Beautiful Bana

[bana05]

In this society, physical attractiveness is the foundational criterion to determine someone’s self-worth; the more attractive one is, the more one is likely to be identified with positive markers, such as “goodness”, “Intelligence”, “leadership”, etc. It is for this reason that prospective parents are often teased by people praying the baby takes

Comments

[heather]

ha, I left this in your ask box on tumblr but it might be better here. Thanks for sharing this, seriously. I find it extremely difficult to talk about myself /my experience a lot of the time, so this post feels like a brave thing to me as well.

"I remember being seized with a slight panic that if black boys didn’t date black girls, who in the world did?Man, Bana. so much of your post speaks to me, and that part especially leaped out. I remember being thirteen starting my first year of high school with this miserable crush on the only other black guy in the whole school who wasn't my brother. I'd sit in front of the school alone while he laughed and joked in the middle of this throng of white girls ten feet away. And really, he didn't mean any harm, but it wasn't like the white boys wanted much to do with me either. So I def had that "what am I supposed to do" moment that I think a lot of black girls in our age group who went to white schools can identify with. And it's weird because I look at old class photos from middle and high

[bana05]

I'm going to reply here, but thanks for your message! It's nice to have some asks in my box! lol

The thing about youth, is those are your first impressions; and we all know those are hard to shake. But not only that, when what happens in your every day life reinforces what you see on television/movies/literature...it's hard to believe that this something, this something that's deemed so wonderful and everyone should want, is meant for you. That wince Jill Scott is talking about re: black women seing black men with nonblack women--THAT is the wince she means. It has little to do with being racists against BM/NonBW pairings; it's the thought of damn, there goes one less chance for me to find a partner, because in this society especially it's posited only black men would date/marry black women. And sex isn't dating; sex is sex. Most of us want more than that; we want the love, we want the happily ever after that we rarely see dark women get in the societal narrative. And let's be honest, a real reason why 70%+ of black babies are

[msloserrific]

Yay! I was beginning to think you left LJ.

I loved this post. I identified with it so much at times, it brought tears to my eyes.

I'm so glad you were able to come to this point in your self-love. Onwards and upwards!

[bana05]

Thank you! No, I haven't left it; but I did move most of my blogging onto my blog and to tumblr (same name). I think LJ will be my primary fic spot, though; so when my fandoms return, I'll be all about it.

*hugs* there were tears shed in the writing of this post, but they were more cathartic than anything else. It's a hard road, but it's one that needs to be traveled, so thank you for your encouragement!

[denim_queen]

You spoke so much towards my teenage years-- whoah. (Looking back on those years, as weird as it may sound, I also think that my parents were waging this active campaign to keep me from thinking I was "too pretty.")

One of the things I’ve accepted about myself was I’ll never be a single-digit dress size no matter how much weight I lose; and it was okay for me to like the curves I have. And my walk.

Word. Just word.

Good post. :)

[bana05]

Well, you are gorgeous, so I can understand that! ;) But yes, sometimes I think black parents overprepare/caution or underperepare/caution their daughters and what kind of treatment they'll receive, so then they're forced to learn from entities that oftentimes don't have their best interests in mind. It takes a long time to unload all of that baggage when the dust clears, too, if it evers.

Thanks for reading! *hugs again*

[xerox78]

I read this post, nodding and saying, "yep...yep..." every few seconds.

I used to be jealous of my younger sister because everyone would say she looked like our mother, which meant she was beautiful (which she is); and few would ever say I looked like anyone, which I took to mean I wasn’t.

That was me, except it was my cousin. One instance that stands out in my mind happened when I was about 11 or 12, entering the awkward puberty stage where I was putting on weight and getting my first pimples (and which I never really left). I went to a store with my mother and cousin, who is three years younger and light-skinned. When we went to check out, two young black women, possibly teenagers, were cashiering. As we checked out, one of the women said to my mother, "Your younger daughter is so pretty!" The other one added, "Her complexion is so clear and perfect." My mother said, "Thank you, but she's actually my sister's daughter." The two women went, "Ohhhh...", glanced at me and said no more. I knew they were both thinking: Poor

[bana05]

Black people don't live in a vacuum; we're just as affected by the standards of Western European beauty as everyone else; that said, it will always cut deeper when someone who looks like us denigrate us because we'd like to think we would be each other's support. AS for the asshole who called you Mammy--self-hate all day, and he's taking it out on you; same with the Rihanna look-a-like. You don't smirk at someone else's embarrassment unless you're trying to cover up your own insecurities. That was just hateful.

Not only that, you weren't dressed to sexually impress, which something a woman should always do, obviously; and something black women always do anyway because it's our nature

[lostinlace]

Your thoughts about this clusterfuck are poignant and eloquent as always.

Just to let you know the London School of Economics' Board voted unanimously to have him fired over the ridiculous science he used to prove his point. But, yeah, his tenure his under review.

I know this is a bad time, but I'm glad that you're taking your self confidence as a priority. You should and do so unapologetically(sp). Also happy birthday!

[bana05]

It was just...so irresponsible! Like, seriously, dude? You're going to publish an op-ed piece and call it scientific research? What? I bet his alma mater is embarrassed they gave him a PhD.

And thank you for the birthday wishes! I'm appreciative for this article, though, because it showed me just how far I'd come in terms of how I viewed myself, and I like where I am and hope to continue forward!