the wings that guide your broken flight

[becauseilive]

There was so much love here, it's impossible to believe that any amount of pain could ever override that. Yes, I sat beside her on the pink-and-white bed she'd had for thirty years and watched God slowly take her from me, I gripped her hand and detached my mind, I chose not to see that which at the time could not be believed, even though those

Comments

[cranaspen]

I've always thought that Florida isn't a good home for you now that your grandparents are absent from the state. You're a person who needs their family near them, and your family is in New Jersey.

[amphetaminexx]

Thank you for writing this. I've been going through the same thing for two years, three years I don't know because my brain shut down when my grandfather died in a foreign country that looked nothing like the world we made on our little island in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. I can't talk about it or think about it and I can't keep track of time, but just know that you are not alone in losing the one person that made the world feel like a storybook. I don't know if it gets better. I just remember thinking that if there's a heaven, I'll see him again but what if I live a really long time? It's unbearable and no place feels concrete anymore.

[becauseilive]

Isn't it strange how the world stops spinning, and yet you keep on moving through it?

[amphetaminexx]

What you said just made me realize something. I think my whole life, I always knew I'd be a wanderer. The thought of permanence is so appealing yet so repulsive at the same time, like if I stop for too long in one place, I will cease to exist. With my grandfather, I always knew that no matter how far I wandered or who I became, he would always be that permanent place that wasn't scary, that place where you recuperate and reinvent yourself before heading back out into the world. When he died, I stopped, like a pause button was pressed on my life and I wonder now if it's because I realize that there's nowhere to go when it all becomes too much. Their little house was the only place I've ever felt pure, uncomplicated love and now it's gone and I'm afraid to move.