(no subject)
(I don't know. I don't know. I'm so sorry.)
Title: Bait and Switch
Category: Crossover between House and the Mac-PC ads, parody.
Pairings: Just a hint of House/PC.
Warnings: I know this is OOC. Now so do you.
Disclaimer: Mac is owned by Apple. House is owned by David Shore, Fox, etc. No money's being made, no infringement intended, and anyway, it's a parody.
Rating: PG for Evil Deeds omg.
[-----]
"I'm a Mac," Mac said.
PC nodded. "And I'm a PC."
House eyed them skeptically, one eyebrow cocked and his mouth open slightly. "Right." He glanced down at the chart Cuddy had slammed against his chest and said, "I'm here to see PC?"
"That's me," PC said, sounding rather stuffed up.
"I think I got that." He flashed a light in PC's eyes. "What's the problem?"
"He's just running slow," Mac piped up. "Or - okay, slower than normal. Which is cool, I guess."
House glowered at Mac. "Is he always this smug?" he asked PC.
PC frowned, worried. "I wouldn't say he's smug," he said. "He's . . . Mac."
House glanced down at the chart again. "You've never been here."
"I usually go to Norton, or McAffee," PC said. "But Mac used the money for a Photoshop upgrade. It does look very nice, though."
Mac glanced between the two of them. "I'm not being smug."
"You," House said, shooing Mac towards the door, "don't have to be here."
"Are you sure?" Mac asked, sounding panicked. "He doesn't-"
House closed the door in his face and turned back to PC with a dark grin. "Hokay."
"Er, 'hokay?'" PC blinked. "Do you know what's wrong with me?"
"It's your basic user stupidity," House said.
"User stupidity?"
He put the chart down and reached for a vial and syringe. "Trying to make you do things you were never meant to do. But don't worry." His dark grin turned downright evil. "We can fix that."
PC swallowed and eyed the needle nervously. "Oh dear."
[-----]
Mac was drumming his fingers too quickly against the arm of his chair, and he knew he was being annoying, but he couldn't help it. PC had been in the clinic exam room for over an hour, and he hadn't heard a peep. He'd even tried connecting to PC's wireless - usually a futile exercise anyway, but worth a try - and had come up, predictably, short. He couldn't even hear PC's fans.
After what seemed like forever, the door to the exam room opened, and Dr. House came out. He smiled in Mac's direction, but it was an empty smile, a frightening smile. He knew nothing good could come of it.
But then there was PC. He stepped out behind House, and Mac could barely recognize him. Oh, he was the same shape, same size, same everything - but now, his suit and shirt tailored and hung well on his frame, the tie was loud and silk, his hair had some kind of product in it, and the glasses! The glasses were still there, but the frames were thin and light, and instead of making PC look bookish and quiet, only served to make him look twice as intelligent as he'd looked before. The biggest change, however, was the way PC carried himself. Gone were the slouch, the docile expression, and the drooping shoulders; instead, his shoulders were square, his face confident, and he was walking tall. He looked strong. He looked alert. He looked sleek.
He looked like he could do almost anything Mac could do, but command twice the respect for doing it.
Mac almost ran over to them, saying, "What happened? What did you do?"
"A few vaccinations, a little cleaning, a couple of upgrades," House said.
PC smiled at both of them, unaware of the nasty way House was looking at Mac (and the also-nasty way House was leering at PC). "I really feel like a whole new computer. It's amazing."
"You look-" All of a sudden, Mac felt ashamed for being scared of the new PC. This was his friend, finally in a state where he could be happy. Mac was going to be happy right along with him. "You look amazing."
"Why thank you, Mac," PC said. He got a bright look on his face and turned to House. "Do you think we could upgrade Mac?"
House pretended to think it over. "Mmm, no."
PC's face fell. "Oh."
"Well - I could get-" Mac looked him over. "I could get a suit. I mean, maybe not here, but I could get one."
"Yes, but your tie would match the rest of you," House said, as if that were a bad thing.
Hit with a moment of self-doubt, PC looked down at his tie. "My tie doesn't match my suit?"
"No," House said, "and yet you can somehow carry it off."
"Oh," PC said. He looked at Mac with a smile, but that smile was tinged with the knowledge that Mac had never complimented him like that.
"Yeah, it looks fine on you," Mac added, lamely. He hooked his thumbs into his pockets, then thought better of it and crossed his arms over his chest. "It looks fine."
"Thank you, both of you. I-" Just then, two young women passed by, giving PC a pair of appreciative looks. PC turned to watch them walk away. "I seem to have lost my train of thought."
House leaned towards him, conspiratorial. "They're from Accounting."
PC quirked an eyebrow. "Really? You don't think I should-"
House stepped back, out of his way. "Go. Spread their sheets a little." He frowned, his nose crinkling. "That sounds even dirtier than I thought it would sound."
"I don't mind," PC said innocently, before stepping off after the two accountants.
Mac watched, helpless, as PC left. "You're doing something to him," he sputtered. "You're using him."
"I'm only using him the way he's supposed to be used," House said, quietly menacing. "You've been lying to him all this time."
"I have not!"
"Sure you have," House said. "Pretending he's your friend, when what you really needed was a benchmark - you wouldn't be anything without a PC to compare yourself to."
Mac frowned, unable to comprehend what House was saying. "But - isn't that why anyone has a friend?"
House looked startled for the tiniest moment, and then his expression was shuttered. "You know he only has room in his network for one unshaven, casually dressed, passive-aggressive smug yet secretly fragile jackass friend." He smiled, said, "I can't wait to get my iPod into him," and sauntered off.
Mac stood there, lost for the first time in at least a decade. House was going to be PC's friend now, and, unlike him, House actually seemed to know how to keep PC happy and safe. Panicking, Mac looked around him, desperate for a new connection.
There. Right by the elevators was the ugliest tie Mac had ever seen, and a pocket protector, and sensible shoes. He was sure that guy would need to be needed, and wouldn't mind a little tactless, accidental abuse. Mac strode over to him, running hot as he stopped right in front of him. "Hi," he said, smiling brightly. "I'm a Mac."
Dr. Wilson glanced around in confusion, and then looked at Mac, suddenly nervous.
[end]
Title: Bait and Switch
Category: Crossover between House and the Mac-PC ads, parody.
Pairings: Just a hint of House/PC.
Warnings: I know this is OOC. Now so do you.
Disclaimer: Mac is owned by Apple. House is owned by David Shore, Fox, etc. No money's being made, no infringement intended, and anyway, it's a parody.
Rating: PG for Evil Deeds omg.
[-----]
"I'm a Mac," Mac said.
PC nodded. "And I'm a PC."
House eyed them skeptically, one eyebrow cocked and his mouth open slightly. "Right." He glanced down at the chart Cuddy had slammed against his chest and said, "I'm here to see PC?"
"That's me," PC said, sounding rather stuffed up.
"I think I got that." He flashed a light in PC's eyes. "What's the problem?"
"He's just running slow," Mac piped up. "Or - okay, slower than normal. Which is cool, I guess."
House glowered at Mac. "Is he always this smug?" he asked PC.
PC frowned, worried. "I wouldn't say he's smug," he said. "He's . . . Mac."
House glanced down at the chart again. "You've never been here."
"I usually go to Norton, or McAffee," PC said. "But Mac used the money for a Photoshop upgrade. It does look very nice, though."
Mac glanced between the two of them. "I'm not being smug."
"You," House said, shooing Mac towards the door, "don't have to be here."
"Are you sure?" Mac asked, sounding panicked. "He doesn't-"
House closed the door in his face and turned back to PC with a dark grin. "Hokay."
"Er, 'hokay?'" PC blinked. "Do you know what's wrong with me?"
"It's your basic user stupidity," House said.
"User stupidity?"
He put the chart down and reached for a vial and syringe. "Trying to make you do things you were never meant to do. But don't worry." His dark grin turned downright evil. "We can fix that."
PC swallowed and eyed the needle nervously. "Oh dear."
[-----]
Mac was drumming his fingers too quickly against the arm of his chair, and he knew he was being annoying, but he couldn't help it. PC had been in the clinic exam room for over an hour, and he hadn't heard a peep. He'd even tried connecting to PC's wireless - usually a futile exercise anyway, but worth a try - and had come up, predictably, short. He couldn't even hear PC's fans.
After what seemed like forever, the door to the exam room opened, and Dr. House came out. He smiled in Mac's direction, but it was an empty smile, a frightening smile. He knew nothing good could come of it.
But then there was PC. He stepped out behind House, and Mac could barely recognize him. Oh, he was the same shape, same size, same everything - but now, his suit and shirt tailored and hung well on his frame, the tie was loud and silk, his hair had some kind of product in it, and the glasses! The glasses were still there, but the frames were thin and light, and instead of making PC look bookish and quiet, only served to make him look twice as intelligent as he'd looked before. The biggest change, however, was the way PC carried himself. Gone were the slouch, the docile expression, and the drooping shoulders; instead, his shoulders were square, his face confident, and he was walking tall. He looked strong. He looked alert. He looked sleek.
He looked like he could do almost anything Mac could do, but command twice the respect for doing it.
Mac almost ran over to them, saying, "What happened? What did you do?"
"A few vaccinations, a little cleaning, a couple of upgrades," House said.
PC smiled at both of them, unaware of the nasty way House was looking at Mac (and the also-nasty way House was leering at PC). "I really feel like a whole new computer. It's amazing."
"You look-" All of a sudden, Mac felt ashamed for being scared of the new PC. This was his friend, finally in a state where he could be happy. Mac was going to be happy right along with him. "You look amazing."
"Why thank you, Mac," PC said. He got a bright look on his face and turned to House. "Do you think we could upgrade Mac?"
House pretended to think it over. "Mmm, no."
PC's face fell. "Oh."
"Well - I could get-" Mac looked him over. "I could get a suit. I mean, maybe not here, but I could get one."
"Yes, but your tie would match the rest of you," House said, as if that were a bad thing.
Hit with a moment of self-doubt, PC looked down at his tie. "My tie doesn't match my suit?"
"No," House said, "and yet you can somehow carry it off."
"Oh," PC said. He looked at Mac with a smile, but that smile was tinged with the knowledge that Mac had never complimented him like that.
"Yeah, it looks fine on you," Mac added, lamely. He hooked his thumbs into his pockets, then thought better of it and crossed his arms over his chest. "It looks fine."
"Thank you, both of you. I-" Just then, two young women passed by, giving PC a pair of appreciative looks. PC turned to watch them walk away. "I seem to have lost my train of thought."
House leaned towards him, conspiratorial. "They're from Accounting."
PC quirked an eyebrow. "Really? You don't think I should-"
House stepped back, out of his way. "Go. Spread their sheets a little." He frowned, his nose crinkling. "That sounds even dirtier than I thought it would sound."
"I don't mind," PC said innocently, before stepping off after the two accountants.
Mac watched, helpless, as PC left. "You're doing something to him," he sputtered. "You're using him."
"I'm only using him the way he's supposed to be used," House said, quietly menacing. "You've been lying to him all this time."
"I have not!"
"Sure you have," House said. "Pretending he's your friend, when what you really needed was a benchmark - you wouldn't be anything without a PC to compare yourself to."
Mac frowned, unable to comprehend what House was saying. "But - isn't that why anyone has a friend?"
House looked startled for the tiniest moment, and then his expression was shuttered. "You know he only has room in his network for one unshaven, casually dressed, passive-aggressive smug yet secretly fragile jackass friend." He smiled, said, "I can't wait to get my iPod into him," and sauntered off.
Mac stood there, lost for the first time in at least a decade. House was going to be PC's friend now, and, unlike him, House actually seemed to know how to keep PC happy and safe. Panicking, Mac looked around him, desperate for a new connection.
There. Right by the elevators was the ugliest tie Mac had ever seen, and a pocket protector, and sensible shoes. He was sure that guy would need to be needed, and wouldn't mind a little tactless, accidental abuse. Mac strode over to him, running hot as he stopped right in front of him. "Hi," he said, smiling brightly. "I'm a Mac."
Dr. Wilson glanced around in confusion, and then looked at Mac, suddenly nervous.
[end]