Fic: Happiness Is A Cute Kitten - Follows ‘The Name Game’
Title: Happiness Is A Cute Kitten - Follows ‘ The Name Game’
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Rhys, Tosh, Owen, Kittens.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: The team are all adjusting to life with their new pets.
Word Count: 1183
Written For: Prompt 157 - Quiet Night at fandomweekly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
“It’s only been a week, and I’ve already forgotten what life was like B.K.,” Jack murmured, sprawled haphazardly on one of the sofas in the living room of the end of terrace house he now shared with Ianto. The TV was on, a game show of some kind because Ianto enjoyed giving the correct answers ahead of the contestants’ guesses, but tonight neither man was paying any attention to it; they had something a lot more fun to watch.
“B.K.?” Ianto enquired, tearing his gaze away from the action to spare his lover the briefest glance.
“Before Kittens,” Jack replied.
“Ah, of course. I should’ve guessed.” Ianto twitched the string he was holding, making the crumpled piece of paper tied to its other end jerk across the floor. Two bundles of fluff, otherwise known as Hobnob and Kitty Galore, because Ianto had decided his original idea might be construed by some, namely Owen, as a bit too adult in nature, immediately went into fierce hunter mode, pouncing and, predictably, missing. Their eye/paw coordination wasn’t quite there yet, but both kittens were working diligently at it, with the willing help of their humans.
Jack flicked his own string and Hobnob whirled so fast she fell over sideways, immediately pretending she’d meant to do that, and turning her attention to washing her tummy. Her little tail twitched across the carpet as she attended to her personal grooming and Kitty Galore pounced, savagely biting the charcoal grey appendage with sharp kitten teeth.
Unsurprisingly, Hobnob took offence to that, swatting at her sister with a miniscule paw. Then the fight was on in earnest; the two kittens went rolling across the floor like a fluffy grey and white tumbleweed, hissing and spitting in a way that, to the humans at least, was adorably cute rather than ferocious.
“I can’t believe how cute they are!” Jack gushed as the kittens fetched up against the TV stand. Hobnob disentangled herself and stalked away with all the dignity a tiny kitten could muster, while Kitty Galore investigated the TV stand as if she’d never seen it before, prodding at it tentatively with a little white paw. “Everything they do is so cute I just want to cuddle them!”
“It’s a fiendish plan devised by cat kind,” Ianto intoned. “They’re taking over the world through cuteness. No one is safe, not even the world’s foremost alien hunting organisation. And to think I helped them infiltrate our secret base, not to mention our homes! I played right into their fluffy paws.” He was lying on the living room floor, barefoot and dressed in shabby jeans and an old Blue Gillespie t-shirt, looking much younger than he did when dressed for work in one of his immaculate suit and tie combinations.
“And you’re supposed to know everything!” Jack tutted good-naturedly. “For shame, Mister Jones! You’re slipping!”
“I know! It’s terrible of me, I let myself be taken in by the enemy; I’m so ashamed. On the other hand, the stealthy invasion has been going on for thousands of years, and it appears relatively benevolent, as invasions go. Most people don’t seem to mind being ruled by their cats. And you’d have done the same if you’d been the one to find them.”
“I would,” Jack agreed. “Only I wouldn’t have shared the kittens with the rest of the team. I would’ve kept them all for myself, because I’m the boss.”
“What, you wouldn’t even have given me one?” Ianto was incensed. “Kitten hog!”
“Well, okay, I would’ve shared them with you.”
“I should think so. Only crazy cat ladies need five cats all for themselves. One kitten each should be quite sufficient; that way everyone gets enough attention.”
OoOoOoO
Across town…
“Oi!” Gwen complained, coming back from the kitchen with two mugs of tea and sinking onto the sofa beside her husband. “You’re hogging my kitten again!”
“Your kitten? I thought Frodo was ours.”
“Well, that’s only because I generously said I’d share him with you. That doesn’t mean you get to hog him all the time.”
“I wasn’t! Not my fault he prefers my lap to yours. It’s just that I’ve just got more padding.” Rhys and Gwen were enjoying a rare quiet night at home, watching Wife Swap, and making a fuss of their new pet.
“He’s still mostly mine, so stop trying to make him like you better.”
“How d’you work that out?” Rhys continued stroking Frodo with one big finger, drawing a loud purr from the tiny kitten.”
Gwen shrugged. “Ianto gave him to me.”
“Mm, not sure how I should feel about another man givin’ you kittens.”
“Just the one kitten,” Gwen pointed out. “And he gave one to everyone, so it’s not like I got special treatment or anything.”
“Shame he didn’t have an extra one, then we could’ve had one each and maybe you wouldn’t say I was hogging yours.”
Gwen snuggled closer to her husband. “With my luck, if we had two, they’d both prefer sleeping on your lap.”
Rhys wrapped his arm around her and planted a kiss on the top of her head. “You can have me all to yourself at bedtime, and that’s a promise.”
“I know, but as good as that sounds, right now I’d rather have the kitten.”
Rhys laughed. “Daft woman!” Nevertheless, he picked Frodo up and plonked the kitten on Gwen’s lap. “Your turn.”
OoOoOoO
“Tiptoes!” Tosh protested as her kitten pounced on her fingers. “You’re messing up my program! How am I supposed to work with a kitten on my keyboard?” She lifted the black kitten, setting her on the sofa beside her, but moments later, Tiptoes was back, getting in the way again. Tosh sighed, quickly saving her work. “You are such a menace.”
The kitten mewed, looking up at her with eyes as green as emeralds, and Tosh sighed again, knowing she’d lost. Trying to work under these circumstances was an exercise in futility.
“Well, Jack’s always saying I work too hard. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to take the evening off.” Shutting down her laptop, Tosh set it aside and picked up a length of ribbon that she’d dug out from the back of a drawer, trailing it across the sofa and onto the floor. Fearlessly the kitten launched herself off the seat, tumbling end over end as Tosh gasped in alarm. Pouncing on the ribbon and biting at it, Tiptoes rolled onto her back, hind legs clawing at her prize as Tosh gave in to giggles of delight at her new pet’s antics. “What a fierce and daring hunter you are!” The ribbon didn’t stand a chance.
OoOoOoO
“I get beer and pizza, you get water and kitten food,” Owen said firmly. “I researched it online; pizza’s no good for kittens, and beer’s worse.”
Minion looked up at him with startlingly green eyes. His markings made it look like the ginger kitten was frowning, and he was staring so intently he’d gone a bit cross-eyed.
“If you’re not careful your eyes might stick like that.” Marching over to the sofa with his dinner, Owen flopped down to eat. One bare foot reached for an old Ping-Pong ball, and he shoved it so it went rolling across the floor, rebounding off the wall, the kitten in hot pursuit. “Nutter! Careful you don’t brain yourself! Not sure how to treat concussion in kittens.” He washed down a bite of pizza with a swig of beer, his eyes following the antics of the mad ginger whirlwind.
Friday nights were usually about getting smashed and getting laid. He’d had tons of birds over the years; couldn’t remember anything about most of them, not their names, faces, phone numbers, nada. Never had a kitten though.
He shrugged, snorting a laugh as Minion pounced on the ball and missed. The ladies would keep; tonight’s entertainment required a loss less effort and no social skills whatsoever. He’d never had a pet before, but he thought he could get used to it.
The End
Sequel: ' All Legs And Ears'
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Rhys, Tosh, Owen, Kittens.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: The team are all adjusting to life with their new pets.
Word Count: 1183
Written For: Prompt 157 - Quiet Night at fandomweekly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
“It’s only been a week, and I’ve already forgotten what life was like B.K.,” Jack murmured, sprawled haphazardly on one of the sofas in the living room of the end of terrace house he now shared with Ianto. The TV was on, a game show of some kind because Ianto enjoyed giving the correct answers ahead of the contestants’ guesses, but tonight neither man was paying any attention to it; they had something a lot more fun to watch.
“B.K.?” Ianto enquired, tearing his gaze away from the action to spare his lover the briefest glance.
“Before Kittens,” Jack replied.
“Ah, of course. I should’ve guessed.” Ianto twitched the string he was holding, making the crumpled piece of paper tied to its other end jerk across the floor. Two bundles of fluff, otherwise known as Hobnob and Kitty Galore, because Ianto had decided his original idea might be construed by some, namely Owen, as a bit too adult in nature, immediately went into fierce hunter mode, pouncing and, predictably, missing. Their eye/paw coordination wasn’t quite there yet, but both kittens were working diligently at it, with the willing help of their humans.
Jack flicked his own string and Hobnob whirled so fast she fell over sideways, immediately pretending she’d meant to do that, and turning her attention to washing her tummy. Her little tail twitched across the carpet as she attended to her personal grooming and Kitty Galore pounced, savagely biting the charcoal grey appendage with sharp kitten teeth.
Unsurprisingly, Hobnob took offence to that, swatting at her sister with a miniscule paw. Then the fight was on in earnest; the two kittens went rolling across the floor like a fluffy grey and white tumbleweed, hissing and spitting in a way that, to the humans at least, was adorably cute rather than ferocious.
“I can’t believe how cute they are!” Jack gushed as the kittens fetched up against the TV stand. Hobnob disentangled herself and stalked away with all the dignity a tiny kitten could muster, while Kitty Galore investigated the TV stand as if she’d never seen it before, prodding at it tentatively with a little white paw. “Everything they do is so cute I just want to cuddle them!”
“It’s a fiendish plan devised by cat kind,” Ianto intoned. “They’re taking over the world through cuteness. No one is safe, not even the world’s foremost alien hunting organisation. And to think I helped them infiltrate our secret base, not to mention our homes! I played right into their fluffy paws.” He was lying on the living room floor, barefoot and dressed in shabby jeans and an old Blue Gillespie t-shirt, looking much younger than he did when dressed for work in one of his immaculate suit and tie combinations.
“And you’re supposed to know everything!” Jack tutted good-naturedly. “For shame, Mister Jones! You’re slipping!”
“I know! It’s terrible of me, I let myself be taken in by the enemy; I’m so ashamed. On the other hand, the stealthy invasion has been going on for thousands of years, and it appears relatively benevolent, as invasions go. Most people don’t seem to mind being ruled by their cats. And you’d have done the same if you’d been the one to find them.”
“I would,” Jack agreed. “Only I wouldn’t have shared the kittens with the rest of the team. I would’ve kept them all for myself, because I’m the boss.”
“What, you wouldn’t even have given me one?” Ianto was incensed. “Kitten hog!”
“Well, okay, I would’ve shared them with you.”
“I should think so. Only crazy cat ladies need five cats all for themselves. One kitten each should be quite sufficient; that way everyone gets enough attention.”
OoOoOoO
Across town…
“Oi!” Gwen complained, coming back from the kitchen with two mugs of tea and sinking onto the sofa beside her husband. “You’re hogging my kitten again!”
“Your kitten? I thought Frodo was ours.”
“Well, that’s only because I generously said I’d share him with you. That doesn’t mean you get to hog him all the time.”
“I wasn’t! Not my fault he prefers my lap to yours. It’s just that I’ve just got more padding.” Rhys and Gwen were enjoying a rare quiet night at home, watching Wife Swap, and making a fuss of their new pet.
“He’s still mostly mine, so stop trying to make him like you better.”
“How d’you work that out?” Rhys continued stroking Frodo with one big finger, drawing a loud purr from the tiny kitten.”
Gwen shrugged. “Ianto gave him to me.”
“Mm, not sure how I should feel about another man givin’ you kittens.”
“Just the one kitten,” Gwen pointed out. “And he gave one to everyone, so it’s not like I got special treatment or anything.”
“Shame he didn’t have an extra one, then we could’ve had one each and maybe you wouldn’t say I was hogging yours.”
Gwen snuggled closer to her husband. “With my luck, if we had two, they’d both prefer sleeping on your lap.”
Rhys wrapped his arm around her and planted a kiss on the top of her head. “You can have me all to yourself at bedtime, and that’s a promise.”
“I know, but as good as that sounds, right now I’d rather have the kitten.”
Rhys laughed. “Daft woman!” Nevertheless, he picked Frodo up and plonked the kitten on Gwen’s lap. “Your turn.”
OoOoOoO
“Tiptoes!” Tosh protested as her kitten pounced on her fingers. “You’re messing up my program! How am I supposed to work with a kitten on my keyboard?” She lifted the black kitten, setting her on the sofa beside her, but moments later, Tiptoes was back, getting in the way again. Tosh sighed, quickly saving her work. “You are such a menace.”
The kitten mewed, looking up at her with eyes as green as emeralds, and Tosh sighed again, knowing she’d lost. Trying to work under these circumstances was an exercise in futility.
“Well, Jack’s always saying I work too hard. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to take the evening off.” Shutting down her laptop, Tosh set it aside and picked up a length of ribbon that she’d dug out from the back of a drawer, trailing it across the sofa and onto the floor. Fearlessly the kitten launched herself off the seat, tumbling end over end as Tosh gasped in alarm. Pouncing on the ribbon and biting at it, Tiptoes rolled onto her back, hind legs clawing at her prize as Tosh gave in to giggles of delight at her new pet’s antics. “What a fierce and daring hunter you are!” The ribbon didn’t stand a chance.
OoOoOoO
“I get beer and pizza, you get water and kitten food,” Owen said firmly. “I researched it online; pizza’s no good for kittens, and beer’s worse.”
Minion looked up at him with startlingly green eyes. His markings made it look like the ginger kitten was frowning, and he was staring so intently he’d gone a bit cross-eyed.
“If you’re not careful your eyes might stick like that.” Marching over to the sofa with his dinner, Owen flopped down to eat. One bare foot reached for an old Ping-Pong ball, and he shoved it so it went rolling across the floor, rebounding off the wall, the kitten in hot pursuit. “Nutter! Careful you don’t brain yourself! Not sure how to treat concussion in kittens.” He washed down a bite of pizza with a swig of beer, his eyes following the antics of the mad ginger whirlwind.
Friday nights were usually about getting smashed and getting laid. He’d had tons of birds over the years; couldn’t remember anything about most of them, not their names, faces, phone numbers, nada. Never had a kitten though.
He shrugged, snorting a laugh as Minion pounced on the ball and missed. The ladies would keep; tonight’s entertainment required a loss less effort and no social skills whatsoever. He’d never had a pet before, but he thought he could get used to it.
The End
Sequel: ' All Legs And Ears'