The Note You Never Wrote
Title: The Note You Never Wrote
Rating: PG
Pairing: John/Paul
Date Setting: 24 April 1976
A/N: By the way, I'm new here. I'm still quite confused. This story was inspired by the movie Two Of Us but romanticized. Hope you like. ^^
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Some references made to actual fact. I do not own any of them but I do own the story idea.
Hmm, New York. It never seems to sleep, does it? I mean, I can always count on something being open very late at night. Like if you want to have a midnight snack, you can trust there’s a restaurant or some convenience store open.
The sights are really interesting, too. You’ve got the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Times Square and places like that. 30 Rockefeller Center also seems interesting.
Oh also, the people. New Yorkers always seem more forward. There’s a certain energy about them that I can’t put my finger on. They’ve got an attitude that amuses me.
There’s a bigger reason why I like New York, isn’t there? Am I trying to avoid it? No, of course not. How long has it been? Four, five years? And what’s funny is people ask for a reunion. I don’t think the others would be up to it. Can’t they see that we’re done with it? It’s in the past now and we only look at it as a memory now.
“Do you mind me turning on the radio?” my driver asked.
“No, go ahead,” I replied.
The next song we’re going to play is Silly Love Songs! Yes, that hit song from Paul McCartney’s new album, Wings at The Speed of Sound! Speaking of Paul McCartney, wouldn’t it be fascinating if the Beatles got back together for a reunion? Send us your opinion whether the Beatles should reunite or not.
I rolled my eyes at this. Here they go again. Talking about our reunion. It will never happen…right? I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like they want to. But if they do, I’m all for it. We’ll see.
“Do you want me to turn it off,” my driver asked.
“No, leave it on,” I said. Silly Love Songs came on the radio.
I looked outside the window, noticing the street signs. They seem familiar. “Hey Frank, could you make a left on the next intersection?”
“Sure thing, sir,” he replied and made a left.
I got out of the car. Some people were staring at me. I approached the front desk of the building. The guy at the desk said, “Oh my God! You’re- ”
“Yes, I am,” I said.
“Are you here to visit- ”
“Yes, but I would like it to be a surprise.”
“Very well, sir. He’ll take you up to his room,” he said as he pointed to the elevator boy.
“Thank you,” I nodded and winked at him.
I got on the elevator and went up. I noticed that the elevator boy kept glancing at me. I waited for him to say something but there was silence. I tapped my feet a bit.
“It’s an honour to be in an elevator with you,” he finally said.
“Thank you,” I said. “Have you ever been on an elevator with Mick Jagger?” I asked him.
“N-no sir.”
“Well good.” He looked confused. I smiled a bit. I take joy in leaving people in confusion. I don’t know why. Try it. It’s really fun. Needless to say, there was silence after my statement.
We reached the floor and I got out. I told him, “Have a nice day!” over my shoulder.
“Y-you too, sir!”
I knocked on the door but no one seemed to respond. I knocked again. Still nothing. Disappointed, I started to turn on my heel until suddenly, the door flew open. He looked at me with lazy eyes and said, “McCartney.”
“Lennon,” I said matching his straight blank tone mockingly, suppressing a laugh.
“What do you want?” he asked, a bit coldly.
“Well, I was in town and thought I might give my friend, Johnnie, a visit.”
He rolled his eyes.
“Can I come in then?” I asked, pointing towards inside his apartment. I
expected him to slam the door in my face but he stepped aside and I stepped in.
I looked around the flat. Noticing the white piano, the white walls, the white curtain, the white carpet, the white furniture. It was so white. “It’s so white,” I said out loud.
“It was Yoko’s idea,” John replied.
“Oh? And where is Yoko?”
“She’s out. To promote her new art.”
“Oh.” I was about to step onto the carpet but I was immediately stopped by John saying, “’Ey! Take off your shoes first!”
I looked down at my feet and bent down to take my shoes off. I put it in the area where the shoes are. I jokingly glared at him. I then approached the piano and said, “D’you mind?” while pointing to it.
“Go ahead,” he said and disappeared into the kitchen. “Would you like some tea?” he yelled from the kitchen.
“Sure,” I yelled back. I sat down at the piano and started playing a random tune.
“What kind d’you want?”
“What?” I stopped playing.
“What kind of tea d’you want?”
“Oh, whatever.”
I went back to playing random chords and tunes. Usually from songs that I wrote before. What do I expect to happen here? He can’t accept me the way I would like him to. I just want to talk to him again and see him. Is that so wrong?
A couple of minutes later, he came out with a tray and cups. He handed me a cup. We drank the tea in silence.
“What’re you doing ‘ere?” he asked.
“I’ve got a concert at Madison Square Garden,” I said.
“Oh. You’ll be up there playin’ your silly little love songs, eh?”
He made an allusion to my song. I’m surprised he listened to my solo albums. “And what do you know about Silly Love Songs?” I asked.
He shrugged. “It could be better.”
Silence. I started drumming my fingers on my knee. I looked over at his picture frames and stood up to get a closer look at them. “Is this little Sean?” I asked pointing to a picture of a baby looking at the camera with food all over his face.
“Yes, that’s ‘im.”
“How old is he?”
“He’s about…seven months.”
“So precious, isn’t he?”
“Very precious indeed.”
“So, Yoko is promoting, what she calls, ‘art’?” I said. Though I immediately regretted saying it.
John’s face tightened. “There you go again! Always patronizing Yoko! Why have you always degraded her? Ever since I started dating her, you were always so reprimanding of her! You couldn’t just be happy for me, could you? Why were you always like that to her? Huh? McCartney?! Tell me!” He went about angrily as he stood up.
“Me? Why do I always get blamed for everything?! What about you? When you started dating her, it was like she was your shield! You hardly talked to me anymore! Every day you got colder and meaner towards me! We were best mates! We spent almost every hour together back then! What happened there?!” I said, near shouting volume. I, too, stood up in anger.
“Because I grew up! I’m not a kid anymore, McCartney!”
“That doesn’t explain anything! Tell me the truth!”
“You can’t handle the truth!”
“Tell me!” I looked into his eyes, trying to pry the truth out of him.
“BECAUSE! I was JEALOUS!” he yelled out in frustration.
“What?!”
“YES! I was jealous! I was jealous of Jane! Then later on, I was jealous of Linda! I wished so badly that I was in her place, beside you. To have your attention like that. I was jealous.”
“But we were around together more than she and I have. How could you be jealous?”
“Of course I couldn’t go about telling me best mate that I wanted to hug him! That I wanted to cuddle him at night! That I wanted to…” he paused. “That I wanted to kiss him..”
I stood there, astonished. John had wanted to kiss me? He had wanted the same things I wanted? After all these years, he said nothing. Hid everything from me when I could very well return what he was feeling. Just imagine if we’d gotten together back then!
I slowly sat down on the chair that was at nearest proximity. Neither of us saying a word. This isn’t a dream right? He actually said those words, right?
He then sat on the chair across from mine, taking a cigarette and lighting it.
Long minutes passed and neither of us had uttered anything. I was still trying to absorb what happened and what he said.
“Paul,” John said, breaking the long silence. I jumped at the sound of his voice suddenly piercing through the silence.
I looked up at him.
“D’you want to go outside for some fresh air?”
“Where would we go?” I asked, rather quietly.
“We could go up to the roof. We wouldn’t need to hide or disguise ourselves there.”
I nodded silently.
We got to the roof and the sun was setting. The sky was splashed with a warm and wonderful orange colour. There was a slight cool breeze and it helped me to breathe a lot easier. It helped clear my head a bit.
“Nice view,” I said.
“Yes, I escape here sometimes when I’m frustrated or need to be creative.”
I nodded.
“Look Paulie, I didn’t mean to tell you just like that. Actually, I wasn’t even planning to tell you.”
“I wish you would have told me. That way, I wouldn’t have been beating myself up every time you were with a bird.”
“Well, I only had the birds because I wanted to fulfill my desire. I then realized that no matter how many women I had with me, I still wanted you. I guess with all that, I got frustrated and became more distant and irritable.”
“Oh,” I said in realization.
I sat on the ground and he did the same. I looked into his eyes, through the glass. It felt like I could look into them and know what he was feeling, unlike in most occasions. It’s rare to see him vulnerable like this.
I sensed worry, frustration and desire. Without saying another word, our lips met into a kiss. Slowly, we melted together, fit together like a perfect puzzle piece. After many years of trying to hide and fight it, here we were, graciously enjoying each other’s touch, lips and tongues.
It was such an emotional time for both of us that we both found ourselves crying. It was mixed with joy, relief, exhilaration, sadness, fear and so many other emotions that I can’t describe.
We pulled away for a bit and leaned our foreheads on each others. We looked into each other’s eyes and smiled. John wiped a tear from my eye and pushed some of my hair from my face.
“Paulie,” he said. “You don’t know how happy I am right now.”
“I’m pretty sure I can imagine.”
“It makes me want to scream,” he said enthusiastically.
“Well then, scream!” I beamed.
He stood up and grinned. With great joy, he screamed all he could from his lungs and throat. When he finished, he looked to me and said, “You do it too, Macca!”
I looked a bit wary but he said, “Go on. No one will hurt ya. You’ll feel a lot better when you do. Trust me.”
“Okay,” I said and got up. I screamed a little bit and didn’t give it much effort.
“Louder, Macca!”
I had another go. This time, a lot louder and with more power. It did make me feel better. It felt like a huge weight has been lifted from me! We didn’t have a care in the world. Just me, on top of the roof, with my very best mate. It felt so wonderful!
I laughed and John came to hug me. We kissed again and held each other tightly. When it got darker out, we went back to the apartment to do some-ahem- long awaited “business.” I won’t give any details but it was incredibly amazing!
We were watching the telly late at night. It was a show called Saturday Night Live. We were almost falling asleep until this guy, Lorne Michaels came on. I was nudging John awake to listen to him. He opened his eyes lazily. He was offering the Beatles a laughable amount of $3,000 just to have a reunion on the show. John and I laughed at he was saying.
When the segment was over, John stood up and said, “Let’s go!”
“What? Go where?” I looked at him as if he were crazy.
“Down there! To the show! It’s live! Just for a couple of laughs. Let’s go!”
I contemplated for a bit then said, “Okay!”
“I’m going to get changed,” he said and rushed to his room.
I scrambled to the bathroom to pee really quickly and then after, I ran to get to my shoes.
When he was fully dressed, the phone suddenly rang. John rushed to it and aswered, “Hello?...Oh Yoko…How’s Sean?...Aww, that’s great…Oh?...Oh, I see…Yeah, I understand…I was just about to go to bed…Yep…Okay, bye…I, uh, love you too.” He hung up.
I looked at my feet through out the whole phone call. I was disappointed. He came to me and said, “That was Yoko. She said she’s going away longer than expected.”
“Oh?” was all I said. I looked into his eyes.
“Yeah. Actually, I’m a bit tired. We should probably skip going to the show.”
“Okay,” I said sadly as I looked at my feet again.
“No, no, don’t be sad. We had a very good time.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I’ll be waiting for your next visit. When d’you suppose you’ll come again?”
“I don’t know. I may surprise you,” I said, trying to sound mysterious. I grinned.
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow then?” he said as he grinned back.
“Okay.”
He pecked me on the lips and gave me a farewell hug. “G’night, Paulie. I love you.”
“I love you, too. See you tomorrow.” With one last look, I left.
After that day that I visited him, I came by as often as I could, even when Yoko was there. I came over, I would help them take care of Sean. I would play with him. He’s such a precious little boy. He looks so much like his father. I think he’s going to be a lot like his father.
Of course, we kept our love a secret from her and Linda and pretty much everyone else. I have never seen John so happy before. And in retrospect, I’ve never felt so happy before. We were burning through the sky! It felt supersonic!
Rating: PG
Pairing: John/Paul
Date Setting: 24 April 1976
A/N: By the way, I'm new here. I'm still quite confused. This story was inspired by the movie Two Of Us but romanticized. Hope you like. ^^
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Some references made to actual fact. I do not own any of them but I do own the story idea.
Hmm, New York. It never seems to sleep, does it? I mean, I can always count on something being open very late at night. Like if you want to have a midnight snack, you can trust there’s a restaurant or some convenience store open.
The sights are really interesting, too. You’ve got the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Times Square and places like that. 30 Rockefeller Center also seems interesting.
Oh also, the people. New Yorkers always seem more forward. There’s a certain energy about them that I can’t put my finger on. They’ve got an attitude that amuses me.
There’s a bigger reason why I like New York, isn’t there? Am I trying to avoid it? No, of course not. How long has it been? Four, five years? And what’s funny is people ask for a reunion. I don’t think the others would be up to it. Can’t they see that we’re done with it? It’s in the past now and we only look at it as a memory now.
“Do you mind me turning on the radio?” my driver asked.
“No, go ahead,” I replied.
The next song we’re going to play is Silly Love Songs! Yes, that hit song from Paul McCartney’s new album, Wings at The Speed of Sound! Speaking of Paul McCartney, wouldn’t it be fascinating if the Beatles got back together for a reunion? Send us your opinion whether the Beatles should reunite or not.
I rolled my eyes at this. Here they go again. Talking about our reunion. It will never happen…right? I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like they want to. But if they do, I’m all for it. We’ll see.
“Do you want me to turn it off,” my driver asked.
“No, leave it on,” I said. Silly Love Songs came on the radio.
I looked outside the window, noticing the street signs. They seem familiar. “Hey Frank, could you make a left on the next intersection?”
“Sure thing, sir,” he replied and made a left.
I got out of the car. Some people were staring at me. I approached the front desk of the building. The guy at the desk said, “Oh my God! You’re- ”
“Yes, I am,” I said.
“Are you here to visit- ”
“Yes, but I would like it to be a surprise.”
“Very well, sir. He’ll take you up to his room,” he said as he pointed to the elevator boy.
“Thank you,” I nodded and winked at him.
I got on the elevator and went up. I noticed that the elevator boy kept glancing at me. I waited for him to say something but there was silence. I tapped my feet a bit.
“It’s an honour to be in an elevator with you,” he finally said.
“Thank you,” I said. “Have you ever been on an elevator with Mick Jagger?” I asked him.
“N-no sir.”
“Well good.” He looked confused. I smiled a bit. I take joy in leaving people in confusion. I don’t know why. Try it. It’s really fun. Needless to say, there was silence after my statement.
We reached the floor and I got out. I told him, “Have a nice day!” over my shoulder.
“Y-you too, sir!”
I knocked on the door but no one seemed to respond. I knocked again. Still nothing. Disappointed, I started to turn on my heel until suddenly, the door flew open. He looked at me with lazy eyes and said, “McCartney.”
“Lennon,” I said matching his straight blank tone mockingly, suppressing a laugh.
“What do you want?” he asked, a bit coldly.
“Well, I was in town and thought I might give my friend, Johnnie, a visit.”
He rolled his eyes.
“Can I come in then?” I asked, pointing towards inside his apartment. I
expected him to slam the door in my face but he stepped aside and I stepped in.
I looked around the flat. Noticing the white piano, the white walls, the white curtain, the white carpet, the white furniture. It was so white. “It’s so white,” I said out loud.
“It was Yoko’s idea,” John replied.
“Oh? And where is Yoko?”
“She’s out. To promote her new art.”
“Oh.” I was about to step onto the carpet but I was immediately stopped by John saying, “’Ey! Take off your shoes first!”
I looked down at my feet and bent down to take my shoes off. I put it in the area where the shoes are. I jokingly glared at him. I then approached the piano and said, “D’you mind?” while pointing to it.
“Go ahead,” he said and disappeared into the kitchen. “Would you like some tea?” he yelled from the kitchen.
“Sure,” I yelled back. I sat down at the piano and started playing a random tune.
“What kind d’you want?”
“What?” I stopped playing.
“What kind of tea d’you want?”
“Oh, whatever.”
I went back to playing random chords and tunes. Usually from songs that I wrote before. What do I expect to happen here? He can’t accept me the way I would like him to. I just want to talk to him again and see him. Is that so wrong?
A couple of minutes later, he came out with a tray and cups. He handed me a cup. We drank the tea in silence.
“What’re you doing ‘ere?” he asked.
“I’ve got a concert at Madison Square Garden,” I said.
“Oh. You’ll be up there playin’ your silly little love songs, eh?”
He made an allusion to my song. I’m surprised he listened to my solo albums. “And what do you know about Silly Love Songs?” I asked.
He shrugged. “It could be better.”
Silence. I started drumming my fingers on my knee. I looked over at his picture frames and stood up to get a closer look at them. “Is this little Sean?” I asked pointing to a picture of a baby looking at the camera with food all over his face.
“Yes, that’s ‘im.”
“How old is he?”
“He’s about…seven months.”
“So precious, isn’t he?”
“Very precious indeed.”
“So, Yoko is promoting, what she calls, ‘art’?” I said. Though I immediately regretted saying it.
John’s face tightened. “There you go again! Always patronizing Yoko! Why have you always degraded her? Ever since I started dating her, you were always so reprimanding of her! You couldn’t just be happy for me, could you? Why were you always like that to her? Huh? McCartney?! Tell me!” He went about angrily as he stood up.
“Me? Why do I always get blamed for everything?! What about you? When you started dating her, it was like she was your shield! You hardly talked to me anymore! Every day you got colder and meaner towards me! We were best mates! We spent almost every hour together back then! What happened there?!” I said, near shouting volume. I, too, stood up in anger.
“Because I grew up! I’m not a kid anymore, McCartney!”
“That doesn’t explain anything! Tell me the truth!”
“You can’t handle the truth!”
“Tell me!” I looked into his eyes, trying to pry the truth out of him.
“BECAUSE! I was JEALOUS!” he yelled out in frustration.
“What?!”
“YES! I was jealous! I was jealous of Jane! Then later on, I was jealous of Linda! I wished so badly that I was in her place, beside you. To have your attention like that. I was jealous.”
“But we were around together more than she and I have. How could you be jealous?”
“Of course I couldn’t go about telling me best mate that I wanted to hug him! That I wanted to cuddle him at night! That I wanted to…” he paused. “That I wanted to kiss him..”
I stood there, astonished. John had wanted to kiss me? He had wanted the same things I wanted? After all these years, he said nothing. Hid everything from me when I could very well return what he was feeling. Just imagine if we’d gotten together back then!
I slowly sat down on the chair that was at nearest proximity. Neither of us saying a word. This isn’t a dream right? He actually said those words, right?
He then sat on the chair across from mine, taking a cigarette and lighting it.
Long minutes passed and neither of us had uttered anything. I was still trying to absorb what happened and what he said.
“Paul,” John said, breaking the long silence. I jumped at the sound of his voice suddenly piercing through the silence.
I looked up at him.
“D’you want to go outside for some fresh air?”
“Where would we go?” I asked, rather quietly.
“We could go up to the roof. We wouldn’t need to hide or disguise ourselves there.”
I nodded silently.
We got to the roof and the sun was setting. The sky was splashed with a warm and wonderful orange colour. There was a slight cool breeze and it helped me to breathe a lot easier. It helped clear my head a bit.
“Nice view,” I said.
“Yes, I escape here sometimes when I’m frustrated or need to be creative.”
I nodded.
“Look Paulie, I didn’t mean to tell you just like that. Actually, I wasn’t even planning to tell you.”
“I wish you would have told me. That way, I wouldn’t have been beating myself up every time you were with a bird.”
“Well, I only had the birds because I wanted to fulfill my desire. I then realized that no matter how many women I had with me, I still wanted you. I guess with all that, I got frustrated and became more distant and irritable.”
“Oh,” I said in realization.
I sat on the ground and he did the same. I looked into his eyes, through the glass. It felt like I could look into them and know what he was feeling, unlike in most occasions. It’s rare to see him vulnerable like this.
I sensed worry, frustration and desire. Without saying another word, our lips met into a kiss. Slowly, we melted together, fit together like a perfect puzzle piece. After many years of trying to hide and fight it, here we were, graciously enjoying each other’s touch, lips and tongues.
It was such an emotional time for both of us that we both found ourselves crying. It was mixed with joy, relief, exhilaration, sadness, fear and so many other emotions that I can’t describe.
We pulled away for a bit and leaned our foreheads on each others. We looked into each other’s eyes and smiled. John wiped a tear from my eye and pushed some of my hair from my face.
“Paulie,” he said. “You don’t know how happy I am right now.”
“I’m pretty sure I can imagine.”
“It makes me want to scream,” he said enthusiastically.
“Well then, scream!” I beamed.
He stood up and grinned. With great joy, he screamed all he could from his lungs and throat. When he finished, he looked to me and said, “You do it too, Macca!”
I looked a bit wary but he said, “Go on. No one will hurt ya. You’ll feel a lot better when you do. Trust me.”
“Okay,” I said and got up. I screamed a little bit and didn’t give it much effort.
“Louder, Macca!”
I had another go. This time, a lot louder and with more power. It did make me feel better. It felt like a huge weight has been lifted from me! We didn’t have a care in the world. Just me, on top of the roof, with my very best mate. It felt so wonderful!
I laughed and John came to hug me. We kissed again and held each other tightly. When it got darker out, we went back to the apartment to do some-ahem- long awaited “business.” I won’t give any details but it was incredibly amazing!
We were watching the telly late at night. It was a show called Saturday Night Live. We were almost falling asleep until this guy, Lorne Michaels came on. I was nudging John awake to listen to him. He opened his eyes lazily. He was offering the Beatles a laughable amount of $3,000 just to have a reunion on the show. John and I laughed at he was saying.
When the segment was over, John stood up and said, “Let’s go!”
“What? Go where?” I looked at him as if he were crazy.
“Down there! To the show! It’s live! Just for a couple of laughs. Let’s go!”
I contemplated for a bit then said, “Okay!”
“I’m going to get changed,” he said and rushed to his room.
I scrambled to the bathroom to pee really quickly and then after, I ran to get to my shoes.
When he was fully dressed, the phone suddenly rang. John rushed to it and aswered, “Hello?...Oh Yoko…How’s Sean?...Aww, that’s great…Oh?...Oh, I see…Yeah, I understand…I was just about to go to bed…Yep…Okay, bye…I, uh, love you too.” He hung up.
I looked at my feet through out the whole phone call. I was disappointed. He came to me and said, “That was Yoko. She said she’s going away longer than expected.”
“Oh?” was all I said. I looked into his eyes.
“Yeah. Actually, I’m a bit tired. We should probably skip going to the show.”
“Okay,” I said sadly as I looked at my feet again.
“No, no, don’t be sad. We had a very good time.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I’ll be waiting for your next visit. When d’you suppose you’ll come again?”
“I don’t know. I may surprise you,” I said, trying to sound mysterious. I grinned.
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow then?” he said as he grinned back.
“Okay.”
He pecked me on the lips and gave me a farewell hug. “G’night, Paulie. I love you.”
“I love you, too. See you tomorrow.” With one last look, I left.
After that day that I visited him, I came by as often as I could, even when Yoko was there. I came over, I would help them take care of Sean. I would play with him. He’s such a precious little boy. He looks so much like his father. I think he’s going to be a lot like his father.
Of course, we kept our love a secret from her and Linda and pretty much everyone else. I have never seen John so happy before. And in retrospect, I’ve never felt so happy before. We were burning through the sky! It felt supersonic!