How To Attract A Man
Cosmo always does this wrong, so I figure I'll do it right.
1. Be strong enough to be in charge of your own elite fighting force, but sensitive enough to respect their fear of salt water and boats.
2. Let him rescue you after your father has condemned you to death for stealing top secret military plans in order to help your religious based terrorist organization.
3. Speak Canadian French, work as a secretary for a while, then become a minor soap opera character while ignoring his blatant cheating.
4. Help him break your psychotic friend out of prison and then get naked with him in his giant air ship. Let him know that you turned down a foursome with his friend and his friend's three identical twins.
5. Escape from an alien base by jumping through red and blue holes.
6. Be a scientist, but pretend to be a bad scientist. Let him impregnate you with a xenomorph.
7. Start an all girl rock band that fights crime. Help him and his friends with their ghost hunting efforts. Be super nice to their dog.
8. Give up being a child star to do lots of drugs, drive drunk and steal shit while having great breasts.
9. Be his best friend's little sister and compliment him on his wand.
10. Raise more than a million bucks on your kickstarter but complain that you aren't really making any money, expect musicians to play in your band for free and give lectures about how creative people really shouldn't ask for money for their work.
1. Be strong enough to be in charge of your own elite fighting force, but sensitive enough to respect their fear of salt water and boats.
2. Let him rescue you after your father has condemned you to death for stealing top secret military plans in order to help your religious based terrorist organization.
3. Speak Canadian French, work as a secretary for a while, then become a minor soap opera character while ignoring his blatant cheating.
4. Help him break your psychotic friend out of prison and then get naked with him in his giant air ship. Let him know that you turned down a foursome with his friend and his friend's three identical twins.
5. Escape from an alien base by jumping through red and blue holes.
6. Be a scientist, but pretend to be a bad scientist. Let him impregnate you with a xenomorph.
7. Start an all girl rock band that fights crime. Help him and his friends with their ghost hunting efforts. Be super nice to their dog.
8. Give up being a child star to do lots of drugs, drive drunk and steal shit while having great breasts.
9. Be his best friend's little sister and compliment him on his wand.
10. Raise more than a million bucks on your kickstarter but complain that you aren't really making any money, expect musicians to play in your band for free and give lectures about how creative people really shouldn't ask for money for their work.