Yeah, I never thought you a blameless victim of anyone, not Hub1 or Hub2, or anyone. I hear the sadness and regret in this post, or maybe I'm imposing my own. My husband is someone like your 1st, except he's fully evolved, just not that into me. I have come to accept it, and that's what it is. You didn't have kids, like me, possibly because of the sig-oth's insecurities. Oh well. I think you might have been an incredible mother, but we do make our choices. Over. And over. And sometimes, in my case, we choose the easier path, and stay with what we love and fantasize about over what we really want.
Mr. wanted to be friends with his ex, back before I met him. The husband didn't think much of the plan. I married him (twice) with no enthusiasm on his part for kids, though he knew I wanted them. What is this shit? Why do we give ourselves over to the warped perspectives of these people we happen to fall in love with? It doesn't seem to ever end well for the woman.
Ah, well. You can't make people do what you want them to, in line
( ... )
thanks. I was having a conversation with my sister the other day, and found myself telling her that I had spent (for some reason) coming onto 20 years hating and badmouthing my ex, and man was it exhausting. I am trying to reassess myself and look more objectively at my attitudes and what I've been doing by habit that isn't currently useful. One horrid habit of mind that I have is rehearsing to myself the snotty little narrative "It's The Other Person's Fault." It's so transparent when I see someone else doing it, which means *gasps* my self-serving little narratives of this sort are similarly transparent to others. Egad, what an embarrassment. Why can't I stop is another question.
Thanks for the support, though.
Why do you think we give ourselves over to the warped perspectives of others?
Oh, well, naturally it takes two to tango. I assumed you were complicit, but one empathizes with one's friends first and foremost, right? In retrospect, do you see what the payoff was for you in that relationship?
Oh, he was tremendous fun, the sex was incredible and relentless, and we fulfilled each other's neurotic needs - I wanted someone completely non-violent and admired his natural extroversion, because it wasn't something I had. The problem is that marriage is a day-to-day slog where similar ideas about what is important and true really really helps. As much as it pains me to say it, fun and sex only go so far. *cringes*
Comments 5
Yeah, I never thought you a blameless victim of anyone, not Hub1 or Hub2, or anyone. I hear the sadness and regret in this post, or maybe I'm imposing my own. My husband is someone like your 1st, except he's fully evolved, just not that into me. I have come to accept it, and that's what it is. You didn't have kids, like me, possibly because of the sig-oth's insecurities. Oh well. I think you might have been an incredible mother, but we do make our choices. Over. And over. And sometimes, in my case, we choose the easier path, and stay with what we love and fantasize about over what we really want.
Mr. wanted to be friends with his ex, back before I met him. The husband didn't think much of the plan. I married him (twice) with no enthusiasm on his part for kids, though he knew I wanted them. What is this shit? Why do we give ourselves over to the warped perspectives of these people we happen to fall in love with? It doesn't seem to ever end well for the woman.
Ah, well. You can't make people do what you want them to, in line ( ... )
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Thanks for the support, though.
Why do you think we give ourselves over to the warped perspectives of others?
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