow.”
“Who’ll be here tomorrow?” Chad asks, sticking his head around the door. “’Cause it looks to me like everyone you need for a party is already chilling in Jay’s new single.” He holds out his arms, and Jared hugs him one-armed, still holding the lamp.
“How much shit has Morgan confiscated from you so far?” Jared asks.
Chad slings an arm around his shoulders, which is even harder than usual since Jared grew another inch over the summer. “None, my friend. None. I built this compartment into the bottom of my trunk, so when he came in - like he does every damn year - there was nothing to see.”
“That’s almost scarily clever,” says Jared. “I think I’m in shock.”
“Just ‘cause you always underestimate me, asshole.” Chad elbows him in the ribs. Jared’s edging away from him when Chad continues, “Have you guys seen Danneel yet? I think Switzerland actually made her hotter. I didn’t think that was possible.”
“Does this mean you’re going to give up on poor Sophia?” Sandy asks.
“I will never give up on Sophia. Failure,” he tells them somberly, “is not an option. But that doesn’t mean I can’t look, you know.” His phone rings, and Chad pulls it out of his pocket, says, “Shit,” and hurries off down the hall without saying goodbye. Jared, Jensen, and Sandy shrug at each other.
“Weird kid,” sighs Jensen.
“He embraces his weirdness though,” replies Sandy philosophically. She glances at her watch. “I should probably go unpack. See you guys at dinner?”
Jensen’s eyes are fixed on Jared’s when he says, “If we make it,” and Jared’s stomach twists pleasantly.
“Right,” says Sandy slowly. “And I’m gone.” She shuts the door on her way past.
“Smooth,” says Jared, kneeling in front of Jensen, still in the desk chair, and resting his hands on Jensen’s thighs.
“It got the point across.” Jensen runs a hand through Jared’s hair. “So, while you’re down there…”
“You think you’re going to get your dick sucked, don’t you?” Jared rubs his cheek against Jensen’s knee.
“I’m hopeful. It’s been a long summer.”
Jared agrees. It’s not that they haven’t talked to each other; Jared went over the minutes on his cell in July, and his dad made him spend the next week filing at his office while his secretary was on vacation to make up for it. But it’s different than being here, leaning into the warmth of Jensen’s body, feeling Jensen’s fingers against his cheek. “Missed me, huh?” Jared says, spidering his hand up Jensen’s thigh.
“You know I did.” Jensen’s thumb brushes across his lower lip, and Jared looks up. “Thought about this all the time.” Jensen’s eyes, lashes low and corners crinkling, say he doesn’t just mean getting head.
“I missed you, too,” Jared replies, and opens the button of Jensen’s jeans.
Jensen’s dick is hard under the soft cotton of his boxers, and Jared mouths at the head of it, creating friction with the cloth, rubbing his tongue just where he knows Jensen wants it. “Fuck,” Jensen whispers, and his legs fall open wider, hips twitching towards Jared’s touch. Jared pulls down his underwear and starts to suck, mouth dragging sweet over the head of Jensen’s cock, salty slick on Jared’s tongue. It takes him a second to remember the rhythm, to remember how to make this good, how to swirl his hand around the base of Jensen’s dick and when to swallow so that he can feel Jensen in the back of his throat without choking. Jensen flexes his fingers in Jared’s hair, and his little murmured curses tell Jared it’s right, that it’s just what Jensen wants. And that makes it what Jared wants too. He works hard over Jensen’s dick, making it messy with spit, rolling Jensen’s balls in his palm until Jensen warns, “Gonna…” and Jared hums in satisfaction around him as Jensen shoots into his mouth.
Jensen leans back boneless in his chair, rubbing a thumb over Jared’s come-smeared lower lip. “Jay,” he says, and it means “thank you,” and “fuck, that was good,” as far as Jared knows. He’s proud that the summer hasn’t robbed him of all his skills, and the taste in his mouth, the ache in his too-busy tongue, are satisfying. It’s harder to remember when he’s at home, jerking off and thinking about Jensen, how good it feels to have the weight of Jensen’s cock on his tongue.
“What do you want, Jay?” Jensen asks, thumb tapping Jared’s chin now, stroking down into the cleft.
“Want to fuck you,” Jared replies honestly. “Want to put my dick in your tight little ass. Want you to ride me.”
“Yeah?” Jensen whispers, breath stuttering out. “Stand up.”
It’s been three months since Jared saw Jensen naked, and last spring he had been pale pink all over. Now, after a summer lifeguarding at the community pool, he’s darker gold above the waist, freckles trickling down his chest, three of them gathered around his navel, and Jared reaches out to curve a hand around his side. “So fucking gorgeous,” Jared says, mouthing along his jaw. He helps Jensen the rest of the way out of his jeans, and there’s no part of him Jared doesn’t want to touch.
“This seem uneven to you?” Jensen asks, gesturing at Jared’s clothes.
Jared runs his thumb over the slope of Jensen’s ribs. “I’m just enjoying the view.”
“I missed you, Jay. I really fucking did.” Jensen slips his hand under the hem of Jared’s t-shirt, kneading up across his abs.
Jared throws off his t-shirt, hears it hit the newly placed desk lamp, and grimaces, but then Jensen’s mouth dips down slick and hot over his left nipple, and Jared couldn’t care less about anything else. Jensen sinks his teeth in, and Jared’s hips buck forward. “Like that?” Jensen murmurs against his chest. “That feel good?” His tongue circles slow, and then his teeth pinch again, sharp, sweet pain. “You do this on your own this summer? You play with yourself like this?” He switches sides, one hand going to Jared’s right hip, holding him still.
“Not with my teeth,” Jared tells him, and Jensen moves back up to bite at the side of Jared’s neck, suck at the tender pulse under his jaw. Jared curls his fingers against Jensen’s skin, feels a spike of heat in his balls. “Lie down,” he adds, teeth grazing Jensen’s ear.
“You first,” Jensen replies, one hand on Jared’s chest pushing him back. “You unpacked the condoms and stuff yet, or are we going to have to do this the old-fashioned way?”
Jared lies back and gestures towards his backpack. “I wouldn’t trust a thing like that to any box my momma might go through looking for my extra uniform pants. There are some things my parents don’t need to know about me.”
“Yes, there are.” It’s possible that Jensen says something after that, but he’s ass-naked and bending over to rummage in Jared’s backpack, and any words are drowned out by the downward rush of Jared’s blood, the frantic beating of his heart. Jared’s practically drooling, and he thinks about getting back down on his knees, spreading Jensen open with his hands and eating him out, screwing his tongue in deep and getting Jensen ready for him. But then Jensen stands up again, comes back toward him, dick swinging half-hard again and eyes lit up with want.
He holds out the lube bottle. “You want to do this part or should I?”
Jared chews his lip, thinking about it. “You do it. Get down at the end of the bed and let me watch you. Let me watch you fuck yourself on your fingers.”
Jensen borrows a pillow, leaning against the slat of the footboard and spreading his legs wide so that Jared can see the rosy shadow of his hole, his balls hanging low and heavy above it. “Love doing this,” Jensen whispers, popping the cap on the lube and squeezing it onto his fingers. “Looking at you with your eyes all glazed and your dick rock hard, your mouth hanging open like you don’t even remember how to close it.”
Jared’s teeth meet with a click when he shuts his mouth. He stares as Jensen rubs one slick finger over his hole before tucking the tip inside. Jensen makes a little noise, and Jared can see his chest hitching as he takes a quick breath, his finger slipping up deeper. Jared swallows thickly. “So fucking pretty, Jen, watching you touching yourself, turning yourself on.”
He thinks back to hours of cell phone time they logged this summer, Jared lying in bed with the phone pressed between his ear and the pillow, listening to the sweet little noises Jensen makes while he’s fucking himself on his fingers, the soft huff of laughter and apologetic murmur when he drops the phone and has to figure out how to pick it up again without using his lube-smeared hand. Jared loved those phone calls, even the crick in his neck afterward, and the bittersweet letdown of licking his own come off his fingers with Jensen three hundred miles away doing the same thing.
Jensen spreads himself wider, putting on a show, working in two fingers in a slow, gliding rhythm, his eyes fixed on Jared’s face. “Jay,” Jensen whispers, and it’s so much better without the crackle of the phone, looking at the flush of Jensen’s cheeks, the flex of his brows as his fingers hit just right. “Jay, come here.”
Jared fumbles on a condom, and his hands feel clumsy and too big as he pushes in between Jensen’s spread legs, holding Jensen’s thighs apart, guiding his dick against Jensen’s hole. The tip brushes, nudges, and then Jared starts to push, feels the sharp clench of Jensen’s ass around the head of his dick.
Jensen swallows loudly, his back bowing against the footboard. “Slow,” he says, and Jared pauses, kisses Jensen’s parted lips. He rubs his fingers into the soft spot between Jensen’s balls and his asshole, presses down carefully until Jensen relaxes a little more.
“Okay?” Jared asks, and Jensen nods, kisses him more deeply as he settles himself onto Jared’s dick.
“Did you get bigger?” Jensen asks, a noise that might be a laugh and might be a gasp caught in his throat.
“Always bigger with you,” Jared replies, not even sure what he means because he’s so hard and he just wants. He pulls Jensen up onto his lap, his hands cupped around the meat of Jensen’s thighs. “Okay?” he asks again, Jensen shuddering all around him, mouth open and wet against Jared’s.
“Yeah,” Jensen murmurs. “God, yeah.”
Jared fucks him hard, Jensen tightening down on his dick, making these gorgeous little whimpers like he can’t quite catch his breath to moan. Jared nuzzles at Jensen’s mouth, licks his way in and sucks at Jensen’s tongue, both of them getting sloppy with spit. Jensen’s so damn tight, and he clutches at Jared’s shoulders and gives back everything he’s getting, riding Jared for all he’s worth. “Jen,” Jared mumbles, murmurs, whispers over and over like code against Jensen’s skin, and he thinks Jensen gets it as he digs his fingers into Jared’s skin and holds on.
He’s proud when he makes Jensen come again, makes him sob and stutter and shoot, his dick bobbing up in front of his belly, still tacky with Jared’s spit. He’s prouder that it happens with only the barest touch, one thumb swipe over the head and the rest is all his dick in Jensen’s ass rubbing him just right. But he’s proudest when Jensen murmurs “Love you,” afterwards, sleepy and distracted, and then falls asleep in Jared’s bed, boneless and not minding the way he’s draped across Jared’s chest. Jared stays awake for a while, just drinking him in, liking the way their bodies fold together. There’s no one around to know what a sap he is.
They miss dinner, but there’s pizza at the “let’s discuss all the dorm rules you forgot over the summer” session that night, and Jared pokes a finger into Jensen’s side when they hit the restrictions on time girls can spend in the dorms. Jensen blushes a little but pokes back just as hard.
***
“Hi, Jared,” says Danneel, and he thinks he should have gotten a warning chill down his spine as he turns to face her. “Been a while, hasn’t it?”
Jensen’s paused by the door to creative writing, looking amused, even though his eyes are pointed at the floor the way they mostly have been for the half day they’ve been in classes so far. The crowd in the hallway’s coming in waves, a handful of lost ninth graders holding up traffic as everyone tries to dodge in for fourth period.
“Hi,” replies Jared shortly. “Good to see you’re not dead. You know, the bell’s about to ring, and I should really go.” He makes a flapping gesture at the door, but the door still has Jensen next to it and Danneel’s eyes snag on him.
“Hello, new kid,” she says, slinking past Jared and holding a hand out to Jensen, who raises an eyebrow in response.
“I’ve been here for a year,” he replies, ignoring her hand. “So I’m not exactly the new kid anymore.”
Danneel shrugs, takes a couple of steps to inspect him from different angles. “New to me, and that’s really what matters in this situation. Do you have a name, new kid, or should I just keep calling you that?”
“Jensen,” says Jensen, tilting his chin up and flicking her half a smile. Danneel takes a step closer.
“Well, well, well, that makes you a little more interesting, doesn’t it?” She glances at Jared, who feels like he should put himself between her and Jensen before she, like, eats him or something. “You do pick them pretty, don’t you, Jared?”
“Thanks,” says Jensen brightly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.” He reaches out for Jared’s hand, and his fingers only tremble a little as they slide through Jared’s, even though holding hands in public is brand new territory. “We should get to class. Nice to meet you.”
There’s no one in the hall as they turn the corner, but Jensen drops his hand anyway, throwing Jared a sideways smile. “I think I see why you don’t like her.”
“She was in top form today. The bell’s going to ring.”
“Right.” Jensen hurries back to class, Jared hot on his heels, even though he’s hoping for Mr. Rosenbaum to go a little easy on them out of gay solidarity.
***
Jensen seems more inclined to cuddling now that they can’t spend every night together, relaxing into Jared’s side as he studies, one hand on Jared’s waist keeping him there. Jared doesn’t ask about it, just in case Jensen doesn’t notice he’s doing it, as if there’s anything Jensen does without noticing. Especially when he’s got his elbow practically backwards trying to read Turn of the Screw without getting up. Jared doesn’t want to think about broken frame narratives and creepy English houses when Jensen’s all warm against him, breath ruffling the hair behind Jared’s ear. But Jensen’s got his concentrating face on, a pen between his teeth. Every once in a while, he takes it out, bending his shoulder back in a way that cannot be comfortable in order to write a cramped little note in the margin. After a while, Jared offers his own copy, holding it out so Jensen can see it. “I could read it to you,” Jared says, and Jensen’s eyes go soft at the corners, almost a smile.
“I like to make notes,” Jensen replies sheepishly, pretzeling himself against Jared’s side again. “But thanks.”
Jared rubs his fingers up the back of Jensen’s neck, tickling under his hair, and Jensen sighs contentedly. It’s almost nine, and the on-dorm bell is going to ring soon. It’s not that Jensen can’t finagle a way to stay, but it’s a lot more work than it was when they were roommates, and as much as Jared likes having his own space, as much as he knows Jensen needs time alone sometimes, he misses how easy it was last year. It’s hard to watch Jensen leave.
***
Jared gets to the first newspaper meeting of the year ten minutes early out of fear of someone almost a foot and a half shorter than he is, which Jensen thinks is hilarious, but Jensen’s never had a conversation with Kristen Bell, so he can’t understand Jared’s pain. He had to take a 60-second shower after practice and his wet hair’s dripping down the back of his neck. But he has his notebook out and his best attentive, first day of school face on by the time Kristen shows up, trailed by Allie, Tina, Joy, and a few people Jared doesn’t know. The newspaper is this whole new world for him, a world where he’s unsure and awkward and everybody nods like they know him, but he feels lost. Allie takes the seat next to his on one of the sagging couches in the newspaper office. “Hi,” says Jared a little desperately.
Allie grins. “She’s not that bad.”
At that moment Danneel strolls into the office like she owns it, and Kristen nods at her like this is perfectly acceptable. Which - possibly Jared’s overreacting. But she winks at him as she sits down, and that’s… he folds his arms and settles back on the couch. This is something he might be really good at, and he’s not going to let Danneel Harris fuck it up for him.
“Back to school issue,” Kristen says firmly. “Who’s got some bullshit ideas to make the new kids feel less like pissing themselves? Whatever kind of fluff pieces you want. Tina’s doing the roundup of campus bands again. Padalecki, when was the last time you wrote for us?” She turns to him suddenly, and he tenses.
“Um,” says Jared helpfully. Every once in a while, someone in the English department drafted him to write something for the paper, mostly because he works well on deadline. “I think it was about the football team last fall, homecoming, maybe?”
Kristen nods. “We’ve got Sam on sports this year,” she says indifferently, pointing to a short kid with a shaved head Jared thinks played JV football last year. “We’ve got to profile school clubs again. Everybody pick two. Here’s a list.” She passes around a photocopy, and by the time it gets to Jared he’s pretty much stuck with the GSA and the Roleplayers’ Roundtable, who always seem like they’re speaking in a secret code when he walks by them with their notebooks and manuals spread out in the dorm common rooms. As Kristen explains though, really all they have to do is find one person in a given club to talk to, get the scoop on upcoming events, and cram it into 200 words. Which doesn’t give Jared a lot of space to screw up in.
***
“I think it’s really sweet that you two were each other’s beards for so long,” Danneel’s saying to Sandy as they set their stuff down across from Jared and Chad at lunch. “I mean, that’s real devotion to a cause.”
“Wow,” replies Sandy. “I had forgotten what a bitch you are while you were away.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for the past two weeks,” Jared puts in, and Danneel grabs a handful of his chips.
“Ugh, barbeque,” she says, dumping most of them back onto his tray. “You kiss your boyfriend with that mouth?”
“Repeatedly,” Jared deadpans. “He’s nice because he doesn’t steal my food and then give it back half-chewed.”
“Nice, huh? He had that kind of scared rabbit look in his eyes last time I saw him.”
“Oh no, man, Jensen always looks like that,” Chad says, looking speculatively at Danneel’s discarded chips.
Jared elbows him. “Dude, not helping.”
“I am always helping,” Chad insists. “I am a very helpful guy. Speaking of which…”
Danneel rolls her eyes. “Chad, these things take time. You did not impress the hell out of her last year.”
“Another hare-brained Get Sophia scheme, huh?” asks Sandy sympathetically. Danneel nods. “Why can’t you just date a girl like a normal person?”
“You mean like you?” Chad retorts.
“All I can say, Chad, is I don’t spend all my time pining and feeling sexually frustrated.”
Chad grins stupidly wide, his eyes glazed. “McCoy, you just made my day. Man, that’s hot.”
“Chad, get a room,” Danneel tells him. “Nobody needs to see that.”
“I’ll get a room if it’s got Sandy and Adrianne making out in it.”
Sandy wrinkles her nose. “So much for eating lunch today. Ugh.”
Jared is almost grateful to Danneel for abruptly changing the subject to some fashion faux pas of Kristin Kreuk’s that he does not understand (they’re all wearing uniforms anyway), which gets Sandy laughing again. He doesn’t want to be That Guy, but Chad’s not exactly wrong that the idea of Sandy and Adrianne together is pretty damn hot. And it’s hard not to let his mind go places no one’s should when contemplating their ex-girlfriend. He wishes Jensen were around, since Jensen doesn’t give a shit what girls do with each other or what shoes Kristin’s wearing. But Jensen’s in the library freaking out around the college guides, if the past week is anything to go by. Jared eats around his chips (what a waste) and tries to decide whether he needs to do his calc homework.
***
Jared catches up with Gabe in the lunch line the next day, juggling a sandwich, a cup of soup, and the next day’s English reading. “Hey,” says Jared, and he wonders if he said it too loudly as Gabe sloshes hot soup onto his cuff.
“Hi,” says Gabe, smiling. “Are you thinking of coming back to GSA this year?”
Jared, caught off guard, shrugs. “Maybe. I mean, I hope so.”
“And you know your boyfriend is welcome too. If he wanted to come.”
“Right.” He tries to figure out how many blowjobs he’d have to offer to trade Jensen to get him into a room full of people discussing being gay. “So, I’m writing a thing for the paper.”
“Another exposé about faculty corruption? That was great work, by the way. It was weird you didn’t get credit for it.” Jared makes dissembling noises. He had traded that story to Kristen so she wouldn’t print anything about the pranks he and Jensen had pulled last year. It was worth giving up credit for it to not get himself or Jensen expelled.
“That was just legwork, you know. Kristen wrote the story. But I’m actually on staff this year, and we’re doing profiles of school clubs. I was wondering if you could tell me some stuff about the GSA you’d like people to know for the start of school.”
Gabe laughs and starts to look around for an empty table. “Can you tell them we’re the coolest club in school and they should all want to join? And that we have cookies?”
“Do you have cookies?” Jared asks uncertainly. There were definitely no cookies when he went last year.
“No, but hey, if it gets people to come, we could work on it. Would you come if we had cookies?”
Jared considers this seriously. “There’s not a lot I wouldn’t do for cookies. So, um, what do you want me to say though? Do you guys have a charter?”
“It says we encourage awareness and acceptance of sexual minorities at Easton, and offer a safe space for discussion at our weekly meetings. But that’s a little dry. Um, I guess we try to make sure everyone in the student body feels safe being LGBTQ, etc.” He rattles off the string of letters like it’s second nature. Jared tries to do a word count in his head. “I mean, you came to a meeting last year, you know a little bit what it’s like.”
Jared nods. Mostly what he remembers is Alona Tal saying, “You’re gay?” as if being on the soccer team somehow made him exempt from liking cock. But that’s probably not fair to Gabe’s beloved club. Gabe must see the skeptical look on Jared’s face, because he smiles sadly and adds, “Just use what I told you and say we’re always looking for new members, and people are always welcome to come as allies. And we have cookies. I’m sure that’ll be fine.”
“Gabe, it’s really not that I don’t want to come. I’m just not sure I fit in there.”
“Then that’s the club’s problem, not yours.” Gabe looks sincere, and Jared nods in understanding. “Just try coming again. I think you’d be good for us.”
“Okay,” Jared tells him, meaning it. He writes down the time of the first meeting and moves on to searching out Travis Wester, president of the Roleplayers’ Roundtable. He’s Jensen’s lab partner, and Jensen swears he’s perfectly friendly behind the nervous tics, but that doesn’t help Jared start a conversation with him about a club whose purpose seems to be making shit up based on dice with too many sides.
***
Sandy catches up to him on the path outside the dorm. “Can you talk to me about sex for a minute?” she asks, and Jared trips over a non-existent crack in the sidewalk.
“What makes you think you have to ask that question?” Jared says, and Sandy shoots him a sly grin.
Chad is loitering outside his room when he gets upstairs, says, “Jay, man, you have to hear this thing Danneel told me Sophia said,” as Jared turns his key in the lock. But Jared brushes him off. “Later, man, okay? Sandy and I have some stuff to talk about.”
Chad looks crestfallen for a second, but then he shrugs it off. “Yeah, sure, man. Whatever you need to do.” Jared feels guilty for a second, watching Chad slouch away down the hall, but it’s not as though he hasn’t heard enough crazy Sophia stories to last a lifetime already.
Sandy pushes past him into the room, kicks off her shoes and makes herself comfortable on the bed, patting the space next to her.
“So what did you want to talk about?”
“Just, you know, stuff. I don’t have anyone else I can… My girl friends don’t exactly sympathize, and it’s all really new.”
Jared remembers that feeling, remembers reeling from the newness of it, this big yawning thing of what he felt for Jensen. “I could try what my brother told me when I started going out with you, but you probably don’t need advice on finding her clit, do you?”
Sandy laughs, and her sweet smile doesn’t fade. “I think I can handle that part.” Jared must be making some kind of dazed face because she adds cheerfully, “If you’re just going to perv on me again, Padalecki, I can make your boyfriend talk to me about girls.”
“As if that’s not just an excuse for you to perv on my boyfriend. I know how your mind works, McCoy.”
“Yeah,” she says seriously, “you do.”
“So,” replies Jared, nudging her with his elbow, “how can I help?”
“Adrianne and I haven’t… It should be easier with girls, right?”
“Wait, you haven’t what?” Sandy just looks at him, and Jared stutters for a second. “So all that stuff you say to tease Chad, that’s just, what?”
“Exaggeration, I guess. Overstatement. We make out a lot. It’s like you and I were in ninth grade, you know.” Jared remembers the desperate excitement of getting under her bra for the first time that spring, like being let in on state secrets, wonders if Adrianne feels the same way.
“So is there a reason you haven’t?”
“It’s stupid, but I’m not sure I’m ready. It hasn’t been that long. With the summer, where we didn’t see each other.”
“That’s not stupid,” says Jared, who had to spend years explaining to Chad why Sandy was worth waiting for. “I’m sure she understands that.”
“She knows I went farther with you though. And I’m afraid she’ll think I - God, I’m afraid she’ll think I’m straight.”
“No,” Jared tells her immediately. “If she tells you that, it’s probably just because she’s scared. I can’t even count how many times Jensen tried to tell me I wasn’t gay last year, like it made any difference.”
“Really?”
“Jensen’s pretty dumb sometimes.”
“And I guess you didn’t sleep with him just to shut him up.”
“I had better reasons to sleep with him. But you don’t have to. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You shouldn’t. And she should respect your decision; that’s what my mom always told me.” He watches her tug a thread at the hem of her skirt. “You were way hotter when I thought you were doing it with a girl though.”
Sandy cracks a smile. “You were way hotter when I thought you weren’t an asshole.”
“You always knew I was an asshole.”
She leans in to kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks, asshole.”
***
The first time they go to GSA together Jensen nearly bolts like a spooked horse as soon as the door opens, Rosenbaum nodding encouragingly from behind his desk. “We don’t have to,” Jared says quietly, and he can see Jensen steeling himself in response.
“No,” Jensen breathes. “No, we should.”
Then Alona Tal pushes past him, and Jensen’s resolve seems to falter for a second before he steps into the classroom. “Nice to see you, Ackles,” says Rosenbaum casually, and Jensen murmurs a polite, “Yes, sir.” There aren’t very many people there yet: Alona and Gabe; Katie, last year a mousy freshman, this year a sophomore with a sneaky grin and a growing reputation for drunken mischief; and a (really pretty) dark-haired girl Jared doesn’t recognize. He looks a little longer than maybe he should, telling himself he’s trying to decide if he knows her, before Jensen’s elbow nudges his and they take their seats in the circle.
Sandy shows up at five after, Adrienne right behind her, and Jared feels a hot little flutter in his stomach, wondering why they’re late. He doesn’t mean to think about it, but he’s seventeen, there’s only so much he can do to be a gentleman. Rosenbaum glances at his watch, and at ten after, when a few more people have filled in some of the seats, he shuts the door and says, “Okay, kids, it’s still September. Introduce yourselves and then we’ll see if we can find anyone to be president. Please don’t make Gabe do it again.”
“I don’t mind,” Gabe pipes up, but Rosenbaum makes a “zip it” motion with his hand.
“Introduce yourself, Gabe. Name, grade, favorite Beatles song.”
“I’m Gabe,” he says. “Tigerman. I’m a senior. Um, can I say ‘Imagine,’ or is that cheating?”
Mr. Rosenbaum hand waves him and moves on. Katie (“Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”); Alona (“Happiness Is a Warm Gun,” which strikes Jared as ironic somehow); Sandy (“Hard Day’s Night”); and Adrianne (“Yellow Submarine”); and then they get to the pretty new girl. “I’m Genevieve,” she says. “I’m a sophomore, but I just started here this year. And my favorite Beatles song is ‘Hey Jude.’” Which is totally Jared’s favorite too, but now he feels flustered, as though he’s copying her. Jensen gives him an uncertain look from under his eyelashes as Jared hesitates, then says too fast, “I’m Jared. I’m a senior. And my favorite is ‘Hey Jude,’ too.”
Jensen starts off his introduction even quieter than usual until Mr. Rosenbaum says, “Speak up, Ackles. The floor doesn’t need to hear from you.” At which Jensen nearly smiles in surprise and says, a little louder, “My name’s Jensen. I’m a senior. And my favorite Beatles song is ‘I Saw Her Standing There.’”
They get through the rest of the circle, Jared watching Jensen settle back in his chair now that no one’s looking at him, no one except Jared, who always seems to be looking at him one way or another. Which is why it takes a minute, after Mr. Rosenbaum announces, “The Beatles ruined rock and roll forever,” for Jared to notice the way Genevieve is looking at him, smiling small and shy, a little like Jensen did the first day they met. Jared smiles back; there are very few people in the world he wouldn’t smile back at. But then he wonders if he isn’t supposed to smile at pretty new girls, if there’s a rule somewhere about that, in the relationship manual he never got.
He stops thinking and starts listening again when Mr. Rosenbaum says, “Padalecki, you’d like a good leadership position for your college applications, right?”
“Um, what?” asks Jared blankly.
“Say no,” hisses Sandy, and Jensen turns his laugh into a cough.
“No, I… I think my college applications are good, but thanks for thinking of me, sir.”
Mr. Rosenbaum shakes his head. “Kids these days have no ambition. Somebody needs to step up here or you get no school funding this year.”
“We barely did anything with our school funding last year,” Gabe points out, a little sheepishly.
“Why not?” asks Genevieve.
Gabe frowns a little. “Nobody knew what to do. Except hand out ribbons on World Aids Day. And that didn’t take much money.”
“Have you ever done Day of Silence here?” Genevieve asks. “Because that’s a great way to let people know the club exists.” Jared glances hastily around, wondering if everyone else knows what she’s talking about when he doesn’t.
Adrianne’s nodding thoughtfully, but it’s Jensen who says, “I’m not sure anyone would do it here.”
“Why not?” Genevieve continues. “I mean, you don’t need that many people to make an impact. But if you publicized it beforehand, got the word out, everyone likes an excuse not to talk in class, don’t they?”
Katie laughs, and Jensen cracks a smile. Jared decides he has to be the one to say, “Hey, guys, what’s Day of Silence?”
Jensen explains. “It’s a day in April where you get a bunch of people to be silent all day in recognition of all the people who have to be silent about being gay, or who have been silenced because of it.” Jared stares at him; Jensen shrugs. “We tried to do it at my old school. It didn’t turn out so well.”
Jared assumes that’s how Jensen got outed to his parents, back in Texas, but no one else knows about that. “I bet it would be better here,” Jared says. “Genevieve’s right. Who doesn’t want an excuse not to talk in class?”
“That’s not until April,” Alona points out. “We need a president now if we’re going to have any money in April.”
“I’ll do it,” says Katie, and this horrified expression slides across Gabe’s face, like the very fabric of the universe is tearing.
“An interesting proposition, young Cassidy,” says Rosenbaum, scratching his chin. “We haven’t had a lot of sophomore presidents around these parts. You think you can handle the responsibility?”
“How hard can it be?” she shrugs, and Gabe makes a choked noise.
“The president is responsible for the club’s image,” he says pointedly, “for liaising with student government-”
“Well, good thing you run student government then, isn’t it?” Katie shoots back.
“She’s got a point, Gabe,” says Adrianne rationally. “And she’ll be around next year, which a lot of the rest of us won’t.”
Gabe sputters, but Rosenbaum calls for a vote, and everyone else’s hands go up in favor of Katie as president. “Do we need any other officers?” Genevieve asks. “I mean, I know I’m new, but I’d like to be involved, if you need a vice president or a treasurer or anything.”
“Have you held a position like that before?” Gabe asks sharply.
“No, but I was pretty active in my school’s GSA last year, and it seems like you guys could use some help.”
“Didn’t you tell me you wanted the club to do more this year, Gabe?” Jared puts in. “Getting more people involved seems like a pretty good idea.”
Alona gives him a narrow, appraising look, which, yeah, he probably deserves. Having been to one meeting last year, he hasn’t exactly proven he’s invested. But Gabe seems to be thinking about it, and Rosenbaum is nodding encouragingly. “We do need a treasurer if we’re going to do more with our money this year,” says Gabe finally.
Rosenbaum jumps in. “All in favor of Genevieve for treasurer, hands up.”
Even Gabe’s arm goes up this time, but Jared is the one Genevieve smiles at first. He drops his eyes to his desk, then glances over at Jensen, who’s looking uncertainly at Genevieve from the corner of his eye. Apparently he never got the manual either. Jared flexes his fingers, wanting to touch Jensen, show him - and everyone else - where his loyalties are. But he doesn’t know how Jensen would feel about that. He doesn’t say much as a girl whose name he missed asks what other people think of a recent court case about same-sex marriage, and enthusiastic discussion starts up. He listens to Jensen, quietly articulate and knowledgeable, and pride glows in the pit of his stomach. Jensen doesn’t sound scared of strangers now. He tucks his foot against Jensen’s, tapping their toes together, and Jensen taps back. It’s not holding hands, but it’s not bad, either.
***
Danneel saunters into the newspaper office and says, “I want to write an advice column.”
Kristen taps her pen against the desk a few times. “Tell me more.”
Danneel sits down on the other arm of the couch, far enough from Jared that he really has no right to be annoyed about it. Except that she’s taking up valuable newspaper meeting time talking about her own lame project. “I want people to send me embarrassing stories about their relationship issues so that I can mock them in the paper. It’s pretty simple.”
“Will you be maintaining anonymity while mocking people in the paper? Because I can’t really cope with Morgan getting his panties in a twist if you publicly humiliate some poor freshman and she has to be sent home.”
“I will be completely professional,” Danneel assures her, and Jared doesn’t believe her for one minute, but Kristen seems satisfied. And he knows, as much as he doesn’t like it, that more people would read the paper if it had some gossip rag edge to it. He can see her writing notes for her new column as Kristen doles out stories, and he almost ends up covering the parents’ association fashion show because he’s trying to figure out what’s written in front of “gonorrhea” on Danneel’s pad.
Continue to part 2
Title: We Clean Up and Now It's Time to Learn
Author: beckaandzac
Artist: fridayblues
Fandom: CW RPF AU
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, also Sandy/Adrianne, Chad/Sophia, Danneel/awesome
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: underage sex (characters are 17 when the story begins), underage drinking, mild drug use
Word Count: 26,000
Summary: Jared's time at the snooty New England boarding school he's attended for six years is coming to an end. It's senior year, and for Jared that means balancing schoolwork, college applications, and a new post on the school paper with a social life that includes lovable screwup Chad, sort-of-gay BFF Sandy, and shy-yet-awesome boyfriend Jensen. Jared never gave much thought to what he was going to do with the rest of his life, but now that the only thing anyone ever talks about is where they're going to school next year, he guesses he has to figure it out. This is a sequel to Dirt on Our Uniforms, and will be awesomer if you read that first. Notes and thanks are at the end!
Art Post: here!
September
“Did you hear?” Sandy asks, kicking off her shoes and settling in on Jared’s bed. “Danneel’s back.”
“Great,” says Jared unenthusiastically.
“Who’s Danneel?” asks Jensen from the desk chair. It’s easy to forget after last year, but Jensen’s still new, relatively speaking.
“Trouble,” replies Sandy with undisguised glee. “Her parents sent her to school in Switzerland last year because she was getting disciplinary notices every week here. I didn’t think they would even let her back.”
“She used to be Sandy’s best friend,” Jared tells him, digging his desk lamp out of a box and searching for the wall socket. “Before Sandy had the good taste to transfer the title to me.”
“Uh-huh,” says Jensen. “And why is Jared so unexcited that she’s back?”
“Jared doesn’t like anybody to be cooler than he is,” Sandy tells him before Jared can say a word.
“That’s so not true.”
Sandy rolls her eyes at Jensen. “Danneel thinks Jay’s kind of boring. She didn’t like us dating.”
“Our second break-up was because Danneel convinced Sandy she could do better.”
“It was five years ago, Jay. Middle school. You’re going to have to get over it. Besides, I don’t think she can call you boring now that you’re a sexual deviant.”
Jared snorts. “Yeah, you’re one to talk. Where’s your girlfriend?”
Sandy tosses her hair. “She’s at a student leadership conference in Cincinnati. She’ll be here tomorrow.”
“Who’ll be here tomorrow?” Chad asks, sticking his head around the door. “’Cause it looks to me like everyone you need for a party is already chilling in Jay’s new single.” He holds out his arms, and Jared hugs him one-armed, still holding the lamp.
“How much shit has Morgan confiscated from you so far?” Jared asks.
Chad slings an arm around his shoulders, which is even harder than usual since Jared grew another inch over the summer. “None, my friend. None. I built this compartment into the bottom of my trunk, so when he came in - like he does every damn year - there was nothing to see.”
“That’s almost scarily clever,” says Jared. “I think I’m in shock.”
“Just ‘cause you always underestimate me, asshole.” Chad elbows him in the ribs. Jared’s edging away from him when Chad continues, “Have you guys seen Danneel yet? I think Switzerland actually made her hotter. I didn’t think that was possible.”
“Does this mean you’re going to give up on poor Sophia?” Sandy asks.
“I will never give up on Sophia. Failure,” he tells them somberly, “is not an option. But that doesn’t mean I can’t look, you know.” His phone rings, and Chad pulls it out of his pocket, says, “Shit,” and hurries off down the hall without saying goodbye. Jared, Jensen, and Sandy shrug at each other.
“Weird kid,” sighs Jensen.
“He embraces his weirdness though,” replies Sandy philosophically. She glances at her watch. “I should probably go unpack. See you guys at dinner?”
Jensen’s eyes are fixed on Jared’s when he says, “If we make it,” and Jared’s stomach twists pleasantly.
“Right,” says Sandy slowly. “And I’m gone.” She shuts the door on her way past.
“Smooth,” says Jared, kneeling in front of Jensen, still in the desk chair, and resting his hands on Jensen’s thighs.
“It got the point across.” Jensen runs a hand through Jared’s hair. “So, while you’re down there…”
“You think you’re going to get your dick sucked, don’t you?” Jared rubs his cheek against Jensen’s knee.
“I’m hopeful. It’s been a long summer.”
Jared agrees. It’s not that they haven’t talked to each other; Jared went over the minutes on his cell in July, and his dad made him spend the next week filing at his office while his secretary was on vacation to make up for it. But it’s different than being here, leaning into the warmth of Jensen’s body, feeling Jensen’s fingers against his cheek. “Missed me, huh?” Jared says, spidering his hand up Jensen’s thigh.
“You know I did.” Jensen’s thumb brushes across his lower lip, and Jared looks up. “Thought about this all the time.” Jensen’s eyes, lashes low and corners crinkling, say he doesn’t just mean getting head.
“I missed you, too,” Jared replies, and opens the button of Jensen’s jeans.
Jensen’s dick is hard under the soft cotton of his boxers, and Jared mouths at the head of it, creating friction with the cloth, rubbing his tongue just where he knows Jensen wants it. “Fuck,” Jensen whispers, and his legs fall open wider, hips twitching towards Jared’s touch. Jared pulls down his underwear and starts to suck, mouth dragging sweet over the head of Jensen’s cock, salty slick on Jared’s tongue. It takes him a second to remember the rhythm, to remember how to make this good, how to swirl his hand around the base of Jensen’s dick and when to swallow so that he can feel Jensen in the back of his throat without choking. Jensen flexes his fingers in Jared’s hair, and his little murmured curses tell Jared it’s right, that it’s just what Jensen wants. And that makes it what Jared wants too. He works hard over Jensen’s dick, making it messy with spit, rolling Jensen’s balls in his palm until Jensen warns, “Gonna…” and Jared hums in satisfaction around him as Jensen shoots into his mouth.
Jensen leans back boneless in his chair, rubbing a thumb over Jared’s come-smeared lower lip. “Jay,” he says, and it means “thank you,” and “fuck, that was good,” as far as Jared knows. He’s proud that the summer hasn’t robbed him of all his skills, and the taste in his mouth, the ache in his too-busy tongue, are satisfying. It’s harder to remember when he’s at home, jerking off and thinking about Jensen, how good it feels to have the weight of Jensen’s cock on his tongue.
“What do you want, Jay?” Jensen asks, thumb tapping Jared’s chin now, stroking down into the cleft.
“Want to fuck you,” Jared replies honestly. “Want to put my dick in your tight little ass. Want you to ride me.”
“Yeah?” Jensen whispers, breath stuttering out. “Stand up.”
It’s been three months since Jared saw Jensen naked, and last spring he had been pale pink all over. Now, after a summer lifeguarding at the community pool, he’s darker gold above the waist, freckles trickling down his chest, three of them gathered around his navel, and Jared reaches out to curve a hand around his side. “So fucking gorgeous,” Jared says, mouthing along his jaw. He helps Jensen the rest of the way out of his jeans, and there’s no part of him Jared doesn’t want to touch.
“This seem uneven to you?” Jensen asks, gesturing at Jared’s clothes.
Jared runs his thumb over the slope of Jensen’s ribs. “I’m just enjoying the view.”
“I missed you, Jay. I really fucking did.” Jensen slips his hand under the hem of Jared’s t-shirt, kneading up across his abs.
Jared throws off his t-shirt, hears it hit the newly placed desk lamp, and grimaces, but then Jensen’s mouth dips down slick and hot over his left nipple, and Jared couldn’t care less about anything else. Jensen sinks his teeth in, and Jared’s hips buck forward. “Like that?” Jensen murmurs against his chest. “That feel good?” His tongue circles slow, and then his teeth pinch again, sharp, sweet pain. “You do this on your own this summer? You play with yourself like this?” He switches sides, one hand going to Jared’s right hip, holding him still.
“Not with my teeth,” Jared tells him, and Jensen moves back up to bite at the side of Jared’s neck, suck at the tender pulse under his jaw. Jared curls his fingers against Jensen’s skin, feels a spike of heat in his balls. “Lie down,” he adds, teeth grazing Jensen’s ear.
“You first,” Jensen replies, one hand on Jared’s chest pushing him back. “You unpacked the condoms and stuff yet, or are we going to have to do this the old-fashioned way?”
Jared lies back and gestures towards his backpack. “I wouldn’t trust a thing like that to any box my momma might go through looking for my extra uniform pants. There are some things my parents don’t need to know about me.”
“Yes, there are.” It’s possible that Jensen says something after that, but he’s ass-naked and bending over to rummage in Jared’s backpack, and any words are drowned out by the downward rush of Jared’s blood, the frantic beating of his heart. Jared’s practically drooling, and he thinks about getting back down on his knees, spreading Jensen open with his hands and eating him out, screwing his tongue in deep and getting Jensen ready for him. But then Jensen stands up again, comes back toward him, dick swinging half-hard again and eyes lit up with want.
He holds out the lube bottle. “You want to do this part or should I?”
Jared chews his lip, thinking about it. “You do it. Get down at the end of the bed and let me watch you. Let me watch you fuck yourself on your fingers.”
Jensen borrows a pillow, leaning against the slat of the footboard and spreading his legs wide so that Jared can see the rosy shadow of his hole, his balls hanging low and heavy above it. “Love doing this,” Jensen whispers, popping the cap on the lube and squeezing it onto his fingers. “Looking at you with your eyes all glazed and your dick rock hard, your mouth hanging open like you don’t even remember how to close it.”
Jared’s teeth meet with a click when he shuts his mouth. He stares as Jensen rubs one slick finger over his hole before tucking the tip inside. Jensen makes a little noise, and Jared can see his chest hitching as he takes a quick breath, his finger slipping up deeper. Jared swallows thickly. “So fucking pretty, Jen, watching you touching yourself, turning yourself on.”
He thinks back to hours of cell phone time they logged this summer, Jared lying in bed with the phone pressed between his ear and the pillow, listening to the sweet little noises Jensen makes while he’s fucking himself on his fingers, the soft huff of laughter and apologetic murmur when he drops the phone and has to figure out how to pick it up again without using his lube-smeared hand. Jared loved those phone calls, even the crick in his neck afterward, and the bittersweet letdown of licking his own come off his fingers with Jensen three hundred miles away doing the same thing.
Jensen spreads himself wider, putting on a show, working in two fingers in a slow, gliding rhythm, his eyes fixed on Jared’s face. “Jay,” Jensen whispers, and it’s so much better without the crackle of the phone, looking at the flush of Jensen’s cheeks, the flex of his brows as his fingers hit just right. “Jay, come here.”
Jared fumbles on a condom, and his hands feel clumsy and too big as he pushes in between Jensen’s spread legs, holding Jensen’s thighs apart, guiding his dick against Jensen’s hole. The tip brushes, nudges, and then Jared starts to push, feels the sharp clench of Jensen’s ass around the head of his dick.
Jensen swallows loudly, his back bowing against the footboard. “Slow,” he says, and Jared pauses, kisses Jensen’s parted lips. He rubs his fingers into the soft spot between Jensen’s balls and his asshole, presses down carefully until Jensen relaxes a little more.
“Okay?” Jared asks, and Jensen nods, kisses him more deeply as he settles himself onto Jared’s dick.
“Did you get bigger?” Jensen asks, a noise that might be a laugh and might be a gasp caught in his throat.
“Always bigger with you,” Jared replies, not even sure what he means because he’s so hard and he just wants. He pulls Jensen up onto his lap, his hands cupped around the meat of Jensen’s thighs. “Okay?” he asks again, Jensen shuddering all around him, mouth open and wet against Jared’s.
“Yeah,” Jensen murmurs. “God, yeah.”
Jared fucks him hard, Jensen tightening down on his dick, making these gorgeous little whimpers like he can’t quite catch his breath to moan. Jared nuzzles at Jensen’s mouth, licks his way in and sucks at Jensen’s tongue, both of them getting sloppy with spit. Jensen’s so damn tight, and he clutches at Jared’s shoulders and gives back everything he’s getting, riding Jared for all he’s worth. “Jen,” Jared mumbles, murmurs, whispers over and over like code against Jensen’s skin, and he thinks Jensen gets it as he digs his fingers into Jared’s skin and holds on.
He’s proud when he makes Jensen come again, makes him sob and stutter and shoot, his dick bobbing up in front of his belly, still tacky with Jared’s spit. He’s prouder that it happens with only the barest touch, one thumb swipe over the head and the rest is all his dick in Jensen’s ass rubbing him just right. But he’s proudest when Jensen murmurs “Love you,” afterwards, sleepy and distracted, and then falls asleep in Jared’s bed, boneless and not minding the way he’s draped across Jared’s chest. Jared stays awake for a while, just drinking him in, liking the way their bodies fold together. There’s no one around to know what a sap he is.
They miss dinner, but there’s pizza at the “let’s discuss all the dorm rules you forgot over the summer” session that night, and Jared pokes a finger into Jensen’s side when they hit the restrictions on time girls can spend in the dorms. Jensen blushes a little but pokes back just as hard.
***
“Hi, Jared,” says Danneel, and he thinks he should have gotten a warning chill down his spine as he turns to face her. “Been a while, hasn’t it?”
Jensen’s paused by the door to creative writing, looking amused, even though his eyes are pointed at the floor the way they mostly have been for the half day they’ve been in classes so far. The crowd in the hallway’s coming in waves, a handful of lost ninth graders holding up traffic as everyone tries to dodge in for fourth period.
“Hi,” replies Jared shortly. “Good to see you’re not dead. You know, the bell’s about to ring, and I should really go.” He makes a flapping gesture at the door, but the door still has Jensen next to it and Danneel’s eyes snag on him.
“Hello, new kid,” she says, slinking past Jared and holding a hand out to Jensen, who raises an eyebrow in response.
“I’ve been here for a year,” he replies, ignoring her hand. “So I’m not exactly the new kid anymore.”
Danneel shrugs, takes a couple of steps to inspect him from different angles. “New to me, and that’s really what matters in this situation. Do you have a name, new kid, or should I just keep calling you that?”
“Jensen,” says Jensen, tilting his chin up and flicking her half a smile. Danneel takes a step closer.
“Well, well, well, that makes you a little more interesting, doesn’t it?” She glances at Jared, who feels like he should put himself between her and Jensen before she, like, eats him or something. “You do pick them pretty, don’t you, Jared?”
“Thanks,” says Jensen brightly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.” He reaches out for Jared’s hand, and his fingers only tremble a little as they slide through Jared’s, even though holding hands in public is brand new territory. “We should get to class. Nice to meet you.”
There’s no one in the hall as they turn the corner, but Jensen drops his hand anyway, throwing Jared a sideways smile. “I think I see why you don’t like her.”
“She was in top form today. The bell’s going to ring.”
“Right.” Jensen hurries back to class, Jared hot on his heels, even though he’s hoping for Mr. Rosenbaum to go a little easy on them out of gay solidarity.
***
Jensen seems more inclined to cuddling now that they can’t spend every night together, relaxing into Jared’s side as he studies, one hand on Jared’s waist keeping him there. Jared doesn’t ask about it, just in case Jensen doesn’t notice he’s doing it, as if there’s anything Jensen does without noticing. Especially when he’s got his elbow practically backwards trying to read Turn of the Screw without getting up. Jared doesn’t want to think about broken frame narratives and creepy English houses when Jensen’s all warm against him, breath ruffling the hair behind Jared’s ear. But Jensen’s got his concentrating face on, a pen between his teeth. Every once in a while, he takes it out, bending his shoulder back in a way that cannot be comfortable in order to write a cramped little note in the margin. After a while, Jared offers his own copy, holding it out so Jensen can see it. “I could read it to you,” Jared says, and Jensen’s eyes go soft at the corners, almost a smile.
“I like to make notes,” Jensen replies sheepishly, pretzeling himself against Jared’s side again. “But thanks.”
Jared rubs his fingers up the back of Jensen’s neck, tickling under his hair, and Jensen sighs contentedly. It’s almost nine, and the on-dorm bell is going to ring soon. It’s not that Jensen can’t finagle a way to stay, but it’s a lot more work than it was when they were roommates, and as much as Jared likes having his own space, as much as he knows Jensen needs time alone sometimes, he misses how easy it was last year. It’s hard to watch Jensen leave.
***
Jared gets to the first newspaper meeting of the year ten minutes early out of fear of someone almost a foot and a half shorter than he is, which Jensen thinks is hilarious, but Jensen’s never had a conversation with Kristen Bell, so he can’t understand Jared’s pain. He had to take a 60-second shower after practice and his wet hair’s dripping down the back of his neck. But he has his notebook out and his best attentive, first day of school face on by the time Kristen shows up, trailed by Allie, Tina, Joy, and a few people Jared doesn’t know. The newspaper is this whole new world for him, a world where he’s unsure and awkward and everybody nods like they know him, but he feels lost. Allie takes the seat next to his on one of the sagging couches in the newspaper office. “Hi,” says Jared a little desperately.
Allie grins. “She’s not that bad.”
At that moment Danneel strolls into the office like she owns it, and Kristen nods at her like this is perfectly acceptable. Which - possibly Jared’s overreacting. But she winks at him as she sits down, and that’s… he folds his arms and settles back on the couch. This is something he might be really good at, and he’s not going to let Danneel Harris fuck it up for him.
“Back to school issue,” Kristen says firmly. “Who’s got some bullshit ideas to make the new kids feel less like pissing themselves? Whatever kind of fluff pieces you want. Tina’s doing the roundup of campus bands again. Padalecki, when was the last time you wrote for us?” She turns to him suddenly, and he tenses.
“Um,” says Jared helpfully. Every once in a while, someone in the English department drafted him to write something for the paper, mostly because he works well on deadline. “I think it was about the football team last fall, homecoming, maybe?”
Kristen nods. “We’ve got Sam on sports this year,” she says indifferently, pointing to a short kid with a shaved head Jared thinks played JV football last year. “We’ve got to profile school clubs again. Everybody pick two. Here’s a list.” She passes around a photocopy, and by the time it gets to Jared he’s pretty much stuck with the GSA and the Roleplayers’ Roundtable, who always seem like they’re speaking in a secret code when he walks by them with their notebooks and manuals spread out in the dorm common rooms. As Kristen explains though, really all they have to do is find one person in a given club to talk to, get the scoop on upcoming events, and cram it into 200 words. Which doesn’t give Jared a lot of space to screw up in.
***
“I think it’s really sweet that you two were each other’s beards for so long,” Danneel’s saying to Sandy as they set their stuff down across from Jared and Chad at lunch. “I mean, that’s real devotion to a cause.”
“Wow,” replies Sandy. “I had forgotten what a bitch you are while you were away.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for the past two weeks,” Jared puts in, and Danneel grabs a handful of his chips.
“Ugh, barbeque,” she says, dumping most of them back onto his tray. “You kiss your boyfriend with that mouth?”
“Repeatedly,” Jared deadpans. “He’s nice because he doesn’t steal my food and then give it back half-chewed.”
“Nice, huh? He had that kind of scared rabbit look in his eyes last time I saw him.”
“Oh no, man, Jensen always looks like that,” Chad says, looking speculatively at Danneel’s discarded chips.
Jared elbows him. “Dude, not helping.”
“I am always helping,” Chad insists. “I am a very helpful guy. Speaking of which…”
Danneel rolls her eyes. “Chad, these things take time. You did not impress the hell out of her last year.”
“Another hare-brained Get Sophia scheme, huh?” asks Sandy sympathetically. Danneel nods. “Why can’t you just date a girl like a normal person?”
“You mean like you?” Chad retorts.
“All I can say, Chad, is I don’t spend all my time pining and feeling sexually frustrated.”
Chad grins stupidly wide, his eyes glazed. “McCoy, you just made my day. Man, that’s hot.”
“Chad, get a room,” Danneel tells him. “Nobody needs to see that.”
“I’ll get a room if it’s got Sandy and Adrianne making out in it.”
Sandy wrinkles her nose. “So much for eating lunch today. Ugh.”
Jared is almost grateful to Danneel for abruptly changing the subject to some fashion faux pas of Kristin Kreuk’s that he does not understand (they’re all wearing uniforms anyway), which gets Sandy laughing again. He doesn’t want to be That Guy, but Chad’s not exactly wrong that the idea of Sandy and Adrianne together is pretty damn hot. And it’s hard not to let his mind go places no one’s should when contemplating their ex-girlfriend. He wishes Jensen were around, since Jensen doesn’t give a shit what girls do with each other or what shoes Kristin’s wearing. But Jensen’s in the library freaking out around the college guides, if the past week is anything to go by. Jared eats around his chips (what a waste) and tries to decide whether he needs to do his calc homework.
***
Jared catches up with Gabe in the lunch line the next day, juggling a sandwich, a cup of soup, and the next day’s English reading. “Hey,” says Jared, and he wonders if he said it too loudly as Gabe sloshes hot soup onto his cuff.
“Hi,” says Gabe, smiling. “Are you thinking of coming back to GSA this year?”
Jared, caught off guard, shrugs. “Maybe. I mean, I hope so.”
“And you know your boyfriend is welcome too. If he wanted to come.”
“Right.” He tries to figure out how many blowjobs he’d have to offer to trade Jensen to get him into a room full of people discussing being gay. “So, I’m writing a thing for the paper.”
“Another exposé about faculty corruption? That was great work, by the way. It was weird you didn’t get credit for it.” Jared makes dissembling noises. He had traded that story to Kristen so she wouldn’t print anything about the pranks he and Jensen had pulled last year. It was worth giving up credit for it to not get himself or Jensen expelled.
“That was just legwork, you know. Kristen wrote the story. But I’m actually on staff this year, and we’re doing profiles of school clubs. I was wondering if you could tell me some stuff about the GSA you’d like people to know for the start of school.”
Gabe laughs and starts to look around for an empty table. “Can you tell them we’re the coolest club in school and they should all want to join? And that we have cookies?”
“Do you have cookies?” Jared asks uncertainly. There were definitely no cookies when he went last year.
“No, but hey, if it gets people to come, we could work on it. Would you come if we had cookies?”
Jared considers this seriously. “There’s not a lot I wouldn’t do for cookies. So, um, what do you want me to say though? Do you guys have a charter?”
“It says we encourage awareness and acceptance of sexual minorities at Easton, and offer a safe space for discussion at our weekly meetings. But that’s a little dry. Um, I guess we try to make sure everyone in the student body feels safe being LGBTQ, etc.” He rattles off the string of letters like it’s second nature. Jared tries to do a word count in his head. “I mean, you came to a meeting last year, you know a little bit what it’s like.”
Jared nods. Mostly what he remembers is Alona Tal saying, “You’re gay?” as if being on the soccer team somehow made him exempt from liking cock. But that’s probably not fair to Gabe’s beloved club. Gabe must see the skeptical look on Jared’s face, because he smiles sadly and adds, “Just use what I told you and say we’re always looking for new members, and people are always welcome to come as allies. And we have cookies. I’m sure that’ll be fine.”
“Gabe, it’s really not that I don’t want to come. I’m just not sure I fit in there.”
“Then that’s the club’s problem, not yours.” Gabe looks sincere, and Jared nods in understanding. “Just try coming again. I think you’d be good for us.”
“Okay,” Jared tells him, meaning it. He writes down the time of the first meeting and moves on to searching out Travis Wester, president of the Roleplayers’ Roundtable. He’s Jensen’s lab partner, and Jensen swears he’s perfectly friendly behind the nervous tics, but that doesn’t help Jared start a conversation with him about a club whose purpose seems to be making shit up based on dice with too many sides.
***
Sandy catches up to him on the path outside the dorm. “Can you talk to me about sex for a minute?” she asks, and Jared trips over a non-existent crack in the sidewalk.
“What makes you think you have to ask that question?” Jared says, and Sandy shoots him a sly grin.
Chad is loitering outside his room when he gets upstairs, says, “Jay, man, you have to hear this thing Danneel told me Sophia said,” as Jared turns his key in the lock. But Jared brushes him off. “Later, man, okay? Sandy and I have some stuff to talk about.”
Chad looks crestfallen for a second, but then he shrugs it off. “Yeah, sure, man. Whatever you need to do.” Jared feels guilty for a second, watching Chad slouch away down the hall, but it’s not as though he hasn’t heard enough crazy Sophia stories to last a lifetime already.
Sandy pushes past him into the room, kicks off her shoes and makes herself comfortable on the bed, patting the space next to her.
“So what did you want to talk about?”
“Just, you know, stuff. I don’t have anyone else I can… My girl friends don’t exactly sympathize, and it’s all really new.”
Jared remembers that feeling, remembers reeling from the newness of it, this big yawning thing of what he felt for Jensen. “I could try what my brother told me when I started going out with you, but you probably don’t need advice on finding her clit, do you?”
Sandy laughs, and her sweet smile doesn’t fade. “I think I can handle that part.” Jared must be making some kind of dazed face because she adds cheerfully, “If you’re just going to perv on me again, Padalecki, I can make your boyfriend talk to me about girls.”
“As if that’s not just an excuse for you to perv on my boyfriend. I know how your mind works, McCoy.”
“Yeah,” she says seriously, “you do.”
“So,” replies Jared, nudging her with his elbow, “how can I help?”
“Adrianne and I haven’t… It should be easier with girls, right?”
“Wait, you haven’t what?” Sandy just looks at him, and Jared stutters for a second. “So all that stuff you say to tease Chad, that’s just, what?”
“Exaggeration, I guess. Overstatement. We make out a lot. It’s like you and I were in ninth grade, you know.” Jared remembers the desperate excitement of getting under her bra for the first time that spring, like being let in on state secrets, wonders if Adrianne feels the same way.
“So is there a reason you haven’t?”
“It’s stupid, but I’m not sure I’m ready. It hasn’t been that long. With the summer, where we didn’t see each other.”
“That’s not stupid,” says Jared, who had to spend years explaining to Chad why Sandy was worth waiting for. “I’m sure she understands that.”
“She knows I went farther with you though. And I’m afraid she’ll think I - God, I’m afraid she’ll think I’m straight.”
“No,” Jared tells her immediately. “If she tells you that, it’s probably just because she’s scared. I can’t even count how many times Jensen tried to tell me I wasn’t gay last year, like it made any difference.”
“Really?”
“Jensen’s pretty dumb sometimes.”
“And I guess you didn’t sleep with him just to shut him up.”
“I had better reasons to sleep with him. But you don’t have to. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You shouldn’t. And she should respect your decision; that’s what my mom always told me.” He watches her tug a thread at the hem of her skirt. “You were way hotter when I thought you were doing it with a girl though.”
Sandy cracks a smile. “You were way hotter when I thought you weren’t an asshole.”
“You always knew I was an asshole.”
She leans in to kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks, asshole.”
***
The first time they go to GSA together Jensen nearly bolts like a spooked horse as soon as the door opens, Rosenbaum nodding encouragingly from behind his desk. “We don’t have to,” Jared says quietly, and he can see Jensen steeling himself in response.
“No,” Jensen breathes. “No, we should.”
Then Alona Tal pushes past him, and Jensen’s resolve seems to falter for a second before he steps into the classroom. “Nice to see you, Ackles,” says Rosenbaum casually, and Jensen murmurs a polite, “Yes, sir.” There aren’t very many people there yet: Alona and Gabe; Katie, last year a mousy freshman, this year a sophomore with a sneaky grin and a growing reputation for drunken mischief; and a (really pretty) dark-haired girl Jared doesn’t recognize. He looks a little longer than maybe he should, telling himself he’s trying to decide if he knows her, before Jensen’s elbow nudges his and they take their seats in the circle.
Sandy shows up at five after, Adrienne right behind her, and Jared feels a hot little flutter in his stomach, wondering why they’re late. He doesn’t mean to think about it, but he’s seventeen, there’s only so much he can do to be a gentleman. Rosenbaum glances at his watch, and at ten after, when a few more people have filled in some of the seats, he shuts the door and says, “Okay, kids, it’s still September. Introduce yourselves and then we’ll see if we can find anyone to be president. Please don’t make Gabe do it again.”
“I don’t mind,” Gabe pipes up, but Rosenbaum makes a “zip it” motion with his hand.
“Introduce yourself, Gabe. Name, grade, favorite Beatles song.”
“I’m Gabe,” he says. “Tigerman. I’m a senior. Um, can I say ‘Imagine,’ or is that cheating?”
Mr. Rosenbaum hand waves him and moves on. Katie (“Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”); Alona (“Happiness Is a Warm Gun,” which strikes Jared as ironic somehow); Sandy (“Hard Day’s Night”); and Adrianne (“Yellow Submarine”); and then they get to the pretty new girl. “I’m Genevieve,” she says. “I’m a sophomore, but I just started here this year. And my favorite Beatles song is ‘Hey Jude.’” Which is totally Jared’s favorite too, but now he feels flustered, as though he’s copying her. Jensen gives him an uncertain look from under his eyelashes as Jared hesitates, then says too fast, “I’m Jared. I’m a senior. And my favorite is ‘Hey Jude,’ too.”
Jensen starts off his introduction even quieter than usual until Mr. Rosenbaum says, “Speak up, Ackles. The floor doesn’t need to hear from you.” At which Jensen nearly smiles in surprise and says, a little louder, “My name’s Jensen. I’m a senior. And my favorite Beatles song is ‘I Saw Her Standing There.’”
They get through the rest of the circle, Jared watching Jensen settle back in his chair now that no one’s looking at him, no one except Jared, who always seems to be looking at him one way or another. Which is why it takes a minute, after Mr. Rosenbaum announces, “The Beatles ruined rock and roll forever,” for Jared to notice the way Genevieve is looking at him, smiling small and shy, a little like Jensen did the first day they met. Jared smiles back; there are very few people in the world he wouldn’t smile back at. But then he wonders if he isn’t supposed to smile at pretty new girls, if there’s a rule somewhere about that, in the relationship manual he never got.
He stops thinking and starts listening again when Mr. Rosenbaum says, “Padalecki, you’d like a good leadership position for your college applications, right?”
“Um, what?” asks Jared blankly.
“Say no,” hisses Sandy, and Jensen turns his laugh into a cough.
“No, I… I think my college applications are good, but thanks for thinking of me, sir.”
Mr. Rosenbaum shakes his head. “Kids these days have no ambition. Somebody needs to step up here or you get no school funding this year.”
“We barely did anything with our school funding last year,” Gabe points out, a little sheepishly.
“Why not?” asks Genevieve.
Gabe frowns a little. “Nobody knew what to do. Except hand out ribbons on World Aids Day. And that didn’t take much money.”
“Have you ever done Day of Silence here?” Genevieve asks. “Because that’s a great way to let people know the club exists.” Jared glances hastily around, wondering if everyone else knows what she’s talking about when he doesn’t.
Adrianne’s nodding thoughtfully, but it’s Jensen who says, “I’m not sure anyone would do it here.”
“Why not?” Genevieve continues. “I mean, you don’t need that many people to make an impact. But if you publicized it beforehand, got the word out, everyone likes an excuse not to talk in class, don’t they?”
Katie laughs, and Jensen cracks a smile. Jared decides he has to be the one to say, “Hey, guys, what’s Day of Silence?”
Jensen explains. “It’s a day in April where you get a bunch of people to be silent all day in recognition of all the people who have to be silent about being gay, or who have been silenced because of it.” Jared stares at him; Jensen shrugs. “We tried to do it at my old school. It didn’t turn out so well.”
Jared assumes that’s how Jensen got outed to his parents, back in Texas, but no one else knows about that. “I bet it would be better here,” Jared says. “Genevieve’s right. Who doesn’t want an excuse not to talk in class?”
“That’s not until April,” Alona points out. “We need a president now if we’re going to have any money in April.”
“I’ll do it,” says Katie, and this horrified expression slides across Gabe’s face, like the very fabric of the universe is tearing.
“An interesting proposition, young Cassidy,” says Rosenbaum, scratching his chin. “We haven’t had a lot of sophomore presidents around these parts. You think you can handle the responsibility?”
“How hard can it be?” she shrugs, and Gabe makes a choked noise.
“The president is responsible for the club’s image,” he says pointedly, “for liaising with student government-”
“Well, good thing you run student government then, isn’t it?” Katie shoots back.
“She’s got a point, Gabe,” says Adrianne rationally. “And she’ll be around next year, which a lot of the rest of us won’t.”
Gabe sputters, but Rosenbaum calls for a vote, and everyone else’s hands go up in favor of Katie as president. “Do we need any other officers?” Genevieve asks. “I mean, I know I’m new, but I’d like to be involved, if you need a vice president or a treasurer or anything.”
“Have you held a position like that before?” Gabe asks sharply.
“No, but I was pretty active in my school’s GSA last year, and it seems like you guys could use some help.”
“Didn’t you tell me you wanted the club to do more this year, Gabe?” Jared puts in. “Getting more people involved seems like a pretty good idea.”
Alona gives him a narrow, appraising look, which, yeah, he probably deserves. Having been to one meeting last year, he hasn’t exactly proven he’s invested. But Gabe seems to be thinking about it, and Rosenbaum is nodding encouragingly. “We do need a treasurer if we’re going to do more with our money this year,” says Gabe finally.
Rosenbaum jumps in. “All in favor of Genevieve for treasurer, hands up.”
Even Gabe’s arm goes up this time, but Jared is the one Genevieve smiles at first. He drops his eyes to his desk, then glances over at Jensen, who’s looking uncertainly at Genevieve from the corner of his eye. Apparently he never got the manual either. Jared flexes his fingers, wanting to touch Jensen, show him - and everyone else - where his loyalties are. But he doesn’t know how Jensen would feel about that. He doesn’t say much as a girl whose name he missed asks what other people think of a recent court case about same-sex marriage, and enthusiastic discussion starts up. He listens to Jensen, quietly articulate and knowledgeable, and pride glows in the pit of his stomach. Jensen doesn’t sound scared of strangers now. He tucks his foot against Jensen’s, tapping their toes together, and Jensen taps back. It’s not holding hands, but it’s not bad, either.
***
Danneel saunters into the newspaper office and says, “I want to write an advice column.”
Kristen taps her pen against the desk a few times. “Tell me more.”
Danneel sits down on the other arm of the couch, far enough from Jared that he really has no right to be annoyed about it. Except that she’s taking up valuable newspaper meeting time talking about her own lame project. “I want people to send me embarrassing stories about their relationship issues so that I can mock them in the paper. It’s pretty simple.”
“Will you be maintaining anonymity while mocking people in the paper? Because I can’t really cope with Morgan getting his panties in a twist if you publicly humiliate some poor freshman and she has to be sent home.”
“I will be completely professional,” Danneel assures her, and Jared doesn’t believe her for one minute, but Kristen seems satisfied. And he knows, as much as he doesn’t like it, that more people would read the paper if it had some gossip rag edge to it. He can see her writing notes for her new column as Kristen doles out stories, and he almost ends up covering the parents’ association fashion show because he’s trying to figure out what’s written in front of “gonorrhea” on Danneel’s pad.
Continue to part 2