Party Time (Part 5)
Title: Party Time (Part 5)
Author: bballgirl3022
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Dean/Castiel and Sam/Gabriel
Spoilers: If you know Gabriel and Castiel then you’re good
Warnings: AU
Disclaimer: I don’t own Supernatural
Summary: Declarations are made.
Word Count: 1,774
Notes: Thanks and enjoy!
No beta. Sorry.
Part 4
Party Time (Part 5)
There’s a happiness that surrounds Castiel these days. People are starting to notice a change; even a few students have commented. And Castiel feels light-hearted; well mostly, because he still has to tell Dean about his past. He’s dreading that particular conversation.
Castiel and Dean have seen each other almost everyday. It’s been nice, this semi-domestic relationship they’ve fallen into. It was comfortable in a casual way. A type of relationship that Castiel wasn’t sure he’d ever be a part of.
They spent most of their nights are Dean’s house; mostly because Dean knew how to cook and thus had better food. Gabriel and Sam were there too. The foursome had become a weird little family in their own right. Dean and Castiel would watch TV and cuddle while Gabriel and Sam would make out. They talked, laughed, eat, slept, and it was absolutely wonderful.
*****
“I think you should stay over this weekend.” Castiel said in a rush. His cheeks were heating under the intensity of Dean’s gaze. Castiel had never invited Dean over. Not that he didn’t want to, but because having Dean over meant something. Meant this relationship was going somewhere real. Meant Castiel had to be vulnerable for anther person.
It was time though. Dean more than deserved for Castiel to be completely honest with him. To allow Dean into his life in a way he never permitted anyone except Gabriel.
“You’re sure about this?” Dean, sweet Dean, was giving Castiel a chance to say ‘no.’ That he’d been kidding.
Castiel nodded. “I’m sure. “ He took a step closet to Dean. “I want you to come over.” He laced his fingers together with Dean’s. “And I want you to stay with me.”
The look in Dean’s eyes alone makes this whole thing worth it. “Ok. I’ll come over.” He kisses Castiel on the cheek and asks, “What do you want for dinner?”
And just like that a weight it lifted. Castiel felt lighter knowing that Dean wasn’t going to press the issue tonight.
*****
This was it. Dean was coming over. He was going to be inside Castiel’s house. He’d be staying in Castiel’s bed. Castiel wasn’t nervous. He wasn’t.
Ok that was a tiny lie. Castiel was freaking out. He cleaned that whole house. Twice. And even after all that he still felt restless. The restlessness was annoying really. Nothing he did reduced the sensation. Castiel accepted the fact the restlessness wasn’t going away and turned on the TV to give him something to concentrate on while he waited for Dean to show.
Dean, thankfully, arrived twenty minutes later. Castiel jumped and raced to answer the door when Dean knocked. He was carrying two bags. One of which Castiel assumed contained clothes since Dean would be here all weekend. The other was a mystery.
He held out the plastic grocery bag for Castiel’s inspection. “I brought stuff for hamburgers because I know they’re your favorite.” He smiled, “And I figured you probably wouldn’t have any food.”
Castiel smiled shyly in return, “You’re right. There is hardly anything in the fridge.” He led Dean through the living room and into the kitchen.
While Dean made himself at home in the kitchen, Castiel excused himself to use the bathroom. He needed a minute to compose himself, so he wouldn’t have a panic attack in front of Dean. Castiel took some deep, calming breaths and tried to remind himself that everything was going to be fine. Dean wasn’t like those other guys. He wanted to be here. He enjoyed Castiel’s company and Castiel liked being around Dean. Castiel could do this. He just had to get out of this bathroom first.
The burgers Dean was making smelled wonderful. Dean was a genius in the kitchen. It was a total turn on if Castiel was completely honest, but tonight it caused his heart to pound in a way that was very unpleasant.
“Cas, where do you keep the plates?” Dean turned and almost knocked into Castiel. “Oh. There you are.” Something about Castiel’s appearance must have been off because Dean’s face pinched up in concern. Dean tugged Castiel closer and circled his arms around Castiel’s waist. Castiel returned the embrace and rested his forehead against Dean’s neck. This spot was Castiel’s favorite. It offered comfort and warmth. And a sense of home that Castiel couldn’t really explain, not even to himself.
“It’s ok Cas. I know you’re nervous about me being here. But I promise I’ll still want to date you, even if you don’t put out tonight.” Castiel chuckled; trust Dean to know exactly what to say to make his nerves dissipate.
The two ate side by side; mostly because Castiel didn’t want to stop touching Dean even if it made eating extremely difficult. Castiel didn’t think the exhilarating feeling he got around Dean would ever fade. At least he hoped it didn’t.
*****
Castiel attempted to drag Dean to his bedroom after dinner, but Dean was having none of that. He plopped them down in front of the TV to watch reruns of CSI. Castiel didn’t find this show particularly entertaining, or calming for that matter, but once Dean slung an arm around Castiel’s shoulders and tucked him close to his side, Castiel didn’t think the show was that bad.
Not that they watched very much of the show. Instead they made out on the couch like randy teenagers. Dean made it clear that he didn’t expect their make out session to go further. Castiel’s hands kept wandering; and Dean spent most of his time keeping Castiel’s hands out of his pants.
Making out was an awesome distraction. So much so that Castiel almost forgot where they were and what he planned to tell Dean tonight.
They made it to the bedroom with no incidents. Dean changed in the bathroom and Castiel stared at the bed until he returned. Having someone in his bed wasn’t exactly a big step, but this was Dean. Dean meant so much to Castiel. Dean’s acceptance of his faults would mean everything.
“I can sleep on the couch if this is making you uncomfortable.” Dean looked completely sincere. He would no doubt spend the night on the tiny couch if it would put Castiel at ease.
“No!” Castiel gripped Dean’s wrist and lead him along, “I want you here. With me.”
Dean nodded slowly and slid in next to Castiel when he lifted the blankets. Castiel fisted his hands in Dean’s shirt and tangled their legs together. He pressed his body as close to Dean’s as possible in order to soak up as much of Dean’s body heat as possible.
Castiel stayed like that a long while; grounding himself in Dean’s presence before he spoke. “I didn’t start dating until college. And even then it was mostly guys who wanted one night and not relationships. All I ever wanted was someone to like me. To be interested in whom I was as a person.” He chuckled darkly, “I was apparently asking too much.”
“Nobody wanted me long enough to sick around for a relationship. Not until him.” They way Castiel practically spat the word made Dean squeeze him more tightly. “His name was Raphael. When we first meet he was charming, intelligent, and too good to be true. You have no idea how right that was. He wanted a relationship and he was interested in me. I fell for him instantly. How could I not. I’d spent so much of my time trying to be wanted and to have it fall in my lap was a complete miracle.”
“We dated for a long while and he asked me to move in with him. It was all rainbows and unicorns up until this point.” His voice took on a bitter tone at the memories. “He started to get controlling after that. Little things at first, like what we’d watch on TV or where we’d go for dinner. Eventually it turned into where I was allowed to go and who I was allowed to talk to. I didn’t mind though because he loved me right? So I let it slide.
“He became more forceful after that controlling everything about my life. I was a little unhappy about it, but I was stupid and in love. I started to question him not long after that, and that just made him angry. He’d leave for long periods of time. I knew he was with other men, but that just meant I had to try harder to get him to stay. So I did everything he said, but he’d leave anyway.
“A few weeks after that, he was gone completely. He said he’d found someone else. Someone who he really loved and didn’t have to pretend with. Someone who wasn’t weak and needy. Someone better. I was crushed. I loved him. I gave him a year of my life and he never even loved me. I felt as though he ripped out my heart and stomped on it. My chest ached all the time as though it was empty. He broke me.” There were tears on his cheeks and he was sobbing uncontrollably.
“I’ve been trying to put myself back together, but it still hurts. I’m not fixed yet. You deserve someone better, Dean; someone whole.”
Dean rubbed soothing circles on Castiel’s back and peppered his head with kisses. Dean was tense. Castiel could feel it. His voice was hard when he spoke, “Don’t talk like that. Just because you’ve been hurt Cas, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved too. Don’t say I deserve someone better. There’s no one out there I want more than you. Understand?” Castiel nodded against Dean’s chest. His shirt was soaked from Castiel’s tears.
“I love you, Cas,” Dean whispered. “I’m not just saying that to make you feel better, or get in your pants. I’m saying it because that’s what I actually feel. I don’t feel broken with you.”
Castiel was still. He was shocked mostly. He knew he felt deeply for Dean, but he never expected his sentiments to be returned. “You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know,” he says.
If Dean can put his feeling out there than so can Castiel, “I love you too. I love you so much. I don’t ever want to be without you.”
“I’m glad.” Dean sounds relieved. Castiel feels relieved and it’s nice to know someone feels the same way. “We should sleep now. We can talk more in the morning.” Castiel agrees. Sleep sounds awesome right now; even better pressed up against someone who loves you.
TBC