PB Fic - Lincoln's Bounty
Title: Lincoln’s Bounty
Authors: volatile/becisvolatile
Rating: Pg-13 (for one or two naughty words)
Characters: Lincoln, Veronica, Michael
Genre: Humor, Fluff.
Summary: Lincoln has something to say…
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have no original thoughts; I'm merely dreaming and drooling.
Notes: This came from a discussion about Lincoln and Hallmark cards. Blame thelana, it’s her fault. I liked it about three hours ago, now it bugs me. Plus, I totally need to get a beta. Criticism is welcome.
Also, that whole 'My bounty is as boundless...' thing? Shakespeare's. Not mine. Duh.
‘Tomato soup?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Again?’
‘Michael…’
‘Three nights in a row, Linc. We’ve had tomato soup three nights in a row.’
‘Yeah. I’m getting good at making it now.’
‘You add water and microwave it. Not rocket science.’
‘I burnt it that first night.’
‘I remember.’
‘Besides. Those pamphlets at the school counselor’s office said that repetition, ritual and stability will help develop a healthy home environment.’
‘Somehow, I don’t think they meant this.’ Michael jabbed a finger at the microwave.
Lincoln rubbed his hands down the front of his worn jeans and shrugged, ‘What do you want instead? Bread dipped in water?’
‘We ran out of bread last week.’
‘Then it’s a good thing we have soup.’
Lincoln turned back and watched the soup turn in the microwave. He’d actually meant to pick up some hot dogs or something, a sort of treat for Michael, but he’d forgotten. Walking around the neighborhood with Veronica usually did that to him. More so than usual in recent months, Linc found himself thinking about Veronica a lot.
Homecoming was coming up and he wondered if he should offer to escort her. Purely for her own safety, of course. At least he’d look after her. If she went with one of the ass-wipes from her own year she’d probably find herself pinned in the alley behind a dumpster at three am. Yeah, he’d ask her. For her own good.
‘Linc?’
‘Hmmm?’
‘You going to watch that soup boil over some more or what?’
*****
Ok, so he hadn’t asked her. She hadn’t even gone. Which meant that she hadn’t gone with some other jerk. Problem solved. Sorta.
Seemed to Linc that far too many of those jerks were sniffing around Veronica. Of course, he didn’t share a gene pool with Michael for nothing. He had a plan.
Girls liked being told that they were loved. Even Veronica was girly enough to believe him if he said he loved her, which he totally could, just to, y’know, remove her from the market. Really, it was for her own good.
If people could look at Veronica and know that he’d claimed her, they’d keep their filthy hands off. Which was the only reason he was doing it. Really.
Of course, telling a chick that you ‘love’ her was not the easiest of things to do. Lincoln needed to do his research. He wanted to do it right.
For Veronica’s sake.
Lincoln reclined on the couch and flicked on the TV. There were a couple dots of blue in one corner, it was an old screen, but the sound worked just fine.
‘… Colorado, I think it’s time I told you the truth. Even though I was kidnapped by time traveling pirates and forced to bear the love children of an evil dictator, my heart has always been yours. Even when Apache tried to bury me alive, my only thought was of returning to your side. When dyslexic monkeys from mars abducted me so that I could rule over their…’
Possibly day-time soap operas were not the best place to gather lines of the romantic persuasion. Linc turned off the TV in disgust and slumped back into the couch to contemplate his dilemma. When Michael returned from school two hours later, Lincoln was still on the lounge, pouting (though he’d never admit it) with his arms crossed over his chest and eyes narrowed.
It was Linc’s thinking position. It was a sight that gave Michael cause to worry. Often.
‘Uh, Linc?’
‘I love you!!’ his older brother half screamed in frustration.
‘Uh, nice to know.’
‘No… well, yeah, but not you. I mean, yeah, you. But not now. Well, yeah I love you now. Always. But I’m trying to work out how to say it.’
‘I thought you just did.’
‘To a girl, idiot.’
‘Oh, well you might want to consider doing it more quietly. It was a bit scary with all that volume.’
‘Right. Quiet.’ he was silent for a moment, then whispered, ‘I love you.’
Michael screwed up his nose. ‘No. Maybe not, that’s kinda creepy. You sound like the guy on the corner who’s always asking if I want candy.’
‘Right not whis- what guy?!’
‘What girl?’
‘Huh?’
‘The girl. The one you love? It’s Veronica, isn’t it?’
‘None of your business.’
‘You can’t start making out with Veronica. Who’ll cook me a decent meal if she’s too busy with your tongue down her throat?’
‘Are you going to help me, or not?’
‘Well, it would mean she was around more often. Plus, she might quit dating that guy from the track team.’
‘Track team?’ Lincoln sat forward and dug his nails into his jeans.
‘Yeah. Big guy. Huge guy. Drives his own car and all.’
‘Know the make and model?’
‘Yeah, it’s a red… wait, why?’
‘No reason.’ Lincoln stood and walked towards the closet by the front door.
‘Linc, I might believe you if you weren’t looking for your old baseball bat while you said that.’
*****
Time was against him, the sharks were circling and Veronica was prime bait. Or, so he imagined the other guys thought. He didn’t see her that way, she was like a sister to him. Really.
Of course, he was no further along in finding the right way to say what was needed. In fact, the only development on that front was that Veronica was newly single. The guy from the track team had stood her up. Bastard.
Apparently, someone had totaled his car with a baseball bat. Go figure.
Veronica’s new single status was not the reprieve he had hoped for, in fact, it seemed that there was an unusual amount of guys leaning coolly against the hoods of their cars (Linc had been sure to write down their specifics) out the front of her house.
He needed to take action.
‘O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night as a rich jewel in Ethiope’s ear!,’ Lincoln read from the sheet of paper that his younger brother had given him. ‘This stuff doesn’t really work on women, does it?’
‘It has before.’ Michael replied with a look of superior intelligence.
‘Really?’
‘Romeo and Juliet?’
‘Wait, didn’t they die?’
‘You’ve read it?’
‘I think it was a midday movie a month or so ago. You could have come up with something better, Michael.’
‘I don’t shave yet. Why are you even asking me for romantic advice?’
Michael had a point; Lincoln balled up the sheet of paper and threw it to the floor.
*****
The situation was desperate. He needed to tell Veronica that he loved her because… well, he wasn’t even sure why anymore. He just new that it needed to be done. Soon.
She and Michael usually walked home from school together. When they got home today he was going to tell her. He had it all planned. It would be a Hallmark moment, literally.
The solution had come to him after a particularly saccharine tissue ad. Girls were always banging on about how romantic things like that were. Fluffy ducks, sleeping babies. That sort of stuff. Nothing had more of that crap than greeting cards. Which, explained how Lincoln came to be standing in front of a card display at the local Walmart, picking up cards and sorting them. Left pile for ‘crap’, middle for ‘workable’ and right for ‘gold’.
Bon Voyage: Hope your plane doesn’t crash and burn, ‘Crap’.
Your breath is sweeter than honey, ‘Uh, maybe workable.’
I’m hot for you, ‘True, but crap.’
Your blue eyes cause blue skies, ‘Crap. Her eyes are grey.’
My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite, ‘Wow. Bet the guy who wrote this got laid heaps. He should be like, famous or something. This is the one.’
Lincoln was certain that the card in his hand held the perfect words to tell Veronica that he loved her. Or, y’know, tellherthathelovedherforherowngoodtokeepotherguysaway.
Memorizing it proved a bitch. He stood by the stand for nearly an hour, rubbing the knuckles of his right hand up and down his thigh, committing the words to memory.
‘My bounty is as… My bounty is as bountiful as… fuck.’
For a moment he considered just pocketing the card. He’d done that sort of thing before. But somehow it seemed wrong for theft to be involved in a declaration of love.
Leaning by the stand, he continued the lines over and over, waiting for them to take hold in his mind. ‘The more I give thee, the more I want… No. The more I want, the… Yeah? What are you looking at buddy? Move it on!’
It was getting close to the end of school when he finally felt that he had the piece down. He repeated it five times in a row without fucking up. Perfect. He grinned out of the side of his mouth, ran a hand over his jaw and replaced the card.
Now, he just had to go tell Veronica.
*****
By the time he got home he had worked himself into a state of damn near romantic perfection. So it was somewhat anti-climatic to find that no one was there when he opened the door. It didn’t take him long to remember that Veronica’s father was working late. Michael had probably done that thing with his eyes, pretended to faint, and told her that he wasn’t being fed properly. Traitor.
When he got to Veronica’s Michael smiled at him from the kitchen bench, all teeth, milk moustache and bright eyes. He could relate. There was something about spending time with her that warmed a guy. She had a kind of enduring patience that could even accept and cope with Michael and some of his more anal tendencies. It was a patience that Lincoln hoped never wore thin.
‘Heya, Linc.’ She smiled at him from behind Michael and he noticed that she was wearing her star earrings. She said she wore those earrings on the days she had history because the light in that classroom hit the small stones in just the perfect way and made little rainbows dance up and down the wall.
He gave a wave and grunt response. ‘Busy day?’ she asked. It had been. He’d worked from 4 am until midday. Then there was the whole Walmart thing.
‘Uh, Ronnie? Can we talk?’ he asked.
‘Sure.’ She smiled expectantly and Michael just leaned back in his chair, aware of what was coming, and not willing to help Lincoln one bit.
‘Michael?’
‘Yup?’
‘Get lost.’
Veronica frowned a little, threw Michael a cookie as he gave a dramatic sigh and slumped out of the kitchen.
‘We’re alone.’ Lincoln took a moment to state the obvious.
‘What is it this time?’ Veronica eyed him warily.
‘Huh?’
‘The last time you asked to talk to me alone, you wanted me to hide pot in my underwear drawer. I’m still grounded.’
‘No. Not that, that was a stupid idea anyway.’
‘No shit. So, what then?’
‘It’s just that, ah, well. My bounty is as-’
‘Your what?’
‘My bounty is as boundless as the, er… Hold it… My bounty is as… uh, my love is… shit.’
‘Your love is shit?’
‘Quiet. I’m talking here. Both are infinite.’
‘Jesus, have you moved up to crack now?’
‘My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as-’
‘Linc. You’re scaring me.’
‘Fuck it. Ronnie? I think you’re cool.’
‘That’s what you wanted to say?’
‘Uh, yeah.’
‘Ok.’
‘Cool.’
‘Fine.’
‘Great.’
Her head bowed with a shy smile and light caught in one of her earrings, a rainbow danced over Lincoln’s chest and a silence stretched out between them that was neither awkward, nor unwelcome.
Authors: volatile/becisvolatile
Rating: Pg-13 (for one or two naughty words)
Characters: Lincoln, Veronica, Michael
Genre: Humor, Fluff.
Summary: Lincoln has something to say…
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have no original thoughts; I'm merely dreaming and drooling.
Notes: This came from a discussion about Lincoln and Hallmark cards. Blame thelana, it’s her fault. I liked it about three hours ago, now it bugs me. Plus, I totally need to get a beta. Criticism is welcome.
Also, that whole 'My bounty is as boundless...' thing? Shakespeare's. Not mine. Duh.
‘Tomato soup?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Again?’
‘Michael…’
‘Three nights in a row, Linc. We’ve had tomato soup three nights in a row.’
‘Yeah. I’m getting good at making it now.’
‘You add water and microwave it. Not rocket science.’
‘I burnt it that first night.’
‘I remember.’
‘Besides. Those pamphlets at the school counselor’s office said that repetition, ritual and stability will help develop a healthy home environment.’
‘Somehow, I don’t think they meant this.’ Michael jabbed a finger at the microwave.
Lincoln rubbed his hands down the front of his worn jeans and shrugged, ‘What do you want instead? Bread dipped in water?’
‘We ran out of bread last week.’
‘Then it’s a good thing we have soup.’
Lincoln turned back and watched the soup turn in the microwave. He’d actually meant to pick up some hot dogs or something, a sort of treat for Michael, but he’d forgotten. Walking around the neighborhood with Veronica usually did that to him. More so than usual in recent months, Linc found himself thinking about Veronica a lot.
Homecoming was coming up and he wondered if he should offer to escort her. Purely for her own safety, of course. At least he’d look after her. If she went with one of the ass-wipes from her own year she’d probably find herself pinned in the alley behind a dumpster at three am. Yeah, he’d ask her. For her own good.
‘Linc?’
‘Hmmm?’
‘You going to watch that soup boil over some more or what?’
*****
Ok, so he hadn’t asked her. She hadn’t even gone. Which meant that she hadn’t gone with some other jerk. Problem solved. Sorta.
Seemed to Linc that far too many of those jerks were sniffing around Veronica. Of course, he didn’t share a gene pool with Michael for nothing. He had a plan.
Girls liked being told that they were loved. Even Veronica was girly enough to believe him if he said he loved her, which he totally could, just to, y’know, remove her from the market. Really, it was for her own good.
If people could look at Veronica and know that he’d claimed her, they’d keep their filthy hands off. Which was the only reason he was doing it. Really.
Of course, telling a chick that you ‘love’ her was not the easiest of things to do. Lincoln needed to do his research. He wanted to do it right.
For Veronica’s sake.
Lincoln reclined on the couch and flicked on the TV. There were a couple dots of blue in one corner, it was an old screen, but the sound worked just fine.
‘… Colorado, I think it’s time I told you the truth. Even though I was kidnapped by time traveling pirates and forced to bear the love children of an evil dictator, my heart has always been yours. Even when Apache tried to bury me alive, my only thought was of returning to your side. When dyslexic monkeys from mars abducted me so that I could rule over their…’
Possibly day-time soap operas were not the best place to gather lines of the romantic persuasion. Linc turned off the TV in disgust and slumped back into the couch to contemplate his dilemma. When Michael returned from school two hours later, Lincoln was still on the lounge, pouting (though he’d never admit it) with his arms crossed over his chest and eyes narrowed.
It was Linc’s thinking position. It was a sight that gave Michael cause to worry. Often.
‘Uh, Linc?’
‘I love you!!’ his older brother half screamed in frustration.
‘Uh, nice to know.’
‘No… well, yeah, but not you. I mean, yeah, you. But not now. Well, yeah I love you now. Always. But I’m trying to work out how to say it.’
‘I thought you just did.’
‘To a girl, idiot.’
‘Oh, well you might want to consider doing it more quietly. It was a bit scary with all that volume.’
‘Right. Quiet.’ he was silent for a moment, then whispered, ‘I love you.’
Michael screwed up his nose. ‘No. Maybe not, that’s kinda creepy. You sound like the guy on the corner who’s always asking if I want candy.’
‘Right not whis- what guy?!’
‘What girl?’
‘Huh?’
‘The girl. The one you love? It’s Veronica, isn’t it?’
‘None of your business.’
‘You can’t start making out with Veronica. Who’ll cook me a decent meal if she’s too busy with your tongue down her throat?’
‘Are you going to help me, or not?’
‘Well, it would mean she was around more often. Plus, she might quit dating that guy from the track team.’
‘Track team?’ Lincoln sat forward and dug his nails into his jeans.
‘Yeah. Big guy. Huge guy. Drives his own car and all.’
‘Know the make and model?’
‘Yeah, it’s a red… wait, why?’
‘No reason.’ Lincoln stood and walked towards the closet by the front door.
‘Linc, I might believe you if you weren’t looking for your old baseball bat while you said that.’
*****
Time was against him, the sharks were circling and Veronica was prime bait. Or, so he imagined the other guys thought. He didn’t see her that way, she was like a sister to him. Really.
Of course, he was no further along in finding the right way to say what was needed. In fact, the only development on that front was that Veronica was newly single. The guy from the track team had stood her up. Bastard.
Apparently, someone had totaled his car with a baseball bat. Go figure.
Veronica’s new single status was not the reprieve he had hoped for, in fact, it seemed that there was an unusual amount of guys leaning coolly against the hoods of their cars (Linc had been sure to write down their specifics) out the front of her house.
He needed to take action.
‘O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night as a rich jewel in Ethiope’s ear!,’ Lincoln read from the sheet of paper that his younger brother had given him. ‘This stuff doesn’t really work on women, does it?’
‘It has before.’ Michael replied with a look of superior intelligence.
‘Really?’
‘Romeo and Juliet?’
‘Wait, didn’t they die?’
‘You’ve read it?’
‘I think it was a midday movie a month or so ago. You could have come up with something better, Michael.’
‘I don’t shave yet. Why are you even asking me for romantic advice?’
Michael had a point; Lincoln balled up the sheet of paper and threw it to the floor.
*****
The situation was desperate. He needed to tell Veronica that he loved her because… well, he wasn’t even sure why anymore. He just new that it needed to be done. Soon.
She and Michael usually walked home from school together. When they got home today he was going to tell her. He had it all planned. It would be a Hallmark moment, literally.
The solution had come to him after a particularly saccharine tissue ad. Girls were always banging on about how romantic things like that were. Fluffy ducks, sleeping babies. That sort of stuff. Nothing had more of that crap than greeting cards. Which, explained how Lincoln came to be standing in front of a card display at the local Walmart, picking up cards and sorting them. Left pile for ‘crap’, middle for ‘workable’ and right for ‘gold’.
Bon Voyage: Hope your plane doesn’t crash and burn, ‘Crap’.
Your breath is sweeter than honey, ‘Uh, maybe workable.’
I’m hot for you, ‘True, but crap.’
Your blue eyes cause blue skies, ‘Crap. Her eyes are grey.’
My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite, ‘Wow. Bet the guy who wrote this got laid heaps. He should be like, famous or something. This is the one.’
Lincoln was certain that the card in his hand held the perfect words to tell Veronica that he loved her. Or, y’know, tellherthathelovedherforherowngoodtokeepotherguysaway.
Memorizing it proved a bitch. He stood by the stand for nearly an hour, rubbing the knuckles of his right hand up and down his thigh, committing the words to memory.
‘My bounty is as… My bounty is as bountiful as… fuck.’
For a moment he considered just pocketing the card. He’d done that sort of thing before. But somehow it seemed wrong for theft to be involved in a declaration of love.
Leaning by the stand, he continued the lines over and over, waiting for them to take hold in his mind. ‘The more I give thee, the more I want… No. The more I want, the… Yeah? What are you looking at buddy? Move it on!’
It was getting close to the end of school when he finally felt that he had the piece down. He repeated it five times in a row without fucking up. Perfect. He grinned out of the side of his mouth, ran a hand over his jaw and replaced the card.
Now, he just had to go tell Veronica.
*****
By the time he got home he had worked himself into a state of damn near romantic perfection. So it was somewhat anti-climatic to find that no one was there when he opened the door. It didn’t take him long to remember that Veronica’s father was working late. Michael had probably done that thing with his eyes, pretended to faint, and told her that he wasn’t being fed properly. Traitor.
When he got to Veronica’s Michael smiled at him from the kitchen bench, all teeth, milk moustache and bright eyes. He could relate. There was something about spending time with her that warmed a guy. She had a kind of enduring patience that could even accept and cope with Michael and some of his more anal tendencies. It was a patience that Lincoln hoped never wore thin.
‘Heya, Linc.’ She smiled at him from behind Michael and he noticed that she was wearing her star earrings. She said she wore those earrings on the days she had history because the light in that classroom hit the small stones in just the perfect way and made little rainbows dance up and down the wall.
He gave a wave and grunt response. ‘Busy day?’ she asked. It had been. He’d worked from 4 am until midday. Then there was the whole Walmart thing.
‘Uh, Ronnie? Can we talk?’ he asked.
‘Sure.’ She smiled expectantly and Michael just leaned back in his chair, aware of what was coming, and not willing to help Lincoln one bit.
‘Michael?’
‘Yup?’
‘Get lost.’
Veronica frowned a little, threw Michael a cookie as he gave a dramatic sigh and slumped out of the kitchen.
‘We’re alone.’ Lincoln took a moment to state the obvious.
‘What is it this time?’ Veronica eyed him warily.
‘Huh?’
‘The last time you asked to talk to me alone, you wanted me to hide pot in my underwear drawer. I’m still grounded.’
‘No. Not that, that was a stupid idea anyway.’
‘No shit. So, what then?’
‘It’s just that, ah, well. My bounty is as-’
‘Your what?’
‘My bounty is as boundless as the, er… Hold it… My bounty is as… uh, my love is… shit.’
‘Your love is shit?’
‘Quiet. I’m talking here. Both are infinite.’
‘Jesus, have you moved up to crack now?’
‘My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as-’
‘Linc. You’re scaring me.’
‘Fuck it. Ronnie? I think you’re cool.’
‘That’s what you wanted to say?’
‘Uh, yeah.’
‘Ok.’
‘Cool.’
‘Fine.’
‘Great.’
Her head bowed with a shy smile and light caught in one of her earrings, a rainbow danced over Lincoln’s chest and a silence stretched out between them that was neither awkward, nor unwelcome.