Fic: What A Night!
Title: What A Night!
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Jack.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1884
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: This isn’t the first time the Rift has affected Cardiff’s weather in peculiar ways, it’s not even the weirdest weather they’ve seen, but it could be the hardest to deal with.
Written For: Challenge 391: Storm at fan_flashworks.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
Ianto squinted up at the night sky and frowned. “Looks like we’ve got bad weather coming.”
Sparing a brief glance at the clouds sweeping in to hide the stars, Jack nodded. “I noticed. Keep moving; the sooner we get our friend here back into the sewers the happier I’ll be.” He hefted the dead weight of the unconscious Weevil, adjusting his grip; it was a heavy one, a big male they’d found rooting around in the bins behind the Indian takeaway.
“You’re the one who wanted to come out Weevil hunting,” Ianto reminded his lover between panting breaths.
“And you know we have to whenever the system tells us a tagged Weevil has come up to street level,” Jack replied. “What if it had been a rogue? Someone could’ve been injured, even killed.”
“Instead it was just Bruno, feeding his curry habit again.” Ianto grunted with effort. “We need to have Tosh do something with the sensor system so we can tell which Weevil we’re after. I’d have packed the anti-gravity clamps if I’d known it was Bruno; he’s really piling on the pounds. How much further?”
“Should be a manhole just around the next corner.”
“Good. I think my arms are already six inches longer than they used to be.”
Both men shut up then, concentrating on lugging the weighty Weevil back where he belonged. Meanwhile, overhead, the clouds continued to close in above the city, driven by a warm wind.
Ten minutes later, having stuffed Bruno unceremoniously down the manhole, Jack and Ianto paused for a short break to rest their aching arms and legs. Weevil hunting made for a thorough workout, but this late at night Ianto could think of other physical activities he would have preferred. Once they’d caught their breath, they headed back to where they’d parked the SUV, and were maybe halfway there when feathery white flakes began to drift slowly down around them.
“Huh!” Jack muttered. “It’s snowing!”
“Can’t be!” Ianto frowned up at the blanket of white clouds that by now stretched as far as he could see. “It’s far to warm for snow!” The weather was surprisingly mild for early January. He looked down at the ground, where the flakes were already beginning to settle. “It’s not behaving like snow either.”
“You’re an expert on snow behaviour, are you?” Jack teased.
“Maybe not an expert, but I do know that when snowflakes touch the ground, at least some of them should melt. These aren’t.” Ianto held out one hand and watched as the white flakes settled on his bare palm. “They’re not even cold.”
“Okay, that’s weird. Let me try something.” Jack stuck out his tongue, catching a few flakes on it, and pulled a face. “You’re right, it’s not snow. It tastes… Yuk!” He spat, trying to get rid of the taste. “It’s all soapy!”
Ianto snorted, amused by his lover’s reaction. “Maybe that will teach you not to put unknown substances in your mouth.” Then he sobered as the implications hit him. “Not normal weather then. I mean, how often does it snow soapflakes? Did we miss a Rift alert while we were busy dealing with Bruno?”
Jack already had his coat sleeve pushed back so he could consult his wrist strap. “Uh… maybe? The readings I’m getting are a bit difficult to pin down though.”
“You mean like they’re spread out over a large area?” Ianto was looking up at the clouds again, and Jack followed his gaze.
“Oh.”
“Yes, exactly.” Ianto glanced wearily at his lover. “From the look of those clouds, we’re facing a citywide soap storm. Even with the whole team working at it, I have a feeling this is going to be a bit more than Torchwood can deal with.”
Straightening his shoulders, Jack went into Captain mode. “Okay, no point getting ahead of ourselves. First thing we need to do is get back to the SUV and analyse some of these flakes, find out exactly what we’re dealing with.” The SUV was kitted out with all kinds of equipment for use in the field. It wasn’t simply their mode of transportation; it could double as a mobile lab when necessary.
“Right.” Ianto set off again, striding briskly through the falling flakes as Jack scrambled to catch up with him. At least the soap flakes weren’t particularly slippery underfoot, so there was little danger of falling over as they hurried along the pavement.
Back at the SUV, it only took a few moments to scoop some of the flakes into what Tosh, who’d adapted it, described as a sort of alien version of a mass spectrometer. It could analyse any substance, no matter how complex, and provide a detailed breakdown of its chemical makeup. Ianto couldn’t help feeling that in this case, the sophisticated piece of technology must feel a bit cheated. As compounds went, the flakes were about as simple and innocuous as it was possible for anything to be, a very basic, very pure, and totally harmless, allergen-free organic soap.
“Free soap!” Jack beamed at Ianto. “If we gather enough of it, we won’t need to buy soap or laundry detergent for months, maybe even years! Think of the money we’ll save!”
As always, Ianto saw the impracticality of his other half’s hairbrained idea. “And where exactly would we store this bounty that’s going to last us for years?” He didn’t bother noting that he’d probably be expected to collect a sufficient quantity for their needs, shovelling it into containers and lugging it into the Hub.
Jack’s vision of an endless supply of soap melted away like snow in spring. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
“You never do.” Ianto looked around helplessly; by now there was a good couple of inches of soap over everything. “What are we going to do about it though? I know the locals are good at overlooking random weirdness, but I think it’s a safe bet they’re going to notice Cardiff’s record soapfall. Can’t see how we can cover this up.” He scuffed a foot through the mounded flakes.
A gust of wind sent soapflakes swirling around them. Jack looked up, making sure to keep his mouth firmly shut; he didn’t want to get another mouthful.
“Maybe it won’t be too bad. I think the soap clouds are breaking up.”
“Even if the soapflakes stop falling it won’t help much,” Ianto grumbled. “Soap doesn’t melt the way snow does; it’ll still have to be cleared away somehow. On the whole, I think I might have preferred snow to this.”
“We can call UNIT in, let them deal with it,” Jack said. “It’s not as if they don’t have the manpower.”
Ianto opened his mouth to say something along the lines of it being unwise to give UNIT even more reasons to resent Torchwood; the two organisations had a shaky enough working relationship as it was. But before he could say a word he was interrupted by a rumble of thunder. He froze, then slowly turned his eyes heavenwards.
Jack was right, the low soap clouds did appear to be breaking up, but he suspected it was only because of what was above them. A massive bank of dark storm clouds filled the sky, illuminated periodically by dazzling flashes of lightning.
“Wow! Look at that!” Jack exclaimed.
“I’m looking. Oh, this is not good. We’d better get in the car, before…” That was as far as Ianto got before the heavens opened and rain started pouring down. Lunging for the SUV, he slammed the boot closed and dived for the driver’s door, wrenching it open and throwing himself inside as Jack practically fell into the backseat. Two doors slammed in unison, and then Jack was scrambling between the seats into the front, flopping onto the passenger seat.
“What’re you waiting for? Let’s get going!”
Ianto shook his head. “Can’t.”
There was no point in him even starting the engine; he knew there was no way he could drive in this. The rain alone would have been bad enough, but heavy rain combined with the thick layer of soapflakes covering the city was only going to result in one thing.
“Bubbles!” Jack exclaimed, clutching at Ianto’s arm and pointing through the windscreen like an excited child, as if Ianto needed to be told what he was seeing. All around the SUV, the soapflakes were being churned into foam, rivers of bubbles pouring along the street and trying to get down the drains. “Isn’t it fantastic? We won’t have to clear the soapflakes away; the rain can do it!”
With a groan, Ianto dropped his forehead onto the steering wheel.
Reluctantly tearing his eyes away from the extraordinary sight, Jack reached for his lover. “Ianto? What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” Sitting up again, Ianto stared incredulously at Jack. “You have to ask? The dry soapflakes were bad enough; now the whole of Cardiff is turning into a giant bubble-bath! Everything’s going to be inundated, bubbles getting into people’s houses through open windows, bubbles filling the sewers, bubbles getting into machinery… It’s a nightmare!”
Lightning flashed and thunder boomed as the rain continued to pour. The river of foam slid past on all sides, piling up against parked cars before flowing over them and travelling onwards. For a few brief moments the SUV was swamped under a flood of bubbles, cutting Jack and Ianto off from the world outside.
“We’re in bubble world!” Jack bounced excitedly in his seat, making the car rock on its suspension. Then bubbles sluiced down the windows, washed away by the rain, and they could see again.
Ianto rolled his eyes. “You won’t be so happy if we get back to the Hub and find it’s full of bubbles.”
“Like that could ever happen! Why d’you have to be such a grouch? You complained about having soap flakes to clear up, and now you’re complaining because you won’t have to clean them up. Try looking on the bright side for once!”
“There’s a bright side?” That was news to Ianto.
“Cardiff’s going to be the cleanest city in the whole of Britain! With all that soap, even the sewers will be sparkling, and the Weevils…” Jack flashed a grin at his lover. “Squeaky-clean and sweet smelling!”
“You’re mental.” Despite everything, Ianto couldn’t help smiling. Squeaky-clean Weevils indeed!
“You won’t even need to clean the SUV! Half the cars in the city are getting a free wash; I feel sorry for the people who keep their cars in the garage.”
“And how many people are going to wake up tomorrow and find their cars won’t start because bubbles got into the engine?”
“Relax and stop worrying about the things you can’t fix. This is a once in a lifetime experience!”
“I can but hope,” Ianto muttered.
“You could at least try to enjoy it, especially since we’re going to be stuck here until the storm ends.” Jack peered through another wave of bubbles at the fluffy white froth flowing slowly past like lava from an erupting soap volcano.
Huffing a sigh, Ianto took in the bubbly view. “I suppose it is sort of pretty.” He glanced sidelong at Jack. “Just better hope the squeaky-clean Weevils don’t decide to come out and play in it. They’d be so slippery we’d never catch them.”
The End
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Jack.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1884
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: This isn’t the first time the Rift has affected Cardiff’s weather in peculiar ways, it’s not even the weirdest weather they’ve seen, but it could be the hardest to deal with.
Written For: Challenge 391: Storm at fan_flashworks.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
Ianto squinted up at the night sky and frowned. “Looks like we’ve got bad weather coming.”
Sparing a brief glance at the clouds sweeping in to hide the stars, Jack nodded. “I noticed. Keep moving; the sooner we get our friend here back into the sewers the happier I’ll be.” He hefted the dead weight of the unconscious Weevil, adjusting his grip; it was a heavy one, a big male they’d found rooting around in the bins behind the Indian takeaway.
“You’re the one who wanted to come out Weevil hunting,” Ianto reminded his lover between panting breaths.
“And you know we have to whenever the system tells us a tagged Weevil has come up to street level,” Jack replied. “What if it had been a rogue? Someone could’ve been injured, even killed.”
“Instead it was just Bruno, feeding his curry habit again.” Ianto grunted with effort. “We need to have Tosh do something with the sensor system so we can tell which Weevil we’re after. I’d have packed the anti-gravity clamps if I’d known it was Bruno; he’s really piling on the pounds. How much further?”
“Should be a manhole just around the next corner.”
“Good. I think my arms are already six inches longer than they used to be.”
Both men shut up then, concentrating on lugging the weighty Weevil back where he belonged. Meanwhile, overhead, the clouds continued to close in above the city, driven by a warm wind.
Ten minutes later, having stuffed Bruno unceremoniously down the manhole, Jack and Ianto paused for a short break to rest their aching arms and legs. Weevil hunting made for a thorough workout, but this late at night Ianto could think of other physical activities he would have preferred. Once they’d caught their breath, they headed back to where they’d parked the SUV, and were maybe halfway there when feathery white flakes began to drift slowly down around them.
“Huh!” Jack muttered. “It’s snowing!”
“Can’t be!” Ianto frowned up at the blanket of white clouds that by now stretched as far as he could see. “It’s far to warm for snow!” The weather was surprisingly mild for early January. He looked down at the ground, where the flakes were already beginning to settle. “It’s not behaving like snow either.”
“You’re an expert on snow behaviour, are you?” Jack teased.
“Maybe not an expert, but I do know that when snowflakes touch the ground, at least some of them should melt. These aren’t.” Ianto held out one hand and watched as the white flakes settled on his bare palm. “They’re not even cold.”
“Okay, that’s weird. Let me try something.” Jack stuck out his tongue, catching a few flakes on it, and pulled a face. “You’re right, it’s not snow. It tastes… Yuk!” He spat, trying to get rid of the taste. “It’s all soapy!”
Ianto snorted, amused by his lover’s reaction. “Maybe that will teach you not to put unknown substances in your mouth.” Then he sobered as the implications hit him. “Not normal weather then. I mean, how often does it snow soapflakes? Did we miss a Rift alert while we were busy dealing with Bruno?”
Jack already had his coat sleeve pushed back so he could consult his wrist strap. “Uh… maybe? The readings I’m getting are a bit difficult to pin down though.”
“You mean like they’re spread out over a large area?” Ianto was looking up at the clouds again, and Jack followed his gaze.
“Oh.”
“Yes, exactly.” Ianto glanced wearily at his lover. “From the look of those clouds, we’re facing a citywide soap storm. Even with the whole team working at it, I have a feeling this is going to be a bit more than Torchwood can deal with.”
Straightening his shoulders, Jack went into Captain mode. “Okay, no point getting ahead of ourselves. First thing we need to do is get back to the SUV and analyse some of these flakes, find out exactly what we’re dealing with.” The SUV was kitted out with all kinds of equipment for use in the field. It wasn’t simply their mode of transportation; it could double as a mobile lab when necessary.
“Right.” Ianto set off again, striding briskly through the falling flakes as Jack scrambled to catch up with him. At least the soap flakes weren’t particularly slippery underfoot, so there was little danger of falling over as they hurried along the pavement.
Back at the SUV, it only took a few moments to scoop some of the flakes into what Tosh, who’d adapted it, described as a sort of alien version of a mass spectrometer. It could analyse any substance, no matter how complex, and provide a detailed breakdown of its chemical makeup. Ianto couldn’t help feeling that in this case, the sophisticated piece of technology must feel a bit cheated. As compounds went, the flakes were about as simple and innocuous as it was possible for anything to be, a very basic, very pure, and totally harmless, allergen-free organic soap.
“Free soap!” Jack beamed at Ianto. “If we gather enough of it, we won’t need to buy soap or laundry detergent for months, maybe even years! Think of the money we’ll save!”
As always, Ianto saw the impracticality of his other half’s hairbrained idea. “And where exactly would we store this bounty that’s going to last us for years?” He didn’t bother noting that he’d probably be expected to collect a sufficient quantity for their needs, shovelling it into containers and lugging it into the Hub.
Jack’s vision of an endless supply of soap melted away like snow in spring. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
“You never do.” Ianto looked around helplessly; by now there was a good couple of inches of soap over everything. “What are we going to do about it though? I know the locals are good at overlooking random weirdness, but I think it’s a safe bet they’re going to notice Cardiff’s record soapfall. Can’t see how we can cover this up.” He scuffed a foot through the mounded flakes.
A gust of wind sent soapflakes swirling around them. Jack looked up, making sure to keep his mouth firmly shut; he didn’t want to get another mouthful.
“Maybe it won’t be too bad. I think the soap clouds are breaking up.”
“Even if the soapflakes stop falling it won’t help much,” Ianto grumbled. “Soap doesn’t melt the way snow does; it’ll still have to be cleared away somehow. On the whole, I think I might have preferred snow to this.”
“We can call UNIT in, let them deal with it,” Jack said. “It’s not as if they don’t have the manpower.”
Ianto opened his mouth to say something along the lines of it being unwise to give UNIT even more reasons to resent Torchwood; the two organisations had a shaky enough working relationship as it was. But before he could say a word he was interrupted by a rumble of thunder. He froze, then slowly turned his eyes heavenwards.
Jack was right, the low soap clouds did appear to be breaking up, but he suspected it was only because of what was above them. A massive bank of dark storm clouds filled the sky, illuminated periodically by dazzling flashes of lightning.
“Wow! Look at that!” Jack exclaimed.
“I’m looking. Oh, this is not good. We’d better get in the car, before…” That was as far as Ianto got before the heavens opened and rain started pouring down. Lunging for the SUV, he slammed the boot closed and dived for the driver’s door, wrenching it open and throwing himself inside as Jack practically fell into the backseat. Two doors slammed in unison, and then Jack was scrambling between the seats into the front, flopping onto the passenger seat.
“What’re you waiting for? Let’s get going!”
Ianto shook his head. “Can’t.”
There was no point in him even starting the engine; he knew there was no way he could drive in this. The rain alone would have been bad enough, but heavy rain combined with the thick layer of soapflakes covering the city was only going to result in one thing.
“Bubbles!” Jack exclaimed, clutching at Ianto’s arm and pointing through the windscreen like an excited child, as if Ianto needed to be told what he was seeing. All around the SUV, the soapflakes were being churned into foam, rivers of bubbles pouring along the street and trying to get down the drains. “Isn’t it fantastic? We won’t have to clear the soapflakes away; the rain can do it!”
With a groan, Ianto dropped his forehead onto the steering wheel.
Reluctantly tearing his eyes away from the extraordinary sight, Jack reached for his lover. “Ianto? What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” Sitting up again, Ianto stared incredulously at Jack. “You have to ask? The dry soapflakes were bad enough; now the whole of Cardiff is turning into a giant bubble-bath! Everything’s going to be inundated, bubbles getting into people’s houses through open windows, bubbles filling the sewers, bubbles getting into machinery… It’s a nightmare!”
Lightning flashed and thunder boomed as the rain continued to pour. The river of foam slid past on all sides, piling up against parked cars before flowing over them and travelling onwards. For a few brief moments the SUV was swamped under a flood of bubbles, cutting Jack and Ianto off from the world outside.
“We’re in bubble world!” Jack bounced excitedly in his seat, making the car rock on its suspension. Then bubbles sluiced down the windows, washed away by the rain, and they could see again.
Ianto rolled his eyes. “You won’t be so happy if we get back to the Hub and find it’s full of bubbles.”
“Like that could ever happen! Why d’you have to be such a grouch? You complained about having soap flakes to clear up, and now you’re complaining because you won’t have to clean them up. Try looking on the bright side for once!”
“There’s a bright side?” That was news to Ianto.
“Cardiff’s going to be the cleanest city in the whole of Britain! With all that soap, even the sewers will be sparkling, and the Weevils…” Jack flashed a grin at his lover. “Squeaky-clean and sweet smelling!”
“You’re mental.” Despite everything, Ianto couldn’t help smiling. Squeaky-clean Weevils indeed!
“You won’t even need to clean the SUV! Half the cars in the city are getting a free wash; I feel sorry for the people who keep their cars in the garage.”
“And how many people are going to wake up tomorrow and find their cars won’t start because bubbles got into the engine?”
“Relax and stop worrying about the things you can’t fix. This is a once in a lifetime experience!”
“I can but hope,” Ianto muttered.
“You could at least try to enjoy it, especially since we’re going to be stuck here until the storm ends.” Jack peered through another wave of bubbles at the fluffy white froth flowing slowly past like lava from an erupting soap volcano.
Huffing a sigh, Ianto took in the bubbly view. “I suppose it is sort of pretty.” He glanced sidelong at Jack. “Just better hope the squeaky-clean Weevils don’t decide to come out and play in it. They’d be so slippery we’d never catch them.”
The End