Fic: Tequila Immortal
Title: Tequila Immortal
Author: badly_knitted
Characters/Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG-15
Word Count: 306
Summary: Jack’s in trouble, and he’s dragged Ianto down with him, which means even worse trouble - at least from Jack’s point of view.
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Jack being Jack while drunk.
Written For: mangacrack ‘s comment_fic prompt ‘any, any, (610): You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck’
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or any of the characters. Which is sad.
Jack groaned and slowly opened his eyes, to be confronted by a cold cement floor and a pair of very shiny shoes.
“About time you woke up,” a rather frosty Welsh accented voice announced. “I’ve been waiting nearly an hour to tell you this is all your fault and I’m never letting you drink tequila on a date again.”
Raising his head carefully from the floor, Jack risked a glance at his companion and erstwhile date. Ianto’s arms were folded across his chest and even his eyebrows looked angry. They were very expressive eyebrows; Jack had long since learned to gauge Ianto’s mood by them and things weren’t looking good for him. At this point, decaf was the least of his worries.
“Um, would it help if I said I was sorry?”
The only reply was an icy glare.
“What exactly did I do? I don’t actually remember much after the tenth shot.”
“The tenth? How about after the nineteenth? You said you could handle any kind of alcohol then you dragged me into the alley behind the club, told me you were going to fuck me into the middle of next week and took all your clothes off before starting on mine. That’s when the police showed up.”
“Oh.”
“That’s not the best part. They told us we were under arrest for indecent exposure and performing lewd acts in public, and you told them you hadn’t even started with the lewd acts yet, groped them both thoroughly and announced that they couldn't arrest you anyway because you had standards and they weren't hot enough to fuck. They were not amused.”
Jack winced. For the first time in a very long time, he wished the ground would just open and swallow him.
“Exactly how much trouble am I in?”
“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”
The End