Your Song (Kevin/Joe)
Joe wished desperately that their studio had a lock on the door. It would made perfect sense. Song-writing was a private thing, and Kevin and Nick would definitely agree with him on that. They hated when someone walked in while they were in the middle of a song, especially if they really had a great flow going.
But, that, he supposed, was the reason there was no lock. They wrote songs together. Only very rarely did anyone come in here to put a melody and lyrics together alone, and usually that person was Nick. Joe was actually pretty sure this was the first time he had ever even been in this room by himself. He wasn’t really the song-writer. Nick wrote most of their lyrics (and occasionally his own full songs), and Kevin wrote a lot of the music. Joe was only around because he could pull together a song that wasn’t working, by tweaking the melody, or adding a strange instrument, or changing the key.
So, sitting in this room, that was rather large, now that he had it all to himself, with his acoustic settled comfortably across his knees, he felt very strange. He felt like he was invading a sacred space. But, this song he had playing in his head - he had to write it, and he didn’t know if he ever wanted anyone to hear it, so where better to hole up than a soundproof room in the back corner of their house?
He’d been at it for almost three hours. The sheet on the music stand in front of him was half-filled with scribbled notes and erasure marks, and a notebook beside it had sloppy, scrawled lyrics written, crossed-out, and rewritten across it. It had to be perfect. He had all the time in the world.
Nick had come looking for him, at one point, to invite him outside for a last-minute game of wiffle ball, since there was snow in the forecast for the next day. As soon as he walked in, saw him hunched over his guitar, picking out chords, his glasses slipping down his nose unheeded as his tongue stuck out in concentration, he closed the door softly behind him, recognizing that look of not just wanting to write a song, but needing to. He wasn’t about to interrupt that process.
Joe didn’t notice him, which was Nick’s intent. He did, however, notice Kevin when he came bounding into the room a moment later, smiling in that bright way he did. “Hey, did Nick come in to talk to you? We’re playing ball! Come on.”
Joe frowned up at him over the rims of his glasses. “I’m sort of busy. Go ahead and play without me. Call Rob to come take my place.”
Kevin tilted his head at him, then at the paper on the stand. “Writing?”
Joe fumbled to turn the pages over. “Yeah. Do you mind?”
Kevin didn’t even seem fazed. He just smiled. “We’ll be out back if you change your mind or want help.”
Joe nodded, waiting until the door closed before sighing. He really wished the door had a lock. He had had a line written in his head, but of course, Kevin walked in right before he’d gotten it down on paper. Now he couldn’t remember what it was. “Damn it.” He murmured, leaning back in his chair, tapping his pencil thoughtfully against his knee.
Forty-five minutes later, Joe was flirting with the idea of giving up for a little while, when Kevin reappeared in the doorway. “Hey, how’re you doing?”
Horrible. Joe forced a smile. “Great. I thought you were playing wiffle ball?”
“Nick and Frankie are still at it.” Kevin shrugged. “It wasn’t any fun without you, so I thought I’d come check on your progress.”
Joe tried his hardest to appreciate it. “I’m fine, but not done yet, so go!” He shooed him with his hands. “I don’t want anyone to hear it till it’s finished.”
Kevin lifted his shoulder in another shrug. “Come find me if you need help.” He reminded him, then gently closed the door.
Joe slipped his pencil between his teeth, experimentally strumming a few chords. It worked. It was quick and catchy and exactly what he was looking for. He was surprised and pleased by the melody, quickly jotting it down, not wanting to forget it now that he had it. He wished he knew where it had come from.
He was in the middle of a groove, when a knock came on the door. He checked his watch. It had only been twenty minutes. If it was Kevin again, what could he possibly want? He called a “Come in!” and promptly remembered the walls and door were soundproof, so he wandered over to open it.
Kevin was on the other side, as expected. He was smiling, also to be expected. “Hey. Um. Change your mind about help?”
Joe sighed and shook his head. "No. I want to do this myself. Thank you, though.” He shut the door again.
An hour later found Joe stuck again. He had basically chewed his eraser down the base, and was now gnawing fruitlessly at the metal that was left at the end of the pencil, completely frustrated. How was it that Nick whipped out songs in an hour sometimes? He’d been at this for almost six! His stomach was growling, but he didn’t even think about leaving the room to go get food, for fear of attracting Kevin’s attention again.
Joe didn’t know why his big brother was so intent on bothering him while he was actually doing something he thought may be important. It wasn’t like he was being particularly intrusive, but god, in a house with five other people, it was incredible that only one of them found it necessary to not leave him alone, not to mention that there were four other people in the house, besides the two of them. Why couldn’t he go bother someone else?
And, as if on cue, Kevin opened the door, peeking around the edge of it, his smile a little meeker. “Hey, I wanted -”
“No, Kevin!” Joe was exasperated. “I don’t need help, and you can’t hear the song, and I don’t care who’s playing what; I need to finish this, so will you please just leave me alone?”
Kevin’s face had fallen at his words. He looked positively crushed. He didn’t respond; he just closed the door quietly.
Joe sighed, pushing his face into his hands, immediately feeling horrible. God, why couldn’t he keep his mouth closed? Shaking his head, he started in on the song again, trying to convince himself that now that he had Kevin off his back, he could get it done.
But, the words and melody jumbled up in his head. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t write now, though that didn’t stop him from stubbornly staring at the paper, absently strumming his guitar. He had this time now. He really should use it.
That thought was interrupted by the quiet, insistent knock on the door. He ran his fingers through his hair, knowing he needed to apologize, so he stood. The door opened as he moved toward it, and he was surprised to see Nick standing there. “Hey. What’s up?”
His little brother frowned at him, walking into the room, setting a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on it on the empty table behind his chair, along with a glass of milk.
Joe smiled. “Thanks, Nicky. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I didn’t.” Nick’s voice was quick and curt. “Kevin did. He was bringing it to you when you so politely asked him to leave you alone.”
Joe felt like he’d just been punched in the stomach. Of course he was rude to Kevin when all Kevin had done was try to be helpful. He sighed, toeing the carpet, fascinated with it, just so he wouldn’t have to look at his little brother, with all that disapproval in his face. “I didn’t mean to snap.” He mumbled lamely. “I’m just so frustrated with this song, because I want it to be perfect, and I keep getting interrupted.” Not that writing it was easy when he hadn’t been interrupted. He was actually just having trouble sitting there by himself keeping focused.
“So, instead of making him feel like he was doing nothing but bothering you, why didn’t you tell him that?” Nick sounded like their father. Of the group of them, he always had the most. “Go talk to him. You’re not getting anywhere on the song anyway from the looks of it.” He gestured vaguely toward the sloppy papers on the stand.
Joe nodded absently, already wandering out of the room. He immediately heard the soft sound of an acoustic guitar, and steered himself toward his bedroom. He peeked around the edge of the door, sighing quietly at the sight of Kevin sitting cross-legged on his bed, his guitar settled across his lap, slowly playing through a song that Joe wasn’t sure he knew. He stood there watching him for a moment, studying the smooth long curve of his neck as his head bent over the instrument, a single curl twirling down over his left eye, mouth curved softly down as he played.
He’d somehow never walked in on him like this before, despite the fact that they spent almost all their time together. It was strange, intimate, and he wondered if this is how it would have been to let Kevin listen while he wrote his own song. He found himself almost liking the idea.
His brother’s head tilted slightly to the side, his eyes sliding over in his direction for a split second in acknowledgement of his presence.
Joe sighed, wandering over to sit beside him, not saying anything for a while. Kevin’s fingers started again, just as slow as before, but now with a certain intimacy, like he was playing just for Joe.
“I’m sorry.”
Joe stared at him. “What? Why?”
Kevin shrugged. “I didn’t realize I was bothering you so much. I was just trying to help, or something. I don’t know.”
Joe exhaled slowly, his bangs flying up, and leaned back on his hands, studying the ceiling. “Don’t be sorry, okay? I was an ass.” He butted his head up against his arm affectionately. “I just couldn’t figure out why you kept coming to find me. It was like you were bored, and I was your only option.” He laughed lightly.
“No,” Kevin remained serious, turning to look at him. “We’re just - we’re always together. Do you realize that? We don’t spend any real time apart. And, I just - I wanted to be near you.” His face flushed so suddenly, it was like red paint had been poured over his face. “If I had known you were going to get angry about it, I wouldn’t have. I didn’t realize I was the only one who got lonely when you guys aren’t around.”
The guys seemed added, as if he was trying to force Nick into the equation, to make all of this less awkward, but Joe read its meaning. He chewed his lip thoughtfully, then leaned in to press a kiss against his brother’s cheek. “What was that melody you were playing just now?”
“What, this?” Kevin played it again, a little more quickly than he had before.
Joe liked it even better that way. He grinned. “Would you mind me using that for this song? I can’t seem to find a melody that works.”
Kevin shrugged, pleased with himself. “Of course, Joey.”
Joe stood, chewing on his lip again. He leaned down, tilting Kevin’s head up by his chin, carefully pressing his lips to his brother’s. He smiled when Kevin’s breath caught. “Will you come listen while I write it? I could use the criticism.” He said quietly against his mouth.
“Sure.” Kevin kissed him again, lightly. “Although I doubt there will be any criticizing involved. Everything you do is perfect.”
Joe looked for the joke in the words, the teasing, but couldn’t find it in Kevin’s serious, innocent face. He took his hand, lacing their fingers together, not even questioning all the ways their relationship had just changed. “Whatever you say, Kev.” He rolled his eyes, despite the smile painted on his face. He tugged Kevin by the hand, out of the room and down the hall toward the studio. “Should’ve taken you up on your offer hours ago.”