The Reason- A Kyou Kara Maou Oneshot
This fic is part of the Marriage Arc, if I put them numerically this is part three after Little Dreams and The Honeymooners. Enjoy!!
Title: The Reason
Series: KKM (The Marriage Arc)
Pairing: Yuuri x Wolfram, Yozak x Conrad, and Gwendal x ...no one, cause he's a miser lol
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: shonen-ai, sexual references, extreme fluff and major bashing of the feminine anatomy
Genre: Humor, fluff...philosophy? XD one-shot
Summary: There is a reason that the three Princes like men. Wolfram thinks he's discovered that reason.
I came into the dining hall later than planned. My brothers and I have created a ritual of eating a private lunch together about one day every week. It helps us keep in contact with each other. Contrary to common speculation, even though we live in the same house, we barely ever see one another.
I take my seat across from Conrad, nodding a greeting to both of them. We sit in silence for scantly a minute before Conrad starts to chuckle. Said chuckle escalates into a full-on laugh, followed by Gwendal's low, humming chortle.
"What?" I ask, almost offended at not knowing what was so funny.
Conrad coughs to clear his throat which has been constricted with laughter. "Well, it's obvious why you're late," he says, covering his smile with a curled fist.
I blink incredulously and a blush rises to my cheeks.
I wait for an explanation and when Conrad can't seem to find the words, Gwendal takes it upon himself to answer.
"You're jacket buttons," he responds, pointing discretely to my jacket. The buttons are done wrong, leaving an extra hole on the bottom and making it look lop-sided. Hastily, I fix them...almost as hastily as I had gone to fasten them the first time. "And your..." he coughs anxiously, "sex-tousled hair..."
I squeak in surprise, my hands automatically flying to my head to hide my disheveled appearance. Yes, it was indeed obvious that I had just come from copulating with my husband. Even though we had just returned from our honeymoon, we still, as Yuuri likes to call it, "fuck like bunnies". Whatever a bunny is, it must have a lot...a LOT of sex.
Yuuri and I had gotten caught up in a rather steamy session in the kitchen...don't even ask how that happened. He mentioned something about me in an apron being sexy, so I decided to do a little baking. It resulted in me, nude in an apron, and a very burnt loaf of bread. Naturally, I was late for lunch.
I try to flatten my tousled tresses, lifting my chin up high to prove that I was not ashamed of my sexual acts.
Lunch is served to three very amused and embarrassed Princes. In the middle of our meal, I search for the opportunity to relay my most recent theory. I find that opportunity when both my brothers have their mouths full of food.
"Did you ever wonder why none of us like women?"
Gwendal nearly chokes and Conrad actually spits his food back onto his plate. "What?" they both ask, apparently shocked, simultaneously.
"You heard me," I reply, taking a rather conceded bite of my food.
Conrad shakes his head as a 'no', while Gwendal shakes it in more of a 'I can't believe this' kind of way.
"I think I know why."
Both of them perk up a little. Gwendal grunts before saying, "I never said I liked men."
I roll my eyes, "Oh, forgive me Aniue. Both Conrad and I like men, while you are asexual."
Much to my surprise, as well as Gwendal's, Conrad bursts out laughing, nearly doubling over in his chair. I join him and it's obvious that Gwendal is peeved. I can actually see a tint of pink on his cheeks.
"Anyway," I resume after our laughing fit ends, "I have a theory. We are surrounded by the most frightening women alive."
Both of them become interested after my bold statement.
"Think about it. While we were growing up, we were constantly smothered in our mother's ample bosom. I can honestly say that boobs scare me to death." (<--- favorite line ever lol)
Conrad goes to contort, but suddenly dons a haunted expression. "Me too..."
"On top of that, we have women like Anissina," a shudder vibrates through the room at the mention of her name, "and Gisela, who, when angered, is like a devil."
My brothers roll over the theory in their minds, considering all the facts and delving into their memories to pull up scarred moments that might have been caused by the aforementioned women. They look at each other, at me, than back at each other.
"You might just be right," Conrad says and Gwendal nods solemnly.
A triumphant smile grows on my face and I nod happily. "Then that's the reason."
"But," Gwendal chimes in, "What about Julia?"
Gwendal and I turn to Conrad. He fidgets a moment, before answering, "I liked her...but I wasn't really...attracted to her."
"And besides," I add, "her boobs weren't that big anyway."
"Wolfram!" They scold me simultaneously, but they know I'm right. I guess I should thank my mother. Without her breasts of doom I would probably be married to Elizabeth, another over-bearing woman with a large chest, and have many children by now. Conrad would also probably still be alone, or married to the first woman who would have him. Yozak is much better than any woman I know.
I like Yuuri, I like Yuuri as a man, I like being fucked. End of story. It may be vulgar, but that's how I like it. Beside, boobs would just get in the way.
you know what's funny? I'm a woman and I bash them so god damn much lol. thanks for reading!
Title: The Reason
Series: KKM (The Marriage Arc)
Pairing: Yuuri x Wolfram, Yozak x Conrad, and Gwendal x ...no one, cause he's a miser lol
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: shonen-ai, sexual references, extreme fluff and major bashing of the feminine anatomy
Genre: Humor, fluff...philosophy? XD one-shot
Summary: There is a reason that the three Princes like men. Wolfram thinks he's discovered that reason.
I came into the dining hall later than planned. My brothers and I have created a ritual of eating a private lunch together about one day every week. It helps us keep in contact with each other. Contrary to common speculation, even though we live in the same house, we barely ever see one another.
I take my seat across from Conrad, nodding a greeting to both of them. We sit in silence for scantly a minute before Conrad starts to chuckle. Said chuckle escalates into a full-on laugh, followed by Gwendal's low, humming chortle.
"What?" I ask, almost offended at not knowing what was so funny.
Conrad coughs to clear his throat which has been constricted with laughter. "Well, it's obvious why you're late," he says, covering his smile with a curled fist.
I blink incredulously and a blush rises to my cheeks.
I wait for an explanation and when Conrad can't seem to find the words, Gwendal takes it upon himself to answer.
"You're jacket buttons," he responds, pointing discretely to my jacket. The buttons are done wrong, leaving an extra hole on the bottom and making it look lop-sided. Hastily, I fix them...almost as hastily as I had gone to fasten them the first time. "And your..." he coughs anxiously, "sex-tousled hair..."
I squeak in surprise, my hands automatically flying to my head to hide my disheveled appearance. Yes, it was indeed obvious that I had just come from copulating with my husband. Even though we had just returned from our honeymoon, we still, as Yuuri likes to call it, "fuck like bunnies". Whatever a bunny is, it must have a lot...a LOT of sex.
Yuuri and I had gotten caught up in a rather steamy session in the kitchen...don't even ask how that happened. He mentioned something about me in an apron being sexy, so I decided to do a little baking. It resulted in me, nude in an apron, and a very burnt loaf of bread. Naturally, I was late for lunch.
I try to flatten my tousled tresses, lifting my chin up high to prove that I was not ashamed of my sexual acts.
Lunch is served to three very amused and embarrassed Princes. In the middle of our meal, I search for the opportunity to relay my most recent theory. I find that opportunity when both my brothers have their mouths full of food.
"Did you ever wonder why none of us like women?"
Gwendal nearly chokes and Conrad actually spits his food back onto his plate. "What?" they both ask, apparently shocked, simultaneously.
"You heard me," I reply, taking a rather conceded bite of my food.
Conrad shakes his head as a 'no', while Gwendal shakes it in more of a 'I can't believe this' kind of way.
"I think I know why."
Both of them perk up a little. Gwendal grunts before saying, "I never said I liked men."
I roll my eyes, "Oh, forgive me Aniue. Both Conrad and I like men, while you are asexual."
Much to my surprise, as well as Gwendal's, Conrad bursts out laughing, nearly doubling over in his chair. I join him and it's obvious that Gwendal is peeved. I can actually see a tint of pink on his cheeks.
"Anyway," I resume after our laughing fit ends, "I have a theory. We are surrounded by the most frightening women alive."
Both of them become interested after my bold statement.
"Think about it. While we were growing up, we were constantly smothered in our mother's ample bosom. I can honestly say that boobs scare me to death." (<--- favorite line ever lol)
Conrad goes to contort, but suddenly dons a haunted expression. "Me too..."
"On top of that, we have women like Anissina," a shudder vibrates through the room at the mention of her name, "and Gisela, who, when angered, is like a devil."
My brothers roll over the theory in their minds, considering all the facts and delving into their memories to pull up scarred moments that might have been caused by the aforementioned women. They look at each other, at me, than back at each other.
"You might just be right," Conrad says and Gwendal nods solemnly.
A triumphant smile grows on my face and I nod happily. "Then that's the reason."
"But," Gwendal chimes in, "What about Julia?"
Gwendal and I turn to Conrad. He fidgets a moment, before answering, "I liked her...but I wasn't really...attracted to her."
"And besides," I add, "her boobs weren't that big anyway."
"Wolfram!" They scold me simultaneously, but they know I'm right. I guess I should thank my mother. Without her breasts of doom I would probably be married to Elizabeth, another over-bearing woman with a large chest, and have many children by now. Conrad would also probably still be alone, or married to the first woman who would have him. Yozak is much better than any woman I know.
I like Yuuri, I like Yuuri as a man, I like being fucked. End of story. It may be vulgar, but that's how I like it. Beside, boobs would just get in the way.
you know what's funny? I'm a woman and I bash them so god damn much lol. thanks for reading!