Fic: Inner Monologue (BoP, PG, B/H)
Title: Inner Monologue
Author: Barbd
Summary/Pairing/Disclaimer:
Barbara rants, B/H, not mine. Not been near a beta.
Simple.
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"I just cannot believe you would do this to me … like this … at this time of all times, what have I done wrong this time, huh? Of all the stupid, idiotic, self …. Is that a broken rib? Goddamnit, Helena. That’s a broken rib! I can’t believe this … I have papers to mark and finals to get ready for … and you made me drag Dinah up and out of bed … she may be very understanding but she is still a child, she needs her rest, especially so with her finals coming up … you do get that right?”
Of course you don’t. Stupid question. You’re unconscious, how could you possibly ‘get it’ if you’re unconscious. Barbara, you really should start having these rants at a more convenient time … like when she isn’t unconscious, maybe it would help her, maybe it would help you.
Who are you kidding? Leave yourself out in the open like that? Make sure she really knows what you’re feeling. You’d have to be dying to let yourself go that much. You’d have to be half dead with one foot in the grave. You’d have to be deader than a … you get the point.
You’re talking to yourself.
“And that’s another thing, would you quit making me talk to myself in my head. If you hadn’t been knocked unconscious, if you hadn’t made me drag Dinah out of bed to drag your sorry ass back here, I would be able to … ok, at least I would be able to make you feel bad about it instead of starting some strange, wacky, Joker-like, inner monologue about how much I can’t seem to make you do the safe thing.”
Safe. Relative word, really. Who really is safe these days?
“Ok, at least the sensible thing. Goddamn it … what the hell kind of knife did this? Missy, when you wake up I’m never letting you out of my sight again!”
Maybe I’ll hug you this time. That would be nice. Then I’d never let you out of my arms again. We could spend the rest of our lives in silence, in our room, in our house, with our family … and forget about our city … oh my, Bruce would be disappointed.
“What in all that is holy gave you the bright idea that you could take down the entire operation by yourself? Seriously Helena, what kind of idiotic brain cell suggested that you, one person, could take on fifteen of Falcone’s best trained hired help. The man isn’t an idiot like the rest of them. He knows how to hire!”
But you aren’t just a woman, are you? You’re a super woman. You’re Helena the Great. You’re … my heart.
Don’t cry.
“Now look what you’ve made me do. I won’t cry over this Helena. I won’t. This was your fault and I … I had no … say … no control … I … should have been there for you, I should have known you would do this … this is what you’ve been doing for seven years. Dammit.”
Brush the tears away, you’ll be waking up soon, I can’t let you see how much this has hurt me. You’ll run away, you probably won’t come back but if you did it would be in worse shape than you are in now.
I don’t want that.
I want you.
“I want you.”
Good one. Remember Barbara Gordon, she’s still unconscious.
“Bar ..”
You sound sleepy and unsure. You sound hurt. You said my name - almost.
“Wake up Hel, I’m here. I’m taking care of you. Open your eyes.”
Such beautiful eyes, just like your fathers - though Bruce was never this much of a looker. I never fell into Bruce’s eyes. I never wondered if he would kiss me.
“I’ve got you Hel. Wake up.”
I’ve got you Hell. Come back to me now. I won’t hurt you.
Fin