Theme 82 - When In Rome
Title: Luck of the Draw
Universe: DCAU
Genre: Drama
Characters: Various Henchfolk, the Joker
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 500
Summary: The average length of employment for a henchman who signs up to work for the Joker is a little over five weeks.
***
Luck of the Draw
Stefan took a swig from the bottle and gave a dopily satisfied grin. “You guys seem pretty laid back - my last boss was really against drinking beer at work. This is much more like it!”
There were a few chuckles from the men that sat around the table as Curly - the boss had been calling him that for so long everyone else had forgotten what his name originally was - dealt the clueless new guy in. It was always fun to see what happened to the new guys.
“So, I’ve gotta ask - what’s with that dude’s totally retarded fashion sense?” Stefan joked, failing to notice the eyes of everyone else in the room turning to the doorway behind him. “Is he wearing that outfit for a bet or something? When I shut my eyes I can still see that suit burnt onto my retinas!”
“Hmm, burning into your retinas, you say?” Stefan’s face fell as he twisted to see his new boss standing behind him, a casually thoughtful expression doing nothing to disguise the menace in his tone. “That sounds like an excellent basis for a little experiment involving some new high-strength acids I’ve been working on. Well suggested!”
Stefan cringed as the Joker gave him a hearty clap on the shoulder, then turned on the spot and disappeared back to his workshop in a purple and electric-green blur.
Once Stefan started breathing again he got several congratulatory handshakes on his dumb luck.
Later that day another new guy arrived, apparently on a tip from an old cellmate. Leonard looked around the warehouse at the oversized circus-props and other accoutrements of a Joker-hideout.
“You guys get through muscle pretty fast, right? With this guy if it’s not the cops shootin’ at you it’ll be one of them caped do-gooders braining you with a nunchuck.”
Curly gave the new guy a sardonic grin. “If you don’t wanna play with the big boys you can go back to doffing your hat to D-list celebrities on the door of the Iceberg Lounge. Your choice, kid.”
Leonard scoffed. “Cobblepot is a tight-flippered bastard - this pays three times as much, and I need the cash. I got an ex with two kids and a lawyer on speed-dial. But I can handle myself. You’ve clearly lasted long enough to grow a few grey hairs, so I’m just gonna do exactly what you do - when in Rome, y’know?”
Curly laughed. “Good luck with that.”
The next morning Stefan almost hurled up over his own shoes helping Curly load what was left of Leonard into the back of the old station wagon they reserved for dumping jobs.
The older man wondered if the boss liked to borrow Two-Face’s coin and flip it to decide what to do with the new guys, or if his craziness just hid a brilliance at detecting the dumb luck that was so often necessary to pull off a heist involving the Bat.
Curly never had been a betting man, but he wondered if it was too late to start now.
Fin
***
End note: Advice for wannabe Joker henchmen - first buy a lottery ticket and see if you win anything. If not, just don't risk it.
Universe: DCAU
Genre: Drama
Characters: Various Henchfolk, the Joker
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 500
Summary: The average length of employment for a henchman who signs up to work for the Joker is a little over five weeks.
***
Luck of the Draw
Stefan took a swig from the bottle and gave a dopily satisfied grin. “You guys seem pretty laid back - my last boss was really against drinking beer at work. This is much more like it!”
There were a few chuckles from the men that sat around the table as Curly - the boss had been calling him that for so long everyone else had forgotten what his name originally was - dealt the clueless new guy in. It was always fun to see what happened to the new guys.
“So, I’ve gotta ask - what’s with that dude’s totally retarded fashion sense?” Stefan joked, failing to notice the eyes of everyone else in the room turning to the doorway behind him. “Is he wearing that outfit for a bet or something? When I shut my eyes I can still see that suit burnt onto my retinas!”
“Hmm, burning into your retinas, you say?” Stefan’s face fell as he twisted to see his new boss standing behind him, a casually thoughtful expression doing nothing to disguise the menace in his tone. “That sounds like an excellent basis for a little experiment involving some new high-strength acids I’ve been working on. Well suggested!”
Stefan cringed as the Joker gave him a hearty clap on the shoulder, then turned on the spot and disappeared back to his workshop in a purple and electric-green blur.
Once Stefan started breathing again he got several congratulatory handshakes on his dumb luck.
Later that day another new guy arrived, apparently on a tip from an old cellmate. Leonard looked around the warehouse at the oversized circus-props and other accoutrements of a Joker-hideout.
“You guys get through muscle pretty fast, right? With this guy if it’s not the cops shootin’ at you it’ll be one of them caped do-gooders braining you with a nunchuck.”
Curly gave the new guy a sardonic grin. “If you don’t wanna play with the big boys you can go back to doffing your hat to D-list celebrities on the door of the Iceberg Lounge. Your choice, kid.”
Leonard scoffed. “Cobblepot is a tight-flippered bastard - this pays three times as much, and I need the cash. I got an ex with two kids and a lawyer on speed-dial. But I can handle myself. You’ve clearly lasted long enough to grow a few grey hairs, so I’m just gonna do exactly what you do - when in Rome, y’know?”
Curly laughed. “Good luck with that.”
The next morning Stefan almost hurled up over his own shoes helping Curly load what was left of Leonard into the back of the old station wagon they reserved for dumping jobs.
The older man wondered if the boss liked to borrow Two-Face’s coin and flip it to decide what to do with the new guys, or if his craziness just hid a brilliance at detecting the dumb luck that was so often necessary to pull off a heist involving the Bat.
Curly never had been a betting man, but he wondered if it was too late to start now.
Fin
***
End note: Advice for wannabe Joker henchmen - first buy a lottery ticket and see if you win anything. If not, just don't risk it.