because I have spent my day watching Psych
"Gus," Shawn said, "I kinda slept with Lassie."
Gus immediately clapped his hands over his ears. "NO."
"Hey! This is important! Man up!"
"LA LA LA LA," Gus yelled. He tried walking away and bounced off the wall; he'd closed his eyes.
"I LET HIM PUT HIS DANGLE IN MY SECRET PLACE AND I NEED TO TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS," Shawn yelled, trying to pry Gus's hand away from his ear.
"HELL NO," Gus replied.
Shawn's neighbor banged on the wall. They both looked up. "LET ME SHARE WITH YOU," Shawn said, staring at the wall.
"BUT I'M SCARED. OF MY FEELINGS," Gus said.
"LET ME LOVE YOU," Shawn replied.
"OH SHAWN, SHAWN," Gus said, and jumped onto the couch. He and Shawn grabbed each other's arms and pogoed on the couch together, moaning and banging it against the wall, until they ran out of breath.
They collapsed on the couch together. "Seriously," Gus panted, "no details."
"God, no, I can barely stand it myself," Shawn said, pressing a hand against the stitch in his side. His neighbor was conspicuously silent.
"I didn't know you went that way."
"Oh. Yeah. Didn't want to weird you out," Shawn said.
Gus elbowed him. Shawn elbowed him back. Gus tackled him into the couch cushion. "He did you in the whatsit?" Gus asked.
"I know!" Shawn said.
"What the hell?" Gus asked.
"It feels better than you would think," Shawn said.
"Okay, that's enough."
"The weird part is that my dad likes him. That's just freaking wrong."
"Word," Gus said.
"I can't tell my dad about this," Shawn said.
"God no," Gus said.
"But I think he's going to know anyway."
"Probably," Gus said.
"My life sucks."
"But you're getting laid. Have a beer," Gus said.
"Word," Shawn said, and got a beer.
The end.