Dare to love (5/?)
Hey guys, thanks for all of your reviews/comments. Sorry this is late but I’ve been busy with Uni and stuff.
Chapter 5
“Do you think it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time?”
Rachel froze as soon as she heard the question and slowly revolved in her seat to look at an apprehensive looking Quinn. As usual they had made it to the choir room early and Rachel had been in the process of pulling her notebook out of her backpack when the question had been nervously voiced, or more accurately blurted out. Instead of answering right away Rachel took a moment to observe Quinn’s expression, thoughtfully noting that the blonde seemed to regret asking the question in the first place “Why do you ask?”
“Just…” Quinn paused and nervously licked her lips “Something I’m reading. I was wondering what you thought about it.”
“Okay.” Rachel looked slightly unconvinced but she turned in her seat so that she was facing Quinn dead on anyway “If I recall correctly many people including psychologists have tried to answer your question and their conclusions are generally in favour of a negative answer. According to them it’s unlikely that one would be in love with two people of a similar personality at the same time and only narcissists or people with dysfunctional emotional lives would think that they could be in…”
“Rachel.” Quinn interrupted, placing her hand on Rachel’s knee to stop her rambling “I don’t care about psychologists. I just want to know what you think.”
Rachel was silent for a long moment before she responded cautiously “Yes, I believe it’s possible to be deeply in love with more than one person at the same time.”
“Oh.” Quinn murmured.
“That’s not to say however that the person in question wouldn’t feel guilty about being with one person and not the other.” Rachel continued thoughtfully “If that’s the situation you’re talking about.” She waited for a long moment but Quinn seemed to be distracted “Is it? Quinn?”
Quinn shook her head in an attempt to refocus “Is it what?”
“The situation you were talking about…in your book.”
“Oh…yeah.” Quinn vaguely nodded in response “Something like that.”
“Are you okay, Quinn?” Rachel asked, her brow furrowed slightly in confusion “You seem rather distracted.”
“Sorry Rach.” Quinn apologised sincerely and offered Rachel an unsure smile “I was just thinking about what you said.” She chewed her lip thoughtfully for a moment before speaking “So you think that a person could be in love with more than one person without their feelings for their…partner being reduced?”
“Yes.” Rachel nodded in response “I don’t believe there’s a limit to the amount of love a person is capable of feeling or giving so I don’t believe that loving somebody else would mean they love their partner any less.”
“Oh…Okay.” Quinn murmured thoughtfully before she went back to her own thoughts.
“What is the book called?” Rachel asked after a moment of silence “Maybe I could read it when you’re finished so I have a better idea of what the situation you’re referring to is.”
“Book?” Quinn questioned distractedly. She glanced at Rachel in time to catch the Diva raise her eyebrows in expectation “Oh…Um…I can’t remember.”
“You can’t remember?” Rachel echoed in disbelief.
“Something about…In love with two um…vampires?” Quinn offered. Rachel frowned and Quinn cringed at her own pathetic attempts. Thankfully the oncoming questioning from Rachel was cut off by Brittany and Santana strolling through the door hand in hand. Not for the first time Quinn felt her heart simultaneously expand and plummet when she was greeted by the sight of her two best friends. Before she could process anything other than the tight feeling in her chest Brittany was bounding over to engulf her in a tight hug and her breath was momentarily taken away. Though the hug only lasted approximately two seconds it felt to Quinn like several long minutes as she inadvertently inhaled Brittany’s scent. Before she could even think of moving to prolong the hug Brittany had pulled back and moved to hug Rachel in much the same manner as she had hugged Quinn.
Quinn heard Santana chuckle at Brittany’s actions but she was too busy staring intently at the bubbly blonde to pay much more attention to anyone else.
“You’re unusually early.” Rachel commented when she was finally released from Brittany’s tight grip “Is something wrong?”
Quinn startled when Rachel spoke up and quickly glanced around to see if her staring had been noticed. Thankfully it seemed that she wasn’t being paid attention to.
“No.” Santana answered simply as she walked across the room and took the vacant seat next to Rachel. Brittany sat on the seat next to Santana and leaned close to her side “Just felt like being early for a change.”
“That’s a wise decision.” Rachel smiled brightly “It’s far better to be early than it is to risk being late.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Santana rolled her eyes before leaning forward to look past Rachel “Hey Q, you’re being strangely quiet.”
“Am I?” Quinn asked casually.
“Yeah, that’s why I said you are.” Santana sniped “Are we still on for working after school?”
Quinn shrugged nonchalantly. Rachel had said she was busy with her Dad’s for a couple of hours and Brittany had arranged to work on a dance routine so Santana had proposed that she and Quinn study in the library after school. Quinn had though the request unusual since Santana hardly ever studied but she had quickly shrugged it off “Sure, if you want.”
“Cool.” Santana leaned back in her seat just before the rest of the Glee club started to filter in.
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“You’re being weird again.” Santana accused as she walked down the corridor with Quinn at her side.
“No I’m not.” Quinn answered, her expression somewhat alarmed.
“Yes, you are.” Santana retorted irritably “You’re quiet, you jump when I get near you and you won’t look me in the eye. That’s not normal Q.” she waited for a moment but when Quinn remained silence she huffed and turned away “Whatever. Ignore me all you want.” She lowered her voice to a mutter “Not like I’m not used to it by now.”
Quinn frowned, feeling guilty that she was inadvertently hurting her best friend. But there was nothing she could do about how she felt and the urge to get what she felt off her chest was overpowering to such a degree that she feared if she opened her mouth the information would just spill out. Though, Quinn paused to think, Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Before she could stop herself the words were tumbling out of her mouth.
“I think I’m in love with Brittany.” Quinn blurted out suddenly. Almost as soon as the words left her mouth she felt a hand grab her collar and a moment later she was shoved roughly against a locker by a snarling Santana.
“What the fuck did you just say?!”
Quinn was momentarily too winded to reply so she merely stared at the furious Latina with wide eyes.
“You’re in love with my girlfriend?” Santana echoed, her voice a low hiss.
“I was kidding.” Quinn lied meekly “I was just trying to…Get your attention.”
Santana’s angry expression didn’t falter for a second. She knew bullshit when she heard it “Bullshit Q. I’ve seen the way you look at her when you think I’m not watching you…Like she’s the only thing you can see, like I look at her.”
Quinn nervously licked her lips and glanced around for any witnesses in case Santana actually did hit her. It wouldn’t have worried her before since she knew she could usually take her. The difference this time was that Santana had raw anger on her side while Quinn had only meek guilt “I…I love Rachel. I don’t…”
“Don’t what?” Santana questioned angrily “Want to fuck my girlfriend?”
“I already did that.” Quinn reminded the furious girl in front of her. She winced when the pressure to her shoulder intensified and she immediately began to squirm restlessly “Santana, get off me.”
Santana loosened her grip but she didn’t completely let go of the other girl “Listen carefully Quinn…” she waited until nervous hazel eyes settled on her own before continuing “If you try to take Britt away from me I will destroy you, do you hear me? That will be the end for us. I’ve put up with a lot of shit from you in the past but taking B is going too fucking far. I’ll never forgive you…I swear it.”
Quinn was silent for a long moment as she stared into the Latina’s dark eyes. There was definite anger visible but there was also something Quinn could only describe as pain mixed with a certain amount of fear.
“She loves me anyway.” Santana said, finally releasing her grip on Quinn “She would never leave me for you.”
“She loves me too.” Quinn pointed out carefully. She knew it was a bad idea to point the fact out to Santana when she was angry and obviously hurting but she couldn’t let the suggestion that Brittany didn’t love her pass by without saying something, if only to comfort herself if nothing else.
For a moment Santana’s expression was pained before she replied with a confident “She loves me more.”
Quinn felt a lump form in her throat at the statement. She knew what Santana was saying was true. If Brittany ever had to choose between them, she would pick Santana every single time. The problem was that Quinn didn’t want Brittany to have to choose between them. And she didn’t want to have to leave Rachel. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted.
“You should stay away from us for a while.” Santana suggested in a tone that left no room for argument “I can’t deal with you right now.”
“What?” Quinn looked immediately alarmed “You can’t keep me from her.”
“Yeah? Who’s going to stop me?”
“Brittany will.” Quinn answered confidently “She won’t let you keep me away from her.”
Santana cursed under her breath. She was well aware that Brittany wouldn’t stay away from Quinn just because she was told to. She would want a reason and Santana wasn’t sure that she wanted to risk giving her the honest one “Fine. But I’m never going to trust you to be alone with her after this.”
“San, I swear I’m not going to try anything. I would never do that to you.” Quinn said earnestly “And it’s not like you can watch us 24/7 anyway.”
Santana shrugged as if she hadn’t heard the first part of the sentence “I can until Britt and I get out of this God forsaken town in a few months.”
Quinn jerked back, startled by the implication “What do you mean? Where are you going?”
“Just away…It’s none of your business.” Santana answered briefly before she continued to walk down the corridor.
Quinn hurried to catch up “If you don’t tell me I’ll just ask Brittany. You know she won’t lie to me.”
Santana sighed and turned back around to face the worried looking blonde “As soon as school ends B and I are out of this dump…we’re going to New York. Happy?”
Quinn looked stunned by the statement “W-Why are you going to New York?”
Santana made a face and crossed her arms in front of her chest “College. Why else? I helped Britt send a tape to Juilliard a few months back and she has an audition/Interview next week. You know they’ll say yes as soon as they see her dance. And I got onto a medical course at NYU.”
Quinn nodded slowly, finding it harder and harder to swallow against the lump in her throat “So that’s it? You’re just…leaving?”
Santana was slightly taken aback by the emotion clogging Quinn’s voice but she shrugged it off, putting it down to Quinn not wanting Brittany to leave “We all have to move on Quinn. Maybe you should do the same.”
Quinn was unable to speak for a moment so she merely nodded in response.
Santana wavered, torn between saying something to make the distraught blonde feel better and being angry at her for feeling the way she did “I’ll see you later.” With that muttered she began to walk away. She stopped after a few steps however and turned back to face Quinn who was staring despondently at the ground “And Q?”
Quinn looked up hopefully, her eyes swimming with unshed tears.
“Don’t hurt Rachel.” Santana stated firmly “I’m warning you.” With that said she turned and walked away, her own heart clenching painfully in her chest.
As soon as she saw Santana disappear around the corner Quinn leaned against the locker behind her, allowing her tears to flow freely. A soft sob escaped her throat as she slid to the floor, her head dropping into her hands.
“Quinn?”
Quinn looked up, hoping to find that Santana had reappeared but instead she was greeted by the concerned face of one Mike Chang.
“Mike…” Quinn wiped her eyes with the back of her hand “Hey.”
“Are you okay?” Mike asked her, taking a careful step forward.
“Yeah.” Quinn pushed herself off the ground and offered a shaky smile “Sure. I’m fine.”
“I just saw Santana.” Mike motioned over his shoulder, a somewhat confused expression on his face “She looked upset about something.”
“Oh.” Quinn muttered, her gaze momentarily dropping to the ground “Um…What are you doing here? School ended like two and a half hours ago.”
“I was practicing a new dance routine with Brittany.” Mike answered with a shrug “I was having trouble with it so she walked me through the steps. I think I have it down now though.”
Quinn had stopped listening after he mentioned Brittany’s name “Brittany is still here?”
“Yeah she said she was going to stay for a while. She’s in the auditorium…”
As soon as the location was revealed to her Quinn took off in the direction he had mentioned. She moved quickly down the corridors until she reached the door to the auditorium where she stopped to take a deep breath. She could hear Santana’s warning to stay away from Brittany echoing in her mind but she couldn’t stay away. She hesitated for a moment before slipping into the dimly lit room, allowing the door to close gently behind her. As soon as she entered the room, she caught sight of Brittany moving gracefully across the stage, obviously lost in whatever dance she was trying to perfect. Quinn moved stealthily down the aisles and sat down near the stage to watch the dancer twirl gracefully around. Her breath caught painfully in her throat and she realised as she was watching the performance that there was no way the people at Juilliard would let a talent such as Brittany’s just pass by. Santana and Brittany were definitely leaving. There was no doubt about it. They were leaving her. The thought caused her throat to close up with emotion and she had to swallow several times to keep herself from sobbing.
Just as the gentle music came to an end, Brittany spun around to look out at the auditorium, only to falter slightly when she noticed her one person audience “Oh…Hey Quinn. I didn’t see you there.”
Quinn lifted her hand in a feeble wave, unable to find the strength to muster up a smile or actually speak.
Brittany wiped her slightly sweaty forehead with the back of her hand before carefully hopping off the stage and moving to sit next to Quinn. She made no move to break the silence between them however and instead took a moment to catch her breath.
“You’re leaving.” Quinn stated, her voice an accusing whisper. She felt Brittany startle slightly next to her, obviously from shock.
“Santana told you?” Brittany finally asked as she braced her feet on the seat in front of her. She blew a strand of hair out of her face and turned to look at Quinn who merely nodded in response, allowing an uncomfortable silence to settle between them.
“So it’s true…You’re leaving Lima.” Quinn repeated softly.
“Yes.” Brittany nodded in response.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Quinn asked shakily “When you found out I mean…Why didn’t you tell me then?”
“It isn’t definite.” Brittany answered cautiously “I have to go for an audition…”
“You’ll blow them away.” Quinn interrupted matter of factly “There’s no way they’ll say no.”
“That’s what San said.” Brittany said thoughtfully.
“Right, well…congratulations or whatever.” Quinn couldn’t quite keep the hurt she felt out of her tone and she quickly stood up to walk away.
“Quinn.” Brittany caught Quinn’s wrist to stop her from leaving, only for the other girl to pull away as if the touch had burnt her “Are you mad at me?”
Quinn turned around to face Brittany and sighed when she noticed the blonde looked wounded by her pulling away “I’m not mad Britt…I’m just upset.”
“Do you need a hug?” Brittany hopefully stood up from her seat, only for Quinn to flinch away when she reached out to her.
“I’m good.” Quinn answered, slightly choked up “Thanks Britt.”
“You’re obviously not.” Brittany countered, beginning to look just as upset as her fellow blonde “If you were fine you wouldn’t sound like you’re going to cry.”
Quinn blinked rapidly in an attempt to stop exactly that from happening “I’m not going to cry. I’m fine.” She found that blinking didn’t help at all and she quickly looked away. She swore softly as she felt tears overwhelm her.
Brittany reached out again only for Quinn to take another step back “Why won’t you let me hug you?” Brittany’s bottom lip began to tremble and Quinn mentally cursed herself for hurting the blonde “You always want me to hug you when you’re upset.”
“Brittany...” Quinn sighed and ran a hand through her hair, unsure of what to say “I just…I just don’t feel like it, okay?”
Brittany frowned at Quinn’s slightly snappy tone “You are mad at me.”
“Goddamn it I’m not mad at you!” Quinn practically yelled in frustration “I just don’t want you to hug me, okay?!”
“Oh…” Brittany took a step back at the anger in Quinn’s voice “Sorry…” she sat back in the seat she had previously occupied and stared up at the stage.
Quinn felt a sharp pang of guilt when she noticed a tear escape Brittany’s eye “Britt, I’m sorry…I’m happy for you. I am.”
Brittany didn’t respond and Quinn’s shoulders visibly slumped. She stepped forward and leaned down slightly to place a lingering kiss atop her fellow blondes head “I’m sorry.” She whispered before pulling away. Brittany still didn’t respond and Quinn took that as her cue to leave the auditorium.
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Rachel hummed quietly to herself as she set about stirring the cup of hot cocoa she had prepared for Quinn. The blonde girl had turned up on her doorstep about ten minutes ago, soaking wet from the rain and her shoulders slumped in defeat. Rachel had of course immediately ushered her into the house, muttering about how cold it was outside and what kind of ailments could befall her.
“Marshmallows?” Rachel casually asked, already reaching for the highest cupboard. She paused in her movements however when Quinn didn’t respond. She turned around to see that the blonde was sitting at the table, staring into space “Quinn?”
“Hmm?” Quinn hummed, blinking to refocus.
“I asked if you wanted marshmallows.” Rachel responded slowly “With your cocoa?”
“Sure.”
Rachel sighed and turned back to what she was doing. Even though she was trying to act as casually as possible she was aware that there was something troubling the blonde. It was obvious from her distraction, and her defeated posture. Plus Rachel was clearly straining to reach the marshmallows in the top cupboard and Quinn seemed to be ignoring her, whereas usually she would have been on her feet to get the item herself, more than likely offering the brunette a teasing comment about her height at the same time. Rachel stood on her tiptoes and stretched her arm up until her fingertips could grasp the bottom of the packet. With a triumphant “Ha!” she tugged the marshmallows down into her awaiting hands. She opened the packet and proceeded to begin dropping the mini multi coloured marshmallows into Quinn’s cup.
“Brittany and Santana are leaving.” Quinn blurted out.
Rachel startled at the unexpected remark and the packet of marshmallows slipped from her hands onto the floor. She ignored the mishap and quickly turned to face Quinn with an inquisitive look on her face “What do you mean they’re leaving? Where are they going?!” Quinn opened her mouth to reply but Rachel’s concern had obviously kicked in as she continued to ramble “Is one of them sick or something? When are they leaving? Are they coming back?! What…”
“Rachel!” Quinn interrupted, holding up her hand to stop Rachel’s persistent questions “They’re not sick. As for why they’re leaving I think I should let Brittany tell you when she’s ready.”
Rachel still looked concerned but she picked the cup of cocoa up and walked to the table to place it in front of her girlfriend “Is she okay? There’s nothing wrong with her or anything, right?”
Quinn shook her head and cradled the cup in both hands to warm them up “No. Brittany is fine. The thing she has to tell you is a good thing…” she frowned at what she had said “At least for her.”
Rachel took a seat next to the blonde and regarded her thoughtfully “But not for Santana?”
Quinn shrugged and tentatively sipped at her cooling drink. She couldn’t help but feel comforted by the sweet taste of chocolate and melted marshmallows blending together in her mouth “For Santana too.”
Rachel chewed her lip, trying to figure out who Brittany’s news could be bad for. There was only one possibility remaining which also, Rachel decided could explain Quinn’s obviously low mood “It isn’t good for you?”
Quinn slowly exhaled and tucked her damp hair behind her ear “No.” she noticed Rachel was about to question her and countered with a statement of her own “We haven’t really talked about what’s going to happen when we graduate and you leave for New York.”
Rachel’s brow furrowed at the statement. She had thought what was going to happen was fairly obvious; They would leave for New York to study after finding some kind of accommodation. She faltered for a moment, realising that Quinn had used the word ‘you’ instead of ‘we’. Rachel was about to question the blonde further when the house phone began to ring. She sighed and reached across the table to answer the portable “He...” she trailed off and frowned at the sound of the voice on the other end of the line.
“Is Quinn with you?!”
“Brittany? What’s wrong? You sound incredibly breathless.”
“I left my cell at home and I didn’t have a ride so I had to run.” Brittany answered, obviously trying to get her breathing under control.
“Brittany, it’s storming outside.” Rachel stated disapprovingly. She could hear the blondes teeth chattering on the other end of the line, indicating just how cold and wet the dancer probably was “I suggest that you have a hot shower, change into some warm clothes, make a hot drink and take some cold and flu tablets just to be on the safe side before calling me back.”
“Rach, don’t hang up!” Brittany exclaimed quickly, panic evident in her voice. There was a stunned pause and she hurriedly continued “Sorry…I just need to ask you if Quinn is there. She left school really fast and I don’t know if she was driving or walking home and it’s dark outside and she’s not answering her phone an…”
“Britt, calm down.” Rachel interrupted soothingly “Quinn is right here.”
Quinn bit her lip, touched that even though she had upset her, Brittany was still worried enough about her to run home through a torrential downpour.
An audible sigh of relief was heard “Is she okay?”
“She’s…” Rachel looked at her girlfriend thoughtfully “She’s fine. Do you want to talk to her?”
Quinn looked up, her eyes wide with alarm and quickly shook her head.
“Um…actually Britt, Quinn has just gone in the shower.” Rachel frowned at Quinn who looked rather disgusted with herself.
“Oh…” Brittany muttered, slightly disappointed “She isn’t really in the shower is she?”
Rachel wanted to lie to make her friend feel better but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. “That’s right. I’m sorry…I’ll call you back soon okay?”
“Sure.” Brittany sighed.
“And Britt?” Rachel added quickly “Don’t forget…Shower, Dry clothes, hot drink and cold and flu tablets, okay? I don’t want you to get sick.”
Brittany managed a short chuckle “You worry too much.”
“I worry accordingly.” Rachel corrected lightly “I’ll call you back soon.”
“Okay…Bye.”
With a quick goodbye Rachel hung up the phone and looked expectantly at her girlfriend “Why are you ignoring Brittany?”
Quinn sighed and braced her chin on her hand “We got into an argument. Wait, no…” she faltered slightly and shook her head “I was in a bad mood with her so she tried to make me feel better and I yelled at her for it.”
“Why would you yell at her?” Rachel frowned reproachfully “Why would you be mad at her in the first place?”
“I have my reasons.” Quinn muttered.
“Are you mad at her for leaving?” Rachel asked insightfully “Because while I understand that you would be upset about Brittany and Santana’s departure as I myself am, I don’t understand why you would be angry at her for leaving unless of course her leaving includes some kind of illegal activity such as drug smuggling.”
“Yeah, well…” Quinn leaned back in her seat and looked to the ceiling, a bitter laugh escaping her “You don’t have to be upset about them leaving.”
“What does that mean?” Rachel frowned at the tone Quinn’s voice had taken “Are you suggesting that I have no right to care about whether they leave or not? Because they’re my friends too Quinn…”
“No, I’m not saying that.” Quinn quickly responded upon noticing Rachel’s hurt expression “You’ll see what I’m talking about when Brittany tells you the ‘good’ news.”
“Your sarcasm worries me.” Rachel said honestly “There’s obviously something wrong with wherever they’re going or you would be happy for them.”
“I am happy for them.” Quinn argued, though her tone said otherwise “I am. I’m just…” she shook her head at herself “I’m just being selfish.”
Rachel was silent for a moment as she considered the other girl “You’re happy for them but you’re upset because…you’re going to miss them?” Quinn looked alarmed for a moment until Rachel continued “I mean they’re your best friends…You have a right to be upset about them leaving.”
“Yeah…my best friends.” Quinn frowned thoughtfully. She fell silent for a long moment before shaking her head “I should go. It’s late and my Mom will be worrying about where I am…Probably.”
“You could stay here.” Rachel offered quickly “My Dad’s wouldn’t mind and I’m sure you could give your Mom a call.”
“Thanks Rach.” Quinn offered her girlfriend a small smile “But I don’t think I would be very good company tonight.”
“Quinn if there’s something bothering you, you should tell me about it.” Rachel frowned in concern “Maybe I can help.”
“You can’t. Trust me.” Quinn sighed before standing up. She hesitated for a moment before leaning down to press a tentative kiss to Rachel’s lips “I’ll see you later.”
“Okay…” Rachel mumbled dejectedly as she watched Quinn walk towards the kitchen door. The blonde hesitated for a moment and Rachel straightened up, hoping that Quinn was about to change her mind about staying the night.
Quinn wavered unsurely for a moment, wondering whether or not asking Rachel to do what she was about to ask of her was incredibly insensitive. She finally decided that Rachel wouldn’t mind the request she was about to make “Could you check on Brittany for me? Just…make sure she’s okay?”
“Of course.” Rachel answered somewhat sullenly. She wasn’t annoyed at the request since she was planning to check on Brittany anyway but she was disappointed that Quinn was leaving even though she was clearly upset “Do you need me to drive you home?”
Quinn shook her head “My car is outside.”
“Oh…Okay.” Rachel disappointedly slumped back down in her seat.
“Hey…Rach?” Quinn spoke up shakily causing Rachel to glance up at her “You know I love you, right?”
“Of course I do.” Rachel answered “I love you too.” She quickly stood up when she noticed her girlfriend was close to tears “Quinn, please don’t leave like this. I…”
“I have to go.” Quinn said before she turned and walked out of the room, leaving a beyond troubled Rachel staring after her.
TBC
Chapter 5
“Do you think it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time?”
Rachel froze as soon as she heard the question and slowly revolved in her seat to look at an apprehensive looking Quinn. As usual they had made it to the choir room early and Rachel had been in the process of pulling her notebook out of her backpack when the question had been nervously voiced, or more accurately blurted out. Instead of answering right away Rachel took a moment to observe Quinn’s expression, thoughtfully noting that the blonde seemed to regret asking the question in the first place “Why do you ask?”
“Just…” Quinn paused and nervously licked her lips “Something I’m reading. I was wondering what you thought about it.”
“Okay.” Rachel looked slightly unconvinced but she turned in her seat so that she was facing Quinn dead on anyway “If I recall correctly many people including psychologists have tried to answer your question and their conclusions are generally in favour of a negative answer. According to them it’s unlikely that one would be in love with two people of a similar personality at the same time and only narcissists or people with dysfunctional emotional lives would think that they could be in…”
“Rachel.” Quinn interrupted, placing her hand on Rachel’s knee to stop her rambling “I don’t care about psychologists. I just want to know what you think.”
Rachel was silent for a long moment before she responded cautiously “Yes, I believe it’s possible to be deeply in love with more than one person at the same time.”
“Oh.” Quinn murmured.
“That’s not to say however that the person in question wouldn’t feel guilty about being with one person and not the other.” Rachel continued thoughtfully “If that’s the situation you’re talking about.” She waited for a long moment but Quinn seemed to be distracted “Is it? Quinn?”
Quinn shook her head in an attempt to refocus “Is it what?”
“The situation you were talking about…in your book.”
“Oh…yeah.” Quinn vaguely nodded in response “Something like that.”
“Are you okay, Quinn?” Rachel asked, her brow furrowed slightly in confusion “You seem rather distracted.”
“Sorry Rach.” Quinn apologised sincerely and offered Rachel an unsure smile “I was just thinking about what you said.” She chewed her lip thoughtfully for a moment before speaking “So you think that a person could be in love with more than one person without their feelings for their…partner being reduced?”
“Yes.” Rachel nodded in response “I don’t believe there’s a limit to the amount of love a person is capable of feeling or giving so I don’t believe that loving somebody else would mean they love their partner any less.”
“Oh…Okay.” Quinn murmured thoughtfully before she went back to her own thoughts.
“What is the book called?” Rachel asked after a moment of silence “Maybe I could read it when you’re finished so I have a better idea of what the situation you’re referring to is.”
“Book?” Quinn questioned distractedly. She glanced at Rachel in time to catch the Diva raise her eyebrows in expectation “Oh…Um…I can’t remember.”
“You can’t remember?” Rachel echoed in disbelief.
“Something about…In love with two um…vampires?” Quinn offered. Rachel frowned and Quinn cringed at her own pathetic attempts. Thankfully the oncoming questioning from Rachel was cut off by Brittany and Santana strolling through the door hand in hand. Not for the first time Quinn felt her heart simultaneously expand and plummet when she was greeted by the sight of her two best friends. Before she could process anything other than the tight feeling in her chest Brittany was bounding over to engulf her in a tight hug and her breath was momentarily taken away. Though the hug only lasted approximately two seconds it felt to Quinn like several long minutes as she inadvertently inhaled Brittany’s scent. Before she could even think of moving to prolong the hug Brittany had pulled back and moved to hug Rachel in much the same manner as she had hugged Quinn.
Quinn heard Santana chuckle at Brittany’s actions but she was too busy staring intently at the bubbly blonde to pay much more attention to anyone else.
“You’re unusually early.” Rachel commented when she was finally released from Brittany’s tight grip “Is something wrong?”
Quinn startled when Rachel spoke up and quickly glanced around to see if her staring had been noticed. Thankfully it seemed that she wasn’t being paid attention to.
“No.” Santana answered simply as she walked across the room and took the vacant seat next to Rachel. Brittany sat on the seat next to Santana and leaned close to her side “Just felt like being early for a change.”
“That’s a wise decision.” Rachel smiled brightly “It’s far better to be early than it is to risk being late.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Santana rolled her eyes before leaning forward to look past Rachel “Hey Q, you’re being strangely quiet.”
“Am I?” Quinn asked casually.
“Yeah, that’s why I said you are.” Santana sniped “Are we still on for working after school?”
Quinn shrugged nonchalantly. Rachel had said she was busy with her Dad’s for a couple of hours and Brittany had arranged to work on a dance routine so Santana had proposed that she and Quinn study in the library after school. Quinn had though the request unusual since Santana hardly ever studied but she had quickly shrugged it off “Sure, if you want.”
“Cool.” Santana leaned back in her seat just before the rest of the Glee club started to filter in.
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“You’re being weird again.” Santana accused as she walked down the corridor with Quinn at her side.
“No I’m not.” Quinn answered, her expression somewhat alarmed.
“Yes, you are.” Santana retorted irritably “You’re quiet, you jump when I get near you and you won’t look me in the eye. That’s not normal Q.” she waited for a moment but when Quinn remained silence she huffed and turned away “Whatever. Ignore me all you want.” She lowered her voice to a mutter “Not like I’m not used to it by now.”
Quinn frowned, feeling guilty that she was inadvertently hurting her best friend. But there was nothing she could do about how she felt and the urge to get what she felt off her chest was overpowering to such a degree that she feared if she opened her mouth the information would just spill out. Though, Quinn paused to think, Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Before she could stop herself the words were tumbling out of her mouth.
“I think I’m in love with Brittany.” Quinn blurted out suddenly. Almost as soon as the words left her mouth she felt a hand grab her collar and a moment later she was shoved roughly against a locker by a snarling Santana.
“What the fuck did you just say?!”
Quinn was momentarily too winded to reply so she merely stared at the furious Latina with wide eyes.
“You’re in love with my girlfriend?” Santana echoed, her voice a low hiss.
“I was kidding.” Quinn lied meekly “I was just trying to…Get your attention.”
Santana’s angry expression didn’t falter for a second. She knew bullshit when she heard it “Bullshit Q. I’ve seen the way you look at her when you think I’m not watching you…Like she’s the only thing you can see, like I look at her.”
Quinn nervously licked her lips and glanced around for any witnesses in case Santana actually did hit her. It wouldn’t have worried her before since she knew she could usually take her. The difference this time was that Santana had raw anger on her side while Quinn had only meek guilt “I…I love Rachel. I don’t…”
“Don’t what?” Santana questioned angrily “Want to fuck my girlfriend?”
“I already did that.” Quinn reminded the furious girl in front of her. She winced when the pressure to her shoulder intensified and she immediately began to squirm restlessly “Santana, get off me.”
Santana loosened her grip but she didn’t completely let go of the other girl “Listen carefully Quinn…” she waited until nervous hazel eyes settled on her own before continuing “If you try to take Britt away from me I will destroy you, do you hear me? That will be the end for us. I’ve put up with a lot of shit from you in the past but taking B is going too fucking far. I’ll never forgive you…I swear it.”
Quinn was silent for a long moment as she stared into the Latina’s dark eyes. There was definite anger visible but there was also something Quinn could only describe as pain mixed with a certain amount of fear.
“She loves me anyway.” Santana said, finally releasing her grip on Quinn “She would never leave me for you.”
“She loves me too.” Quinn pointed out carefully. She knew it was a bad idea to point the fact out to Santana when she was angry and obviously hurting but she couldn’t let the suggestion that Brittany didn’t love her pass by without saying something, if only to comfort herself if nothing else.
For a moment Santana’s expression was pained before she replied with a confident “She loves me more.”
Quinn felt a lump form in her throat at the statement. She knew what Santana was saying was true. If Brittany ever had to choose between them, she would pick Santana every single time. The problem was that Quinn didn’t want Brittany to have to choose between them. And she didn’t want to have to leave Rachel. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted.
“You should stay away from us for a while.” Santana suggested in a tone that left no room for argument “I can’t deal with you right now.”
“What?” Quinn looked immediately alarmed “You can’t keep me from her.”
“Yeah? Who’s going to stop me?”
“Brittany will.” Quinn answered confidently “She won’t let you keep me away from her.”
Santana cursed under her breath. She was well aware that Brittany wouldn’t stay away from Quinn just because she was told to. She would want a reason and Santana wasn’t sure that she wanted to risk giving her the honest one “Fine. But I’m never going to trust you to be alone with her after this.”
“San, I swear I’m not going to try anything. I would never do that to you.” Quinn said earnestly “And it’s not like you can watch us 24/7 anyway.”
Santana shrugged as if she hadn’t heard the first part of the sentence “I can until Britt and I get out of this God forsaken town in a few months.”
Quinn jerked back, startled by the implication “What do you mean? Where are you going?”
“Just away…It’s none of your business.” Santana answered briefly before she continued to walk down the corridor.
Quinn hurried to catch up “If you don’t tell me I’ll just ask Brittany. You know she won’t lie to me.”
Santana sighed and turned back around to face the worried looking blonde “As soon as school ends B and I are out of this dump…we’re going to New York. Happy?”
Quinn looked stunned by the statement “W-Why are you going to New York?”
Santana made a face and crossed her arms in front of her chest “College. Why else? I helped Britt send a tape to Juilliard a few months back and she has an audition/Interview next week. You know they’ll say yes as soon as they see her dance. And I got onto a medical course at NYU.”
Quinn nodded slowly, finding it harder and harder to swallow against the lump in her throat “So that’s it? You’re just…leaving?”
Santana was slightly taken aback by the emotion clogging Quinn’s voice but she shrugged it off, putting it down to Quinn not wanting Brittany to leave “We all have to move on Quinn. Maybe you should do the same.”
Quinn was unable to speak for a moment so she merely nodded in response.
Santana wavered, torn between saying something to make the distraught blonde feel better and being angry at her for feeling the way she did “I’ll see you later.” With that muttered she began to walk away. She stopped after a few steps however and turned back to face Quinn who was staring despondently at the ground “And Q?”
Quinn looked up hopefully, her eyes swimming with unshed tears.
“Don’t hurt Rachel.” Santana stated firmly “I’m warning you.” With that said she turned and walked away, her own heart clenching painfully in her chest.
As soon as she saw Santana disappear around the corner Quinn leaned against the locker behind her, allowing her tears to flow freely. A soft sob escaped her throat as she slid to the floor, her head dropping into her hands.
“Quinn?”
Quinn looked up, hoping to find that Santana had reappeared but instead she was greeted by the concerned face of one Mike Chang.
“Mike…” Quinn wiped her eyes with the back of her hand “Hey.”
“Are you okay?” Mike asked her, taking a careful step forward.
“Yeah.” Quinn pushed herself off the ground and offered a shaky smile “Sure. I’m fine.”
“I just saw Santana.” Mike motioned over his shoulder, a somewhat confused expression on his face “She looked upset about something.”
“Oh.” Quinn muttered, her gaze momentarily dropping to the ground “Um…What are you doing here? School ended like two and a half hours ago.”
“I was practicing a new dance routine with Brittany.” Mike answered with a shrug “I was having trouble with it so she walked me through the steps. I think I have it down now though.”
Quinn had stopped listening after he mentioned Brittany’s name “Brittany is still here?”
“Yeah she said she was going to stay for a while. She’s in the auditorium…”
As soon as the location was revealed to her Quinn took off in the direction he had mentioned. She moved quickly down the corridors until she reached the door to the auditorium where she stopped to take a deep breath. She could hear Santana’s warning to stay away from Brittany echoing in her mind but she couldn’t stay away. She hesitated for a moment before slipping into the dimly lit room, allowing the door to close gently behind her. As soon as she entered the room, she caught sight of Brittany moving gracefully across the stage, obviously lost in whatever dance she was trying to perfect. Quinn moved stealthily down the aisles and sat down near the stage to watch the dancer twirl gracefully around. Her breath caught painfully in her throat and she realised as she was watching the performance that there was no way the people at Juilliard would let a talent such as Brittany’s just pass by. Santana and Brittany were definitely leaving. There was no doubt about it. They were leaving her. The thought caused her throat to close up with emotion and she had to swallow several times to keep herself from sobbing.
Just as the gentle music came to an end, Brittany spun around to look out at the auditorium, only to falter slightly when she noticed her one person audience “Oh…Hey Quinn. I didn’t see you there.”
Quinn lifted her hand in a feeble wave, unable to find the strength to muster up a smile or actually speak.
Brittany wiped her slightly sweaty forehead with the back of her hand before carefully hopping off the stage and moving to sit next to Quinn. She made no move to break the silence between them however and instead took a moment to catch her breath.
“You’re leaving.” Quinn stated, her voice an accusing whisper. She felt Brittany startle slightly next to her, obviously from shock.
“Santana told you?” Brittany finally asked as she braced her feet on the seat in front of her. She blew a strand of hair out of her face and turned to look at Quinn who merely nodded in response, allowing an uncomfortable silence to settle between them.
“So it’s true…You’re leaving Lima.” Quinn repeated softly.
“Yes.” Brittany nodded in response.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Quinn asked shakily “When you found out I mean…Why didn’t you tell me then?”
“It isn’t definite.” Brittany answered cautiously “I have to go for an audition…”
“You’ll blow them away.” Quinn interrupted matter of factly “There’s no way they’ll say no.”
“That’s what San said.” Brittany said thoughtfully.
“Right, well…congratulations or whatever.” Quinn couldn’t quite keep the hurt she felt out of her tone and she quickly stood up to walk away.
“Quinn.” Brittany caught Quinn’s wrist to stop her from leaving, only for the other girl to pull away as if the touch had burnt her “Are you mad at me?”
Quinn turned around to face Brittany and sighed when she noticed the blonde looked wounded by her pulling away “I’m not mad Britt…I’m just upset.”
“Do you need a hug?” Brittany hopefully stood up from her seat, only for Quinn to flinch away when she reached out to her.
“I’m good.” Quinn answered, slightly choked up “Thanks Britt.”
“You’re obviously not.” Brittany countered, beginning to look just as upset as her fellow blonde “If you were fine you wouldn’t sound like you’re going to cry.”
Quinn blinked rapidly in an attempt to stop exactly that from happening “I’m not going to cry. I’m fine.” She found that blinking didn’t help at all and she quickly looked away. She swore softly as she felt tears overwhelm her.
Brittany reached out again only for Quinn to take another step back “Why won’t you let me hug you?” Brittany’s bottom lip began to tremble and Quinn mentally cursed herself for hurting the blonde “You always want me to hug you when you’re upset.”
“Brittany...” Quinn sighed and ran a hand through her hair, unsure of what to say “I just…I just don’t feel like it, okay?”
Brittany frowned at Quinn’s slightly snappy tone “You are mad at me.”
“Goddamn it I’m not mad at you!” Quinn practically yelled in frustration “I just don’t want you to hug me, okay?!”
“Oh…” Brittany took a step back at the anger in Quinn’s voice “Sorry…” she sat back in the seat she had previously occupied and stared up at the stage.
Quinn felt a sharp pang of guilt when she noticed a tear escape Brittany’s eye “Britt, I’m sorry…I’m happy for you. I am.”
Brittany didn’t respond and Quinn’s shoulders visibly slumped. She stepped forward and leaned down slightly to place a lingering kiss atop her fellow blondes head “I’m sorry.” She whispered before pulling away. Brittany still didn’t respond and Quinn took that as her cue to leave the auditorium.
XxQRBSQRBSxX
Rachel hummed quietly to herself as she set about stirring the cup of hot cocoa she had prepared for Quinn. The blonde girl had turned up on her doorstep about ten minutes ago, soaking wet from the rain and her shoulders slumped in defeat. Rachel had of course immediately ushered her into the house, muttering about how cold it was outside and what kind of ailments could befall her.
“Marshmallows?” Rachel casually asked, already reaching for the highest cupboard. She paused in her movements however when Quinn didn’t respond. She turned around to see that the blonde was sitting at the table, staring into space “Quinn?”
“Hmm?” Quinn hummed, blinking to refocus.
“I asked if you wanted marshmallows.” Rachel responded slowly “With your cocoa?”
“Sure.”
Rachel sighed and turned back to what she was doing. Even though she was trying to act as casually as possible she was aware that there was something troubling the blonde. It was obvious from her distraction, and her defeated posture. Plus Rachel was clearly straining to reach the marshmallows in the top cupboard and Quinn seemed to be ignoring her, whereas usually she would have been on her feet to get the item herself, more than likely offering the brunette a teasing comment about her height at the same time. Rachel stood on her tiptoes and stretched her arm up until her fingertips could grasp the bottom of the packet. With a triumphant “Ha!” she tugged the marshmallows down into her awaiting hands. She opened the packet and proceeded to begin dropping the mini multi coloured marshmallows into Quinn’s cup.
“Brittany and Santana are leaving.” Quinn blurted out.
Rachel startled at the unexpected remark and the packet of marshmallows slipped from her hands onto the floor. She ignored the mishap and quickly turned to face Quinn with an inquisitive look on her face “What do you mean they’re leaving? Where are they going?!” Quinn opened her mouth to reply but Rachel’s concern had obviously kicked in as she continued to ramble “Is one of them sick or something? When are they leaving? Are they coming back?! What…”
“Rachel!” Quinn interrupted, holding up her hand to stop Rachel’s persistent questions “They’re not sick. As for why they’re leaving I think I should let Brittany tell you when she’s ready.”
Rachel still looked concerned but she picked the cup of cocoa up and walked to the table to place it in front of her girlfriend “Is she okay? There’s nothing wrong with her or anything, right?”
Quinn shook her head and cradled the cup in both hands to warm them up “No. Brittany is fine. The thing she has to tell you is a good thing…” she frowned at what she had said “At least for her.”
Rachel took a seat next to the blonde and regarded her thoughtfully “But not for Santana?”
Quinn shrugged and tentatively sipped at her cooling drink. She couldn’t help but feel comforted by the sweet taste of chocolate and melted marshmallows blending together in her mouth “For Santana too.”
Rachel chewed her lip, trying to figure out who Brittany’s news could be bad for. There was only one possibility remaining which also, Rachel decided could explain Quinn’s obviously low mood “It isn’t good for you?”
Quinn slowly exhaled and tucked her damp hair behind her ear “No.” she noticed Rachel was about to question her and countered with a statement of her own “We haven’t really talked about what’s going to happen when we graduate and you leave for New York.”
Rachel’s brow furrowed at the statement. She had thought what was going to happen was fairly obvious; They would leave for New York to study after finding some kind of accommodation. She faltered for a moment, realising that Quinn had used the word ‘you’ instead of ‘we’. Rachel was about to question the blonde further when the house phone began to ring. She sighed and reached across the table to answer the portable “He...” she trailed off and frowned at the sound of the voice on the other end of the line.
“Is Quinn with you?!”
“Brittany? What’s wrong? You sound incredibly breathless.”
“I left my cell at home and I didn’t have a ride so I had to run.” Brittany answered, obviously trying to get her breathing under control.
“Brittany, it’s storming outside.” Rachel stated disapprovingly. She could hear the blondes teeth chattering on the other end of the line, indicating just how cold and wet the dancer probably was “I suggest that you have a hot shower, change into some warm clothes, make a hot drink and take some cold and flu tablets just to be on the safe side before calling me back.”
“Rach, don’t hang up!” Brittany exclaimed quickly, panic evident in her voice. There was a stunned pause and she hurriedly continued “Sorry…I just need to ask you if Quinn is there. She left school really fast and I don’t know if she was driving or walking home and it’s dark outside and she’s not answering her phone an…”
“Britt, calm down.” Rachel interrupted soothingly “Quinn is right here.”
Quinn bit her lip, touched that even though she had upset her, Brittany was still worried enough about her to run home through a torrential downpour.
An audible sigh of relief was heard “Is she okay?”
“She’s…” Rachel looked at her girlfriend thoughtfully “She’s fine. Do you want to talk to her?”
Quinn looked up, her eyes wide with alarm and quickly shook her head.
“Um…actually Britt, Quinn has just gone in the shower.” Rachel frowned at Quinn who looked rather disgusted with herself.
“Oh…” Brittany muttered, slightly disappointed “She isn’t really in the shower is she?”
Rachel wanted to lie to make her friend feel better but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. “That’s right. I’m sorry…I’ll call you back soon okay?”
“Sure.” Brittany sighed.
“And Britt?” Rachel added quickly “Don’t forget…Shower, Dry clothes, hot drink and cold and flu tablets, okay? I don’t want you to get sick.”
Brittany managed a short chuckle “You worry too much.”
“I worry accordingly.” Rachel corrected lightly “I’ll call you back soon.”
“Okay…Bye.”
With a quick goodbye Rachel hung up the phone and looked expectantly at her girlfriend “Why are you ignoring Brittany?”
Quinn sighed and braced her chin on her hand “We got into an argument. Wait, no…” she faltered slightly and shook her head “I was in a bad mood with her so she tried to make me feel better and I yelled at her for it.”
“Why would you yell at her?” Rachel frowned reproachfully “Why would you be mad at her in the first place?”
“I have my reasons.” Quinn muttered.
“Are you mad at her for leaving?” Rachel asked insightfully “Because while I understand that you would be upset about Brittany and Santana’s departure as I myself am, I don’t understand why you would be angry at her for leaving unless of course her leaving includes some kind of illegal activity such as drug smuggling.”
“Yeah, well…” Quinn leaned back in her seat and looked to the ceiling, a bitter laugh escaping her “You don’t have to be upset about them leaving.”
“What does that mean?” Rachel frowned at the tone Quinn’s voice had taken “Are you suggesting that I have no right to care about whether they leave or not? Because they’re my friends too Quinn…”
“No, I’m not saying that.” Quinn quickly responded upon noticing Rachel’s hurt expression “You’ll see what I’m talking about when Brittany tells you the ‘good’ news.”
“Your sarcasm worries me.” Rachel said honestly “There’s obviously something wrong with wherever they’re going or you would be happy for them.”
“I am happy for them.” Quinn argued, though her tone said otherwise “I am. I’m just…” she shook her head at herself “I’m just being selfish.”
Rachel was silent for a moment as she considered the other girl “You’re happy for them but you’re upset because…you’re going to miss them?” Quinn looked alarmed for a moment until Rachel continued “I mean they’re your best friends…You have a right to be upset about them leaving.”
“Yeah…my best friends.” Quinn frowned thoughtfully. She fell silent for a long moment before shaking her head “I should go. It’s late and my Mom will be worrying about where I am…Probably.”
“You could stay here.” Rachel offered quickly “My Dad’s wouldn’t mind and I’m sure you could give your Mom a call.”
“Thanks Rach.” Quinn offered her girlfriend a small smile “But I don’t think I would be very good company tonight.”
“Quinn if there’s something bothering you, you should tell me about it.” Rachel frowned in concern “Maybe I can help.”
“You can’t. Trust me.” Quinn sighed before standing up. She hesitated for a moment before leaning down to press a tentative kiss to Rachel’s lips “I’ll see you later.”
“Okay…” Rachel mumbled dejectedly as she watched Quinn walk towards the kitchen door. The blonde hesitated for a moment and Rachel straightened up, hoping that Quinn was about to change her mind about staying the night.
Quinn wavered unsurely for a moment, wondering whether or not asking Rachel to do what she was about to ask of her was incredibly insensitive. She finally decided that Rachel wouldn’t mind the request she was about to make “Could you check on Brittany for me? Just…make sure she’s okay?”
“Of course.” Rachel answered somewhat sullenly. She wasn’t annoyed at the request since she was planning to check on Brittany anyway but she was disappointed that Quinn was leaving even though she was clearly upset “Do you need me to drive you home?”
Quinn shook her head “My car is outside.”
“Oh…Okay.” Rachel disappointedly slumped back down in her seat.
“Hey…Rach?” Quinn spoke up shakily causing Rachel to glance up at her “You know I love you, right?”
“Of course I do.” Rachel answered “I love you too.” She quickly stood up when she noticed her girlfriend was close to tears “Quinn, please don’t leave like this. I…”
“I have to go.” Quinn said before she turned and walked out of the room, leaving a beyond troubled Rachel staring after her.
TBC