FAKE Ficlet: No Way!
Title: No Way!
Fandom: FAKE
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Dee, Chief Smith, Ryo, OC.
Rating: PG
Setting: After the manga.
Summary: Dee is being accused of something he knows for sure he had nothing to do with.
Word Count: 500
Written For: Challenge 180: Absurd at anythingdrabble.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters.
It’s utterly absurd, can’t possibly be happening, and Dee wonders if maybe he’s asleep and dreaming, because that’s the only thing that makes sense. Maybe in a minute he’ll wake up, then he and Ryo can laugh about the whole thing, but until that happens, he doesn’t see anything to laugh at.
“What?” Maybe he just mis-heard and the old badger didn’t actually say…
“The young lady claims you’re the father of her baby.”
Okay, so he didn’t mis-hear anything, but still, the Chief’s words make no sense.
“Me? How?”
“I would’ve thought you’re old enough to know how babies are made, Laytner.” The Chief fixes his subordinate with his best disapproving glare.
Dee shakes his head. “That’s not what I meant, it’s just, it’s not possible. Look, how old is the kid? A few months maybe?”
“Three months.”
“Right, that would mean I would’a had to sleep with her a year ago, and I haven’t been with a woman, any woman, in at least three years. So like I said, not possible. She’s tryin’ something, but I don’t know what. All I know is, it’s not gonna work because I’m not the father of anyone’s kid, least of all hers. I’ve always been careful, safe sex all the way. Mother made sure of that, drummed it into me when I first started gettin’ interested in girls. This whole thing’s absurd.”
“Nevertheless, I have to take her claim seriously.”
A shock of disbelief shoots through Dee. “You’d take the word of a complete stranger, and a mental case at that, over mine?”
“I’m not taking anyone’s word for anything. A paternity test should clear things up. Any objections?”
“None whatsoever, it’ll just prove what I already know: that kid’s not mine.”
“What was that all about?” Ryo asks, as Dee returns to his desk. “I heard shouting. You’re not in trouble with the Chief again, are you?”
“Nothin’ like that. Some woman’s claimin’ I’m the father of her kid.”
Ryo manages to choke on a breath of air. “What?” he squeaks.
“She’s lyin’, obviously. Y’know I’d never cheat on you, right?”
“I know, but how old is the kid? I mean, maybe it was before…”
Dee cuts his lover off. “Not unless she had the longest pregnancy in history. The baby’s three months old, accordin’ to the Chief.”
“And we’ve been together two years.”
“Plus, there was no one else, not even a one-night stand, while I was busy chasin’ after you. Means more than three years since I was last with a woman. So why’d she pick me to accuse of knockin’ her up?”
“Wishful thinking?”
That at least makes Dee laugh. “Guess I can see the appeal, but wishin’ I was the dad ain’t gonna make her baby look like me.”
“So what now?”
“Paternity test, this afternoon. Chief’s got it all set up.”
The test, unsurprisingly, comes back negative. There’s no way Dee could be the father.
He shrugs. “Guess she’ll haveta look elsewhere for child support.”
The End
Fandom: FAKE
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Dee, Chief Smith, Ryo, OC.
Rating: PG
Setting: After the manga.
Summary: Dee is being accused of something he knows for sure he had nothing to do with.
Word Count: 500
Written For: Challenge 180: Absurd at anythingdrabble.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters.
It’s utterly absurd, can’t possibly be happening, and Dee wonders if maybe he’s asleep and dreaming, because that’s the only thing that makes sense. Maybe in a minute he’ll wake up, then he and Ryo can laugh about the whole thing, but until that happens, he doesn’t see anything to laugh at.
“What?” Maybe he just mis-heard and the old badger didn’t actually say…
“The young lady claims you’re the father of her baby.”
Okay, so he didn’t mis-hear anything, but still, the Chief’s words make no sense.
“Me? How?”
“I would’ve thought you’re old enough to know how babies are made, Laytner.” The Chief fixes his subordinate with his best disapproving glare.
Dee shakes his head. “That’s not what I meant, it’s just, it’s not possible. Look, how old is the kid? A few months maybe?”
“Three months.”
“Right, that would mean I would’a had to sleep with her a year ago, and I haven’t been with a woman, any woman, in at least three years. So like I said, not possible. She’s tryin’ something, but I don’t know what. All I know is, it’s not gonna work because I’m not the father of anyone’s kid, least of all hers. I’ve always been careful, safe sex all the way. Mother made sure of that, drummed it into me when I first started gettin’ interested in girls. This whole thing’s absurd.”
“Nevertheless, I have to take her claim seriously.”
A shock of disbelief shoots through Dee. “You’d take the word of a complete stranger, and a mental case at that, over mine?”
“I’m not taking anyone’s word for anything. A paternity test should clear things up. Any objections?”
“None whatsoever, it’ll just prove what I already know: that kid’s not mine.”
“What was that all about?” Ryo asks, as Dee returns to his desk. “I heard shouting. You’re not in trouble with the Chief again, are you?”
“Nothin’ like that. Some woman’s claimin’ I’m the father of her kid.”
Ryo manages to choke on a breath of air. “What?” he squeaks.
“She’s lyin’, obviously. Y’know I’d never cheat on you, right?”
“I know, but how old is the kid? I mean, maybe it was before…”
Dee cuts his lover off. “Not unless she had the longest pregnancy in history. The baby’s three months old, accordin’ to the Chief.”
“And we’ve been together two years.”
“Plus, there was no one else, not even a one-night stand, while I was busy chasin’ after you. Means more than three years since I was last with a woman. So why’d she pick me to accuse of knockin’ her up?”
“Wishful thinking?”
That at least makes Dee laugh. “Guess I can see the appeal, but wishin’ I was the dad ain’t gonna make her baby look like me.”
“So what now?”
“Paternity test, this afternoon. Chief’s got it all set up.”
The test, unsurprisingly, comes back negative. There’s no way Dee could be the father.
He shrugs. “Guess she’ll haveta look elsewhere for child support.”
The End