(no subject)
Chapter 3!
Title: Affixing Memories
Characters: Bam Margera/Ryan Dunn!past , Bam Margera/Ryan Dunn!new (may be)
Rating: R
Summary: This time Ryan didn't just walk away from a car crash with bruises and broken bones. He also lost his past and his love for the man who adored him.
Warnings: First Bam/Ryan, not beta'd, I don't own these boys, amnesia Ryan and other angst.
Chapter one - That Which was Lost
Chapter two - The Reunion of Fools
I don't know the amount of time I had been staring at the ceiling but my only indication of it passing is by the casting lights across them. Dark blues turned to hues of born again dawn, painting the ceiling in mixed watercolors. I would drift in and out of conciseness in boredom and self loathing. How could I fail so miserably? I was so close to my goal, my dreams to kill the man who made me forget the joys of life. Ryan disagrees with me, and he projects his feelings to stop me. He was starting to get annoying. I have been resting on the couch, all the others seem to be asleep or just in lack of conversation.
When you have too much time on your hands, you sometimes come up with irrational ideas. The boredom clouds your mind as sanity mingles with the desperation of a come back, thinking of a verbal or physical response that could have been an ever-changing rebuttal. The colors of the blankets, walls and the forgotten TV, running a mediocre product also added to my borderline insane ideas. I had been planning to kill myself. The plan would hurt those I hated true, I would take Ryan with me, I would be at peace but first I wanted him, Bam to suffer more. He would wish for me to die before I leave willingly.
I shifted myself against the clinging sofa material, nuzzling my skin to the point of unfeeling. The pillows tickled gently across the nape of my neck and the blankets warmed my heated body, caressing my skin, ands blood caked nails. The aftermath of him touching me, I hadn't cleaned them. It was a reminder of my failure. A sudden shift of a body against leather, a sickening peeling of flesh detaching itself caught my attention. Tilting my head upward in a queer angle, so that the top of my head rested against the tussled pillows and my neck craned, was a man's form. The receding hairline with wisps of hair and an uncommon outfit was the sign that it was Dico. Relaxed in a daze of sleep he scratched his private areas for uncomfortable annoyance then smacked his lips in incoming conciseness. A moan of lack of sleep or the headache of the more sleep escaped the shadowed face. A proper English, of motherland England mumbling as he grips the chair's armrests to detach his lower body from the leather's hold.
Sniffling he looked around until his sleepy gaze fell on my questioning, most likely spiteful visualizing eyes. He looked astounded for a moment before the humor, morally justified soul emerged from those dilated pupils. A grin that was not worthy of such cruel hatred, such as mine formed on my slightly yellow teeth. I frowned in the reply, how could someone not be brutal? I needed to see if he is to remain on my list, my listing of heartache.
“Glad to see you wake,” he suddenly changed into a redneck accent. “ You gave us a scare,” he said going into detail of how Novak ridden the house of his filthy whore infestation. I sat up and listened, my mouth working itself downward sometimes in a stupor, tilted my head in confusion, but the most common a smile tightened across my face. A fairy tale of sorts, my past and those who acted in it flowed in characters of different voices and time lines. A man with breath that could match a dragon, a land of chaos filled with pranks and physically ill causing stunts were just minor parts in the commentary. At the end of his burst of pointless yet amusing stories of memories I felt as though I had made another mistake. I had come to an opinion and an action to follow to soon. A mistake I had done with April and Phil.
I questioned if he had known my belligerent intentions toward him or straightening my anger. Had he started to humor me or to rekindle what he lost with Ryan, the friendship that he wished to restart as if I were Ryan himself? No matter I would reconsider my opinion on this one, just for now, I would come to a conclusion when the time was right. “You have a good sleep?” He questioned but I had the feeling he was asking to follow up with a comment or detail that would seem random, as if his comments weren't. I answered with a small yes, to overcome by the possible insane comment to over trip his response on my well-being. I was correct as the next words that flowed in a mixture of gibberish and detailed statements. Though I heard very little, even with my ears in full attention of understanding the almost second language I heard some very interesting information. “... Yeah I couldn't go cause I fucking hate flying but I am going to meet up with them today. Bam said that my part is to be today. Novak probably is even more filthy now then when you first had the pleasure of meeting him. Their somewhere near Baltimore or something, would like to come with me? It is going to be boring by myself, though people said I could entertain myself.” So that explains the silence in this hell hole, how long have I been asleep?
“I would like to join you, if you don't mind my company. Oh, how long have I been asleep,” I questioned innocently. A change of the game has begun. I am just going to take down the heart of this ugly beast. Not the soul, Dico, not the veins, Novak, not the major organs, Raab, not the brain, Rake, not the skin, April, the bone, Phil, not the eyes, Joe, or the lips and ears, Ryan Gee, they were not my targets. Though they played major parts and the unknowns of the other parts, of people I don't know yet they weren't not my point of stabbing. A would aim for the heart, Bam. I will play sweet and lost to get close. Then like so many before the victim would be lost in love then fall in a pool of their own blood. Classy, years of perfection by others but it would fit nicely.
“ Of coarse, I would be honor by the ever lovely presence of princess Ryaniena Dunny locks the third. My fair princess you have been in sleeping for three long days, not even the sweetest kiss of a dark prince could wake you, my fair sweet.” The continuing disgracing my name though my name is undetermined for me, Ryan had his. It was amusing, truly it was but I was lost the process of traveling to this location and playing my part, it though of finally a new plan was making me giddy inside. Three days now I would go back to my work. “April, Phil, Raabie, Rake, Nuddie, Joe, the film team, and Bam are there,” He added on as if to tease me.
“Yes, and if you plan to go then lets get you clean,” a new voice added, a voice I had never heard off of the speakers of TV of a DVD. I turned my head, a woman of youthful age stood smiling, waves of locks hanging in a cape around her, her eyes were kind, she reminded me of April. “Hello,” she began waving a small manicured hand, various flare jiggling at her movement, “ My name is Missy in is nice to meet you, Ryan.” She came close and shook my hand that was when I took notice to a ring, beautiful really, the gleam of committed love. My inspecting caught her attention, for I had a grip on her hand. She smiled and tightened her grip again, “ Let me take you to the shower then you can get going,” she said either the attempt to get me away from gazing her ring or the fact that I have a three day building odor.
Ushering me around with the clothing that I had three days ago, she giggled at my building confusion. “Hey wait,” a calling from Dico’s present sitting. “Can I give him a bath, please?” Missy smiled and shook her head at the comment. I could only laugh nervously, this was probably the millionth time I have been confused today and when bypassing a clock it was only ten.
The water beneath me was revolting to say the least. The muck and grime made the heated, crystal clear jet of water slid down my body and dripped into a saucy appearing puddle. This was the first time I got a full inception of Ryan's left behind body. Colorful tattoos, past weary scars, birthmarks, dimples, and past ache pimples litter the pale skin. My body was of motherly taboo. I layered soaps, shampoos, and conditioners to shine the blond locks of short hair. Feeling the circumference of my body I felt my beard that traced my chin, it was short compared to royalty length of my past's beard.
When the water seemed to be just sliding down my slim form, cleansed to the fullest, I pushed the tab. It stopped the warm flow, only to be greeted by the cold of the waiting air. Missy had placed a towel and clothes at the bedroom leading off this bathroom. The bedroom was not mine. I believed it to be Bam’s bedroom. In it was skateboards, dark colors, various band posters, and candles were amongst the bedroom. Missy was outside in the hallway ready to pounce if something in ill fate happened. Dico’s voice and hers held a conversation from time to time but it would die to Dico mimicking different human races. Checking the clothes they were of noticeable bright coloring to the rest of the house, simple reds and tans nothing such as yellow-green etc.
After clothing myself, the fabric nuzzled closely to my body unlike my past outfit. Looking into a mirror, I saw what was the creation of Ryan's parents. Messy blond hairs, short fair beard, pale milk skin tainted with ink, skinny frame, and naturally rosy cheeks, this was Ryan. It wasn't me. I'm sure. I was blessed with this angelic form. I, if gotten my own body it would be ugly, dark featured at the best. Pure black hair and eyes and pale skin, I aura sin in itself. In favor of Ryan as well I would return his body after I was complete here.
“Ryan, you admiring yourself,” a shy feminine voice said. Missy stood in the doorway smiling, the light of sun projected through the main living area gave her a heavenly looking atmosphere. Behind her was Dico smiled broadly, ready to begin our journey to the emplacement of the rest of the group. I blushed and shook my head, why am I a sucker for the kind hearted? I exited the room toward them, Missy holding a brush to style my hair as Dico fumbled to find his keys. We walked down the halls and stairs as Missy brushed my hair and Dico made loud one-sided talk.
The leaves crunching under my falling feet took my notice as I was to be moved to another place of the unknown. It was sunny today, how I missed the coo of mother nature. She was the only person beside Ryan whom I loved. “Already I do think you are good to be unleashed to the world, Ryan. Make sure Dico feeds you, we have nothing good here I'm afraid. Have fun,” She finished walking with me behind a bounding Dico, to a small truck. I questioned her on not coming with us, she shook her head telling me she was to hold down the fort. Dico opened the door for me bowing as if I was royalty.
I sat myself on the cushioned sit but never broke my gaze with Missy. “Be careful, say hi to the others for me,” she smiled into the opened window, her voice shadowed a little by Dico slamming my door. As the sun reached fall height in view, the light gleamed against her ring once again. She smiled and softly answered my plagued, nonverbally asked question. “Bam gave it to me,” She said looking into my eyes innocently, searching for the Ryan she knew but only saw me. Confusion washed over me, no but how? She pulled her head out from inside the car as Dico turned the key, starting the purring beast. Even as we left the driveway, I stared outside the window in shock. Even as the house left view I still stared. Even when Dico asked what I wanted to eat or if I was OK. I stared in disbelief. For the first time I wanted Ryan to explain and for the first time he was unresponsive.
____________________________________________________________________________
I had given up on questioning Ryan on Missy. Why would she, a beautiful woman with a kind heart ever consider Bam as a husband? Why had Bam done something to Ryan or with him if he had Missy? Bam had to be heterosexual or was it a cover up? Simply to many whys and whats to have no answers from Ryan.
“So what is this movie that their filming?” I said grease of fatty fast food making my lips slide easily against each other. I had to start a conversation from the lack of Ryan's. I had some questions to stop berating me. Scrubbing the condiments from his face with one hand, the other steering the car on the vast sea of cement Dico answered me.
“It is based around Novak’s life. He had many rough times in youth. He was refrained from growing an adult attitude to life that is why he is like this. Drugs didn't demand anything from him in life so he used it as a treatment, a hallucinogenic agent through life. He didn't know that it took his dignity, money, and what future he had through his addictive habit.” Dico was serious, he looked at the road objectively has if Novak himself was the road. I stared at Dico. I had no idea.
Finally Ryan responded again with sorrow and betrayal. Had Ryan known something that hurt him deeply from Novak’s usage of drugs? I stared at Ryan's hand has they contracted in fits of spasms. Ryan do you consider yourself had Novak’s lost path? When he got lost when the rest of his peers laughed down the road to adulthood, panting in joy only the world is comforting because you all had each other. Novak strayed into the shadows of the tress when you all kept running thinking he was on your heels. I finally calmed my fingers and looked back to Dico who was looking at my hands in the corner of his eyes.
“You found out one time. You were really hurt. He promised you to be clean. When he did that he hugged you, you wouldn't let go for some time. You were one of the reasons he got clean,” He said smiling at the road, through the fogging windshield. You hear that Ryan? He cared about you, he still does I bet. I won't hurt him, if he doesn't get in my way. I am sure he will defend Bam and hurt me to protect him though. You never really forgave him. Bam on the other hand did. Bam took him back into what haven he could give. Then when he showed how he did, I bet you disregarded him. He was only clean for a bit longer than normal to you. You never really believed him because those laughing eyes were masked in dilate pupils and shivering eyelids to you, right Ryan? Once again, Ryan didn't response to me.
Dico giggling that turned into an echoing insane fit of laughter stopped me from questioning Ryan again. I saw Dico lean over the steering wheel pointing to a green sign on the side of the road. Following his finger I saw what was making Dico break into hysterical laughs.
“WELCOME TO BALTIMORE.”
I grinned as Dico made a howling sound/pirate call as buildings mingled together, he taking various turns to our location. The buildings and the people that called Baltimore home walked, laughing and talking in eased paces. The building rivaled the skies in height. It was merely challenging the sun to a human's eye level. I swung my legs back and forth in the effects of amazement. Dico laughing made him turn beat red from lack of air as he expressed his joy to seeing many cameras, people, and familiar faces. Familiar group of people talking bustled near the park lot, not noticing the truck containing us nearing them. Dico grinned, rolling down his window, placed his hand of the steering wheel's middle ready to honk the horn. Sticking his craned head out the window, and he gave a wailing howl grinning in delight out of the startled jump of the crew. Bam, Novak, and Raab all came running to the car out of knowing that calling, brethren.
Parking the car Dico smiled and clasped my shoulder, “We completed our journey fair princess, I have enjoyed your company but it seems that young lustful men want to take you from me,” He said pointing the waving groups of friends. I raised an eyebrow as he jumped out the car and into the friendly slaps on the back by Bam, Novak and Raab. I exited the car shaking my head, the travel acquiring to recollect Dico was foreign but gratifying.
Closing my door, I looked upward to the scarps of sky. The smells of city life it was much different from the comforts of West Cheshire. The hustle and bustle of the forever in motion people had very tensed airs, a community based on work, temptation, and the search of true love. A world that I nor Ryan would really ever feel at home. For me it was too populated, to fast. For Ryan it didn't have friends of childhood and teenage years or a certain raven hair beauty whom he, to my belief loved or loves. Sliding my feet, scraping the cement, I turned to the people whom I made a negative impression on three days ago.
He stood there looking at me, unsure on what to do. I trifled with my persona. I smiled at him. I was trying to bear the eternally unchanging memories that Ryan wants to play when I neared Bam. I had to demonstrate that I meant no ill fate toward his love or whatever he was to Ryan. Bam smiled back and took my kindness on my exterior as a mirror of my emotions toward him. He was foolish. A rustle wind seemed to carry him to me. He stopped extending his hand for a handshake. How painful it was being to shake a hand that you consider that of a loved one but to him or her a stranger.
“My name is Bam,” the sound slips through my shaky memories. The very same word when Bam had chubby cheeks and was desperate for attention, with dreams to become almost the impossible to logic, not he would obey that word anyway. The temptation to throw his heart into turmoil again awaked me and Ryan again but I suppressed it as Ryan kept his finger on the rigger to his memories. I took that hand softly frightened if I was to wound him then Ryan would swoop in wrath.
“Um, I am . . .” My words faded playing the role of a lost puppy, help me Bam. You stupid fool.
“You are Ryan,” He smiled to hug me. You're always flirting aren't you. I know of Missy. Your fling with Ryan will not change my opinion on you. This illusion of you recapturing my heart won't be in your favor, Bam. Novak seemed to take this a chance to come over as well. Joining the hug he smiled and said, ‘Welcome back sweetheart.”
Bam let go the hug, placing his hand to rustle my hair, “I am going to film Dico’s part, Novak watch him, make sure no one takes him.” With that he turned calling for the crew to set up and Dico, Raab, and Rake to join him. I watched as they started to film until they moved to a different position within the area, out of my perspective.
Novak sat of Dico’s car, leaning against the gleaming, bug carcass containing grill. He smiled sadly. “I would have never believed someone if they told me how jack up my life was going to be. I would have strangled them for saying shit like this. I'm sure you won't notice how haggard I happen to be,” He said sarcasm dripping from his mouth. Ash-gray eyes danced with passion as he continued in rivaled the sky in beauty. “ I remember, at least I think I do, it was a Monday. You always got pissed when we talked about you on Sirius,” He added. So the group even has a radio time slot, interesting, at the mention of the radio Ryan's spurred anger. “We got the call to go to Finland we asked you to come, you refused cause’ you were so muffed.” Certain things were unreliable it seemed that Bam’s and Novak’s loyalty or friendship didn't mean anything when the fans were listening.
He sniffled before continuing, “We got the call couple of days afterward, Bam left before any of us knew what was happening. We followed the only reason he hadn't gotten to you sooner cause he left his credit card with us. We found him screaming at the airline people, nearly to the point that security was going to take him.” He smiled turning away from the veil of windows and building to me. “ Sorry, here I am talking about something you have no idea, I am a stupid shit most of the time,” He said, scratching a fake snitch on his neck. An uncomfortable smile molded across his lips.
“Hey you want to be in my movie?” He asked a child like grin in place. “It is a piece of work, it makes me wonder if it is worth possible booze time and fast company capturing. I am a very important person. I have things to do and people.” He said laughing staring at his shoes, probably scared to meet a disgusted face of a peer whom he admired deeply. I just slightly upward turned my lips.
“I would love to be in your movie. I was part of your past as well, right?” I asked as if unsure on the importance I was to him, as if my opinion didn't matter. I am one good rampant lair. He looked shocked then grinned.
He got off his chair against the car and embraced me tightly, practically throwing his thin frame against mine. I could literally feel the disease on his skin, a child who was left behind without known that he was or may be someone would have saved him. No one cupped his chubby cheeks and took his hand so now he suffered, he labored to keep a smile when worn-out, crumpled doll. He was much like me in a more positive sense, ever though tainted by sins that even I hadn't committed.
“Will you tell me more about my past, later on will you? I enjoy hearing about my past. I would like to get to know you and the others. I feel left out, indecisive.” I could win an award for these instant lines. I want to know everything Novak and you will be my pawn to get to your King. Novak let go of me as a calling for the shooting for today was completed, was he scared for his master to come upon the sight of him embracing his past, trashed, favorite, and now scheming toy?
Bam, Dico, Raab, Joe, Phil, April, etc., came walking up to us. “Life partner,” Novak shouted running to Bam, the group of boys tackling each other. Friendly slaps and embraces, “Beer time,” sounded a command from Novak. All the heads nodded, excluding me, April, and Phil.
“Ah, come on guys do you have to do this now,” April said placing her arm to inweave with mine. My mother was back at my side. I hadn't felt this comfortable sense I felt the Bam estate where Missy was nestled in. Phil made a comment of there was no stopping them.
“OK, we go to the hotel to change . . . then we go to the bars and clubs. Novak, I am picking out your outfit.” Bam gave everyone a command it seemed to follow to be brats. They came closer, laughing as April went into fits of motherly rage and worry. Bam linked an arm around me, as if I was still the Ryan he knew. “ Come on night on the town,” He said against my ear tickling my eardrum teasing whispers. April fought to keep me in her grip, I wish she had won as well. Bam was an opponent and stole me from her as I was swept away amongst the seeming already drunken delight of the boys, before alcohol reached their lips or their bellies.
A night of sexual healing, slurred words, and pranks amongst the fellow peer of similar interest. A higher dream that can be reached by multicolored liquids before brought down by reality and a killer hangover was the wishes of the lost. These were the wishes with the misty eyed doll who locked me within his grasp, unwilling to let me go once again. So hold close the reincarnation of the man you thought to be yours, Bam. Cup the blue jewels of his eyes and the rose of his soul as the petals fall and burn in flames of hate. For I will seduce you into hope, peel off your already soft shell and watch those vividly dancing eyes go dull.
For I am on a path of vengeance. I live to protect the person screaming inside of me. The one who I think you know. He is the young man you broke. So yes, I will play a game of you thinking you are in control, that I am or will be normal. No, I will never love you like Ryan for I learned from is kindness toward you. Never would I do the same as Ryan. For I protect the young man who is crying inside me.
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Right so Ryan is being sweet. If confused Ryan is planning to kill himself after hurting Bam, to return Ryan's body, killing himself and Ryan in process. I don't know if I will get this Ryan to refer to himself with a name cause I think I am confusing myself sometimes. Once again I will say that Ryan is past, this one-- the evil twin think himself as not Ryan, cause Ryan loved Bam, who he hates.
Missy was here! I don't know who else will make an appearance:wink: So see ya'll next time.
Comments are adored, idea for the future are loved, and mere viewing makes me happy.
Title: Affixing Memories
Characters: Bam Margera/Ryan Dunn!past , Bam Margera/Ryan Dunn!new (may be)
Rating: R
Summary: This time Ryan didn't just walk away from a car crash with bruises and broken bones. He also lost his past and his love for the man who adored him.
Warnings: First Bam/Ryan, not beta'd, I don't own these boys, amnesia Ryan and other angst.
Chapter one - That Which was Lost
Chapter two - The Reunion of Fools
I don't know the amount of time I had been staring at the ceiling but my only indication of it passing is by the casting lights across them. Dark blues turned to hues of born again dawn, painting the ceiling in mixed watercolors. I would drift in and out of conciseness in boredom and self loathing. How could I fail so miserably? I was so close to my goal, my dreams to kill the man who made me forget the joys of life. Ryan disagrees with me, and he projects his feelings to stop me. He was starting to get annoying. I have been resting on the couch, all the others seem to be asleep or just in lack of conversation.
When you have too much time on your hands, you sometimes come up with irrational ideas. The boredom clouds your mind as sanity mingles with the desperation of a come back, thinking of a verbal or physical response that could have been an ever-changing rebuttal. The colors of the blankets, walls and the forgotten TV, running a mediocre product also added to my borderline insane ideas. I had been planning to kill myself. The plan would hurt those I hated true, I would take Ryan with me, I would be at peace but first I wanted him, Bam to suffer more. He would wish for me to die before I leave willingly.
I shifted myself against the clinging sofa material, nuzzling my skin to the point of unfeeling. The pillows tickled gently across the nape of my neck and the blankets warmed my heated body, caressing my skin, ands blood caked nails. The aftermath of him touching me, I hadn't cleaned them. It was a reminder of my failure. A sudden shift of a body against leather, a sickening peeling of flesh detaching itself caught my attention. Tilting my head upward in a queer angle, so that the top of my head rested against the tussled pillows and my neck craned, was a man's form. The receding hairline with wisps of hair and an uncommon outfit was the sign that it was Dico. Relaxed in a daze of sleep he scratched his private areas for uncomfortable annoyance then smacked his lips in incoming conciseness. A moan of lack of sleep or the headache of the more sleep escaped the shadowed face. A proper English, of motherland England mumbling as he grips the chair's armrests to detach his lower body from the leather's hold.
Sniffling he looked around until his sleepy gaze fell on my questioning, most likely spiteful visualizing eyes. He looked astounded for a moment before the humor, morally justified soul emerged from those dilated pupils. A grin that was not worthy of such cruel hatred, such as mine formed on my slightly yellow teeth. I frowned in the reply, how could someone not be brutal? I needed to see if he is to remain on my list, my listing of heartache.
“Glad to see you wake,” he suddenly changed into a redneck accent. “ You gave us a scare,” he said going into detail of how Novak ridden the house of his filthy whore infestation. I sat up and listened, my mouth working itself downward sometimes in a stupor, tilted my head in confusion, but the most common a smile tightened across my face. A fairy tale of sorts, my past and those who acted in it flowed in characters of different voices and time lines. A man with breath that could match a dragon, a land of chaos filled with pranks and physically ill causing stunts were just minor parts in the commentary. At the end of his burst of pointless yet amusing stories of memories I felt as though I had made another mistake. I had come to an opinion and an action to follow to soon. A mistake I had done with April and Phil.
I questioned if he had known my belligerent intentions toward him or straightening my anger. Had he started to humor me or to rekindle what he lost with Ryan, the friendship that he wished to restart as if I were Ryan himself? No matter I would reconsider my opinion on this one, just for now, I would come to a conclusion when the time was right. “You have a good sleep?” He questioned but I had the feeling he was asking to follow up with a comment or detail that would seem random, as if his comments weren't. I answered with a small yes, to overcome by the possible insane comment to over trip his response on my well-being. I was correct as the next words that flowed in a mixture of gibberish and detailed statements. Though I heard very little, even with my ears in full attention of understanding the almost second language I heard some very interesting information. “... Yeah I couldn't go cause I fucking hate flying but I am going to meet up with them today. Bam said that my part is to be today. Novak probably is even more filthy now then when you first had the pleasure of meeting him. Their somewhere near Baltimore or something, would like to come with me? It is going to be boring by myself, though people said I could entertain myself.” So that explains the silence in this hell hole, how long have I been asleep?
“I would like to join you, if you don't mind my company. Oh, how long have I been asleep,” I questioned innocently. A change of the game has begun. I am just going to take down the heart of this ugly beast. Not the soul, Dico, not the veins, Novak, not the major organs, Raab, not the brain, Rake, not the skin, April, the bone, Phil, not the eyes, Joe, or the lips and ears, Ryan Gee, they were not my targets. Though they played major parts and the unknowns of the other parts, of people I don't know yet they weren't not my point of stabbing. A would aim for the heart, Bam. I will play sweet and lost to get close. Then like so many before the victim would be lost in love then fall in a pool of their own blood. Classy, years of perfection by others but it would fit nicely.
“ Of coarse, I would be honor by the ever lovely presence of princess Ryaniena Dunny locks the third. My fair princess you have been in sleeping for three long days, not even the sweetest kiss of a dark prince could wake you, my fair sweet.” The continuing disgracing my name though my name is undetermined for me, Ryan had his. It was amusing, truly it was but I was lost the process of traveling to this location and playing my part, it though of finally a new plan was making me giddy inside. Three days now I would go back to my work. “April, Phil, Raabie, Rake, Nuddie, Joe, the film team, and Bam are there,” He added on as if to tease me.
“Yes, and if you plan to go then lets get you clean,” a new voice added, a voice I had never heard off of the speakers of TV of a DVD. I turned my head, a woman of youthful age stood smiling, waves of locks hanging in a cape around her, her eyes were kind, she reminded me of April. “Hello,” she began waving a small manicured hand, various flare jiggling at her movement, “ My name is Missy in is nice to meet you, Ryan.” She came close and shook my hand that was when I took notice to a ring, beautiful really, the gleam of committed love. My inspecting caught her attention, for I had a grip on her hand. She smiled and tightened her grip again, “ Let me take you to the shower then you can get going,” she said either the attempt to get me away from gazing her ring or the fact that I have a three day building odor.
Ushering me around with the clothing that I had three days ago, she giggled at my building confusion. “Hey wait,” a calling from Dico’s present sitting. “Can I give him a bath, please?” Missy smiled and shook her head at the comment. I could only laugh nervously, this was probably the millionth time I have been confused today and when bypassing a clock it was only ten.
The water beneath me was revolting to say the least. The muck and grime made the heated, crystal clear jet of water slid down my body and dripped into a saucy appearing puddle. This was the first time I got a full inception of Ryan's left behind body. Colorful tattoos, past weary scars, birthmarks, dimples, and past ache pimples litter the pale skin. My body was of motherly taboo. I layered soaps, shampoos, and conditioners to shine the blond locks of short hair. Feeling the circumference of my body I felt my beard that traced my chin, it was short compared to royalty length of my past's beard.
When the water seemed to be just sliding down my slim form, cleansed to the fullest, I pushed the tab. It stopped the warm flow, only to be greeted by the cold of the waiting air. Missy had placed a towel and clothes at the bedroom leading off this bathroom. The bedroom was not mine. I believed it to be Bam’s bedroom. In it was skateboards, dark colors, various band posters, and candles were amongst the bedroom. Missy was outside in the hallway ready to pounce if something in ill fate happened. Dico’s voice and hers held a conversation from time to time but it would die to Dico mimicking different human races. Checking the clothes they were of noticeable bright coloring to the rest of the house, simple reds and tans nothing such as yellow-green etc.
After clothing myself, the fabric nuzzled closely to my body unlike my past outfit. Looking into a mirror, I saw what was the creation of Ryan's parents. Messy blond hairs, short fair beard, pale milk skin tainted with ink, skinny frame, and naturally rosy cheeks, this was Ryan. It wasn't me. I'm sure. I was blessed with this angelic form. I, if gotten my own body it would be ugly, dark featured at the best. Pure black hair and eyes and pale skin, I aura sin in itself. In favor of Ryan as well I would return his body after I was complete here.
“Ryan, you admiring yourself,” a shy feminine voice said. Missy stood in the doorway smiling, the light of sun projected through the main living area gave her a heavenly looking atmosphere. Behind her was Dico smiled broadly, ready to begin our journey to the emplacement of the rest of the group. I blushed and shook my head, why am I a sucker for the kind hearted? I exited the room toward them, Missy holding a brush to style my hair as Dico fumbled to find his keys. We walked down the halls and stairs as Missy brushed my hair and Dico made loud one-sided talk.
The leaves crunching under my falling feet took my notice as I was to be moved to another place of the unknown. It was sunny today, how I missed the coo of mother nature. She was the only person beside Ryan whom I loved. “Already I do think you are good to be unleashed to the world, Ryan. Make sure Dico feeds you, we have nothing good here I'm afraid. Have fun,” She finished walking with me behind a bounding Dico, to a small truck. I questioned her on not coming with us, she shook her head telling me she was to hold down the fort. Dico opened the door for me bowing as if I was royalty.
I sat myself on the cushioned sit but never broke my gaze with Missy. “Be careful, say hi to the others for me,” she smiled into the opened window, her voice shadowed a little by Dico slamming my door. As the sun reached fall height in view, the light gleamed against her ring once again. She smiled and softly answered my plagued, nonverbally asked question. “Bam gave it to me,” She said looking into my eyes innocently, searching for the Ryan she knew but only saw me. Confusion washed over me, no but how? She pulled her head out from inside the car as Dico turned the key, starting the purring beast. Even as we left the driveway, I stared outside the window in shock. Even as the house left view I still stared. Even when Dico asked what I wanted to eat or if I was OK. I stared in disbelief. For the first time I wanted Ryan to explain and for the first time he was unresponsive.
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I had given up on questioning Ryan on Missy. Why would she, a beautiful woman with a kind heart ever consider Bam as a husband? Why had Bam done something to Ryan or with him if he had Missy? Bam had to be heterosexual or was it a cover up? Simply to many whys and whats to have no answers from Ryan.
“So what is this movie that their filming?” I said grease of fatty fast food making my lips slide easily against each other. I had to start a conversation from the lack of Ryan's. I had some questions to stop berating me. Scrubbing the condiments from his face with one hand, the other steering the car on the vast sea of cement Dico answered me.
“It is based around Novak’s life. He had many rough times in youth. He was refrained from growing an adult attitude to life that is why he is like this. Drugs didn't demand anything from him in life so he used it as a treatment, a hallucinogenic agent through life. He didn't know that it took his dignity, money, and what future he had through his addictive habit.” Dico was serious, he looked at the road objectively has if Novak himself was the road. I stared at Dico. I had no idea.
Finally Ryan responded again with sorrow and betrayal. Had Ryan known something that hurt him deeply from Novak’s usage of drugs? I stared at Ryan's hand has they contracted in fits of spasms. Ryan do you consider yourself had Novak’s lost path? When he got lost when the rest of his peers laughed down the road to adulthood, panting in joy only the world is comforting because you all had each other. Novak strayed into the shadows of the tress when you all kept running thinking he was on your heels. I finally calmed my fingers and looked back to Dico who was looking at my hands in the corner of his eyes.
“You found out one time. You were really hurt. He promised you to be clean. When he did that he hugged you, you wouldn't let go for some time. You were one of the reasons he got clean,” He said smiling at the road, through the fogging windshield. You hear that Ryan? He cared about you, he still does I bet. I won't hurt him, if he doesn't get in my way. I am sure he will defend Bam and hurt me to protect him though. You never really forgave him. Bam on the other hand did. Bam took him back into what haven he could give. Then when he showed how he did, I bet you disregarded him. He was only clean for a bit longer than normal to you. You never really believed him because those laughing eyes were masked in dilate pupils and shivering eyelids to you, right Ryan? Once again, Ryan didn't response to me.
Dico giggling that turned into an echoing insane fit of laughter stopped me from questioning Ryan again. I saw Dico lean over the steering wheel pointing to a green sign on the side of the road. Following his finger I saw what was making Dico break into hysterical laughs.
“WELCOME TO BALTIMORE.”
I grinned as Dico made a howling sound/pirate call as buildings mingled together, he taking various turns to our location. The buildings and the people that called Baltimore home walked, laughing and talking in eased paces. The building rivaled the skies in height. It was merely challenging the sun to a human's eye level. I swung my legs back and forth in the effects of amazement. Dico laughing made him turn beat red from lack of air as he expressed his joy to seeing many cameras, people, and familiar faces. Familiar group of people talking bustled near the park lot, not noticing the truck containing us nearing them. Dico grinned, rolling down his window, placed his hand of the steering wheel's middle ready to honk the horn. Sticking his craned head out the window, and he gave a wailing howl grinning in delight out of the startled jump of the crew. Bam, Novak, and Raab all came running to the car out of knowing that calling, brethren.
Parking the car Dico smiled and clasped my shoulder, “We completed our journey fair princess, I have enjoyed your company but it seems that young lustful men want to take you from me,” He said pointing the waving groups of friends. I raised an eyebrow as he jumped out the car and into the friendly slaps on the back by Bam, Novak and Raab. I exited the car shaking my head, the travel acquiring to recollect Dico was foreign but gratifying.
Closing my door, I looked upward to the scarps of sky. The smells of city life it was much different from the comforts of West Cheshire. The hustle and bustle of the forever in motion people had very tensed airs, a community based on work, temptation, and the search of true love. A world that I nor Ryan would really ever feel at home. For me it was too populated, to fast. For Ryan it didn't have friends of childhood and teenage years or a certain raven hair beauty whom he, to my belief loved or loves. Sliding my feet, scraping the cement, I turned to the people whom I made a negative impression on three days ago.
He stood there looking at me, unsure on what to do. I trifled with my persona. I smiled at him. I was trying to bear the eternally unchanging memories that Ryan wants to play when I neared Bam. I had to demonstrate that I meant no ill fate toward his love or whatever he was to Ryan. Bam smiled back and took my kindness on my exterior as a mirror of my emotions toward him. He was foolish. A rustle wind seemed to carry him to me. He stopped extending his hand for a handshake. How painful it was being to shake a hand that you consider that of a loved one but to him or her a stranger.
“My name is Bam,” the sound slips through my shaky memories. The very same word when Bam had chubby cheeks and was desperate for attention, with dreams to become almost the impossible to logic, not he would obey that word anyway. The temptation to throw his heart into turmoil again awaked me and Ryan again but I suppressed it as Ryan kept his finger on the rigger to his memories. I took that hand softly frightened if I was to wound him then Ryan would swoop in wrath.
“Um, I am . . .” My words faded playing the role of a lost puppy, help me Bam. You stupid fool.
“You are Ryan,” He smiled to hug me. You're always flirting aren't you. I know of Missy. Your fling with Ryan will not change my opinion on you. This illusion of you recapturing my heart won't be in your favor, Bam. Novak seemed to take this a chance to come over as well. Joining the hug he smiled and said, ‘Welcome back sweetheart.”
Bam let go the hug, placing his hand to rustle my hair, “I am going to film Dico’s part, Novak watch him, make sure no one takes him.” With that he turned calling for the crew to set up and Dico, Raab, and Rake to join him. I watched as they started to film until they moved to a different position within the area, out of my perspective.
Novak sat of Dico’s car, leaning against the gleaming, bug carcass containing grill. He smiled sadly. “I would have never believed someone if they told me how jack up my life was going to be. I would have strangled them for saying shit like this. I'm sure you won't notice how haggard I happen to be,” He said sarcasm dripping from his mouth. Ash-gray eyes danced with passion as he continued in rivaled the sky in beauty. “ I remember, at least I think I do, it was a Monday. You always got pissed when we talked about you on Sirius,” He added. So the group even has a radio time slot, interesting, at the mention of the radio Ryan's spurred anger. “We got the call to go to Finland we asked you to come, you refused cause’ you were so muffed.” Certain things were unreliable it seemed that Bam’s and Novak’s loyalty or friendship didn't mean anything when the fans were listening.
He sniffled before continuing, “We got the call couple of days afterward, Bam left before any of us knew what was happening. We followed the only reason he hadn't gotten to you sooner cause he left his credit card with us. We found him screaming at the airline people, nearly to the point that security was going to take him.” He smiled turning away from the veil of windows and building to me. “ Sorry, here I am talking about something you have no idea, I am a stupid shit most of the time,” He said, scratching a fake snitch on his neck. An uncomfortable smile molded across his lips.
“Hey you want to be in my movie?” He asked a child like grin in place. “It is a piece of work, it makes me wonder if it is worth possible booze time and fast company capturing. I am a very important person. I have things to do and people.” He said laughing staring at his shoes, probably scared to meet a disgusted face of a peer whom he admired deeply. I just slightly upward turned my lips.
“I would love to be in your movie. I was part of your past as well, right?” I asked as if unsure on the importance I was to him, as if my opinion didn't matter. I am one good rampant lair. He looked shocked then grinned.
He got off his chair against the car and embraced me tightly, practically throwing his thin frame against mine. I could literally feel the disease on his skin, a child who was left behind without known that he was or may be someone would have saved him. No one cupped his chubby cheeks and took his hand so now he suffered, he labored to keep a smile when worn-out, crumpled doll. He was much like me in a more positive sense, ever though tainted by sins that even I hadn't committed.
“Will you tell me more about my past, later on will you? I enjoy hearing about my past. I would like to get to know you and the others. I feel left out, indecisive.” I could win an award for these instant lines. I want to know everything Novak and you will be my pawn to get to your King. Novak let go of me as a calling for the shooting for today was completed, was he scared for his master to come upon the sight of him embracing his past, trashed, favorite, and now scheming toy?
Bam, Dico, Raab, Joe, Phil, April, etc., came walking up to us. “Life partner,” Novak shouted running to Bam, the group of boys tackling each other. Friendly slaps and embraces, “Beer time,” sounded a command from Novak. All the heads nodded, excluding me, April, and Phil.
“Ah, come on guys do you have to do this now,” April said placing her arm to inweave with mine. My mother was back at my side. I hadn't felt this comfortable sense I felt the Bam estate where Missy was nestled in. Phil made a comment of there was no stopping them.
“OK, we go to the hotel to change . . . then we go to the bars and clubs. Novak, I am picking out your outfit.” Bam gave everyone a command it seemed to follow to be brats. They came closer, laughing as April went into fits of motherly rage and worry. Bam linked an arm around me, as if I was still the Ryan he knew. “ Come on night on the town,” He said against my ear tickling my eardrum teasing whispers. April fought to keep me in her grip, I wish she had won as well. Bam was an opponent and stole me from her as I was swept away amongst the seeming already drunken delight of the boys, before alcohol reached their lips or their bellies.
A night of sexual healing, slurred words, and pranks amongst the fellow peer of similar interest. A higher dream that can be reached by multicolored liquids before brought down by reality and a killer hangover was the wishes of the lost. These were the wishes with the misty eyed doll who locked me within his grasp, unwilling to let me go once again. So hold close the reincarnation of the man you thought to be yours, Bam. Cup the blue jewels of his eyes and the rose of his soul as the petals fall and burn in flames of hate. For I will seduce you into hope, peel off your already soft shell and watch those vividly dancing eyes go dull.
For I am on a path of vengeance. I live to protect the person screaming inside of me. The one who I think you know. He is the young man you broke. So yes, I will play a game of you thinking you are in control, that I am or will be normal. No, I will never love you like Ryan for I learned from is kindness toward you. Never would I do the same as Ryan. For I protect the young man who is crying inside me.
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Right so Ryan is being sweet. If confused Ryan is planning to kill himself after hurting Bam, to return Ryan's body, killing himself and Ryan in process. I don't know if I will get this Ryan to refer to himself with a name cause I think I am confusing myself sometimes. Once again I will say that Ryan is past, this one-- the evil twin think himself as not Ryan, cause Ryan loved Bam, who he hates.
Missy was here! I don't know who else will make an appearance:wink: So see ya'll next time.
Comments are adored, idea for the future are loved, and mere viewing makes me happy.