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[becauseilive]

This weekend I will be going to my grandmother's house for the last time. I don't know what the exact word is to describe what I'm feeling as I countdown the days until we depart for Florida: devastated, heart-broken, bittersweet, nostalgic. I'm toeing the edges of a sadness I can't quite justify, trapped in the state of feeling lost and loss at

Comments

[wetmittens]

I'm crying. This all hits so close to home, too. My grandmother has spun off into la-la land since my grandfather died. I visit her a couple times a month in her nursing home, each visit she bares less and less resemblance to the beautiful, shining, curly red-headed woman I try so steadfastly to hold her to. So odd, too, I think my grandparents were married 56 years! Two months before my grandpa passed away, we had a huge 56th wedding anniversary celebration, per his request.

I've also been mourning the death of him in this way that I'm mourning the passing of what a "good" or "real" man is.
I hope you are able to pluck all the momentos you can possibly hold from their house. Memories are so precious, thank God for them.
<3<3<3

[becauseilive]

You know, I thought about your adorable grandparents while I was writing this, because I remembered those similarities, too. I know what you mean about the anguish of seeing someone you've loved so much, for so long, diminish right in front of you. My grandfather used to be strong and happy, he smiled and loved his grandchildren and would do ANYTHING for anybody...and now he just looks right through me like I'm not even there. I know that he's snapped, and that the combination of a broken heart and mild dementia and multiple strokes is the culprit, but it still hurts. I wish God would just take him away and let him finally be at rest.

We're taking my mom's SUV, and putting a rooftop carrier on top of it, so hopefully I can get the most important things. I want to take everything, like even the furniture and the bathmats, but I know that's not possible and besides I think that's how hoarding starts...? lol