From the book I'm currently setting

[barbarienne]

He launched to a stand. His knees cracked like gunshots.

Oh, author, NO.

This is right there on page one. The first two sentences of the 4th paragraph.

Crom, the rest of the book better not be that bad.

ETA: This is one of those where all the characters talk and think in ellipses and em-dashes.

Comments

[hominysnark]

"Barbara ... Cartland ... Syndrome--OH NOES!"

[safewrite]

And--oh dear--they're getting published...is there..no justice...in the world?

[barbarienne]

I confess it generally gets better. There are still odd, awkward sentences, but not too many.

This is one of the many, many, many regency romances my old company vomits out.

[safewrite]

*adds another reason to avoid regency romances to her list*

[lotusice]

AUGH!

I put music on a stand. You know.

[barbarienne]

Exactly. I was like, "Wait, what--'a stand' is a noun meaning 'the position of standing'? So if I put my butt down on a chair, I've 'relaxed to a sit'?"

Author must be thinking of "cop a squat."

[lotusice]

You're just lucky I wasn't tipping to an imbibe.

[malkatsheva]

MY knees crack like gunshots sometimes. My hips, too. But "launched to a stand" is pretty darn bad.

[barbarienne]

They crack, but like gunshots? Really? My knees make a lot of noise, but I've fired a gun, and there is no comparison.

I'm in favor of figurative language, but that's too over the top--particularly in context (which, admittedly, I didn't give). The character is hiding in the bushes outside a house, spying on someone inside. If he knees really did crack that loudly, someone would have sounded the alarm.