Brand New Girlfriend
Title: Brand New Girlfriend
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Yoochun/Junsu
Disclaimer: If I owned them, they'd all be naked.
Warning: AU
Summary: Loosely based on the song "Brand New Girlfriend" by Steve Holy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sIA6r4TX7U&feature=related
Contains Straight!Yoochun and SlightlyGayDRUNK!Yoochun.
For the Russian translation by lamerk Click Here
I stared at the top of my coffee cup.
“I hope you can understand,” Linya said. She reached to cover my hand with hers but I yanked it back.
Noise in the café dropped to a dull, deep drone. My head swam.
Six months gone, just like that?
“I do love you, Yoochun. I just need a little space to think.”
I nodded, head heavy. “Of course.”
And yet, I was wishing she had told me this at the beginning of the evening, before I paid for her dinner, before I bought her a new bracelet, before we stopped at a café and she ordered her six dollar coffe.
“Well,” I said and stood up. “When you find yourself, give me a call.”
I ignored her shouting after me and left the stuffiness of the café. The cool night air was brisk on my face. Before, with her, it had been refreshing, and now the wind blew sharp pinpricks of needles in my skin.
I hailed a cab and went to get drunk.
---
At three, maybe four in the morning, I stumbled to my apartment. Well, I thought I was at my apartment, but my key wouldn’t work. So I knocked, but no one answered, so I knocked again.
“Open door,” I slurred.
I heard footsteps and then the door swung open.
“Yoochun?”
“Do I live here?”
Laughter. “No.”
“Fuck.”
“Come on.” A strong arm wrapped around my waist.
I pulled back and tried to focus on the face. Pretty eyes, white smile, red hair. I reached up and poked his cheek. “Junnie-su?”
“Yep. That’s me.”
“Girls are stupid.”
“That’s why I date boys,” Junsu said.
“Maybe I should date boys. You should be my girlfriend.”
Junsu laughed. “I don’t have the right equipment to be your girlfriend.”
I pshawed in his face.
He leaned away with a grimace. “Dude, how much did you drink tonight?”
“Not enough.”
The world spun and something soft met my back.
“You need to sleep,” Junsu whispered.
“Nope. Wide awake. You don’t want to be my girlfriend?”
Junsu laughed. “I would love to be your girlfriend, Chunnie, but you’re not exactly sober right now and you’re going to hate yourself if you remember this in the morning.”
“If you want to be my girlfriend, then kiss me.”
Junsu bit his lower lip. “You’re drunk.”
“So? Kiss me.”
He frowned at me. I made kissy faces at him. He laughed and leaned in and gave me a chaste kiss. “I’d be stupid not to take advantage of this, but that’s all you get until you’re in your right mind again.”
“But I need a new girlfriend ‘cause Linny needs her space.”
“You need to sleep right now. You can get a new girlfriend tomorrow.”
“I already have a new girlfriend,” I said and pulled him down to me.
Some tiny sober part of my brain was screaming at me, but I ignored it and tried to kiss Junsu again.
Junsu laughed and pulled away.
I pouted. “Fine. I sleep, but you sleep with me.”
I struggled to cuddle up to him and he laughed again. “Let me go turn the light off,” he said, and loathe as I was to let him go, I did.
The room went blessedly dark, and then a warm body settled next to me. I made some sort of noise of contentment and then everything was quiet until I woke up to a band playing marches in my head; trumpets, trombones, piano, drums, all pounding away while my stomach danced along.
“Stop the music,” I muttered and buried my face into … a pillow?
Nope, a body.
But Linya broke up with me.
I winced in the morning light, but still managed to prop up on an elbow. Definitely not a female body. Pecs, abs, a sparse trail of hair disappearing at the top of sweat pants. He had well muscled arms, one of which had been around me before I got up. His eyes were shut, mouth slightly open. Sunlight glimmered through his red hair, and I ran a hand through it, before quickly snatching my hand back.
Junsu? What the hell was I doing at Junsu’s house? What the hell was I doing in Jusnu’s bed?
I shut my eyes and fell back to the bed, trying to remember anything between taking that last shot of tequila and this morning. There were a few images, the bartender putting me in a cab, coming home, and then Junsu. Crap.
I gingerly sat up, and the band decided that was invitation to play louder. I moaned, drew my knees up and buried my head in my arms.
A hand touched my back. “You okay, Yoochun?”
“Maybe. Did I actually ask you to be my girlfriend?”
Junsu laughed. “Yes.”
“Fuck.” I looked over at him. “What did you say?”
Junsu laughed harder, and despite the band trying to play louder to cover up his laughter, it made me smile. “I told you to wait until you were sober to ask me that.”
“But you kissed me.”
“You told me to.”
“Taking advantage of me in my drunken state.”
“Of course. I would have been stupid not to. It’s not every day a gorgeous guy asks me to kiss him.”
I blushed and looked away, my stomach doing a flip that had nothing to do with nausea.
“What happened with Linya?” Junsu asked.
I shrugged. “I have no idea. Everything was perfect until last night. She said her parents were pressuring her to get married and she loved me, but wanted to see what else was out there and she needed space and-”
“So in other words, she’s already seeing someone behind your back and feeling guilty about it and concocted this bullshit to break up with you.”
I thought about it and then scoffed. “Probably.”
“Sorry.”
I sighed. “I’m going to go use your shower.”
“Okay.”
I stood up, put a hand on his bedpost to steady me, and then left the room. I still wasn’t sure why I was at Junsu’s, but drunk as I was last night, I probably hit the wrong button on the elevator. Junsu lived a floor above me. I was lucky I hadn’t been pounding on someone else’s door. It would have been easy to go home and shower, but there was too much of Linya in my apartment. I couldn’t face it yet.
I soaked for a long time and used Junsu’s body wash. No wonder he always smelled good. I had no desire to put on the clothes I had been wearing, more because they were what she dumped me in than they stank or anything.
Well, they did stink.
I wrapped the towel around my waist and went back to Junsu’s room. The band in my head had been replaced by a brass quartet.
I dug through his drawers until I found a pair of sleep pants. He was skinnier than I was, so they were a bit tight. I went to the kitchen and sat hard on a chair. Junsu only wore sweat pants. The late morning light threw shadows on his muscled back. I looked away as he turned to me, hoping the heat in my cheeks was hidden by the bright light. What the hell is wrong with me?
“Hungry?”
I made a face.
“Coffee then?”
“God, please.”
Junsu laughed and handed me a cup of coffee. I took a swallow. It burned down my throat.
“Bless you, Junsu,” I muttered.
“Figured the best way to get rid of your hangover is with more alcohol.”
“Always.”
I drank the spiked coffee in silence. He joined me at the table a few moments later with a plate full of noodles and beef. Just looking at it made my stomach churn.
“What are you doing today?” I asked.
“I have to work at one.”
I stared at him for a moment. Deciding that nothing good would come of being rash, I said, “Call in sick.”
“Why?”
I shrugged. “Just call in sick and meet me down in the garage in a half hour.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Are you going to make it worth it?”
I grinned. “Such a heavy question,” I said and stood up. “Thanks for taking care of me, and thanks for the coffee. I’ll bring these pants back to you later.”
“See you,” he said.
I took the stairs, and regretted it when my head pounded and my vision swam.
“You forgot your keys,” Junsu shouted up at me.
“Fuck,” I said.
He ran up the flight of stairs, still only clad in sweats. His muscles tensed, biceps round, abs flexed with the small effort. I met him mid flight and held out my hand for my keys. I stumbled when our fingers touched, and he immediately held up an arm to steady me.
“Massively hungover,” I muttered to cover the slip and the heat in my skin.
“No kidding.”
I suddenly realized I was still standing close to him and his hand was pressed against my chest.
“See you in a half hour?” I said and quickly moved back up the stairs.
I was only in my apartment long enough to pack up a few things into a bag. Everything reminded me of Linya. I was going to have to move.
And yet, part of me knew I was being ridiculous. Yes, I could see myself married to her, but not for another year or so. Maybe that meant something. Maybe this was a good thing.
I could think it. I even said it out loud. But it still hurt.
I made sure I had everything and went down to wait in my car and see if Junsu would show up. I put the top down of my ‘vette, put my feet up on the dash and checked my e-mail and cyworld from my cell phone.
“Where are we going?” Junsu asked as he climbed into the passenger seat. He wore jeans and a green t-shirt. A green t-shirt that was a bit too tight, almost like a second skin. Jeans that were sculpted to his ass.
I stared at him for a moment, and then smiled. “It’s a surprise.”
I threw the car into reverse and headed into the sunlight. My headache was now a dull pain behind my left eye. We talked about everything, and I mean everything. Music, food, ice cream, movies, CDs, phones and technology, cyworlds, high school. We even brushed on sex and relationships, until he suddenly changed the subject. And then we talked about our families, our jobs, our friends.
It was nice. Junsu and I had always been friendly with each other, but never friends, never more than a hello in the hallway. Or a knowing smile when we’d see each other in the elevator with a date.
As our drive extended beyond two hours, Junsu said, “You’re not taking me to the country to cut my body into little pieces, are you?”
I laughed. “No. Hang on, we’re almost there.”
We spent the last twenty minutes quiet, only singing to the radio. It was almost two when I finally pulled off the freeway and up around hills and through small towns. Over one hill, I caught a glimpse of the ocean.
“Are we going to the beach?” Junsu asked.
I smiled at the excitement in his voice. “Maybe.”
Another five minutes, going uphill, and then I pulled into a small, deserted parking lot.
“Come on,” I said and climbed out. I popped the trunk and took out the bag I had prepared.
“Now, I’m really worried.”
“Don’t worry. I brought you up here so no one would hear you scream.”
“What kind of screams are we talking about, Yoochun?”
I laughed. “Ever just wish you had a place where you could go and not have to worry or think about anything?”
“Sometimes. But I usually just go up to the roof. It’s closer.”
“This is where I go.”
I stopped, no more than two feet from the edge of a small cliff. During a storm it wasn’t the safest place to be, but that day with the ocean calm and waves low, it was perfect. The afternoon light sparkled on the surfaced of the water.
Junsu stood next to me, our shoulders brushing.
“Wow.”
“Yep.”
“And what exactly to you do up here?”
“Jump,” I said. I pulled my shirt off, leaving me in shorts. “There’s a pair of shorts in the bag if you want to join me.” I ran and dove off the cliff. The cold water took my breath away. I swam a bit deeper, kicking my legs, until the pressure in my ears was too great. I let my body surface slowly.
“You’re insane,” I heard right when my head broke the water line.
I smiled back up at Junsu. “You’re chicken,” I shouted back and then swam over to the edge and climbed onto an outcropping rock.
Junsu peered over the edge.
“It’s only about fifteen feet,” I shouted up to him.
He disappeared from the edge and I frowned. Maybe he wasn’t the adventurous type, and he was going to go back and pout in the car. I sighed and stood up and there was a splash near enough to me that I was caked in water.
Junsu sputtered to the surface, wiping water from his face. “I still say you’re insane, but that was awesome.”
I grinned and crawled over the rock to the very narrow, not quite there path, back up the cliff. Junsu followed slowly after me.
“I’m surprised there aren’t more people here,” Junsu said when we reached the top.
“It’s three on a Wednesday afternoon,” I replied.
“True.”
“I never come here on weekends. It’s the local kids’ hang out.”
We jumped again, showing off, seeing who could do the most flips before hitting the water. Junsu landed painfully on his back, the smack of skin on water loud even from my perch on the rock. I laughed, and laughed and laughed as he dragged his body to lay spread eagle on the rock. His back was beat red.
“That was-”
“Shut up,” he muttered.
I reached for him, hand shaking. As soon as I touched skin, I swallowed, but fuck, I started it, I wasn’t going to chicken out. I rubbed his back lightly and long after the sting had surely faded. Junsu shivered. From the cold. Yeah. The cold. And the partial hard on I had was just from the adrenaline rush of cliff diving. Yep, that’s it.
I cleared my throat and headed back to the top. I grabbed two towels from the bag and tossed one to Junsu. I dried off a bit, and then pulled out a blanket to spread over the dirt. I sat down, rummaged through the bag again and pulled out two containers.
“Sit,” I said to Junsu.
He sat and I handed him a container.
“Wow, lunch, too,” Junsu said with a grin.
“Worth calling in sick to work now, wasn’t it?”
“Fuck yes.”
We ate cold noodles and vegetables in silence.
And then I sighed. “You know, I always meant to bring Linya up here.”
“You never did?”
“No. It was like … my space, you know. My thing. I wasn’t ready to share it with her yet. I always figured that I’d bring her here when I was going to propose.”
“Good spot for that.”
“Yeah.”
“So what makes me so special?” Junsu asked. “Why do I get to see it, and on a first date, too?”
I grinned, but I couldn’t explain why I brought him here. I knew that I had to be alone, but I knew that I didn’t want to be alone.
Junsu stared at me. I didn’t turn to him, but I felt his eyes burning a hole in the side of my face.
“You’re a hard man to figure out, Park Yoochun.”
“I’m in a state of emotional crisis,” I replied. “I’m entitled to being a mess right now.”
“A mess with homosexual tendencies?”
I glanced over at him, eyebrow raised. I took a swallow of soju. “Are you always this honest?”
“Yes.”
I lie down and put my hands behind my head. “I didn’t mind waking up with you this morning. And honestly, the thought of kissing you doesn’t disgust me, so what does that mean?”
“I should I tell you that I have no desire to be some straight boy’s experiment.”
I laughed. I rolled on my side to face him and smiled. “Then I guess that means I should ask you to be my girlfriend again now that I’m sober.”
I expected him to laugh, but he didn’t. He analyzed me with suspicious eyes and then inched closer. My smile stayed put even as my heart sped up.
“Asking a gay guy to be your girlfriend is incredibly demeaning and insulting,” he said.
“Aren’t I cute enough to get away with it?”
This time a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Yes, you are.”
He was close enough that all one of us had to do was lean forward. His eyes darted from my lips to the ground to my eyes back to my lips again.
“You’ll excuse me for hesitating,” he said to my lips, “but as of last night you were in a pretty steady relationship and who’s to say that Linya isn’t going to change her mind?”
“Her loss, isn’t it? I’ve been thinking today that yeah, she’s a great girl, but what if I had proposed to her, and then she didn’t really want to be with me, and honestly, I think that if you’re going to be in a relationship, you either are or you aren’t. I’m not going to wait around for her no matter how much I liked her.”
“It hasn’t even been one day though.”
“And I’m already seeing myself with someone else, so how strong of an attachment did I have with her to begin with?”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“Then why aren’t you kissing me?”
Doubt flickered through his eyes again. I reached up and touched his cheek. His skin was soft, but not like Linya’s had been.
Nope, stop it. You will not, will not compare everything about him, to her. Ever.
His eyes closed as he leaned into the touch.
I closed the distance and kissed him. Barely a press of lips, but enough for my hand to shake, my head to spin and my body to decide that it definitely, definitely liked this.
“There,” I said, lips brushing his, “sober and everything.”
“I still don’t think you’re in your right mind though.”
My laugh was lost in another kiss. Lips open, tongues hesitant, and then careful. It was almost like he was afraid of scaring me away. Or at least he was waiting for me, to only do what I wanted to, what I thought was comfortable. Well, in for a nickel, as they say in the states.
I moaned, opened my mouth for him and pulled him closer all in the same moment. His arms went around my body, hands sliding on my skin. I pushed him to his back, keeping that skin contact, and yeah, I’m not going to compare it to Linya, but to women in general. There was something about this man’s body, something that I loved, and it was like, well, with woman, you have to be careful with them. There was this level of doubt on what to do, but with Junsu, man, I already knew what to do. Not that he was going to like exactly what I liked, but at least I knew what I was working with.
I slid a hand down his side, the top of the shorts that were still damp.
He arched up and whimpered. His hands clenched into my back.
On the other hand, I also knew what I didn’t want. I didn’t want to treat Junsu as a rebound. I didn’t want to lead him into thinking he had someone steady when all I really needed to do was get my mind off some girl.
God, he was a good kisser. The thought of his tongue doing these kinds of things to other parts of my body was making it hard to think.
I pulled away and buried my face in his neck. He tasted like salt. I probably did, too.
We were both gasping.
“God, you’re a good kisser,” he said.
I chuckled. “I was just thinking that about you.”
“What else are you thinking about?”
I leaned away to look at him. “I like you. Today has been fun, and I really, really want to go jump off that cliff again.”
“Figuratively speaking?”
“Nope. Come on.” I kissed him once more and then ran off the edge of the cliff. The water was another shock to my body, but one I welcomed. I really had to cool down. I swam backwards for a moment, clearing the way for him to jump. After he resurfaced, I let him hang on to me and we kissed again.
Junsu broke away and made a face. “Salty,” he said.
“One would think that a gay man wouldn’t mind saltiness.”
He smiled. “It’s a completely different taste.”
“Maybe one day I’ll get to see if that’s true.”
He frowned. “Not today.”
“No. I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you.”
He bit my lower lip and whispered, “What if I want to be used?”
“Then you’ll have to wait,” I said and released him to climb out. We climbed back up the cliff.
After a few more dives, I said, “Let’s go home, get showered and dressed and I’ll take you out to dinner.”
He looked at me, and again, I felt analyzed.
“You know,” I said, “the distrust waving off you is a bit irritating. I think I’ve proven myself a gentleman.”
“I know, and that’s why I’m worried. How do I know you’re not going to bolt at the first possibility of sex?”
“Because I’m a twenty five year old man.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do. But I told you. You’re not going to be just a rebound, Su. That’s not fair to you.”
He sighed. “Okay, okay. I just-”
“Been hurt before, I take it.”
“And you haven’t?”
I hugged him. “Let me get this straight. I don’t want to use you, but you’re confused on why I’m not trying to have sex with you, but if I tried to have sex with you, it would make whatever I want this to be into nothing, which is what you think it is anyway because someone broke my heart yesterday?”
“Well, when you put it like that … Nope, still confusing.”
I laughed and kissed him. “Come on. Let’s go home.”
I stopped down the beach road a bit to hit a shower stall where we could wash some of the salt from our bodies. We talked very little on the drive back, but about ten minutes in, when he put his hand on the middle console, I didn’t hesitate to take it.
And we held hands in the elevator. At my floor, I kissed him deeply and said, “I’ll be up in twenty minutes.”
Breathless, he nodded.
I practically ran to my apartment. I showered, dressed up, styled my hair and was knocking on his door twenty-two minutes later.
He opened the door, leaned against the wall and frowned at me. I scanned his body. Dark jeans, collared shirt, sports coat. His hair was stylishly messy.
“You’re late.”
I smiled. “Guess that means we skip the hello kiss and just head out?”
“Fuck that,” he said and grabbed my jacket and pulled me inside. He pinned me to the door and kissed me hard. “Twenty minutes without you and I already couldn’t wait to see you, and then you were late and I had to wait longer.”
I laughed. “I’m hungry,” I said against his lips. “Figuratively and literally.”
“Dinner first.”
He broke away from me to flip off lights and grab his keys.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I looked at the display and winced.
“Linya?” Junsu asked.
I nodded and sighed. “Better to get it over with, right?”
He bit his lip as I answered the call.
“Yoochun? Oh my god, Yoochun, I’m so glad you answered, after yesterday I didn’t think you would and can you ever forgive me? I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, really, you are, and I almost ruined that and why aren’t you saying anything?”
I took a deep breath. I really did like her. She was a great girlfriend.
“Sorry, Linya,” I finally said. “I’ve had some time to think today and, well, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
“But Chunnie-”
“The thing is,” I said and met Junsu’s eyes and smiled, “I’ve got a brand new girlfriend.”
I flipped the phone closed.
Junsu shook his head. “Just for that, I don’t care what you say, when we do have sex, you’re bottoming.”
.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Yoochun/Junsu
Disclaimer: If I owned them, they'd all be naked.
Warning: AU
Summary: Loosely based on the song "Brand New Girlfriend" by Steve Holy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sIA6r4TX7U&feature=related
Contains Straight!Yoochun and SlightlyGayDRUNK!Yoochun.
For the Russian translation by lamerk Click Here
I stared at the top of my coffee cup.
“I hope you can understand,” Linya said. She reached to cover my hand with hers but I yanked it back.
Noise in the café dropped to a dull, deep drone. My head swam.
Six months gone, just like that?
“I do love you, Yoochun. I just need a little space to think.”
I nodded, head heavy. “Of course.”
And yet, I was wishing she had told me this at the beginning of the evening, before I paid for her dinner, before I bought her a new bracelet, before we stopped at a café and she ordered her six dollar coffe.
“Well,” I said and stood up. “When you find yourself, give me a call.”
I ignored her shouting after me and left the stuffiness of the café. The cool night air was brisk on my face. Before, with her, it had been refreshing, and now the wind blew sharp pinpricks of needles in my skin.
I hailed a cab and went to get drunk.
---
At three, maybe four in the morning, I stumbled to my apartment. Well, I thought I was at my apartment, but my key wouldn’t work. So I knocked, but no one answered, so I knocked again.
“Open door,” I slurred.
I heard footsteps and then the door swung open.
“Yoochun?”
“Do I live here?”
Laughter. “No.”
“Fuck.”
“Come on.” A strong arm wrapped around my waist.
I pulled back and tried to focus on the face. Pretty eyes, white smile, red hair. I reached up and poked his cheek. “Junnie-su?”
“Yep. That’s me.”
“Girls are stupid.”
“That’s why I date boys,” Junsu said.
“Maybe I should date boys. You should be my girlfriend.”
Junsu laughed. “I don’t have the right equipment to be your girlfriend.”
I pshawed in his face.
He leaned away with a grimace. “Dude, how much did you drink tonight?”
“Not enough.”
The world spun and something soft met my back.
“You need to sleep,” Junsu whispered.
“Nope. Wide awake. You don’t want to be my girlfriend?”
Junsu laughed. “I would love to be your girlfriend, Chunnie, but you’re not exactly sober right now and you’re going to hate yourself if you remember this in the morning.”
“If you want to be my girlfriend, then kiss me.”
Junsu bit his lower lip. “You’re drunk.”
“So? Kiss me.”
He frowned at me. I made kissy faces at him. He laughed and leaned in and gave me a chaste kiss. “I’d be stupid not to take advantage of this, but that’s all you get until you’re in your right mind again.”
“But I need a new girlfriend ‘cause Linny needs her space.”
“You need to sleep right now. You can get a new girlfriend tomorrow.”
“I already have a new girlfriend,” I said and pulled him down to me.
Some tiny sober part of my brain was screaming at me, but I ignored it and tried to kiss Junsu again.
Junsu laughed and pulled away.
I pouted. “Fine. I sleep, but you sleep with me.”
I struggled to cuddle up to him and he laughed again. “Let me go turn the light off,” he said, and loathe as I was to let him go, I did.
The room went blessedly dark, and then a warm body settled next to me. I made some sort of noise of contentment and then everything was quiet until I woke up to a band playing marches in my head; trumpets, trombones, piano, drums, all pounding away while my stomach danced along.
“Stop the music,” I muttered and buried my face into … a pillow?
Nope, a body.
But Linya broke up with me.
I winced in the morning light, but still managed to prop up on an elbow. Definitely not a female body. Pecs, abs, a sparse trail of hair disappearing at the top of sweat pants. He had well muscled arms, one of which had been around me before I got up. His eyes were shut, mouth slightly open. Sunlight glimmered through his red hair, and I ran a hand through it, before quickly snatching my hand back.
Junsu? What the hell was I doing at Junsu’s house? What the hell was I doing in Jusnu’s bed?
I shut my eyes and fell back to the bed, trying to remember anything between taking that last shot of tequila and this morning. There were a few images, the bartender putting me in a cab, coming home, and then Junsu. Crap.
I gingerly sat up, and the band decided that was invitation to play louder. I moaned, drew my knees up and buried my head in my arms.
A hand touched my back. “You okay, Yoochun?”
“Maybe. Did I actually ask you to be my girlfriend?”
Junsu laughed. “Yes.”
“Fuck.” I looked over at him. “What did you say?”
Junsu laughed harder, and despite the band trying to play louder to cover up his laughter, it made me smile. “I told you to wait until you were sober to ask me that.”
“But you kissed me.”
“You told me to.”
“Taking advantage of me in my drunken state.”
“Of course. I would have been stupid not to. It’s not every day a gorgeous guy asks me to kiss him.”
I blushed and looked away, my stomach doing a flip that had nothing to do with nausea.
“What happened with Linya?” Junsu asked.
I shrugged. “I have no idea. Everything was perfect until last night. She said her parents were pressuring her to get married and she loved me, but wanted to see what else was out there and she needed space and-”
“So in other words, she’s already seeing someone behind your back and feeling guilty about it and concocted this bullshit to break up with you.”
I thought about it and then scoffed. “Probably.”
“Sorry.”
I sighed. “I’m going to go use your shower.”
“Okay.”
I stood up, put a hand on his bedpost to steady me, and then left the room. I still wasn’t sure why I was at Junsu’s, but drunk as I was last night, I probably hit the wrong button on the elevator. Junsu lived a floor above me. I was lucky I hadn’t been pounding on someone else’s door. It would have been easy to go home and shower, but there was too much of Linya in my apartment. I couldn’t face it yet.
I soaked for a long time and used Junsu’s body wash. No wonder he always smelled good. I had no desire to put on the clothes I had been wearing, more because they were what she dumped me in than they stank or anything.
Well, they did stink.
I wrapped the towel around my waist and went back to Junsu’s room. The band in my head had been replaced by a brass quartet.
I dug through his drawers until I found a pair of sleep pants. He was skinnier than I was, so they were a bit tight. I went to the kitchen and sat hard on a chair. Junsu only wore sweat pants. The late morning light threw shadows on his muscled back. I looked away as he turned to me, hoping the heat in my cheeks was hidden by the bright light. What the hell is wrong with me?
“Hungry?”
I made a face.
“Coffee then?”
“God, please.”
Junsu laughed and handed me a cup of coffee. I took a swallow. It burned down my throat.
“Bless you, Junsu,” I muttered.
“Figured the best way to get rid of your hangover is with more alcohol.”
“Always.”
I drank the spiked coffee in silence. He joined me at the table a few moments later with a plate full of noodles and beef. Just looking at it made my stomach churn.
“What are you doing today?” I asked.
“I have to work at one.”
I stared at him for a moment. Deciding that nothing good would come of being rash, I said, “Call in sick.”
“Why?”
I shrugged. “Just call in sick and meet me down in the garage in a half hour.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Are you going to make it worth it?”
I grinned. “Such a heavy question,” I said and stood up. “Thanks for taking care of me, and thanks for the coffee. I’ll bring these pants back to you later.”
“See you,” he said.
I took the stairs, and regretted it when my head pounded and my vision swam.
“You forgot your keys,” Junsu shouted up at me.
“Fuck,” I said.
He ran up the flight of stairs, still only clad in sweats. His muscles tensed, biceps round, abs flexed with the small effort. I met him mid flight and held out my hand for my keys. I stumbled when our fingers touched, and he immediately held up an arm to steady me.
“Massively hungover,” I muttered to cover the slip and the heat in my skin.
“No kidding.”
I suddenly realized I was still standing close to him and his hand was pressed against my chest.
“See you in a half hour?” I said and quickly moved back up the stairs.
I was only in my apartment long enough to pack up a few things into a bag. Everything reminded me of Linya. I was going to have to move.
And yet, part of me knew I was being ridiculous. Yes, I could see myself married to her, but not for another year or so. Maybe that meant something. Maybe this was a good thing.
I could think it. I even said it out loud. But it still hurt.
I made sure I had everything and went down to wait in my car and see if Junsu would show up. I put the top down of my ‘vette, put my feet up on the dash and checked my e-mail and cyworld from my cell phone.
“Where are we going?” Junsu asked as he climbed into the passenger seat. He wore jeans and a green t-shirt. A green t-shirt that was a bit too tight, almost like a second skin. Jeans that were sculpted to his ass.
I stared at him for a moment, and then smiled. “It’s a surprise.”
I threw the car into reverse and headed into the sunlight. My headache was now a dull pain behind my left eye. We talked about everything, and I mean everything. Music, food, ice cream, movies, CDs, phones and technology, cyworlds, high school. We even brushed on sex and relationships, until he suddenly changed the subject. And then we talked about our families, our jobs, our friends.
It was nice. Junsu and I had always been friendly with each other, but never friends, never more than a hello in the hallway. Or a knowing smile when we’d see each other in the elevator with a date.
As our drive extended beyond two hours, Junsu said, “You’re not taking me to the country to cut my body into little pieces, are you?”
I laughed. “No. Hang on, we’re almost there.”
We spent the last twenty minutes quiet, only singing to the radio. It was almost two when I finally pulled off the freeway and up around hills and through small towns. Over one hill, I caught a glimpse of the ocean.
“Are we going to the beach?” Junsu asked.
I smiled at the excitement in his voice. “Maybe.”
Another five minutes, going uphill, and then I pulled into a small, deserted parking lot.
“Come on,” I said and climbed out. I popped the trunk and took out the bag I had prepared.
“Now, I’m really worried.”
“Don’t worry. I brought you up here so no one would hear you scream.”
“What kind of screams are we talking about, Yoochun?”
I laughed. “Ever just wish you had a place where you could go and not have to worry or think about anything?”
“Sometimes. But I usually just go up to the roof. It’s closer.”
“This is where I go.”
I stopped, no more than two feet from the edge of a small cliff. During a storm it wasn’t the safest place to be, but that day with the ocean calm and waves low, it was perfect. The afternoon light sparkled on the surfaced of the water.
Junsu stood next to me, our shoulders brushing.
“Wow.”
“Yep.”
“And what exactly to you do up here?”
“Jump,” I said. I pulled my shirt off, leaving me in shorts. “There’s a pair of shorts in the bag if you want to join me.” I ran and dove off the cliff. The cold water took my breath away. I swam a bit deeper, kicking my legs, until the pressure in my ears was too great. I let my body surface slowly.
“You’re insane,” I heard right when my head broke the water line.
I smiled back up at Junsu. “You’re chicken,” I shouted back and then swam over to the edge and climbed onto an outcropping rock.
Junsu peered over the edge.
“It’s only about fifteen feet,” I shouted up to him.
He disappeared from the edge and I frowned. Maybe he wasn’t the adventurous type, and he was going to go back and pout in the car. I sighed and stood up and there was a splash near enough to me that I was caked in water.
Junsu sputtered to the surface, wiping water from his face. “I still say you’re insane, but that was awesome.”
I grinned and crawled over the rock to the very narrow, not quite there path, back up the cliff. Junsu followed slowly after me.
“I’m surprised there aren’t more people here,” Junsu said when we reached the top.
“It’s three on a Wednesday afternoon,” I replied.
“True.”
“I never come here on weekends. It’s the local kids’ hang out.”
We jumped again, showing off, seeing who could do the most flips before hitting the water. Junsu landed painfully on his back, the smack of skin on water loud even from my perch on the rock. I laughed, and laughed and laughed as he dragged his body to lay spread eagle on the rock. His back was beat red.
“That was-”
“Shut up,” he muttered.
I reached for him, hand shaking. As soon as I touched skin, I swallowed, but fuck, I started it, I wasn’t going to chicken out. I rubbed his back lightly and long after the sting had surely faded. Junsu shivered. From the cold. Yeah. The cold. And the partial hard on I had was just from the adrenaline rush of cliff diving. Yep, that’s it.
I cleared my throat and headed back to the top. I grabbed two towels from the bag and tossed one to Junsu. I dried off a bit, and then pulled out a blanket to spread over the dirt. I sat down, rummaged through the bag again and pulled out two containers.
“Sit,” I said to Junsu.
He sat and I handed him a container.
“Wow, lunch, too,” Junsu said with a grin.
“Worth calling in sick to work now, wasn’t it?”
“Fuck yes.”
We ate cold noodles and vegetables in silence.
And then I sighed. “You know, I always meant to bring Linya up here.”
“You never did?”
“No. It was like … my space, you know. My thing. I wasn’t ready to share it with her yet. I always figured that I’d bring her here when I was going to propose.”
“Good spot for that.”
“Yeah.”
“So what makes me so special?” Junsu asked. “Why do I get to see it, and on a first date, too?”
I grinned, but I couldn’t explain why I brought him here. I knew that I had to be alone, but I knew that I didn’t want to be alone.
Junsu stared at me. I didn’t turn to him, but I felt his eyes burning a hole in the side of my face.
“You’re a hard man to figure out, Park Yoochun.”
“I’m in a state of emotional crisis,” I replied. “I’m entitled to being a mess right now.”
“A mess with homosexual tendencies?”
I glanced over at him, eyebrow raised. I took a swallow of soju. “Are you always this honest?”
“Yes.”
I lie down and put my hands behind my head. “I didn’t mind waking up with you this morning. And honestly, the thought of kissing you doesn’t disgust me, so what does that mean?”
“I should I tell you that I have no desire to be some straight boy’s experiment.”
I laughed. I rolled on my side to face him and smiled. “Then I guess that means I should ask you to be my girlfriend again now that I’m sober.”
I expected him to laugh, but he didn’t. He analyzed me with suspicious eyes and then inched closer. My smile stayed put even as my heart sped up.
“Asking a gay guy to be your girlfriend is incredibly demeaning and insulting,” he said.
“Aren’t I cute enough to get away with it?”
This time a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Yes, you are.”
He was close enough that all one of us had to do was lean forward. His eyes darted from my lips to the ground to my eyes back to my lips again.
“You’ll excuse me for hesitating,” he said to my lips, “but as of last night you were in a pretty steady relationship and who’s to say that Linya isn’t going to change her mind?”
“Her loss, isn’t it? I’ve been thinking today that yeah, she’s a great girl, but what if I had proposed to her, and then she didn’t really want to be with me, and honestly, I think that if you’re going to be in a relationship, you either are or you aren’t. I’m not going to wait around for her no matter how much I liked her.”
“It hasn’t even been one day though.”
“And I’m already seeing myself with someone else, so how strong of an attachment did I have with her to begin with?”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“Then why aren’t you kissing me?”
Doubt flickered through his eyes again. I reached up and touched his cheek. His skin was soft, but not like Linya’s had been.
Nope, stop it. You will not, will not compare everything about him, to her. Ever.
His eyes closed as he leaned into the touch.
I closed the distance and kissed him. Barely a press of lips, but enough for my hand to shake, my head to spin and my body to decide that it definitely, definitely liked this.
“There,” I said, lips brushing his, “sober and everything.”
“I still don’t think you’re in your right mind though.”
My laugh was lost in another kiss. Lips open, tongues hesitant, and then careful. It was almost like he was afraid of scaring me away. Or at least he was waiting for me, to only do what I wanted to, what I thought was comfortable. Well, in for a nickel, as they say in the states.
I moaned, opened my mouth for him and pulled him closer all in the same moment. His arms went around my body, hands sliding on my skin. I pushed him to his back, keeping that skin contact, and yeah, I’m not going to compare it to Linya, but to women in general. There was something about this man’s body, something that I loved, and it was like, well, with woman, you have to be careful with them. There was this level of doubt on what to do, but with Junsu, man, I already knew what to do. Not that he was going to like exactly what I liked, but at least I knew what I was working with.
I slid a hand down his side, the top of the shorts that were still damp.
He arched up and whimpered. His hands clenched into my back.
On the other hand, I also knew what I didn’t want. I didn’t want to treat Junsu as a rebound. I didn’t want to lead him into thinking he had someone steady when all I really needed to do was get my mind off some girl.
God, he was a good kisser. The thought of his tongue doing these kinds of things to other parts of my body was making it hard to think.
I pulled away and buried my face in his neck. He tasted like salt. I probably did, too.
We were both gasping.
“God, you’re a good kisser,” he said.
I chuckled. “I was just thinking that about you.”
“What else are you thinking about?”
I leaned away to look at him. “I like you. Today has been fun, and I really, really want to go jump off that cliff again.”
“Figuratively speaking?”
“Nope. Come on.” I kissed him once more and then ran off the edge of the cliff. The water was another shock to my body, but one I welcomed. I really had to cool down. I swam backwards for a moment, clearing the way for him to jump. After he resurfaced, I let him hang on to me and we kissed again.
Junsu broke away and made a face. “Salty,” he said.
“One would think that a gay man wouldn’t mind saltiness.”
He smiled. “It’s a completely different taste.”
“Maybe one day I’ll get to see if that’s true.”
He frowned. “Not today.”
“No. I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you.”
He bit my lower lip and whispered, “What if I want to be used?”
“Then you’ll have to wait,” I said and released him to climb out. We climbed back up the cliff.
After a few more dives, I said, “Let’s go home, get showered and dressed and I’ll take you out to dinner.”
He looked at me, and again, I felt analyzed.
“You know,” I said, “the distrust waving off you is a bit irritating. I think I’ve proven myself a gentleman.”
“I know, and that’s why I’m worried. How do I know you’re not going to bolt at the first possibility of sex?”
“Because I’m a twenty five year old man.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do. But I told you. You’re not going to be just a rebound, Su. That’s not fair to you.”
He sighed. “Okay, okay. I just-”
“Been hurt before, I take it.”
“And you haven’t?”
I hugged him. “Let me get this straight. I don’t want to use you, but you’re confused on why I’m not trying to have sex with you, but if I tried to have sex with you, it would make whatever I want this to be into nothing, which is what you think it is anyway because someone broke my heart yesterday?”
“Well, when you put it like that … Nope, still confusing.”
I laughed and kissed him. “Come on. Let’s go home.”
I stopped down the beach road a bit to hit a shower stall where we could wash some of the salt from our bodies. We talked very little on the drive back, but about ten minutes in, when he put his hand on the middle console, I didn’t hesitate to take it.
And we held hands in the elevator. At my floor, I kissed him deeply and said, “I’ll be up in twenty minutes.”
Breathless, he nodded.
I practically ran to my apartment. I showered, dressed up, styled my hair and was knocking on his door twenty-two minutes later.
He opened the door, leaned against the wall and frowned at me. I scanned his body. Dark jeans, collared shirt, sports coat. His hair was stylishly messy.
“You’re late.”
I smiled. “Guess that means we skip the hello kiss and just head out?”
“Fuck that,” he said and grabbed my jacket and pulled me inside. He pinned me to the door and kissed me hard. “Twenty minutes without you and I already couldn’t wait to see you, and then you were late and I had to wait longer.”
I laughed. “I’m hungry,” I said against his lips. “Figuratively and literally.”
“Dinner first.”
He broke away from me to flip off lights and grab his keys.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I looked at the display and winced.
“Linya?” Junsu asked.
I nodded and sighed. “Better to get it over with, right?”
He bit his lip as I answered the call.
“Yoochun? Oh my god, Yoochun, I’m so glad you answered, after yesterday I didn’t think you would and can you ever forgive me? I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, really, you are, and I almost ruined that and why aren’t you saying anything?”
I took a deep breath. I really did like her. She was a great girlfriend.
“Sorry, Linya,” I finally said. “I’ve had some time to think today and, well, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
“But Chunnie-”
“The thing is,” I said and met Junsu’s eyes and smiled, “I’ve got a brand new girlfriend.”
I flipped the phone closed.
Junsu shook his head. “Just for that, I don’t care what you say, when we do have sex, you’re bottoming.”
.