I hear you. Cisgendered, Kinsey 0, and I don't perform "feminine" terribly well, nor do I feel any desire to do so. A lot of people read me as butch lesbian, because I don't read as properly womanly. A lot of people online read me as male, and not just because of my handle. At one point some of my books appeared on a GoodReads list of "gay romance written by *men*"...
Which is why I have enormous sympathy for transgendered people who are required to conform utterly and absolutely to extreme gender stereotypes to "prove" they're really trans. I remember years ago someone on alt.fan.pratchett talking about being required to wear dresses and skirts at all times for an extended period to prove they were feminine enough to be allowed to transition, to the utter horror of an assortment of ciswomen who could not remember the last time they'd worn a dress.
YES, to your second paragraph. It makes me so angry to see people be shitty to transwomen who aren't super-femme, or who transitioned without going through a pile of surgery to make their bodies and faces conform to our culture's standard of "female."
One thing that attending a women's college taught me is that women and their dress and behaviors come in a much wider range than I'd ever encountered before.
Witnessing and agreeing. I told a friend recently that I was grateful for all of the press on the gay marriage and (small but growing) swell of attention on trans issues, as it took some of the pressure off me to perform Female, which I've always failed at and, truthfully, could not care less for. This is a good time to be alive for those of us in the middle of the gender spectrum - or, if not good, then at least better than it was ten years ago.
I had an eyeopening time with a friend once when we compared notes and childhoods; my conclusion had been that 'I'm a me' and I happen to be female; their conclusion was that they were male (they've now transitioned. Go them.) I don't 'perform female' and I hate the pressure on people to do so, but I don't think I had understood how important how much part of their identity - gender was to some people. For me, it's always been one item on a list that includes 'is bilingual, writes books, wears glasses, likes travel, programs computers, loves horses, ...' and any of these things are as much or more important to who I am than 'is female'.
And as someone who goes by a name not on their birth certificate, I feel very strongly about calling people how they want to be addressed. Even if they're George Osborne: I want to call our chancellor many names, but his deadname is not one of them.
Yes, your first paragraph here. I am me. I happen to be female. It's not particularly important to me that I'm female, though it does make life easier in terms of how other people are able to reconcile my boobs and smooth face with the checkbox I select on government forms.
The problems come when other people decide what those physical attributes and that checkbox means.
My gender identity is definitely female. If I were transplanted to the Culture, I'd probably spend more time in a female body than the Culture would consider entirely healthy. I'm just not particularly interested in most of the things that are considered appropriately feminine.
Some of this plays out in odd ways. Back when I worked in heavy industry as a research scientist, I normally wore skirts in the office in summer, and often in winter. Long, "ethnic style", seriously girly skirts, because they were what I liked to wear when I was wearing a skirt, they were comfortable and practical, and it was a casual dress place where I was allowed to wear stuff like that. If I was going to be working on site I just changed into jeans. Now I work in admin in an office, and my colleagues have never seen me in a skirt, because no way am I wearing the sort of "smart casual" knee-length nonsense that is uncomfortable, impedes my movement, and requires me to sit at a desk with a modesty screen.
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Which is why I have enormous sympathy for transgendered people who are required to conform utterly and absolutely to extreme gender stereotypes to "prove" they're really trans. I remember years ago someone on alt.fan.pratchett talking about being required to wear dresses and skirts at all times for an extended period to prove they were feminine enough to be allowed to transition, to the utter horror of an assortment of ciswomen who could not remember the last time they'd worn a dress.
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And as someone who goes by a name not on their birth certificate, I feel very strongly about calling people how they want to be addressed. Even if they're George Osborne: I want to call our chancellor many names, but his deadname is not one of them.
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The problems come when other people decide what those physical attributes and that checkbox means.
Reply
Some of this plays out in odd ways. Back when I worked in heavy industry as a research scientist, I normally wore skirts in the office in summer, and often in winter. Long, "ethnic style", seriously girly skirts, because they were what I liked to wear when I was wearing a skirt, they were comfortable and practical, and it was a casual dress place where I was allowed to wear stuff like that. If I was going to be working on site I just changed into jeans. Now I work in admin in an office, and my colleagues have never seen me in a skirt, because no way am I wearing the sort of "smart casual" knee-length nonsense that is uncomfortable, impedes my movement, and requires me to sit at a desk with a modesty screen.
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