Fic: Truth by Firelight
Title: Truth by Firelight
Author: lotusflower85
Rating: G
Pairing: Robin/Marian
Spoilers: Late second season, "Lardner's Ring"
Disclaimer: Auntie Beeb owns my soul.
Summary: Robin and Marian find the chance to talk.
“Do you ever feel guilty?”
Marian glanced at Robin across the fire, the gentle light from the flames flickering across his face. His eyes were downcast, focussed on his threaded hands across his knees. Her attention went back to sharpening the wood she held in her hand into an arrowpoint and chose not to answer, feigning indifference to what he meant.
“About Gisbourne,” he clarified, the name twisting awkwardly around his tongue. “About deceiving him.”
“Should I?” Marian thrust her knife against the wood a little too roughly and splintered the arrow beyond repair.
“Well, I don’t think so,” his eyes lifted, and as small amount of brevity entered his tone. “But I know how you think, Marian.”
She tossed the arrow away, annoyed that he thought he knew her better than she knew herself. “And how do I think?” she asked lightly.
“That lying, murderous traitors should be given chance after chance on the hope that eventually, they may redeem themselves.” Robin stood, as if he wanted to advance on her, to shake sense into her. But he held his ground, as if waiting for her to come to him.
Marian felt that he was not going to be easily placated. “I’m not going to apologise for trying to see the best in people.” She stood to mirror him, so that they were on even ground, staring each other down.
“You like him” he accused her, an old, barely-healed pain in his face.
Marian stepped towards him instantly, and placed her hands on either side of his face. “I love you,” she said forcefully, willing him to believe it, to trust her as she did him. “Please don’t be jealous.” She dropped her hands and sighed sadly, stepping away as she saw his expression become anxious.
“I’m just worried, Marian.” He ran a hand through his hair, the way he did when he was nervous. “What happens when you push him too far? What if I’m not there to protect you? And I know, I know,” he stopped her before she could interrupt. “I know you can take care of yourself. But you may not know what he’s capable of until he’s done it, and then it may be too late.”
She looked up at him again, and his hands were on his hips - basic defensive position. He only stood like that when he was unsure of how he should stand. When he was uncertain. “I can’t pretend that it doesn’t bother me to see you around him.”
Marian sighed and sat back down on the log by the fire, facing away from him slightly. “You know,” she began, “I used to dream about what would happen when you came back...when I actually thought that you would be back within the year like you promised. I thought about how jealous I would make you. You were right, there were suitors.” She saw him react out of the corner of her eye, his mouth tense slightly. “I imagined the look on your face,” she continued, “to see that I was courted - I wanted you to be jealous, to curse yourself for ever leaving...to see what you had given up.”
“I do see,” he said quietly, staring at his feet.
“That was back when I thought love could be a game...one that I would win when you came back.” Marian smiled self-deprecatingly. She’d been so young then, so full of rage at him, angry that he had the power to hurt her so badly, desire to inflict the same pain on him.
He sank down beside her on the log, so close and yet not actually touching her, gaze still fixed on the ground. “And now?” he asked, uncharacteristically hesitant, like he was afraid of the answer.
“Now we have both grown up,” she replied softly. “Now we know that it’s not a game, and yet sometimes...life forces us to play anyway.” She had no desire to cause him pain now, in fact, hated herself for being pushed to do it. No...choosing to do it, because she believed that it would prove to be the right decision, in the end.
They sat in silence for a long time, but Marian felt as if a burden was lifted off her shoulders, and she breathed the cool forest air easier than she had done in weeks. She had been wondering when he was going to ask her about Gisbourne, remembered the way he had accused her in the cave about her feelings for him.
The truth was, Marian wasn’t sure how to explain it. Perhaps it was the feeling that in another life, in other circumstances, Guy could have been very much like Robin. They were more similar than either cared to admit, just at opposite extremes and on different sides.
“I do feel guilty,” she said finally, with a note of regret. “And I hope when this is all over, he understands.”
“You still think he can be redeemed?” There was still a note of disbelief in his voice.
“Yes.”
There was another long silence. Eventually Robin took her hand in his own, warm and strong. “It’s good to dream,” he said simply.
Marian wasn’t sure whether to cry or kiss him. Instead, she rested her head against his shoulder, revelling in the feeling of comfort it gave her. She didn’t think she had ever felt this close to him, or loved him more. It kindled her heart to know that while he didn’t agree with her, while he thought she was wrong, he respected her enough to trust her. Five years ago Robin would have talked himself hoarse arguing, trying to persuade her to his way of thinking. Five years ago she may have been persuaded.
They had, as she said, both grown up. She had adopted some of his idealism, taken up her own cause, and he had learnt to listen - to be still, and patient. It was what love was for them now, reconciling their old selves to their new ones, accepting the people they both had become, no longer children who played at love, but adults, who finally understood what it meant.
When she spoke again, it was a whisper into the night sky. “You have my heart, Robin.”
She felt, rather than saw his smile, and he placed a kiss to her temple. “I’ll keep it safe,” he murmured, and drew her closer as if he would never let her go.
But he would, in the morning, allow her to slip away from him to go back to the castle. She would go to do her duty for his - their - cause. She would still miss him and he would still be jealous, but there was a new found intimacy and acceptance between them, with no more concealed anxieties and half-truths. In their hearts and minds, they were together, and unable to be broken. They were stronger.