Glee Fic: Seasonal Considerations (Mercedes/Sam, R)

[bana05]

“I’ve missed you, Mercedes.”

Mercedes almost choked on the latte she’d been sipping, so unprepared she was for that statement.  Brows furrowed, Mercedes finished swallowing her drink and regarded her companion across from her.

“I haven’t gone anywhere, Quinn…”

The blonde nodded and smiled such a beautifully sad smile Mercedes’ heart hurt.  “I know; but I did, and I shouldn’t have done that to you.  I’m sorry.”

Mercedes looked at the table and took a series of deep breaths.  If she were honest with herself, Mercedes was surprised they were even here at the Lima Bean having coffee like they’d used to do when Quinn had been pregnant, although then, Quinn had favored green tea and scones.  Mercedes hadn’t been prepared for that text an hour after arriving home from church; but for Quinn to text, it must have been something important, and deep in her heart Mercedes still considered Quinn a soul sister even if that were apparently no longer mutual.

Yes, it had hurt that she had almost reverted fully back to pre-pregnancy!Quinn, the Quinn who was the head bitch of the Cheerios and wore the distinction proudly, the Quinn who’d discovered the soft heart Mercedes had tried to hide with her sass and had manipulated it to the point Mercedes had “fallen in love” with one of the most obvious gay guys on the planet, even if later Mercedes had sorted it out as platonic instead of romantic; the same Quinn who wouldn’t have even spared a tissue if she had been slushied in the halls.  But Mercedes’ mother had taught her long ago that some people were only meant to be in one’s life for a season and to always cherish that season if it were a good one and to appreciate knowing one’s come out stronger for it if it were bad.  The problem was Mercedes really was a ride-or-die chick; once someone came into her heart, that person pretty much stayed there for life.

Unfortunately, there hadn’t been many people who returned the favor with her.

“It’s all right.  I understand wanting to reclaim something you’ve lost, Quinn.  You had to try; you would’ve regretted it if you didn’t.”

Quinn shook her head.  “That’s crap and you know it, Mercedes.  What exactly did I lose, hmm?  A bunch of fake people who only liked the uniform I wore instead of the person inside it?  A guy who was just as caught up in popularity as I was?  We were volatile, Finn and I; and if I’d maintained my friendship with you, you would’ve told me that!”

Mercedes shrugged and shook her head.  “I was rooting for you two the first go round, remember?”

“But not the second?”

“I didn’t like the way that went down,” Mercedes said honestly, ignoring the twinge of jealousy that came with that confession.  “From what I saw, Sam was good to you and you…”

“He was very good to me,” Quinn said on a sigh.  “So was Puck.  And even Finn tried to be.  They were all good, but I couldn’t appreciate it.”

“You were looking for a man to fix whatever is wrong with you, and a man can’t do that, Quinn,” Mercedes said.  “I told you that before and I’m telling you that again.  You’ve got to believe in your own strength as a woman; otherwise, you’ll be vulnerable to men who only want a doormat or a trophy, and you owe it to yourself not to be either.”

“I did have a good one,” Quinn said after a moment.

Mercedes took another sip of her latte and nodded, unable to look into Quinn’s eyes.  “Yep.”

“Think I could get him back?” Quinn asked.

Mercedes’ eyes snapped up to Quinn, and her gaze was waiting.  “Um.  From what I gather, you can have any man you want.”  Mercedes hoped Quinn couldn’t hear her bitterness.

“Thank you for being honest,” Quinn said.

“Quinn, I’ve never lied to you; don’t plan on starting now,” Mercedes said.

“Good.  Then you can explain what’s going on between you and Sam.”

This time, Mercedes almost splashed very hot liquid on her hand, but she recovered her grip in time.  She set the cup down and sat back in her chair, a corner of her lower lip sneaking between her teeth.

“Thursday Night Cookies, you know this,” Mercedes said finally.

Quinn arched an eyebrow.  “Stevie and Stacy talk, Mercedes, especially since I’m their camp counselor at the church.  They think you’re Sam’s girlfriend.”

“Why would they think that?” Mercedes asked with wide eyes, suddenly intrigued by the signage all around the coffeehouse.  “I usually hang out with them more than Sam.”

“Stacy says she saw you two kissing in the motel parking lot, and Stevie says Sam gets this dopey smile on his face whenever someone mentions your name.”

By the time Mercedes realized there was a matching dopey smile on her face, Quinn sent a triumphant smirk her way.

“I’m not his girlfriend,” Mercedes insisted.  “We’re just…seeing where this goes.”

“Since prom?” Quinn asked.

“Um, New York is when we officially decided to try whatever this is out.” Mercedes huffed and rolled her eyes.  “I thought we were so careful!”

“What I don’t understand is why you feel the need to hide this,” Quinn said.  “Does Kurt know?”

Mercedes shook his head.  “Nobody knew, although I did tell Tina I had a crush on Sam-”

“It’s way more than a crush, Mercedes.”

Again, she refused to look at Quinn, smoothing her hands along the table.  “So you think.”

Quinn laughed, though not unkindly.  “I dated Sam, remember?  He woos you, makes you feel like you’re the most special girl in the world.  He takes such great care that you can’t help but fall a little bit in love with him.  Hell, even Santana did, although she’d deny that in a heartbeat!”

Mercedes scoffed.  “And the other reason why we haven’t said anything.  She’s damn territorial over people who are no longer hers.”

“She’ll get over it,” Quinn said.

“Like you did with Finn?”

Quinn grew silent for a moment.  “I deserved that.”

“Quinn-”

“No, don’t apologize, Mercedes, I did deserve that.  I hurt a really wonderful guy because of my selfishness.  I wanted everything and ended up with nothing.”

“You don’t have nothing, Quinn; you have friends.”

“Still?” Quinn asked, looking at her pointedly.

Mercedes nodded.  “Yeah.  Silly of me, isn’t it?  To want to stick around when I’m not needed anymore-”

“Mercedes-!”

“But I do anyway, because I want to be liked, so I let myself be the ‘emergency best friend’, the one you all go to when the others are unavailable.  But that’s okay…”

“I don’t like hearing you talk like this,” Quinn said softly.

Mercedes shrugged, looking at the tabletop again.  “Sometimes the truth is unpleasant.”

“B-but Kurt’s your best friend-”

“Yes, but I don’t think I’m his anymore,” Mercedes said, feeling the sharpness of that hidden fear deep in her heart.  “We haven’t been the same since his father’s heart attack, to be honest, and he has Blaine and Finn and Rachel now.  Tina has Mike and even Brittany and Artie.  Lauren’s with Puck and her A/V friends mostly…”  Mercedes took a deep breath and blinked furiously.  “So, I’m Sam’s for now, except there’s more to it than that.  He keeps worrying about not being able to take me out properly or whatever, but I don’t need that.  I make sure he and his siblings are good but then he turns around and asks me how my day is and makes me laugh.  And every time we touch…I feel…beautiful-not just sexy, but beautiful.  And I adore his family.  They’re so good and strong and resilient and I wish I could do more for them.”

“Oh, Mercedes…”

Mercedes shook her head and stood abruptly, a tear escaping down her cheek.  “I’m a fool, I know, but I didn’t want anyone to know about me and Sam because I wanted this season for me.  I’m not like you, Quinn, or Santana, or even Rachel.  When this ends with Sam, this is probably the last time I’ll feel this way in a long time…if ever.  And I’m too young for it, and too ‘sassy’ and ‘independent’ for it, but I want it for as long as I can have it.”

She left Quinn sitting there, throwing away her half-full cup of latte on the way out of the Lima Bean.  Quinn called after her, but Mercedes didn’t stop until she was at her car.

“You’re not a fool, Mercedes.”

“Yeah, I am,” she insisted with a derisive laugh.  “When Sam’s family get back on their feet-which I know they will because they’re too amazing not to-he won’t need me anymore, but, damn it-”  Her phone buzzed, and she saw it was a text from Sam asking her to come over.  “I have to go.”

“Your mom?” Quinn asked.

Mercedes didn’t answer that question.  “It was good to see you, Quinn.”

And again, the blonde surprised her; though this time, with a hug.  “Don’t ever talk to me like an acquaintance again, Mercedes.”

Mercedes’ breath was ragged but she hugged Quinn tightly.  “Then stop acting like one.”

Quinn nodded and brushed away another tear even as her own green eyes filled with them.  “Definitely.”  She backed up so Mercedes could get in her car, but asked her to roll down the window.

“Yeah?” Mercedes asked once she did.

“Take it from me-Sam doesn’t enter into any relationship without giving it his all; so this notion you have about being an ‘emergency’ or ‘a season’…I would revisit that, if I were you.”

Mercedes gave a short nod then drove off, cursing the fact Quinn’s words reverberated deep within her gut.  God, give her strength if that other shoe never dropped because then Mercedes knew she’d be falling for Sam forever.

She stopped by the grocery store to get a bag of Doritos for Sam and animal crackers for Stevie and Stacy; she always felt uncomfortable going to the motel empty-handed.  When she final pulled into the motel’s lot, Sam was already out the door and approaching her car before Mercedes could unbuckle her seatbelt.

“Hi-”  Sam’s hug squeezed the air out of her lungs, so tight it was, that she had to hit his back to get him to loosen his hold.  “What’s wrong?”

“That’s what I’m asking you,” he said, his deep voice rough as a thumb trailed her cheek.  “You’ve been crying.”

“Where’s Stevie and Stacy?” Mercedes deflected, looking around him toward their motel room.

“With friends from church while Mom and Dad are out on a date, actually,” Sam said, though there was no seduction in his tone.  “Who made you cry?”

The absolute chill in his voice made Mercedes shiver.  “Um, no one-”

“You never cry without a reason, Mercedes,” Sam told her.  “And I try very hard never to be one.”

She shook her head even as her heart turned further into goo.  “I had a coffee with Quinn-”

“Did she say something to you?” he asked, his face turning mutinous.  “If she-”

“Sang your praises, actually,” Mercedes interrupted, running her hands along his muscular arms to calm him.  “Said what a great guy you are.  She regrets how she treated you.”

“Now she does,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes.  “Where was all of this when we were going out?”

Mercedes flinched and eased out of his arms to grab the shopping bag from the passenger seat.  “I completely understand that you still have feelings for her, Sam.”  She then started for the room but kept her face buried in the bag to hide the tears gathering in her eyes.  “She knows she did you wrong, and you never forget your first love, I’ve heard.”

“I have memories, not feelings,” Sam corrected firmly as they entered the room and took the bag from her, “and yes some of them are very fond.  But the only person I have feelings for is you.”

“Sam,” she breathed, clenching her hand to her chest to keep her heart from pounding out of it.  “You don’t have to say that.”

“Yes, I do,” Sam said from behind her, then spun her around to face him.  “In fact,” he continued, tilting her chin up to meet her eyes.  “That’s why I wanted you to come over.  I got a weird vibe and immediately thought of you.  And here you are, crying still.”

She hugged him, standing on her tiptoes to bury her face in his neck.  “Why are you so perfect?”

He laughed self-consciously and shook his head.  “Oh, no.  Not perfect at all!  I tend to rush through things and I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer and-”

“You’re perfect to me,” she whispered in his ear.

The energy between them shifted and Sam’s hands tightened at her waist.  He kissed her ear then nibbled on the curve of it, making her moan low in her throat.  He slid his large, warm hands up her back toward the zipper of the strapless summer dress she wore, fiddling with it before guiding his fingers between the dress and her skin.  Mercedes pressed closer against him, not sure if she were fleeing from his hands or trying to feel all of him against her.

“You’re so soft and smell so good, lady,” Sam murmured against her cheek on the way to her lips.  He pecked her mouth and she groaned.

“Stop teasing me,” she admonished.

“You tease me just by breathing,” Sam confessed, mapping her curves.  His hands rested high on her torso, near her breasts, but then traveled down to the safer area of her waist again.

Mercedes bit her bottom lip as she gazed at him.  “I’m sorry.”

“Never be sorry for being gorgeous,” he told her and kissed her again.

“I’m not apologizing for that,” Mercedes said on a little laugh.  “But I don’t mean to make this hard-”

“Jesus, ’Cedes!”

Mercedes paused, confused briefly, and then she burst out laughing so hard that she collapsed onto the bed and clutched her tummy.  The bed sank under Sam’s heavy weight but a light finger brushed her cheek.

“I don’t think I mind making you cry these tears,” he said, then kissed the very cheek he’d caressed.

“No,” she agreed, reaching up to grasp the nape of his neck.  He came down willingly and kissed her.  He let his hand blaze a path from her hip to the top of her ribs but never anywhere else.  Mercedes kept shifting to be closer to him; but Sam stayed her with his strong grip and gulped in some air as he broke the kiss.

“Don’t-I can’t-damn-!”

He flung himself on his back away from her.  Mercedes stared at the ceiling, her body still humming from his kisses and his touches, valiantly trying not to let self-doubt invade her mind.  Maybe she’d read him wrong?  Yes, she was inexperienced, but she didn’t think she was stupid.  Mercedes couldn’t have imagined the desire in Sam’s eyes when he looked at her sometimes, or how enthusiastic he’d seemed to be when he’d kissed her before.

“Did I do something wrong?  Because you’ll have to let me know.  I’ve never made out with someone before, Sam,” she said bluntly.  It was better to just put it out there than play it off.

Sam muttered under his breath.  “I had this problem with Quinn-”

“Ugh!”  That had been the exact wrong thing for him to say.  She started to leave the bed but he rolled back to her and pressed her down in the bedding.

“Let me up, Sam,” Mercedes said, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Look at me,” he said softly, grasping her chin to turn her face to him.

Mercedes squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head.  “I feel like an idiot!  Of course I could never compare to her!  I can’t believe I actually told Quinn you made me feel beautiful-”

And damn if this kiss Sam laid on her still didn’t make her feel so, this time complete with tongue.  He moved so he was fully atop her, his pelvis grinding into hers.

“No!” Mercedes exclaimed, finally drawing enough clarity to wrench her mouth from his.  “You don’t get to kiss me like that if you won’t follow through-”

“If I follow through, you’re not leaving this motel room a virgin, Mercedes Jones,” Sam growled at her, his green eyes positively glowing.  “Is that really what you want?”

She gaped at him.

“Dammit,” Sam whispered, hiding his face in the pillow beside her head.  “I should’ve never touched you.”

He was breathing heavily and she could feel him on her thigh.  “Sam?”

“Quinn was a tease,” Sam said, his voice muffled by the pillow.  “She had all the power, and she knew it, but she’d never let me follow through.  Santana had all the power, but…well…”

“Right,” Mercedes muttered.  “And now you have all the power, but I guess I’m not enough, or too much, to make you lose control…”

His laugh was loud but without any humor.  “See, that’s where you’re wrong, Mercedes.  You have more power than them combined and you have no clue you do.”

Her breath froze in her throat.  “I do?”

He nodded, moaned, and kissed her collarbone.  “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me not to take off this dress and worship every sexy inch of you?”  He licked her and started moving lower even while his hand dragged up her thigh underneath the skirt of her dress.  “Jesus, you’re soft everywhere…”

When he laved her cleavage, Mercedes bucked and whimpered.  Her nipples hardened and the area between her legs grew heavy and damp.

“Sam,” she gasped out, tangling her fingers into his blond locks as her legs fell apart to accommodate him.

“I want to make you come so bad, Mercedes,” he whispered against the swell of her left breast and his fingers found the inside of her thigh.  “But I can’t, because if I do the room will smell like you, and my parents will know and I’ll never forget because your scent will drive me crazy.”

“Sam-”

“But I can’t not touch you,” he breathed, slipping his fingers up until they grazed the crotch of her panties.  “Damn, you’re already soaked.”

“Please,” she whispered, gripping his shoulders and bucking her hips.  “Sam…”

“We’re in the bed my parents sleep in,” Sam said with a little scowl, but he did apply a little pressure to her.  “I hate this fucking motel room!”

Mercedes groaned, unexpectedly turned on by his expletive.  Sam’s eyes widened but then he smirked at her.

“You like it when I curse?” he asked, nibbling his way up her neck while still lazily stroking her between her legs, which started to shake terribly.

“I love that dirty, trouty mouth of yours,” Mercedes whispered into his forehead.

“Mmm,” he intoned, kissing her softly as his fingers teased the edges of her panties.  “I’ll remember that.”

“See that you do,” she said, her vision becoming hazy as her senses became overloaded with pheromones and Sam Evans.

“Follow me,” Sam said, leaving the bed and taking her with him.  He pushed her into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet seat, then brought her on top of him.

“I’m gonna make you come, Mercedes,” he promised, wrapping a hand around her thigh to make sure she straddled him.  He was so…prominent underneath her and her mouth watered.

“Shirt off,” Mercedes whispered, yanking it over a willing Sam’s head.  She bit her lip as his well-defined torso greeted her eyes.  “You’re so beautiful.”

“That’s my line,” he countered, setting his lips and tongue to her collarbone again.  But when her hands started for his pants, he immediately gripped her wrist.  “No…”

Mercedes hoped she were able to mask her hurt.  “What? Why?”

He kissed her nose.  “You touch me and I’ll be inside you, and I’ll be damned if your first time is in a rinky-dink motel bathroom, Mercedes.  You deserve so much more of that from me.”

“Look at you, all presumptive,” Mercedes teased to hide the way her heart raced or the fact her entire body was melting.

“If you think I’m lettin’ you get rid of me without a fight, then be ready to be severely disappointed, lady,” Sam informed her.

Her smile faded as her earlier conversation with Quinn came rushing back.  She frowned and shook her head, preparing to get off him, but Sam’s hold on her thigh firmed while the other slipped under her hair to cup the nape of her neck.

“Mercedes?”

“No matter what happens to us, Sam, even if we’re only to have a season, promise me you’ll still be my friend,” she whispered.

“I don’t like how you’re talking.  What do you think will happen to us?”

She shrugged, placing her hands on his chest right above his heartbeat.  “When you and your family get back on your feet, and we return to McKinley and you’re one of the cool kids at school, just don’t forget about me.”

“Okay, now I’m confused.  One minute we’re making out and the next it sounds like you’re dumping me-”

“No!  God, no!”  She kissed his forehead.  “I just, I’m sorry, I know I’m doing this ‘making out’ thing all wrong-”

“It is a little unconventional,” Sam admitted.

Mercedes flashed a tiny grin before turning serious again.  “But I just need to protect myself before we start crossing lines that can’t be recrossed or uncrossed or whatever the term is,” Mercedes said, looking back at her hands.

When Sam linked all ten of his fingers through all ten of hers, she smiled a little again, a small part of her becoming settled.  “Protect yourself from what, Mercedes?”

Sighing, she gave a brief recount of most of what she’d expressed to Quinn.  When she finished, Sam said absolutely nothing, and it was one of the most discomfiting silences she’d ever endured.  Having had enough it after at least two minutes had ticked by, Mercedes tried to get up again; but once more, he denied her the opportunity.

“I feel silly now,” she mumbled, not looking into his eyes.

“You should,” Sam said frankly.

She looked at him, shocked.  “You’re supposed to disagree and make me feel better!”

“Don’t ever ask me to lie to you again, Mercedes,” Sam replied, arching an eyebrow at her.

“Humph!” Mercedes gathered her sass and began wrapping it tight around her, starting to scramble off of him.  “Then you can just let me go!”

“And don’t ever ask me to do that, again, either.”  Sam frowned even more, arching closer to prevent her movement and so she was forced to look into his eyes.  “But above all, never devalue yourself again.”

“I-”

“Never again,” Sam repeated.  “If only you knew how much people respected you, Mercedes.  Remember back when we were doing that Night of Neglect benefit and you went beyond diva on us?  If that had been anyone else, we would’ve left them out to dry.  But not you, because we like you…and are a little scared of you…”

“I’m not scary,” Mercedes muttered even as she pressed her cheek against his, just needing to be close to him.

“Someone who’s so confident and put together like you can be intimidating,” Sam said, then he grinned sheepishly.  “One of the reasons I didn’t approach you for so long-even just with friendship.  After Quinn and Santana, I just knew you’d think I was the biggest dork to walk the planet.”

“And what makes you think I don’t still believe that?” Mercedes teased in his ear.

He laughed and turned his head, brushing their noses together.  “But you like me, anyway.”

Sam squeezed her fingers and Mercedes took a deep breath.  “Sometimes, when I’m in my room and I think about us, I’m amazed that you’re with me.  I wasn’t checking for you….at all…and I’m trying to figure out how not to mess this up.  How to be enough for you the way I couldn’t be with Quinn or Kurt-”

“You know what Mike said when I first told him I had a crush?” Sam interrupted, but he didn’t wait for her to respond.  “He ticked off all the potentials in glee club, but didn’t come up with you until I prodded; and he said he thought you were so above everything…like you were untouchable.”

“I think I’m down to earth,” Mercedes said, frowning.  “You can be a down-to-earth diva.”

“You wear your independence like an armor,” Sam said, “you put on this act like nothing can get to you, except, clearly it can.  You know, I’ve noticed you actually rarely talk about yourself unless it has to do with your singing?  Only when someone asks you a direct question do you answer.”

The revelation surprised her.  “I do?”

He nodded.  “And you actually don’t stick up for yourself that often.  Other people, hell yeah; but yourself?  You…disengage and let others dictate the relationship.”

“I’m not gonna force people to be with me if they don’t want to be with me,” Mercedes said, shrugging.

“How about letting people know you want them there in the first place?” Sam suggested.  “It takes two to make an effort, Mercedes.  Letting a relationship lapse could give the impression it hadn’t mattered to you at all.”

“They mattered,” Mercedes said, thinking particularly of Quinn and Kurt, and untangled one of her hands to cup Sam’s jaw.  “You matter.”

“That’s good news, because you matter to me, too, and not because of what you do for me and my family.  Just because of who you are,” Sam said.  “And this whole homeless experience has taught me to appreciate and cherish what really matters in this world.”

There was no way Mercedes couldn’t kiss him after that.  “I plan on many seasons with you, Sam Evans.”

“Winter, spring, summer, and fall,” Sam sang against her lips, putting a twist to the lyrics of the song they’d sung for his siblings all those weeks ago.

She giggled into their next kiss, absorbing his deep chuckle for herself, but then pulled away with a little sadness.  “I think I have to go.”

Sam nodded but pouted slightly.  “But I didn’t make you come.”

She brushed the backs of her fingers against his cheek.  “But you made me have a ‘Come to Jesus’ conversation that I really needed instead, so thank you.”

He became very serious all of a sudden.  “If all I wanted was…you know…I would’ve stayed with Santana,” Sam said honestly.  “This is not that relationship.  This isn’t even how it was with Quinn.  This is you and me, and I’ll always respect that, Mercedes, okay?”

She nodded, and they helped each other straighten up, although Mercedes playfully whimpered when he put his shirt back on.  Sam grinned and brushed his lips against her forehead, promising it won’t be the last time for such a thing.  They left the bathroom and she grabbed her belongings, then they walked hand in hand to her car.

“Never did say thanks for the Doritos and the crackers,” Sam said, hugging her close.

“You’re welcome.  And thank you again, Sam, for everything.”

He kissed her softly.  “Seasons, Mercedes.  You always deserve more than one, lady.”

She kissed him goodbye one last time, then hopped in her car and drove off directly for the Hudson-Hummel home.