Here Comes the Sun: a Brendon Urie/Ryan Ross Manifesto
here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and i say it's all right;
Most people will think "what's the point of a Brendon/Ryan manifesto? isn't it already obvious enough? we've known about this from the beginning!", and they might be right. Maybe it's overkill to try to justify a pairing that is pretty widely accepted, the first pairing that jumped out at a newly budding fandom. But there's so much more to Brendon and Ryan than can be summed up in their first heyday, the hot summer of 2006 and the Nothing Rhymes With Circus tour.
Don't worry, fans of the infamous 'Ryhawk' and pretty boys made prettier by intricate makeup designs, of scripted stage gay and near-kisses. That will not be ignored, but we'll also explore this newer, happier Brendon and Ryan, unafraid to show the genuine affection that resides between them, the closeness that has been borne of years together, of shared experiences that only a select few can truly fathom, and of growing older and more mature, more comfortable in themselves.
i've just seen a face i can't forget the time or place where we just met;
This is Brendon Urie.
This is Ryan Ross.
They're in a band with two other dudes called Mildly Bemused at the Russian Tea Room, or something like that.
Brendon and Ryan met back in April 2004, when Ryan and Spencer's bandmate and friend, Brent Wilson, brought along a guy from his guitar class to band practice. Spencer, Brent and Ryan were in a band called The Summer League, and had been interested in having another guitarist. Within a month, Brendon was doing lead vocals as well.
Panic! at the Disco, circa 2004-early 2005
Not much is known about this point in time, nothing that can be backed up with hard evidence, that hasn't been contradicted by the band themselves, going back and forth and changing things that have been said. A couple of songs were written and recorded, and then uploaded to the band's PureVolume page. Sometime in November, Ryan linked Pete Wentz to their PureVolume via Pete's Livejournal, and before the end of November, Pete and Ryan had spoken, and Pete decided to come to Vegas to see them play. It was only Ryan and Brendon, with awesome beatz programmed into a Casio keyboard. Despite all that, something must have gone right, since Pete liked them, and decided to sign them to his new label, Decaydance, an imprint off of Fueled By Ramen Records.
Despite these great things happening in their lives, things were otherwise very difficult for Brendon and Ryan during this time. In May '04, Ryan was staying with Spencer's family while his father was in rehab, and he continued with this pattern of staying with either his girlfriend or his bandmates rather than going home, and in late September '04, he almost moved into the band's practice space, having nowhere else to go, and not wanting to go home. [ source]
Brendon had it equally hard, having been raised in a strict Mormon family. For a period of time, he was kicked out of his house, and was working at a Smoothie Hut in addition to finishing his senior year in high school, so he would have the money to pay for an apartment and the band's practice space. [source] It's fairly widely accepted that Ryan's staying with his girlfriend and various bandmates also includes him spending a lot of time at Brendon's apartment, the two of them being unwelcome in their own homes and dealing with the same sorts of problems.
This time period has been explored a lot in fic, and no matter how many times I read a new interpretation of these events, it never fails to get me all heartclenchy and teary.
try to see it my way, do i have to keep on talking till i can't go on? while you see it your way, run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone;
Once Brendon had graduated high school, they drove cross-country to Maryland to record their first album, A Fever You Can't Sweat Out. Before this, they only had a couple of original songs. The majority of the album was written in the five weeks they were in Maryland to record, four teenage boys crammed into a tiny, one-bedroom apartment.
It was a stressful situation, and tempers flared, but it seems that this was mostly between Brendon and Ryan. The two would get into epic arguments about the songs and how they were to be portrayed. Brendon talks about this a little bit in the documentary portion of the Live in Denver DVD, which can be seen here [link]:
And for giggles, have a video of Panic while they were recording AFYCSO [link]:
Once done recording, they were immediately touring. AFYCSO dropped right at the beginning of the Nintendo Fusion Tour, which they were on with Fall Out Boy, which helped them gain a large audience right from the get-go. But touring was far from easy at first.
There was a point in time where Brendon would get very drunk while on tour, out of control once he had no rules or boundaries, no longer living with his strict Mormon family. It was a difficult situation for the band, and especially for Ryan, having had an alcoholic father. [source, 2] Brendon got past this point in time, but this is a fairly common recurring theme in fic, a potential for a lot of angst, and also some hot hot hot porn.
A few (or more than a few) pictures from this general time period:
let me take you down, 'cos i'm going to strawberry fields. nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout. strawberry fields forever;
Before Panic's first headlining tour in the summer of 2006, people knew that this band was filled with tiny, precious, pretty boys. But it was this tour that really made people go "...huh. Brendon and Ryan are really tiny, precious, and pretty together". They got flirtier, Brendon got clingier, and the fans went crazy for it.
Holding hands! And Ryan initiating some contact for once back then!
Okay this might be my all-time favorite picture from this era. Look at Ryan's happy face and try not to smile, I dare you!
Let's talk a bit about this last picture. This was taken at Reading Festival, Carling Weekend, in 2006. Brendon was struck in the face with a bottle early into the first song of their set, and was knocked out for a short time. He got up, and they continued on with the set. The band was visibly upset, and once again, this is a basis for quite a few fics, a good opportunity for a good old hurt/comfort fic. A video of the bottling can be found here.
But to get back on track, it wasn't just on stage that these things happened. Candid shots, meet and greets, press pictures...you name it, and Brendon and Ryan could be found acting like they were at the Gay Prom. It was mostly initiated by Brendon, the more forward of the two, but it's not like Ryan's protesting all that hard. Also, some videos!
Ryan doing Brendon's makeup. It's amazing how still Brendon can be with the right motivation.
Date! Brendon is taking his ladyfriend out on the town.
I.
I just.
What.
Seriously. Gay prom all the time back then.
HANDS.
Brendon holding Ryan's hand [link]:
The making of "But It's Better If You Do", where pretty much the only thing Ryan says is how good Brendon looks [part 1, part 2]:
messers k. and h. assure the public their production will be second to none, and of course henry the horse dances the waltz;
Nothing Rhymes With Circus Tour, also known as The Gayest Show on Earth, is probably the most blatant bit of "proof" of a Brendon/Ryan relationship in a lot of the fandom's eyes, or at least that's how people choose to interpret it. But really, how can you not flail with joy when two gorgeous men are constantly in one another's personal space, touching, grinding, and quite nearly kissing one another on a nightly basis?
If the summer tour was amazing, it was nothing at all compared to NRWC. It was like the only thing that could make it better would have been for Brendon and Ryan to have taken a cue from Gerard Way and Frank Iero, and start making out onstage.
Here's a quick taste of just what shenanigans were going on at that time, various clips from NRWC set to "Lying..." [link], as well as some pictures from that time period.
Looks like an actual kiss on the cheek, rather than a near miss, and Ryan doesn't seem to mind at all.
To make a bad pun, Brendon's exactly where Ryan'd like him, you know.
I'd cop a feel too, if I was Brendon.
And a taste of some of the candid shots and photo shoots from around this time, and more videos:
This picture and the next three might be some of my favorites, because I love seeing the interaction between Brendon and Ryan captured there.
A performance in Munich, Brendon sprawls on the ground and Ryan straddles him [link]:
Brendon calls Ryan a "golden god" [link]:
Brendon says he loves Ryan, and talks about him being just so attractive and distracting him from sleep, and Ryan calls Brendon's butt an "applebottom" [link]:
The blooper reel for New Years Eve with Carson Daly 2006 [link]:
Ryan gets pissy and Brendon is a good boyfriend and tries to make it better. Probably the last thing that can be considered part of this era [link]:
though i know i'll never lose affection for people and things that went before, i know i'll often stop and think about them, in my life i love you more;
The end of 2006 was like the ending of an era; what would the pairing be like now? Would the fervor die out? There was no tour, no major public appearances, just speculation and a few pictures here and there from a cabin in the mountains. Sure, a lot of great fic came from that, but as pictures and stories came forth, as Panic resurfaced, it wasn't quite the BrendonandRyan show as it once was. Could it bet that the ship had truly sunk?
Far from it, although it did almost seem that way for a while. Instead, we got a new Brendon and Ryan, one that seemed more BrendonandRyan than just an act put on for the cameras. They had grown up, become more secure in themselves. They weren't afraid to be happy, and they didn't feel like they had to be anything other than who they are. It shone through in their music, in their relationships with their bandmates, and in their relationship with each other. It's my favorite incarnation of Brendon and Ryan, because it's the present, and a stepping stone into the future.
The following are pictures and interviews of a post-cabin Brendon and Ryan, which I think was a big stepping stone for them on their path to being the men they are today.
Taken after Brendon and Ryan had dinner alone in Seattle, the day after Ryan's birthday celebration in New York.
Birthday hugs!
Just take note of where Brendon's hand is.
Ryan's bracelet says "Brendon"!
Drunken shenanigans at Angels & Kings.
I have no words for Ryan's precious, content face.
Dorkfaces!
And to go with the above picture, Brendon giving Ryan a kiss on the cheek [link]:
Brendon saying he'd make a sex tape with Ryan [link]:
Talking about dating rumors on Buzznet [link]:
Practicing backstage before the acoustic set at the 2007 HCT in Vegas [link]:
limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns, and calls me on and on across the universe;
Now for the best part of the manifesto: the rec list! It was really hard to narrow this down, and I pretty much failed, but! Fifty fic recs! I know I'm leaving out a ton, but the entire manifesto would be fic recs if I kept going. I hope you all enjoy each of these fics as much as I have.
Ryan Ross: Wedding Planner (What We Do Is Love), by adellyna, R, AU
Ryan Ross doesn’t have time for this. It’s not even on his schedule, actually, and he barely has time for the things that are on it: the doggy spa for his Pomeranian (Pete), a mani/pedi at the people spa next door, eleven minutes at the newsstand picking up his favorites, a dress fitting with Brad Pitt’s cousin, the list goes on and on. Nowhere on it is ‘plan a gay wedding.’
Switch!, by adellyna, PG, AU
Spencer has a lot of good ideas. This is not one of them.
As close as it gets to home, by airgiodslv, NC-17, AU
The new shrink’s coming in today. Ryan drops his shit on his desk and wonders if they’re having some sort of office greeting-party, or if they all have to set up special first-session appointments, but he doesn’t see the new guy and only sees Gerard for a moment. He drifts by on the stairs overlooking their work area, raising a hand in greeting and disappearing again. It’s very Gerard.
A Different Kind of Love Story, by airgiodslv, PG
It’s an unwritten law of the universe that any time he has three of them corralled and ready to go wherever it is they’re supposed to be, Brendon is the one that’s gone astray.
Ordinary Boys, by brushstrokes, NC-17, genderswap
Ryan doesn't notice anything different when he wakes in the middle of the night, bleary-eyed and squinting in the dark.
(You) Belong to Me, by faded_memories, R, 16 Candles 'verse
You’re going to turn left, were the instructions he sent. Then stop and wait for me.
The boy approached the intersection and Brendon watched with a smirk. The expression was short lived, replaced by equal parts confusion and annoyance.
The boy turned right. And kept on walking.
[First in a series, Screaming Down the Starlit Sky. So far, also a Frank/Gerard interlude, and the second fic in the series, The Lust it Commands (The Blood on Your Hands).]
In The Sound, by ficbyzee, R, AU
"How could you walk away from it? Why are you still walking away?"
the morning breaks us up inside, by flimsy, PG
Ryan plays off-key. It sounds wrong and painful in correspondence to Brendon’s voice, and echoes in Spence’s ears even after he’s stopped beating a steady rhythm and started watching Ryan fumble with his guitar. It’s not the guitar, but Spence keeps his mouth shut. There is something wrong, and he heard it in those sloppy notes, and sees it in the way Ryan bites his lip, still screwing around with the settings.
after i have dreamed, by flimsy, NC-17
“Ryan Ross!” Brendon declares when he steps off the bus in front of their hotel, glasses askew, turning to face Ryan. “I love you!”
Questionable Moral Authority, by formerlydf, PG-13, AU
Spencer and Ryan looked at each other for a moment, and Ryan nodded. (It's always Ryan's call; everything about the project has to go through Ryan first because at this point, Ryan basically is the project. His entire life has been leading up to this, he thinks. This is his life.)
South Carolina is for Lovers, by formerlydf, NC-17
Every night Dream stands on stage and tells the audience that Brendon is a virgin. It's true until South Carolina.
read me like no one else (we'll make them so jealous), by foxxcub, R, AU
On the day Spencer turned thirteen, Chaz settled into the shape of a jaguar.
A Little Piece with You, by foxxcub & lifeslushlips, NC-17, AU
Ryan goes around to the front of the counter and watches him for a moment before blurting out, "Do you always sing Cole Porter to your baked goods?" He resists the urge to clap his hand over his mouth - those kinds of comments are usually reserved for Spencer.
Star Shaped, by harriet_vane, PG-13, AU
Brendon’s not having the best holiday season ever.
[Prequel, Forever, Now, and sequel, The Lines You Amend, as well as another fic in this 'verse, Best Days, are all must-reads as well]
The Negotiation Limerick File, by harriet_vane, R, AU
“God damned,” Brendon muttered, “lousy,” he whispered, “stupid,” a corner, really, was not what he needed at this exact second, “My Chemical Romance.”
[Also, the pseudo-sequel, The Grasshopper Unit, which is awesome]
this chant, this frenzy striking frenzy, by hatoyona, NC-17, AU
“So how was your summer? Did you go anywhere? Did you do anything fun? You didn’t get a tan-not that that’s a bad thing, I mean, pale is the new black right? Or something…” Brendon trails off, looking down at a prostrate Ryan from his perch on the table in the infirmary.
“Ugh,” Ryan says, and throws a hand over his eyes. “I came in here because I had a headache, Brendon, not because I wanted one.”
You Could, by heartequals, PG-13, AU
“We should have a beard growing contest,” says Brendon, snapping his fingers. A winter of school work would be unbearable. They need an extracurricular.
[Also, another fic in this 'verse, Baby, It's Cold Outside]
Lines in the Sand (are meant to be crossed), by iamtheenemy, R, AU
“Hey,” the Sultan grinned, stretching out a hand that Ryan shook. “Nice to meet you.” He eyed Ryan’s boots, jeans, jean jacket and bandana uncertainly. “Are you in costume?”
The Rift In The Lute, by jocondite, R, AU
If you're ill-mannered enough to goddamn hang around in the morning after a one-night stand, instead of doing the decent, non-embarrassing thing and getting the fuck out afterwards, or at least sneaking out sometime in the early dawn, you really shouldn't be manhandling and making free with one's possessions.
For Other Meanings Of Tsunami, by jocondite, NC-17
It hadn't been Brendon’s idea, not really. Well, in a way, it kind of was, but only if you squinted and sort of tilted your head to the side. Brendon had been more of a muse, really, to Ryan the fucking insane artiste.
and tomorrow we will be, by lady_stargazer, PG, AU
Brendon figures not many people would answer an ad in a newspaper when it is ‘Small Town Seeking Replacement Pastor Urgently’, but he’s desperate.
sunshine in his song, by longtime_lurker, NC-17
Brendon always thought that when they finally did this - and it's exactly that in his head, a when, not an if, something inevitable - that it'd be a hot, desperate kind of thing.
Where You've Always Been, by o4fuxache, R
This is how it starts: Brendon wakes up in Ryan’s bed for the 47th time in a row and rolls over to look wistfully at Ryan, as is his custom. For about fifteen minutes in the morning, Brendon has time to just look and pretend that Ryan doesn’t have a wall, chain link fence, barbed wire and a moat around him. But this time, on the 47th morning, Ryan isn’t there.
[Sequel to Back to Where You Are]
Burn This City Down, by pandoraiam, NC-17, 16 Candles 'verse
Brendon knows a lot of things about Ryan Ross.
What Brendon doesn't know is why he can't stay away from the boy.
Something Unexpected, by pandoraiam, NC-17
When Ryan freaks out, it's quiet.
One Summer Last Fall, by provetheworst, R, AU
Brendon's a little touchy-feely, and it's starting to creep Ryan out. There's any number of reasons for this; for one, he's not really used to having some dude hanging off of him at all hours of the day and night. Then there's the part where Ryan's grasp of heterosexuality is tenuous at best, and Brendon isn't making his internal dilemmas any easier.
How to let the sky go, by provetheworst, R, AU
"So what do I have to put up with tonight?"
"The waltz," Audrey says. "Do you think you'll be able to handle it?"
"I hope so."
Unreliable Narrators, by redbrickrose, R/NC-17
Ryan Ross’s first rule for narrating your own life is that you don’t always have to be the focus. You have to be the protagonist obviously, but not the focus. Sometimes narrative distance is necessary for self-preservation. The first rule is always self-preservation.
Everything Rhymes with Existential, by rossetti, PG-13
"So," Spencer says, opening Ryan's door. "This is the other place we'll need your help with, Ryan's apartment."
Just One Of The Girls, by skoosiepants, PG-13, AU
“Spence, I’m. Look, I’m going to prove this girl-thing to you, okay? I’m going to,” he held up his hands, “this is so brilliant, I’m going to become a girl.”
Where We Call Home, by slowlike_decay, PG
The second the keys are in the door, Keltie un-straps her heels and flings them on the red throw rug right by the door, on top of many brightly colored sneakers, and the sound of a keyboard reaches her ears.
sleeping/dreaming patterns, by softlyforgotten, PG-13, AU
It was raining when Brendon landed back in the States.
starlight starbright (if you wanna kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel), by softlyforgotten, PG-13, AU
“I don’t believe in magic,” Ryan says, “or any of the stupid stuff about the Wall. Come on, Spence, I’m bringing the guy back a fallen star. Is there any way he won’t fall in love with me?”
let the good times roll, by softlyforgotten, PG, AU
This is ridiculous. Brendon can’t even have coffee. He looks like a complete loser ordering a hot chocolate at fucking Starbucks as Brent likes to tell him (again and again. and again. and again), but it’s not like he has any choice. He’s not going to stalk the poor kid to find out where else he hangs out. And okay, so he knows the guy comes into Starbucks every day at three thirty, but that’s not stalking, that’s observing.
and i will know you by the shape of your absence, by softlyforgotten, NC-17, AU
Life has a habit of becoming ridiculously reliable when you’re least expecting it.
The Width of a Circle, by theaerosolkid, NC-17
'An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by an external and unbalanced force.' Patrick watches the pieces fall together.
august & everything after, by theaerosolkid, NC-17, AU
Ryan Ross sort of had this thought that going back to school in fucking August might be different when you're a teacher instead of a student, but it's still the same old, same old.
Present Progressive, by theaerosolkid, NC-17
Ryan stops writing in online journals because he gets a real one.
Dunder Mifflin: Chicago Branch, by txtequilanights & iamtheenemy, PG-13, AU
“Dunder Mifflin, Ryan speaking. How may I help you?”
The New Face of Failure, by txtequilanights & torturemysoul, NC-17
Brendon doesn't know what he's doing here. This is a seedy motel room on the wrong side of town (if such a thing exists in Vegas), with dirty, stained carpet and a smell that feels like it's sinking into Brendon's skin, crawling in through his pores and tainting him with sex and sin and all those things that will get him condemned to hell.
Made of Silver, Not of Clay, by unphoenix, R, AU-ish
Brendon stopped singing on the day that the world just…stopped.
[Pete/Mikey prequel is here, and there's also the amazing sequel, Missed Your Skin When You Were East, which you have to read after this]
I Thought, by unphoenix, NC-17
Working at the Smoothie Hut was most bearable on the days that Brendon got visits from his friends.
Perfectly After All, by wayfairing, NC-17, AU
Sometimes Ryan wishes that he’d taken up smoking. Then he considers that even the tiniest bit of fire is uncalled for when it’s already eighty degrees at 8 o’clock in the morning and you’re wearing at least five layers of clothes.
In nobody's eyes but mine, by wearemany, NC-17
Ryan had thought he was immune to the spontaneous little moans and screams Brendon is capable of making from their shows, but it's just different when they're all naked.
And underdressed, by wearemany, NC-17
Ryan has one leg in a pair of black lace underwear, girl underwear, and he's still wearing the thin t-shirt he'd put on after showering at the venue. Otherwise he's naked, dick half-hard and hanging out in the chilly hotel room air. What the fuck is Brendon supposed to say?
Give me more by wearemany, NC-17
Brendon Plans Insurrection, Secession, Abandonment Of Duties To Faith And Family. He thinks it loudly, carelessly, but she doesn't blink. If she can read his mind, he's already screwed.
razzle dazzle/come what may, by wishpaper, PG-13
Brendon was greedy and obnoxious and a big fat Ryan Ross-hog.
Anyone Else But You, by zarah5, R, AU
All things considered, Brendon is actually glad when the cafeteria re-opens after the summer break.
Agent Provocateur, by zarah5, R, AU
Brendon can practically feel Ryan’s body thrum with some kind of unnamed fear, fingertips almost vibrating against Brendon’s pulse. “I’m,” he says, then clears his throat and starts anew. “I’m really sorry, but. Who are you guys?”
Basic Adjustments, by zarah5, NC-17
Three days into the recording of The Album that Has Yet to Be Named, Brendon loses his voice. Just like that.
And one last thing to end it, probably the greatest Brendon/Ryan fanvid ever, Idiot Boyfriend [link]:
and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make;
Most people will think "what's the point of a Brendon/Ryan manifesto? isn't it already obvious enough? we've known about this from the beginning!", and they might be right. Maybe it's overkill to try to justify a pairing that is pretty widely accepted, the first pairing that jumped out at a newly budding fandom. But there's so much more to Brendon and Ryan than can be summed up in their first heyday, the hot summer of 2006 and the Nothing Rhymes With Circus tour.
Don't worry, fans of the infamous 'Ryhawk' and pretty boys made prettier by intricate makeup designs, of scripted stage gay and near-kisses. That will not be ignored, but we'll also explore this newer, happier Brendon and Ryan, unafraid to show the genuine affection that resides between them, the closeness that has been borne of years together, of shared experiences that only a select few can truly fathom, and of growing older and more mature, more comfortable in themselves.
i've just seen a face i can't forget the time or place where we just met;
This is Brendon Urie.
This is Ryan Ross.
They're in a band with two other dudes called Mildly Bemused at the Russian Tea Room, or something like that.
Brendon and Ryan met back in April 2004, when Ryan and Spencer's bandmate and friend, Brent Wilson, brought along a guy from his guitar class to band practice. Spencer, Brent and Ryan were in a band called The Summer League, and had been interested in having another guitarist. Within a month, Brendon was doing lead vocals as well.
Panic! at the Disco, circa 2004-early 2005
Not much is known about this point in time, nothing that can be backed up with hard evidence, that hasn't been contradicted by the band themselves, going back and forth and changing things that have been said. A couple of songs were written and recorded, and then uploaded to the band's PureVolume page. Sometime in November, Ryan linked Pete Wentz to their PureVolume via Pete's Livejournal, and before the end of November, Pete and Ryan had spoken, and Pete decided to come to Vegas to see them play. It was only Ryan and Brendon, with awesome beatz programmed into a Casio keyboard. Despite all that, something must have gone right, since Pete liked them, and decided to sign them to his new label, Decaydance, an imprint off of Fueled By Ramen Records.
Despite these great things happening in their lives, things were otherwise very difficult for Brendon and Ryan during this time. In May '04, Ryan was staying with Spencer's family while his father was in rehab, and he continued with this pattern of staying with either his girlfriend or his bandmates rather than going home, and in late September '04, he almost moved into the band's practice space, having nowhere else to go, and not wanting to go home. [ source]
Brendon had it equally hard, having been raised in a strict Mormon family. For a period of time, he was kicked out of his house, and was working at a Smoothie Hut in addition to finishing his senior year in high school, so he would have the money to pay for an apartment and the band's practice space. [source] It's fairly widely accepted that Ryan's staying with his girlfriend and various bandmates also includes him spending a lot of time at Brendon's apartment, the two of them being unwelcome in their own homes and dealing with the same sorts of problems.
This time period has been explored a lot in fic, and no matter how many times I read a new interpretation of these events, it never fails to get me all heartclenchy and teary.
try to see it my way, do i have to keep on talking till i can't go on? while you see it your way, run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone;
Once Brendon had graduated high school, they drove cross-country to Maryland to record their first album, A Fever You Can't Sweat Out. Before this, they only had a couple of original songs. The majority of the album was written in the five weeks they were in Maryland to record, four teenage boys crammed into a tiny, one-bedroom apartment.
It was a stressful situation, and tempers flared, but it seems that this was mostly between Brendon and Ryan. The two would get into epic arguments about the songs and how they were to be portrayed. Brendon talks about this a little bit in the documentary portion of the Live in Denver DVD, which can be seen here [link]:
Click to view
And for giggles, have a video of Panic while they were recording AFYCSO [link]:
Once done recording, they were immediately touring. AFYCSO dropped right at the beginning of the Nintendo Fusion Tour, which they were on with Fall Out Boy, which helped them gain a large audience right from the get-go. But touring was far from easy at first.
There was a point in time where Brendon would get very drunk while on tour, out of control once he had no rules or boundaries, no longer living with his strict Mormon family. It was a difficult situation for the band, and especially for Ryan, having had an alcoholic father. [source, 2] Brendon got past this point in time, but this is a fairly common recurring theme in fic, a potential for a lot of angst, and also some hot hot hot porn.
A few (or more than a few) pictures from this general time period:
let me take you down, 'cos i'm going to strawberry fields. nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout. strawberry fields forever;
Before Panic's first headlining tour in the summer of 2006, people knew that this band was filled with tiny, precious, pretty boys. But it was this tour that really made people go "...huh. Brendon and Ryan are really tiny, precious, and pretty together". They got flirtier, Brendon got clingier, and the fans went crazy for it.
Holding hands! And Ryan initiating some contact for once back then!
Okay this might be my all-time favorite picture from this era. Look at Ryan's happy face and try not to smile, I dare you!
Let's talk a bit about this last picture. This was taken at Reading Festival, Carling Weekend, in 2006. Brendon was struck in the face with a bottle early into the first song of their set, and was knocked out for a short time. He got up, and they continued on with the set. The band was visibly upset, and once again, this is a basis for quite a few fics, a good opportunity for a good old hurt/comfort fic. A video of the bottling can be found here.
But to get back on track, it wasn't just on stage that these things happened. Candid shots, meet and greets, press pictures...you name it, and Brendon and Ryan could be found acting like they were at the Gay Prom. It was mostly initiated by Brendon, the more forward of the two, but it's not like Ryan's protesting all that hard. Also, some videos!
Ryan doing Brendon's makeup. It's amazing how still Brendon can be with the right motivation.
Date! Brendon is taking his ladyfriend out on the town.
I.
I just.
What.
Seriously. Gay prom all the time back then.
HANDS.
Brendon holding Ryan's hand [link]:
The making of "But It's Better If You Do", where pretty much the only thing Ryan says is how good Brendon looks [part 1, part 2]:
messers k. and h. assure the public their production will be second to none, and of course henry the horse dances the waltz;
Nothing Rhymes With Circus Tour, also known as The Gayest Show on Earth, is probably the most blatant bit of "proof" of a Brendon/Ryan relationship in a lot of the fandom's eyes, or at least that's how people choose to interpret it. But really, how can you not flail with joy when two gorgeous men are constantly in one another's personal space, touching, grinding, and quite nearly kissing one another on a nightly basis?
If the summer tour was amazing, it was nothing at all compared to NRWC. It was like the only thing that could make it better would have been for Brendon and Ryan to have taken a cue from Gerard Way and Frank Iero, and start making out onstage.
Here's a quick taste of just what shenanigans were going on at that time, various clips from NRWC set to "Lying..." [link], as well as some pictures from that time period.
Looks like an actual kiss on the cheek, rather than a near miss, and Ryan doesn't seem to mind at all.
To make a bad pun, Brendon's exactly where Ryan'd like him, you know.
I'd cop a feel too, if I was Brendon.
And a taste of some of the candid shots and photo shoots from around this time, and more videos:
This picture and the next three might be some of my favorites, because I love seeing the interaction between Brendon and Ryan captured there.
A performance in Munich, Brendon sprawls on the ground and Ryan straddles him [link]:
Brendon calls Ryan a "golden god" [link]:
Brendon says he loves Ryan, and talks about him being just so attractive and distracting him from sleep, and Ryan calls Brendon's butt an "applebottom" [link]:
The blooper reel for New Years Eve with Carson Daly 2006 [link]:
Ryan gets pissy and Brendon is a good boyfriend and tries to make it better. Probably the last thing that can be considered part of this era [link]:
though i know i'll never lose affection for people and things that went before, i know i'll often stop and think about them, in my life i love you more;
The end of 2006 was like the ending of an era; what would the pairing be like now? Would the fervor die out? There was no tour, no major public appearances, just speculation and a few pictures here and there from a cabin in the mountains. Sure, a lot of great fic came from that, but as pictures and stories came forth, as Panic resurfaced, it wasn't quite the BrendonandRyan show as it once was. Could it bet that the ship had truly sunk?
Far from it, although it did almost seem that way for a while. Instead, we got a new Brendon and Ryan, one that seemed more BrendonandRyan than just an act put on for the cameras. They had grown up, become more secure in themselves. They weren't afraid to be happy, and they didn't feel like they had to be anything other than who they are. It shone through in their music, in their relationships with their bandmates, and in their relationship with each other. It's my favorite incarnation of Brendon and Ryan, because it's the present, and a stepping stone into the future.
The following are pictures and interviews of a post-cabin Brendon and Ryan, which I think was a big stepping stone for them on their path to being the men they are today.
Taken after Brendon and Ryan had dinner alone in Seattle, the day after Ryan's birthday celebration in New York.
Birthday hugs!
Just take note of where Brendon's hand is.
Ryan's bracelet says "Brendon"!
Drunken shenanigans at Angels & Kings.
I have no words for Ryan's precious, content face.
Dorkfaces!
And to go with the above picture, Brendon giving Ryan a kiss on the cheek [link]:
Brendon saying he'd make a sex tape with Ryan [link]:
Talking about dating rumors on Buzznet [link]:
Practicing backstage before the acoustic set at the 2007 HCT in Vegas [link]:
limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns, and calls me on and on across the universe;
Now for the best part of the manifesto: the rec list! It was really hard to narrow this down, and I pretty much failed, but! Fifty fic recs! I know I'm leaving out a ton, but the entire manifesto would be fic recs if I kept going. I hope you all enjoy each of these fics as much as I have.
Ryan Ross: Wedding Planner (What We Do Is Love), by adellyna, R, AU
Ryan Ross doesn’t have time for this. It’s not even on his schedule, actually, and he barely has time for the things that are on it: the doggy spa for his Pomeranian (Pete), a mani/pedi at the people spa next door, eleven minutes at the newsstand picking up his favorites, a dress fitting with Brad Pitt’s cousin, the list goes on and on. Nowhere on it is ‘plan a gay wedding.’
Switch!, by adellyna, PG, AU
Spencer has a lot of good ideas. This is not one of them.
As close as it gets to home, by airgiodslv, NC-17, AU
The new shrink’s coming in today. Ryan drops his shit on his desk and wonders if they’re having some sort of office greeting-party, or if they all have to set up special first-session appointments, but he doesn’t see the new guy and only sees Gerard for a moment. He drifts by on the stairs overlooking their work area, raising a hand in greeting and disappearing again. It’s very Gerard.
A Different Kind of Love Story, by airgiodslv, PG
It’s an unwritten law of the universe that any time he has three of them corralled and ready to go wherever it is they’re supposed to be, Brendon is the one that’s gone astray.
Ordinary Boys, by brushstrokes, NC-17, genderswap
Ryan doesn't notice anything different when he wakes in the middle of the night, bleary-eyed and squinting in the dark.
(You) Belong to Me, by faded_memories, R, 16 Candles 'verse
You’re going to turn left, were the instructions he sent. Then stop and wait for me.
The boy approached the intersection and Brendon watched with a smirk. The expression was short lived, replaced by equal parts confusion and annoyance.
The boy turned right. And kept on walking.
[First in a series, Screaming Down the Starlit Sky. So far, also a Frank/Gerard interlude, and the second fic in the series, The Lust it Commands (The Blood on Your Hands).]
In The Sound, by ficbyzee, R, AU
"How could you walk away from it? Why are you still walking away?"
the morning breaks us up inside, by flimsy, PG
Ryan plays off-key. It sounds wrong and painful in correspondence to Brendon’s voice, and echoes in Spence’s ears even after he’s stopped beating a steady rhythm and started watching Ryan fumble with his guitar. It’s not the guitar, but Spence keeps his mouth shut. There is something wrong, and he heard it in those sloppy notes, and sees it in the way Ryan bites his lip, still screwing around with the settings.
after i have dreamed, by flimsy, NC-17
“Ryan Ross!” Brendon declares when he steps off the bus in front of their hotel, glasses askew, turning to face Ryan. “I love you!”
Questionable Moral Authority, by formerlydf, PG-13, AU
Spencer and Ryan looked at each other for a moment, and Ryan nodded. (It's always Ryan's call; everything about the project has to go through Ryan first because at this point, Ryan basically is the project. His entire life has been leading up to this, he thinks. This is his life.)
South Carolina is for Lovers, by formerlydf, NC-17
Every night Dream stands on stage and tells the audience that Brendon is a virgin. It's true until South Carolina.
read me like no one else (we'll make them so jealous), by foxxcub, R, AU
On the day Spencer turned thirteen, Chaz settled into the shape of a jaguar.
A Little Piece with You, by foxxcub & lifeslushlips, NC-17, AU
Ryan goes around to the front of the counter and watches him for a moment before blurting out, "Do you always sing Cole Porter to your baked goods?" He resists the urge to clap his hand over his mouth - those kinds of comments are usually reserved for Spencer.
Star Shaped, by harriet_vane, PG-13, AU
Brendon’s not having the best holiday season ever.
[Prequel, Forever, Now, and sequel, The Lines You Amend, as well as another fic in this 'verse, Best Days, are all must-reads as well]
The Negotiation Limerick File, by harriet_vane, R, AU
“God damned,” Brendon muttered, “lousy,” he whispered, “stupid,” a corner, really, was not what he needed at this exact second, “My Chemical Romance.”
[Also, the pseudo-sequel, The Grasshopper Unit, which is awesome]
this chant, this frenzy striking frenzy, by hatoyona, NC-17, AU
“So how was your summer? Did you go anywhere? Did you do anything fun? You didn’t get a tan-not that that’s a bad thing, I mean, pale is the new black right? Or something…” Brendon trails off, looking down at a prostrate Ryan from his perch on the table in the infirmary.
“Ugh,” Ryan says, and throws a hand over his eyes. “I came in here because I had a headache, Brendon, not because I wanted one.”
You Could, by heartequals, PG-13, AU
“We should have a beard growing contest,” says Brendon, snapping his fingers. A winter of school work would be unbearable. They need an extracurricular.
[Also, another fic in this 'verse, Baby, It's Cold Outside]
Lines in the Sand (are meant to be crossed), by iamtheenemy, R, AU
“Hey,” the Sultan grinned, stretching out a hand that Ryan shook. “Nice to meet you.” He eyed Ryan’s boots, jeans, jean jacket and bandana uncertainly. “Are you in costume?”
The Rift In The Lute, by jocondite, R, AU
If you're ill-mannered enough to goddamn hang around in the morning after a one-night stand, instead of doing the decent, non-embarrassing thing and getting the fuck out afterwards, or at least sneaking out sometime in the early dawn, you really shouldn't be manhandling and making free with one's possessions.
For Other Meanings Of Tsunami, by jocondite, NC-17
It hadn't been Brendon’s idea, not really. Well, in a way, it kind of was, but only if you squinted and sort of tilted your head to the side. Brendon had been more of a muse, really, to Ryan the fucking insane artiste.
and tomorrow we will be, by lady_stargazer, PG, AU
Brendon figures not many people would answer an ad in a newspaper when it is ‘Small Town Seeking Replacement Pastor Urgently’, but he’s desperate.
sunshine in his song, by longtime_lurker, NC-17
Brendon always thought that when they finally did this - and it's exactly that in his head, a when, not an if, something inevitable - that it'd be a hot, desperate kind of thing.
Where You've Always Been, by o4fuxache, R
This is how it starts: Brendon wakes up in Ryan’s bed for the 47th time in a row and rolls over to look wistfully at Ryan, as is his custom. For about fifteen minutes in the morning, Brendon has time to just look and pretend that Ryan doesn’t have a wall, chain link fence, barbed wire and a moat around him. But this time, on the 47th morning, Ryan isn’t there.
[Sequel to Back to Where You Are]
Burn This City Down, by pandoraiam, NC-17, 16 Candles 'verse
Brendon knows a lot of things about Ryan Ross.
What Brendon doesn't know is why he can't stay away from the boy.
Something Unexpected, by pandoraiam, NC-17
When Ryan freaks out, it's quiet.
One Summer Last Fall, by provetheworst, R, AU
Brendon's a little touchy-feely, and it's starting to creep Ryan out. There's any number of reasons for this; for one, he's not really used to having some dude hanging off of him at all hours of the day and night. Then there's the part where Ryan's grasp of heterosexuality is tenuous at best, and Brendon isn't making his internal dilemmas any easier.
How to let the sky go, by provetheworst, R, AU
"So what do I have to put up with tonight?"
"The waltz," Audrey says. "Do you think you'll be able to handle it?"
"I hope so."
Unreliable Narrators, by redbrickrose, R/NC-17
Ryan Ross’s first rule for narrating your own life is that you don’t always have to be the focus. You have to be the protagonist obviously, but not the focus. Sometimes narrative distance is necessary for self-preservation. The first rule is always self-preservation.
Everything Rhymes with Existential, by rossetti, PG-13
"So," Spencer says, opening Ryan's door. "This is the other place we'll need your help with, Ryan's apartment."
Just One Of The Girls, by skoosiepants, PG-13, AU
“Spence, I’m. Look, I’m going to prove this girl-thing to you, okay? I’m going to,” he held up his hands, “this is so brilliant, I’m going to become a girl.”
Where We Call Home, by slowlike_decay, PG
The second the keys are in the door, Keltie un-straps her heels and flings them on the red throw rug right by the door, on top of many brightly colored sneakers, and the sound of a keyboard reaches her ears.
sleeping/dreaming patterns, by softlyforgotten, PG-13, AU
It was raining when Brendon landed back in the States.
starlight starbright (if you wanna kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel), by softlyforgotten, PG-13, AU
“I don’t believe in magic,” Ryan says, “or any of the stupid stuff about the Wall. Come on, Spence, I’m bringing the guy back a fallen star. Is there any way he won’t fall in love with me?”
let the good times roll, by softlyforgotten, PG, AU
This is ridiculous. Brendon can’t even have coffee. He looks like a complete loser ordering a hot chocolate at fucking Starbucks as Brent likes to tell him (again and again. and again. and again), but it’s not like he has any choice. He’s not going to stalk the poor kid to find out where else he hangs out. And okay, so he knows the guy comes into Starbucks every day at three thirty, but that’s not stalking, that’s observing.
and i will know you by the shape of your absence, by softlyforgotten, NC-17, AU
Life has a habit of becoming ridiculously reliable when you’re least expecting it.
The Width of a Circle, by theaerosolkid, NC-17
'An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by an external and unbalanced force.' Patrick watches the pieces fall together.
august & everything after, by theaerosolkid, NC-17, AU
Ryan Ross sort of had this thought that going back to school in fucking August might be different when you're a teacher instead of a student, but it's still the same old, same old.
Present Progressive, by theaerosolkid, NC-17
Ryan stops writing in online journals because he gets a real one.
Dunder Mifflin: Chicago Branch, by txtequilanights & iamtheenemy, PG-13, AU
“Dunder Mifflin, Ryan speaking. How may I help you?”
The New Face of Failure, by txtequilanights & torturemysoul, NC-17
Brendon doesn't know what he's doing here. This is a seedy motel room on the wrong side of town (if such a thing exists in Vegas), with dirty, stained carpet and a smell that feels like it's sinking into Brendon's skin, crawling in through his pores and tainting him with sex and sin and all those things that will get him condemned to hell.
Made of Silver, Not of Clay, by unphoenix, R, AU-ish
Brendon stopped singing on the day that the world just…stopped.
[Pete/Mikey prequel is here, and there's also the amazing sequel, Missed Your Skin When You Were East, which you have to read after this]
I Thought, by unphoenix, NC-17
Working at the Smoothie Hut was most bearable on the days that Brendon got visits from his friends.
Perfectly After All, by wayfairing, NC-17, AU
Sometimes Ryan wishes that he’d taken up smoking. Then he considers that even the tiniest bit of fire is uncalled for when it’s already eighty degrees at 8 o’clock in the morning and you’re wearing at least five layers of clothes.
In nobody's eyes but mine, by wearemany, NC-17
Ryan had thought he was immune to the spontaneous little moans and screams Brendon is capable of making from their shows, but it's just different when they're all naked.
And underdressed, by wearemany, NC-17
Ryan has one leg in a pair of black lace underwear, girl underwear, and he's still wearing the thin t-shirt he'd put on after showering at the venue. Otherwise he's naked, dick half-hard and hanging out in the chilly hotel room air. What the fuck is Brendon supposed to say?
Give me more by wearemany, NC-17
Brendon Plans Insurrection, Secession, Abandonment Of Duties To Faith And Family. He thinks it loudly, carelessly, but she doesn't blink. If she can read his mind, he's already screwed.
razzle dazzle/come what may, by wishpaper, PG-13
Brendon was greedy and obnoxious and a big fat Ryan Ross-hog.
Anyone Else But You, by zarah5, R, AU
All things considered, Brendon is actually glad when the cafeteria re-opens after the summer break.
Agent Provocateur, by zarah5, R, AU
Brendon can practically feel Ryan’s body thrum with some kind of unnamed fear, fingertips almost vibrating against Brendon’s pulse. “I’m,” he says, then clears his throat and starts anew. “I’m really sorry, but. Who are you guys?”
Basic Adjustments, by zarah5, NC-17
Three days into the recording of The Album that Has Yet to Be Named, Brendon loses his voice. Just like that.
And one last thing to end it, probably the greatest Brendon/Ryan fanvid ever, Idiot Boyfriend [link]:
and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make;