Teach Me 5/5
Title: Teach Me 5/5
Pairing: Yunho/Yoohwan (Changmin/Yoochun, minor Jaejoong/Yoohwan)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They are only mine to mess around with and make awesome pairings with.
Summary: Yoohwan is so tired of listening to his brother and Changmin fuck. It's just another reminder that he is alone, that his brother doesn't need or want him anymore. He wants someone to hold, someone to kiss, someone to touch. Enter Yunho, the sexy latte boy at Kiss B. But with an overprotective brother, even that relationship is doomed to fail as nothing more than a fuck.
A/N: This fic is a sequel of sorts to the Changmin/Yoochun fic Follow Me but I don't think you need to read that one to read this one.
Warnings: implied past!rape, pedophilia, prostitution, abuse, incest. But none of those things happens in this fic.
Yoohwan is 15, Yunho is 18.
Part 5: Aware
A/N: This fic did things that I was not expecting for as often as this happens, I should start to expect it. I was expecting it to focus on Yunho/Yoohwan, but it's been more focused on Yoohwan/Yoochun. With this in mind, the story to my brain is done, but the relationship with Yunho/Yoohwan is open. The only way that relationship is going to end, though, is through heartache when Yunho leaves for the military and then college, and I don't want to write that. So, I'm changing the summary of this fic a little bit, and calling it good. I might add an epilogue, but don't get your hopes up.
Yoohwan had no idea how long he’d been coughing when a soft hand touched his back. He jumped in surprise, trying to turn around, and he toppled, right into Yunho. He whimpered, a noise of protest, but Yunho did nothing more than hold him, let him muffle his coughs against his chest.
“Sorry,” Yoohwan gasped, as soon as he could. “I’m sorry. My brother ...”
“I actually understand,” Yunho said and ran his hands through Yoohwan’s hair. “I have a younger sister. I would do anything to protect her. I’m pretty sure I’ve embarrassed her in front of a boy before. I won’t ever again.”
Yoohwan sobbed out a laugh. “I’m sorry.”
Yunho’s phone rang. Frowning, he pulled it from his pocket and looked at the display. He snorted. “You’re calling me.” He turned the phone so Yoohwan could see, and sure enough, it was a picture of him and his name “Yoohwan” complete with a little heart.
Yoohwan smiled and snuggled just a little closer to Yunho’s chest. “Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.”
“I can’t help it. He ruined everything.”
“No he didn’t.” Yunho used one hand to tilt Yoochun’s face up. “He just interrupted our nap. That’s all. Can I kiss you?”
Yoohwan shut his eyes and whimpered as their lips touched. Yunho’s arm tightened around him, mouths open, breaths heavy.
“I’d invite you to my house, but my parents will kill me if they ever find out that I’m gay.”
“It’s okay. I’ll go to Jaejoong-hyung’s.”
“You do that often?”
“No, but he understands what’s going on.”
Yunho frowned. “What is going on?”
Yoohwan finally pulled away from him. “I did promise you later, didn’t I?”
“Let’s go somewhere else and talk about this.”
Yoohwan nodded. They were still a bit too close to their apartment. Yoochun could come out and look for him. Yoohwan pushed away from the wall and held out his hand. Smiling, Yunho took it. Yoohwan did not say anything as he led them to a convenience store. Yunho bought him a bottle of water and bought a juice for himself.
Yoohwan led Yunho through alleys he knew well, from nights spent walking when he could not sleep because of his cough or just because of the nightmares.
“I guess it’s okay to talk to you about these things,” Yoohwan said and pulled himself up onto a waist-high brick wall. He held out his hands and walked, toe pressed to toe. “I mean, it’s not like you’re sticking around or anything. My mother died when I was little, too little to really remember anything about her but sadness. I have no memory of her smiling. Only tears. Yoochun-hyung said she had a beautiful smile. I have no idea why my father did it, for the power, for the prestige it earned him, who knows? I’ve spent too many nights trying to figure it out and only talked myself in circles on the edge of depression.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if it’s difficult.”
Yoohwan smiled down at him and shook his head. “It is what it is now. I live for Yoochun, he lives for me. Mostly. Or he did, until Changmin-hyung showed up. Changmin gave us a chance, you know. Saw through Micky and right to Yoochun. I’m not sure where we’d be now if it wasn’t for Changmin-hyung. Definitely not here. Definitely not healthy.”
“Micky?”
“My hyung’s street name. His alter ego. The whore. The cunt that did whatever he could to earn money. For us. For me, mainly. For my medicine.”
“He ... sold ... what?”
“My father abused us,” Yoohwan said. He stopped walking and turned, overlooking the lights of the city stretching out below them. He felt Yunho’s hands grip just above his ankles. “And when you think of the word abuse and all that it holds, then you might come close to what he did to us. Emotional, physical, sexual ... all of it, to the point that he controlled us, everything we did. He sold us for money when he wasn’t using us himself.”
“That’s ...”
Yoohwan huffed and crouched down, curling his arms around his legs and knees. “You’re afraid of hurting me, I get that. But--” He turned around, letting Yunho steady him until he was sitting on the wall and Yunho was between his legs. Yoohwan smiled. “But you should understand that there isn’t anything you could do to hurt me because I’ve already been through it all. Sex because I want to? It’s still such a strange thing to me.”
“You don’t want me to say that I’m sorry you went through all that.”
Yoohwan laughed. “Definitely not. I’m not really over it, not at all, but little things help. Like working and interacting with customers. You. Not that you have a little thing.” He waggled his eyebrows and then laughed again when Yunho blushed. He settled his head against Yunho’s chest, arms wrapped around his body.
They stood there for a very long time.
“I mainly told you this so you’d understand my brother,” Yoohwan said. “I know he means well, but god, some days I can’t stand the sight of him. He wants me to have a normal life at the expense of his own and he doesn’t listen to me.”
“He will,” Yunho said and cupped his cheek. “Give him time. When you scream at him, it doesn’t help anything.”
“I know. Walk with me to Jaejoong’s?”
“Okay. Are you working tomorrow?”
“Not until Friday.”
“Well, I’ll see you on Friday at least.”
“Hiding from my hyung means I’ll probably sit at Kiss B for a few hours, so I’ll probably see you tomorrow.”
Yunho let him use his phone to call Jaejoong, and Yoohwan explained the situation and received permission to stay over. Outside of Jaejoong’s building, they kissed until Jaejoong sent Yunho a text telling them to stop offending his neighbors.
With a smile and all the promises it held, Yoohwan let himself into Jaejoong’s building. He almost floated up to his apartment, and tactfully ignored Jaejoong’s wide smile and subsequent, “I knew you two would like each other.”
---
Yoohwan went to Kiss B at the ungodly hour of six a.m.
“Clock in,” Jaejoong said. “I’m going to teach you how to make lattes.”
“Really, hyung?”
“Yeah. It’s about time you do. You’ll be sixteen soon, so I’ll actually get to put you on payroll. I don’t want to waste precious money training you then.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“There’s a spare apron in the office.”
Yoohwan was giddy and happy through the day. Jaejoong let him make his own coffee, showing him how the machine worked. He had the basic idea from working there for so long, but it was pretty awesome to actually learn the steps. And some of their regular customers were happy to see him learning how to do it too. There was a general idea in the coffee shop that Yoohwan was Jaejoong’s nephew. He didn’t mind that, it gave Jaejoong a reason to let him work without it being exactly legal.
During the main rush of customers though, Yoohwan went back to what he was paid for, cleaning tables and washing dishes. He noticed early on that he had a smile on his face, and he laughed and talked to the customers more than often.
Great sex. That had to be why.
When Yunho walked in at about ten, Yoohwan’s smile widened even more.
Jaejoong actually snorted at both of them, and then teased and laughed. Yunho had a hicky on his neck. Oops.
Yoohwan bombarded Yunho in the back room for a heavy kiss just before he clocked in, and then Jaejoong caught them, and told Yoohwan to go home. Yunho was going to be useless if Yoohwan stayed.
Yunho blushed. “That’s true.”
Yoohwan laughed and just felt so very happy. “Fine. I’ll leave, but meet me after your shift. At the food cart down the street. We’ll go on a real date.”
Yunho smiled, cheeks going even redder. “O-okay.”
---
Yoohwan walked around the city for a little longer, stopping to actually get something filling to eat. The only reason he went home was to retrieve his phone. He went after noon, when he knew that Yoochun-hyung was supposed to be at work. But when he got there, he was not surprised that Yoochun-hyung was not at work, but waiting for him to come home.
Yoohwan stood by the door and watched his brother pace. “Can you afford to take the day off?”
Yoochun stopped and stared at him. Not rushing to him, thankfully. “No. I’ll pick up a shift tomorrow.”
Yoohwan kicked off his flip flops and hung up his jacket.
“Jaejoong-hyung said you stayed at his house.”
Yoohwan grunted an affirmation. He headed through the room, toward his bedroom. He needed a shower too.
Yoochun grabbed his arm.
He glared first at his hand and then at his brother. “Let me go.”
“You know I won’t ever do that.”
Yoohwan rolled his eyes. “If the next words out of your mouth aren’t, ‘Yoohwan, I’m sorry for embarrassing you and ruining your date last night,’ then you can just fuck off. Let me go.”
Yoochun let him go.
Yoohwan continued down the hall, unsurprised when his brother followed him into the room.
“I definitely could have handled the situation better.”
“That wasn’t an apology.”
“It was.”
“So you mean you could have realized that you were being a complete and utter asshole and not scared Yunho away and treated me like I’m a child.”
“You’re still too young. You’re still a child. You’re only--”
“So are you, hyung. You’re still really, really young.”
Yoochun did not reply to that.
“Look, hyung. I know that you want me to be safe and normal and cared for and all that other shit. I get that. But you need to stop ignoring the fact that I went through the exact same abuse as you did, okay? You grew up fast. So did I. You’ve taken care of me, and I appreciate that. But you aren’t my parent. You just ... need to be there for me without controlling me, okay? You’ve been doing this ever since we ran away.”
Yoochun sat on his bed and ran his hands over his face. “When we first ran away, I was so afraid you were going to die. So afraid that I’d put you in an even worse place than what we left.”
Yoohwan sat next to his brother. “Nothing could have been worse than what we left, hyung. You saved me. But you also saved yourself. Stop discounting yourself, okay?”
“Do you hate me?”
Yoohwan snorted. “Dumb ass. Of course not. Of course, I love you. How could I not? But you need to leave me alone. Stop treating me like I’m going to break okay.”
Yoochun rubbed his face with his hands. “I worry.”
“I know, but you don’t need to. We no longer have only each other, not the way that it was before. You’re just ... I don’t know, hyung. You don’t belong to me anymore.”
“I do. You know I do. I’ll do anything for you.”
Yoohwan smirked. “Break up with Changmin. Let me have you all to myself again.”
“I’m not going to do that.”
“I know. What I want from you I can’t have. Look, I’ve spent my entire life with you, hyung, and no one else. I’m still not used to sharing. And I don’t think you are either. You’re overbearing and frustrating. Stop it. Just ... if I need you, I’ll come to you. And if you happen to be with Changmin, which happens more often than not, I’ll deal with it myself. The only way I’m going to grow up is if you stop treating me like you’re the only person in my life when you aren’t anymore.”
Yoochun hugged him, tight and desperate.
Yoohwan stayed stiff in his arms for a little while and then relaxed and wrapped his arm around Yoochun’s waist.
“I love you,” Yoochun said.
“I love you too, hyung.”
“I’ve done everything I can to protect you.”
Yoohwan nodded against his shoulder. “I know. But what about you? Who protects you?”
“You do.” He squeezed. “If it wasn’t for you, I ... well, I don’t know what I would have done. But I would not be here. I almost ran away so many times. I almost ended everything, more than once, but you ... I needed to stay, for you. And you needed me. Without you, no one would have ever needed me.”
Yoohwan cried. “I’m sorry, hyung. I need you too. I need you.”
“I know.” Yoochun pulled away enough to wipe at Yoohwan’s cheeks. “I know you need me. We just have to learn how to need each other, help each other, now, this way, instead of the way before because it’s different. I’m sorry. It’s different, which means I need to start thinking about it that way, instead of this way.”
Blaming the emotions, Yoohwan practically shot forward to close the space between their lips. He whimpered when his brother did not kiss him back, turning away from his mouth but holding him a little tighter.
“Not like that anymore.”
“Without Changmin.”
Yoochun growled. “Without Changmin, we’d both still be selling ourselves. It isn’t just because of him and you know it. I love Changmin, and that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I do, it’s just different.”
Yoohwan sighed and pulled away from Yoochun, flinging himself backward and onto the bed. “Stop being a controlling freak.”
“Stop being a willful snot.”
Yoohwan glared at him. “Are you going to apologize for ruining my date last night?”
“Are you going to apologize for ...”
Yoohwan waited and then smirked, “For what, hyung? Wanting to do something normal? Thinking a boy is cute? Wanting to have an orgasm that isn’t full of pain and humiliation?”
Yoochun sighed. “I’m sorry for ruining your date last night.”
Yoohwan nodded in and said, “I’m sorry for jerking off in your bed when you aren’t home.”
Yoochun stared at him and then shook his head in disbelief. “No, you aren’t.”
Yoohwan laughed and then sat back up. “I have a date with Yunho at four. Do I have your permission to go?”
“You don't need my permission."
"Damn straight."
"Where are you going?”
“A movie. Probably dinner. Something.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t text me every ten minutes.”
“Every half hour.”
“Every hour.”
“Deal.”
Yoohwan pushed back up to sitting and hugged his hyung. “I love you, hyung, even when you’re being a dick.”
Yoochun snorted. “Right back atcha, dongsaeng.”
Epilogue: Again
Part 4: Aroused
Part 3: Awake
Part 2: Alone
Part 1: Asleep
.
Pairing: Yunho/Yoohwan (Changmin/Yoochun, minor Jaejoong/Yoohwan)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They are only mine to mess around with and make awesome pairings with.
Summary: Yoohwan is so tired of listening to his brother and Changmin fuck. It's just another reminder that he is alone, that his brother doesn't need or want him anymore. He wants someone to hold, someone to kiss, someone to touch. Enter Yunho, the sexy latte boy at Kiss B. But with an overprotective brother, even that relationship is doomed to fail as nothing more than a fuck.
A/N: This fic is a sequel of sorts to the Changmin/Yoochun fic Follow Me but I don't think you need to read that one to read this one.
Warnings: implied past!rape, pedophilia, prostitution, abuse, incest. But none of those things happens in this fic.
Yoohwan is 15, Yunho is 18.
Part 5: Aware
A/N: This fic did things that I was not expecting for as often as this happens, I should start to expect it. I was expecting it to focus on Yunho/Yoohwan, but it's been more focused on Yoohwan/Yoochun. With this in mind, the story to my brain is done, but the relationship with Yunho/Yoohwan is open. The only way that relationship is going to end, though, is through heartache when Yunho leaves for the military and then college, and I don't want to write that. So, I'm changing the summary of this fic a little bit, and calling it good. I might add an epilogue, but don't get your hopes up.
Yoohwan had no idea how long he’d been coughing when a soft hand touched his back. He jumped in surprise, trying to turn around, and he toppled, right into Yunho. He whimpered, a noise of protest, but Yunho did nothing more than hold him, let him muffle his coughs against his chest.
“Sorry,” Yoohwan gasped, as soon as he could. “I’m sorry. My brother ...”
“I actually understand,” Yunho said and ran his hands through Yoohwan’s hair. “I have a younger sister. I would do anything to protect her. I’m pretty sure I’ve embarrassed her in front of a boy before. I won’t ever again.”
Yoohwan sobbed out a laugh. “I’m sorry.”
Yunho’s phone rang. Frowning, he pulled it from his pocket and looked at the display. He snorted. “You’re calling me.” He turned the phone so Yoohwan could see, and sure enough, it was a picture of him and his name “Yoohwan” complete with a little heart.
Yoohwan smiled and snuggled just a little closer to Yunho’s chest. “Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.”
“I can’t help it. He ruined everything.”
“No he didn’t.” Yunho used one hand to tilt Yoochun’s face up. “He just interrupted our nap. That’s all. Can I kiss you?”
Yoohwan shut his eyes and whimpered as their lips touched. Yunho’s arm tightened around him, mouths open, breaths heavy.
“I’d invite you to my house, but my parents will kill me if they ever find out that I’m gay.”
“It’s okay. I’ll go to Jaejoong-hyung’s.”
“You do that often?”
“No, but he understands what’s going on.”
Yunho frowned. “What is going on?”
Yoohwan finally pulled away from him. “I did promise you later, didn’t I?”
“Let’s go somewhere else and talk about this.”
Yoohwan nodded. They were still a bit too close to their apartment. Yoochun could come out and look for him. Yoohwan pushed away from the wall and held out his hand. Smiling, Yunho took it. Yoohwan did not say anything as he led them to a convenience store. Yunho bought him a bottle of water and bought a juice for himself.
Yoohwan led Yunho through alleys he knew well, from nights spent walking when he could not sleep because of his cough or just because of the nightmares.
“I guess it’s okay to talk to you about these things,” Yoohwan said and pulled himself up onto a waist-high brick wall. He held out his hands and walked, toe pressed to toe. “I mean, it’s not like you’re sticking around or anything. My mother died when I was little, too little to really remember anything about her but sadness. I have no memory of her smiling. Only tears. Yoochun-hyung said she had a beautiful smile. I have no idea why my father did it, for the power, for the prestige it earned him, who knows? I’ve spent too many nights trying to figure it out and only talked myself in circles on the edge of depression.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if it’s difficult.”
Yoohwan smiled down at him and shook his head. “It is what it is now. I live for Yoochun, he lives for me. Mostly. Or he did, until Changmin-hyung showed up. Changmin gave us a chance, you know. Saw through Micky and right to Yoochun. I’m not sure where we’d be now if it wasn’t for Changmin-hyung. Definitely not here. Definitely not healthy.”
“Micky?”
“My hyung’s street name. His alter ego. The whore. The cunt that did whatever he could to earn money. For us. For me, mainly. For my medicine.”
“He ... sold ... what?”
“My father abused us,” Yoohwan said. He stopped walking and turned, overlooking the lights of the city stretching out below them. He felt Yunho’s hands grip just above his ankles. “And when you think of the word abuse and all that it holds, then you might come close to what he did to us. Emotional, physical, sexual ... all of it, to the point that he controlled us, everything we did. He sold us for money when he wasn’t using us himself.”
“That’s ...”
Yoohwan huffed and crouched down, curling his arms around his legs and knees. “You’re afraid of hurting me, I get that. But--” He turned around, letting Yunho steady him until he was sitting on the wall and Yunho was between his legs. Yoohwan smiled. “But you should understand that there isn’t anything you could do to hurt me because I’ve already been through it all. Sex because I want to? It’s still such a strange thing to me.”
“You don’t want me to say that I’m sorry you went through all that.”
Yoohwan laughed. “Definitely not. I’m not really over it, not at all, but little things help. Like working and interacting with customers. You. Not that you have a little thing.” He waggled his eyebrows and then laughed again when Yunho blushed. He settled his head against Yunho’s chest, arms wrapped around his body.
They stood there for a very long time.
“I mainly told you this so you’d understand my brother,” Yoohwan said. “I know he means well, but god, some days I can’t stand the sight of him. He wants me to have a normal life at the expense of his own and he doesn’t listen to me.”
“He will,” Yunho said and cupped his cheek. “Give him time. When you scream at him, it doesn’t help anything.”
“I know. Walk with me to Jaejoong’s?”
“Okay. Are you working tomorrow?”
“Not until Friday.”
“Well, I’ll see you on Friday at least.”
“Hiding from my hyung means I’ll probably sit at Kiss B for a few hours, so I’ll probably see you tomorrow.”
Yunho let him use his phone to call Jaejoong, and Yoohwan explained the situation and received permission to stay over. Outside of Jaejoong’s building, they kissed until Jaejoong sent Yunho a text telling them to stop offending his neighbors.
With a smile and all the promises it held, Yoohwan let himself into Jaejoong’s building. He almost floated up to his apartment, and tactfully ignored Jaejoong’s wide smile and subsequent, “I knew you two would like each other.”
---
Yoohwan went to Kiss B at the ungodly hour of six a.m.
“Clock in,” Jaejoong said. “I’m going to teach you how to make lattes.”
“Really, hyung?”
“Yeah. It’s about time you do. You’ll be sixteen soon, so I’ll actually get to put you on payroll. I don’t want to waste precious money training you then.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“There’s a spare apron in the office.”
Yoohwan was giddy and happy through the day. Jaejoong let him make his own coffee, showing him how the machine worked. He had the basic idea from working there for so long, but it was pretty awesome to actually learn the steps. And some of their regular customers were happy to see him learning how to do it too. There was a general idea in the coffee shop that Yoohwan was Jaejoong’s nephew. He didn’t mind that, it gave Jaejoong a reason to let him work without it being exactly legal.
During the main rush of customers though, Yoohwan went back to what he was paid for, cleaning tables and washing dishes. He noticed early on that he had a smile on his face, and he laughed and talked to the customers more than often.
Great sex. That had to be why.
When Yunho walked in at about ten, Yoohwan’s smile widened even more.
Jaejoong actually snorted at both of them, and then teased and laughed. Yunho had a hicky on his neck. Oops.
Yoohwan bombarded Yunho in the back room for a heavy kiss just before he clocked in, and then Jaejoong caught them, and told Yoohwan to go home. Yunho was going to be useless if Yoohwan stayed.
Yunho blushed. “That’s true.”
Yoohwan laughed and just felt so very happy. “Fine. I’ll leave, but meet me after your shift. At the food cart down the street. We’ll go on a real date.”
Yunho smiled, cheeks going even redder. “O-okay.”
---
Yoohwan walked around the city for a little longer, stopping to actually get something filling to eat. The only reason he went home was to retrieve his phone. He went after noon, when he knew that Yoochun-hyung was supposed to be at work. But when he got there, he was not surprised that Yoochun-hyung was not at work, but waiting for him to come home.
Yoohwan stood by the door and watched his brother pace. “Can you afford to take the day off?”
Yoochun stopped and stared at him. Not rushing to him, thankfully. “No. I’ll pick up a shift tomorrow.”
Yoohwan kicked off his flip flops and hung up his jacket.
“Jaejoong-hyung said you stayed at his house.”
Yoohwan grunted an affirmation. He headed through the room, toward his bedroom. He needed a shower too.
Yoochun grabbed his arm.
He glared first at his hand and then at his brother. “Let me go.”
“You know I won’t ever do that.”
Yoohwan rolled his eyes. “If the next words out of your mouth aren’t, ‘Yoohwan, I’m sorry for embarrassing you and ruining your date last night,’ then you can just fuck off. Let me go.”
Yoochun let him go.
Yoohwan continued down the hall, unsurprised when his brother followed him into the room.
“I definitely could have handled the situation better.”
“That wasn’t an apology.”
“It was.”
“So you mean you could have realized that you were being a complete and utter asshole and not scared Yunho away and treated me like I’m a child.”
“You’re still too young. You’re still a child. You’re only--”
“So are you, hyung. You’re still really, really young.”
Yoochun did not reply to that.
“Look, hyung. I know that you want me to be safe and normal and cared for and all that other shit. I get that. But you need to stop ignoring the fact that I went through the exact same abuse as you did, okay? You grew up fast. So did I. You’ve taken care of me, and I appreciate that. But you aren’t my parent. You just ... need to be there for me without controlling me, okay? You’ve been doing this ever since we ran away.”
Yoochun sat on his bed and ran his hands over his face. “When we first ran away, I was so afraid you were going to die. So afraid that I’d put you in an even worse place than what we left.”
Yoohwan sat next to his brother. “Nothing could have been worse than what we left, hyung. You saved me. But you also saved yourself. Stop discounting yourself, okay?”
“Do you hate me?”
Yoohwan snorted. “Dumb ass. Of course not. Of course, I love you. How could I not? But you need to leave me alone. Stop treating me like I’m going to break okay.”
Yoochun rubbed his face with his hands. “I worry.”
“I know, but you don’t need to. We no longer have only each other, not the way that it was before. You’re just ... I don’t know, hyung. You don’t belong to me anymore.”
“I do. You know I do. I’ll do anything for you.”
Yoohwan smirked. “Break up with Changmin. Let me have you all to myself again.”
“I’m not going to do that.”
“I know. What I want from you I can’t have. Look, I’ve spent my entire life with you, hyung, and no one else. I’m still not used to sharing. And I don’t think you are either. You’re overbearing and frustrating. Stop it. Just ... if I need you, I’ll come to you. And if you happen to be with Changmin, which happens more often than not, I’ll deal with it myself. The only way I’m going to grow up is if you stop treating me like you’re the only person in my life when you aren’t anymore.”
Yoochun hugged him, tight and desperate.
Yoohwan stayed stiff in his arms for a little while and then relaxed and wrapped his arm around Yoochun’s waist.
“I love you,” Yoochun said.
“I love you too, hyung.”
“I’ve done everything I can to protect you.”
Yoohwan nodded against his shoulder. “I know. But what about you? Who protects you?”
“You do.” He squeezed. “If it wasn’t for you, I ... well, I don’t know what I would have done. But I would not be here. I almost ran away so many times. I almost ended everything, more than once, but you ... I needed to stay, for you. And you needed me. Without you, no one would have ever needed me.”
Yoohwan cried. “I’m sorry, hyung. I need you too. I need you.”
“I know.” Yoochun pulled away enough to wipe at Yoohwan’s cheeks. “I know you need me. We just have to learn how to need each other, help each other, now, this way, instead of the way before because it’s different. I’m sorry. It’s different, which means I need to start thinking about it that way, instead of this way.”
Blaming the emotions, Yoohwan practically shot forward to close the space between their lips. He whimpered when his brother did not kiss him back, turning away from his mouth but holding him a little tighter.
“Not like that anymore.”
“Without Changmin.”
Yoochun growled. “Without Changmin, we’d both still be selling ourselves. It isn’t just because of him and you know it. I love Changmin, and that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I do, it’s just different.”
Yoohwan sighed and pulled away from Yoochun, flinging himself backward and onto the bed. “Stop being a controlling freak.”
“Stop being a willful snot.”
Yoohwan glared at him. “Are you going to apologize for ruining my date last night?”
“Are you going to apologize for ...”
Yoohwan waited and then smirked, “For what, hyung? Wanting to do something normal? Thinking a boy is cute? Wanting to have an orgasm that isn’t full of pain and humiliation?”
Yoochun sighed. “I’m sorry for ruining your date last night.”
Yoohwan nodded in and said, “I’m sorry for jerking off in your bed when you aren’t home.”
Yoochun stared at him and then shook his head in disbelief. “No, you aren’t.”
Yoohwan laughed and then sat back up. “I have a date with Yunho at four. Do I have your permission to go?”
“You don't need my permission."
"Damn straight."
"Where are you going?”
“A movie. Probably dinner. Something.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t text me every ten minutes.”
“Every half hour.”
“Every hour.”
“Deal.”
Yoohwan pushed back up to sitting and hugged his hyung. “I love you, hyung, even when you’re being a dick.”
Yoochun snorted. “Right back atcha, dongsaeng.”
Epilogue: Again
Part 4: Aroused
Part 3: Awake
Part 2: Alone
Part 1: Asleep
.