4AM Doubts. (OneShot)
Title: 4AM Doubts
Length: OneShot.
Pairings: Himchan/Youngjae
Rating: NC17
Genre: romance??
Summary:
“I know how to make you feel better.”
Youngjae sighed heavily, rolling around on his bed. He'd been trying for hours to get some sleep but it was hopeless. He picked up his phone, checking the time. It was almost four in the morning and he had barely been able to sleep any the last couple of weeks. The man dropped his phone back on the empty side of his bed before grabbing his full body pillow and snuggling up to it.
He didn't like to admit it, not even to himself that he was pretending to cuddle his long-distance boyfriend. It was Himchan that was making him feel like this anyway. Youngjae groaned into the pillow. He just wanted to sleep because sleep made time go faster and made things hurt a little less. Youngjae picked up his phone again, staring at the date. It was almost their anniversary but he wasn't looking forward to it.
Himchan had been so distant, always busy or just seemingly agitated with him and Youngjae felt hopeless. He didn't know what to do or if there was anything he could do in the first place. He didn't want to lose Himchan, no, he loved him too much but Youngjae was really worried the older man was going to end things after their anniversary.
Youngjae bit down onto his lower lip, finally giving up on sleep as he picked up his laptop from the floor. He sighed for what felt like the millionth time as he turned on his computer. He stared at the Skype sign for a moment before closing it - He didn't want to think about Himchan right now and he knew if he signed in, he would just end up rereading their last conversations, going over every word and trying to figure out if it was all just in his head or not.
Youngjae tried, he really did try to find something, anything to distract him for a little bit but nothing was helping and he found himself opening Skype back up and hesitantly entering his password. The man told himself he wouldn't look at Himchan's name and he would try to find someone else to talk to but his eyes immediately went towards his boyfriend's name and he was more than a little bit surprised to see him online.
Himchan was never on this late; always complaining he needed his beauty sleep whenever Youngjae would try and get him to stay up later with him. Youngjae's cursor hovered over his name, silently debating on whether or not to send him a message. Himchan was his boyfriend, for fuck's sake. He swallowed thickly, feeling sick. What if Himchan was up talking to someone else? What if he liked someone else?
Before Youngjae could sign out of Skype, an alert sound came through and his breath caught when he saw it was in fact Himchan. He opened the message, staring at the simple 'hey' from his boyfriend. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, as he debated on what to say. Quite frankly, he wanted to know why the older was up so late but instead he typed a simple 'hey' back.
The conversation was dull and almost awkward and Youngjae wondered if he was the only one who felt like this.
[4:13:58 AM] Kim Himchan: I'm gonna vid call you, hold up
[4:14:01 AM] Yoo Youngjae: but I look like shit rn ugh
[4:14:03 AM] Kim Himchan: k
[4:14:07 AM] Kim Himchan: answer my call bitch
Youngjae couldn't help but laugh as he turned on the lamp on his bedside table before answering the call and turning on his own webcam and microphone. He immediately let himself take in his lover's appearance, his chest bare and hair wet. “Why are you up this late?” Youngjae asked as the older man towel dried his soaking wet hair.
Himchan put the towel around his shoulders and shrugged. “You don't look so good, babe.” He murmured staring at Youngjae through the computer screen.
The younger man couldn't help but feel annoyed that Himchan hadn't answered his question but he couldn't get himself to question the older any further. “Yeah, I can't sleep at all.” An awkward silence took over for a moment before Himchan was suddenly grinning.
“I know how to make you feel better.”
“Oh really?” Youngjae crossed his arms over his chest and stared expectantly at him through the webcam. “How so?”
“If I was there, I'd kiss you.” Himchan reached up and adjusted his webcam so his full body was showing and the younger man raised an eyebrow in amusement, feeling his cock twitch at the sight of his boyfriend only in a towel. “Do you know where I'd kiss you-” It wasn't a question as he quickly continued. “I'd kiss those pretty lips of yours before teasing your neck with fleeting kisses.”
Youngjae reached up to touch the sensitive skin of his neck and sighing pleasurably as he lightly dragged his fingers across his collarbones. “I want more though.” He said and closed his eyes as he imagined Himchan kissing his neck.
“I'd bit down on that spot on your neck that you love so much, marking you as mine and my hands would go under your shirt-” The older man smiled as Youngjae's hands almost immediately went under his own t-shirt. “I'd touch your hip bones before sliding my hands up and-”
“Please don't talk about my nipples or I'll laugh.” Youngjae said, holding back a laugh.
“You don't want me to touch them?” He wiggled his eyebrows and the younger man groaned.
“I do but 'I'll pinch your red sensitive nipples' isn't very hot, you know?” Youngjae couldn't help but smile as Himchan starting laughing. “I do want you to touch them though.” He murmured before pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it to the floor.
“You're so gorgeous.” Himchan said after a moment.
“Not as gorgeous as you.”
“Damn right.”
Youngjae started laughing, rolling his eyes at his obnoxious boyfriend. It felt normal again, everything finally felt normal again. He found himself smiling as the older man leaned forward, checking himself out. “Hey, look at me.” Youngjae mock whined and Himchan chuckled.
“Where were we, babe?” Himchan sat back in his chair.
“Nipples.” The younger replied sitting the laptop in front of him and sitting cross legged. “We were at nipples.”
“I'd worship them and torment them, licking and biting the skin around them until you are begging for me to touch them.” He said, watching as Youngjae slowly touched his own chest, never once actually touching his nipples. “But, I won't do it, not yet. Instead, I'd reach down and grip your cock through your sweatpants.”
“Fuck.” Youngjae muttered and closed his eyes again, his hands moving down to grip his half-hard cock through the sweatpants. “I want more.” He breathed heavily, his hips jerking upwards. “I want you, I want to kiss you-” His breath caught as Himchan undid the towel and was finally completely bare. They've dirty talked before but it had never gone this far.
“I'd get on top of you, lean down so I could kiss you as our hips meet and we'd frot against each other.” Himchan gripped his hard cock, sighing pleasurably. “I want to hear you moan.”
Youngjae slid down his sweatpants and threw them to the floor with his shirt before gripping his own cock and giving it a slow, pleasurable stroke. “I want to touch you too.” He breathed in deeply. “I'd get on my knees and nibble the insides of your thighs before finally taking you into my mouth.”
Himchan groaned loudly. “I'd put my hands in your hair and pull before pushing you down a little more-” Youngjae moaned as he stroked himself, sighing as the older man continued. “Ugh, I want to touch you.” The older man muttered as he watched his boyfriend for a moment, languidly stroking himself.
“I want you to touch me.” Youngjae said in reply, sighing softly at just the thought of actually being able to touch his boyfriend. He'd thought about it and dreamed about it more than he was willing to admit. It really sucked living across the states from him but he loved Himchan. He really did and he hoped Himchan felt the same about him. “Himchan, I'm about to cum-” He said breathlessly.
“Then cum, baby.” Himchan's voice was so rough; he was just as close as Youngjae. He bit down onto his lower lip when the younger man let out a soft gasp before cumming, Himchan following a few seconds after him. They didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, catching their breaths and just taking a moment to enjoy their high before Youngjae was laughing and going on about how dumb that was as he cleaned himself up before throwing a blanket over himself.
“Baby, I've gotta go.” Himchan said, watching as his lover frowned up.
“Where are you going?”
The older man simply ignored his question as he reached down and covered himself with his towel and everything Youngjae had been feeling was back with a vengeance and he felt almost used. Youngjae bit down onto his lower lip as he debated on what to do. A part of him didn't want to say something, afraid what the outcome would be. “I don't understand.” He finally spoke and Himchan looked towards the screen in surprise.
“What do you mean?”
The younger sighed loudly and looked away from his computer, thinking over all his words. He didn't want this to be the end of things. “. . . I don't know.” He rubbed his forehead and then everything was silent. “I - Uh, just forget it.” Youngjae said after a moment but Himchan shook his head.
“What's wrong, baby?” Himchan's voice was so full of concern and the younger man couldn't help but feel relieved. That meant something good.
“You've been really distant.” He finally admitted and it felt good to say it, it really did, at least until things were quiet again. Youngjae sighed softly, unsure of what else to say, looking everywhere but the computer screen. “You're not breaking up with me after our anniversary, are you?”
Himchan actually started laughing. “Are you crazy?”
Youngjae finally looked towards the camera. “You've just been acting so. . .” He trailed off and watched as the older man frowned up.
“I've been busy with work, working extra shifts and. . . ” He looked a little frustrated before sighing dramatically and smiling. “Ugh, you idiot, why do I love you so much - So, Youngjae, what are you doing tomorrow?” The younger man looked at him as if he'd grown two heads but before he could say anything Himchan quickly cut him off. “Nothing? Oh, good. Pick me up from the airport tomorrow.”
“. . . What?” Youngjae's mind was suddenly spinning as he tried to piece things together.
“I was going to surprise you but you're acting like this so. . .” Himchan was grinning from ear to ear as he spoke. “You know why I've been so busy? I've been pulling extra shifts and preparing for our anniversary. Not avoiding you or whatever you thought.” Youngjae's eyes widened and he felt himself heat up. He was more than a little embarrassed. “So, since you made me spoil the surprise, you better pick me up from the airport, you little brat.”
“You're kidding.” Youngjae's lips parted in surprise. Himchan was coming to see him? After all this time, he was finally coming? “And you were just going to pop up here or-”
“Well, yeah, that was the plan.” The older man replied watching as his boyfriend froze for a moment, letting everything sink in. “Hey, I've got a plane to catch so pick me up around two, okay?” The two went over the details, making sure they knew where to meet and which airport he was supposed to go before hesitantly saying their goodbyes to each other.
“I'll see you in a little bit.” Himchan smiled, giving the camera a small wave before leaning forward to end the call.
“Hey- wait!” Youngjae suddenly called out and the older looked at him expectantly. “How am I supposed to sleep now, asshole?” He said before crossing his arms over his chest. “You didn't help at all.”
Himchan started laughing before ending the call and Youngjae felt his own lips turn upwards into a smile.