(no subject)
Title: Just for a little while.
Author: Razzle
Pairing: Bill/Andreas, implied Bill/Tom
Rating: R
Disclaimer: No idea. Probably not.
Summary: I don’t want to cause you trouble, don’t want to stay too long. I just came here to say to you, I am by your side.
Warnings: Underage. Angst. Unbetad.
Andreas wasn’t really asleep. Not properly. He hadn’t slept properly for a week, not while the ache was so firmly settled in his stomach, not since the awful knowledge had been imparted to him.
Because it was true. And the truth, this time, was going to be unbearable. But he wasn’t awake enough to trust the evidence of his own ears, until he felt the slide of an arm surrounding him, fingers alighting on his stomach, a cheek pressing into his back.
And that sigh. That sigh full of familiarity, sympathy and, Andreas expected, apology.
“This time it’s real.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re going?”
“Yeah.”
“And you won’t be coming back.”
Bill pressed his lips to Andreas’ back, between his shoulders.
“Would you?” Bill whispered. A breath of laughter was Andreas’ only response, and Bill freed his lips, replacing them with his chin. “Come with us,” Bill said simply. “You can be Gustav’s backup.”
“Oh, he’d love that,” Andreas said with a grin. “He’s already paranoid that I’m trying to push him out.”
“You are better looking than him,” Bill pointed out.
“You have to say that,” Andreas deflected.
“Come with us.”
Andreas sighed.
“I can’t.”
“Please.”
“This isn’t mine,” Andreas replied after a few moments. “You’re always talking about finding your path. I have to find my own way out, don’t I? I can’t ride along on the back of yours.”
“It wouldn’t be like that,” Bill said, wrapping his arms more tightly around his friend. “You can be like, an honorary roadie, and you’d meet the right people, and they’d love you. Love, it would be like…”
“No.”
Bill sighed and ran his hands up and down Andreas’ stomach, long nails scraping gently over his skin. Andreas allowed the faint groan of desire that Bill’s fingers encouraged. Bill teased him with gentle touches, almost innocent but for their route, starting with a circle around a nipple and ending with a straight, firm dance along his cock.
He was hardening swiftly, moaning with the pleasure of the touch, heightened by the threat of its removal.
“I didn’t mean to stay,” Bill whispered, his chin leaning close to Andreas’ shoulder.
“No?”
“No,” Bill confirmed. “I know your parents are home. Wouldn’t have had to climb in the bloody window otherwise. I don’t want to land you in the shit.”
Bill’s other hand was running a tickle across Andreas’ shoulders and up his neck.
“Fuck them,” Andreas replied. Sex. It would bring them closer. He needed it. He could commit each touch to memory. “We’ll just have to be quiet.”
Bill grinned and Andreas knew that he was biting his lip.
“Can you be quiet?” Bill asked playfully.
Andreas grinned.
“I can be quiet.”
“I’ll believe that when I hear it,” Bill proposed. Andreas breathed out brokenly as Bill took pity on him and began to stroke him properly. Andreas felt Bill’s erection pressing against his crease, bumping the base of his spine. Bill’s stroke slowed and Andreas wiggled against him.
“Gonna fuck me?” he asked quietly.
“You know I love you, don’t you?” Bill asked. “And Tom loves you, too.”
Andreas sighed.
“Yes, Angel,” he said softly.
“So why won’t you come with us?”
“You could make me come,” Andreas replied. He turned away and reached out for the gel they had got used to using, effectively cutting Bill off as he went to reply. Andreas turned to look over his shoulder, catching Bill’s gaze. It hurt. Because he knew he was going to have to part with such beautiful brown eyes, and the way they looked at him when they were together like this.
He knew he had to part with the smell of Bill’s skin, and the softness of Bill’s breath a moment before their lips met.
Andreas reached back to slide his hand through Bill’s unstyled hair. It was so soft and he wrapped his fingers in it. His thumb brushed Bill’s temple and they indulged in a sweet, slow kiss as Bill’s slicked fingers slid into Andreas’ body.
“Oh, Bill, please,” he whispered against Bill’s mouth.
Gently, carefully, he was eased open and Bill pushed inside. Andreas squeezed back tears. He couldn’t grasp why it had to be real. More than anything else, he wanted Bill to do well. He wanted Bill to have everything he wanted. And he knew Bill was good enough, knew he deserved it. But they were a couple of kids from Nowhere, Germany and he never really believed it could happen.
They had been fooling around for two years, but only having full sex for a couple of months. It had nothing to do with the law: adolescents with hormones and emotions didn’t often make legality the crux of their decision to go all the way. It was as if there had never been any hurry. They had spent years exploring and Andreas hadn’t regretted a minute of it. But this…
They hadn’t even had time to get good at it. It was still awkward, it hurt often. Sometimes they couldn’t get it in at all and they had to give up, waving away disappointment with other ways of bringing each other satisfaction. Andreas hadn’t even worked out if he liked it better being inside Bill or like this, with Bill moving inside of him. And they still had bugger all stamina.
A week ago Bill had told him not to pull out before he came off, and Andreas had done as he was told, coming inside his boyfriend as they lay on a blanket in the empty storeroom of the old Scout hall. Bill had whispered in wonder that he could feel it, he could really feel it. And with a few strokes, Bill was coming with Andreas still inside him.
And then Bill found out he was leaving.
Andreas hissed with pain.
“Sorry,” Bill whispered.
“It’s okay. Just go easy.”
Bill smirked, his breath heavy and laboured.
“Never have been very good at holding back,” Bill said. Andreas wondered if he meant anything else. His hand snaked around Andreas’ side and brushed his cock.
Andreas opened his mouth but he had nothing to say. All the things running through his mind were the things he had promised himself he wouldn’t say. He wouldn’t give Bill guilt, he wouldn’t rebuke him. He wouldn’t ask him to stay.
No stamina. Bill’s fingertips brushed Andreas’ balls and he knew he was going to come soon. The bed was creaking, just about quietly enough to be ignored, and he reached above his head to stop the headboard whacking into the wall.
He could feel the hitching in Bill’s breath and knew his friend wasn’t far behind him. Excusable words came to him.
“Don’t pull out,” he said, the very same words he had heard from Bill a week previously. “Do it in me. I want to feel you.”
“Andi,” Bill murmured, his voice thick with sex and exertion. “Fuck, man, I love you.”
“Oh,” Andreas whimpered. “Yeah. Me too. So much.”
Bill was moving too fast again and it hurt, but Andreas embraced it. He needed it. This was his first love; he wanted to be able to feel it forever.
He choked on his sudden need to turn, to feel Bill’s lips against him as he came. Bill leaned down as he twisted and the corner of their mouths caught one another, every breath shared as Andreas came, wetting Bill’s fingers with drops of warm come that Bill spread back down him, slicking his flesh and pulling out every fraction of his climax.
A few seconds later, Andreas’ hand left the headboard to clutch at Bill’s shoulder and the wooden frame made a single, loud impact on the wall as Bill stiffened, unravelling inside Andreas with a long, low moan and a firm grip on his upper thigh. Andreas stared up at the ceiling, his mouth and eyes open wide as he pressed himself back into the exquisite intimacy.
“You think they heard any of that?” Bill teased.
“I don’t care,” Andreas said honestly. “They’ll just think I was beating one off.”
“Classy,” Bill said, his voice shaking. “God, that was great. I can’t believe we waited so long…”
Andreas moved forward, encouraging Bill to pull out, and turned, wincing with the discomfort in which he would later revel, to wrap himself around his friend.
“I am going to miss you so very much,” Andreas said before he could stop himself.
“Come…”
“Bill. This is your time.”
Bill stopped arguing. He pulled Andreas closer and kissed him. With every moment it became less sensible to stay, but neither of them were about to suggest Bill leaving.
“I’m going to keep my phone on all the time,” Bill promised. “And I’m going to call you every day. I won’t let you forget me.”
Andreas snorted.
“I don’t have to tell you how retarded that is, do I?”
Bill smiled coyly.
“You’ll come visit,” he said, and it wasn’t a question.
Andreas ran his fingers down Bill’s face, gathering sweat that he’d tenderly suck from his fingertips when Bill eventually left his bed.
“Shout and I’ll come running,” he swore. “I’ll be right there.”
Bill dipped his head and Andreas locked his arms around Bill’s back. Bill didn’t ask again.
He doesn’t ask again for the whole next fortnight. They manage another five nights together, and it’s not enough, but fourteen wouldn’t have been enough. And Bill doesn’t ask again. One night he says, “the offer’s still open.” But it’s too much rejection and he never asks the question. Perhaps he realises Andreas won’t be moved. Perhaps he’s suddenly become afraid of the ‘why’.
There’s a big black van outside the Kaulitz house. It’s packed with the twins’ stuff and the other boys’ stuff. The people carrier behind it is packed out with drinks and snacks for their trip to the city. These two trucks are about to take Andreas’ best friends away. It’s unlikely to bring him anything back.
Bill’s mum is fussing over him, crying and hugging him and generally embarrassing him into a furious blush. Andreas is absorbed and Tom’s presence at his shoulder takes a while to be acknowledged. Eventually they slide a fraternal arm around each other and Tom squeezes his friend.
“Bill said he asked you to come.”
Andreas’ arm slips a little.
“Yeah.”
“He was really upset that you said no.”
“I know. But I have to stay, I’ve got my band and my family…”
“I’m not thick, you know,” Tom interrupts. “I know you and he have been mucking around for years. I don’t know how I feel about it, but if you’re chucking him now, you should at least tell him why.”
“You tell him.”
Tom turns to look at his friend. They are no longer touching.
“He didn’t want me to come with him. He asked me to come with you. Both of you.”
“Well, of course I’m going…” Tom says, confused. Andreas interrupts him.
“When you’re together, I can stand next to you and he won’t see me at all. I love him, but you won the minute you were born.”
“Jesus, Andi, he’s my brother,” Tom says under his breath.
“Yeah. And maybe that’s all of it. But he’s going to have to find someone who can stand sharing him.” He turns to look at Bill again, who is chatting animatedly with the stylish looking man who has come to take them away. “And you’ll still get the lion’s share.”
“I don’t know what you’re trying to say about us,” Tom says, sounding more defensive than angry.
“Maybe nothing,” Andreas says. “Maybe I’m just scared. You’ll take care of him, won’t you?”
“Of course,” Tom says. “He’s the rest of me.”
“I think that’s it,” Andreas said, happy, at least, in the calm of his own mind at that point. He turns back to Tom. “I love you, man.”
“Love you too, mate,” Tom replies, a question still in his voice. They step into a tight hug that reaffirms the assertion.
Bill peels away from the group as his mother went in for another mournful hug, and heads toward them as Tom lets Andreas go, and steps away to allow them their goodbyes.
Andreas smiles. For all his aches, he has certainly had a lot of Bill.
The End.
Author: Razzle
Pairing: Bill/Andreas, implied Bill/Tom
Rating: R
Disclaimer: No idea. Probably not.
Summary: I don’t want to cause you trouble, don’t want to stay too long. I just came here to say to you, I am by your side.
Warnings: Underage. Angst. Unbetad.
Andreas wasn’t really asleep. Not properly. He hadn’t slept properly for a week, not while the ache was so firmly settled in his stomach, not since the awful knowledge had been imparted to him.
Because it was true. And the truth, this time, was going to be unbearable. But he wasn’t awake enough to trust the evidence of his own ears, until he felt the slide of an arm surrounding him, fingers alighting on his stomach, a cheek pressing into his back.
And that sigh. That sigh full of familiarity, sympathy and, Andreas expected, apology.
“This time it’s real.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re going?”
“Yeah.”
“And you won’t be coming back.”
Bill pressed his lips to Andreas’ back, between his shoulders.
“Would you?” Bill whispered. A breath of laughter was Andreas’ only response, and Bill freed his lips, replacing them with his chin. “Come with us,” Bill said simply. “You can be Gustav’s backup.”
“Oh, he’d love that,” Andreas said with a grin. “He’s already paranoid that I’m trying to push him out.”
“You are better looking than him,” Bill pointed out.
“You have to say that,” Andreas deflected.
“Come with us.”
Andreas sighed.
“I can’t.”
“Please.”
“This isn’t mine,” Andreas replied after a few moments. “You’re always talking about finding your path. I have to find my own way out, don’t I? I can’t ride along on the back of yours.”
“It wouldn’t be like that,” Bill said, wrapping his arms more tightly around his friend. “You can be like, an honorary roadie, and you’d meet the right people, and they’d love you. Love, it would be like…”
“No.”
Bill sighed and ran his hands up and down Andreas’ stomach, long nails scraping gently over his skin. Andreas allowed the faint groan of desire that Bill’s fingers encouraged. Bill teased him with gentle touches, almost innocent but for their route, starting with a circle around a nipple and ending with a straight, firm dance along his cock.
He was hardening swiftly, moaning with the pleasure of the touch, heightened by the threat of its removal.
“I didn’t mean to stay,” Bill whispered, his chin leaning close to Andreas’ shoulder.
“No?”
“No,” Bill confirmed. “I know your parents are home. Wouldn’t have had to climb in the bloody window otherwise. I don’t want to land you in the shit.”
Bill’s other hand was running a tickle across Andreas’ shoulders and up his neck.
“Fuck them,” Andreas replied. Sex. It would bring them closer. He needed it. He could commit each touch to memory. “We’ll just have to be quiet.”
Bill grinned and Andreas knew that he was biting his lip.
“Can you be quiet?” Bill asked playfully.
Andreas grinned.
“I can be quiet.”
“I’ll believe that when I hear it,” Bill proposed. Andreas breathed out brokenly as Bill took pity on him and began to stroke him properly. Andreas felt Bill’s erection pressing against his crease, bumping the base of his spine. Bill’s stroke slowed and Andreas wiggled against him.
“Gonna fuck me?” he asked quietly.
“You know I love you, don’t you?” Bill asked. “And Tom loves you, too.”
Andreas sighed.
“Yes, Angel,” he said softly.
“So why won’t you come with us?”
“You could make me come,” Andreas replied. He turned away and reached out for the gel they had got used to using, effectively cutting Bill off as he went to reply. Andreas turned to look over his shoulder, catching Bill’s gaze. It hurt. Because he knew he was going to have to part with such beautiful brown eyes, and the way they looked at him when they were together like this.
He knew he had to part with the smell of Bill’s skin, and the softness of Bill’s breath a moment before their lips met.
Andreas reached back to slide his hand through Bill’s unstyled hair. It was so soft and he wrapped his fingers in it. His thumb brushed Bill’s temple and they indulged in a sweet, slow kiss as Bill’s slicked fingers slid into Andreas’ body.
“Oh, Bill, please,” he whispered against Bill’s mouth.
Gently, carefully, he was eased open and Bill pushed inside. Andreas squeezed back tears. He couldn’t grasp why it had to be real. More than anything else, he wanted Bill to do well. He wanted Bill to have everything he wanted. And he knew Bill was good enough, knew he deserved it. But they were a couple of kids from Nowhere, Germany and he never really believed it could happen.
They had been fooling around for two years, but only having full sex for a couple of months. It had nothing to do with the law: adolescents with hormones and emotions didn’t often make legality the crux of their decision to go all the way. It was as if there had never been any hurry. They had spent years exploring and Andreas hadn’t regretted a minute of it. But this…
They hadn’t even had time to get good at it. It was still awkward, it hurt often. Sometimes they couldn’t get it in at all and they had to give up, waving away disappointment with other ways of bringing each other satisfaction. Andreas hadn’t even worked out if he liked it better being inside Bill or like this, with Bill moving inside of him. And they still had bugger all stamina.
A week ago Bill had told him not to pull out before he came off, and Andreas had done as he was told, coming inside his boyfriend as they lay on a blanket in the empty storeroom of the old Scout hall. Bill had whispered in wonder that he could feel it, he could really feel it. And with a few strokes, Bill was coming with Andreas still inside him.
And then Bill found out he was leaving.
Andreas hissed with pain.
“Sorry,” Bill whispered.
“It’s okay. Just go easy.”
Bill smirked, his breath heavy and laboured.
“Never have been very good at holding back,” Bill said. Andreas wondered if he meant anything else. His hand snaked around Andreas’ side and brushed his cock.
Andreas opened his mouth but he had nothing to say. All the things running through his mind were the things he had promised himself he wouldn’t say. He wouldn’t give Bill guilt, he wouldn’t rebuke him. He wouldn’t ask him to stay.
No stamina. Bill’s fingertips brushed Andreas’ balls and he knew he was going to come soon. The bed was creaking, just about quietly enough to be ignored, and he reached above his head to stop the headboard whacking into the wall.
He could feel the hitching in Bill’s breath and knew his friend wasn’t far behind him. Excusable words came to him.
“Don’t pull out,” he said, the very same words he had heard from Bill a week previously. “Do it in me. I want to feel you.”
“Andi,” Bill murmured, his voice thick with sex and exertion. “Fuck, man, I love you.”
“Oh,” Andreas whimpered. “Yeah. Me too. So much.”
Bill was moving too fast again and it hurt, but Andreas embraced it. He needed it. This was his first love; he wanted to be able to feel it forever.
He choked on his sudden need to turn, to feel Bill’s lips against him as he came. Bill leaned down as he twisted and the corner of their mouths caught one another, every breath shared as Andreas came, wetting Bill’s fingers with drops of warm come that Bill spread back down him, slicking his flesh and pulling out every fraction of his climax.
A few seconds later, Andreas’ hand left the headboard to clutch at Bill’s shoulder and the wooden frame made a single, loud impact on the wall as Bill stiffened, unravelling inside Andreas with a long, low moan and a firm grip on his upper thigh. Andreas stared up at the ceiling, his mouth and eyes open wide as he pressed himself back into the exquisite intimacy.
“You think they heard any of that?” Bill teased.
“I don’t care,” Andreas said honestly. “They’ll just think I was beating one off.”
“Classy,” Bill said, his voice shaking. “God, that was great. I can’t believe we waited so long…”
Andreas moved forward, encouraging Bill to pull out, and turned, wincing with the discomfort in which he would later revel, to wrap himself around his friend.
“I am going to miss you so very much,” Andreas said before he could stop himself.
“Come…”
“Bill. This is your time.”
Bill stopped arguing. He pulled Andreas closer and kissed him. With every moment it became less sensible to stay, but neither of them were about to suggest Bill leaving.
“I’m going to keep my phone on all the time,” Bill promised. “And I’m going to call you every day. I won’t let you forget me.”
Andreas snorted.
“I don’t have to tell you how retarded that is, do I?”
Bill smiled coyly.
“You’ll come visit,” he said, and it wasn’t a question.
Andreas ran his fingers down Bill’s face, gathering sweat that he’d tenderly suck from his fingertips when Bill eventually left his bed.
“Shout and I’ll come running,” he swore. “I’ll be right there.”
Bill dipped his head and Andreas locked his arms around Bill’s back. Bill didn’t ask again.
He doesn’t ask again for the whole next fortnight. They manage another five nights together, and it’s not enough, but fourteen wouldn’t have been enough. And Bill doesn’t ask again. One night he says, “the offer’s still open.” But it’s too much rejection and he never asks the question. Perhaps he realises Andreas won’t be moved. Perhaps he’s suddenly become afraid of the ‘why’.
There’s a big black van outside the Kaulitz house. It’s packed with the twins’ stuff and the other boys’ stuff. The people carrier behind it is packed out with drinks and snacks for their trip to the city. These two trucks are about to take Andreas’ best friends away. It’s unlikely to bring him anything back.
Bill’s mum is fussing over him, crying and hugging him and generally embarrassing him into a furious blush. Andreas is absorbed and Tom’s presence at his shoulder takes a while to be acknowledged. Eventually they slide a fraternal arm around each other and Tom squeezes his friend.
“Bill said he asked you to come.”
Andreas’ arm slips a little.
“Yeah.”
“He was really upset that you said no.”
“I know. But I have to stay, I’ve got my band and my family…”
“I’m not thick, you know,” Tom interrupts. “I know you and he have been mucking around for years. I don’t know how I feel about it, but if you’re chucking him now, you should at least tell him why.”
“You tell him.”
Tom turns to look at his friend. They are no longer touching.
“He didn’t want me to come with him. He asked me to come with you. Both of you.”
“Well, of course I’m going…” Tom says, confused. Andreas interrupts him.
“When you’re together, I can stand next to you and he won’t see me at all. I love him, but you won the minute you were born.”
“Jesus, Andi, he’s my brother,” Tom says under his breath.
“Yeah. And maybe that’s all of it. But he’s going to have to find someone who can stand sharing him.” He turns to look at Bill again, who is chatting animatedly with the stylish looking man who has come to take them away. “And you’ll still get the lion’s share.”
“I don’t know what you’re trying to say about us,” Tom says, sounding more defensive than angry.
“Maybe nothing,” Andreas says. “Maybe I’m just scared. You’ll take care of him, won’t you?”
“Of course,” Tom says. “He’s the rest of me.”
“I think that’s it,” Andreas said, happy, at least, in the calm of his own mind at that point. He turns back to Tom. “I love you, man.”
“Love you too, mate,” Tom replies, a question still in his voice. They step into a tight hug that reaffirms the assertion.
Bill peels away from the group as his mother went in for another mournful hug, and heads toward them as Tom lets Andreas go, and steps away to allow them their goodbyes.
Andreas smiles. For all his aches, he has certainly had a lot of Bill.
The End.