FAKE Ficlet: Deadly Weapon
Title: Deadly Weapon
Fandom: FAKE
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Dee, Jim Campbell.
Rating: G
Setting: During the manga.
Summary: Dee’s not having a good day, and comes perilously close to making it even worse.
Word Count: 595
Written For: My own prompt ‘FAKE, Jim, “Don't eat that, it's evidence!”,’ at fic_promptly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
Dee isn’t in the best of moods; it’s been a long shift, he’s tired, hungry, and his head aches, probably from low blood sugar. To cap it all, Jim called him a few minutes ago saying he had something for him, and now Dee’s trekked all the way down to the basement evidence lab only to find the squad’s resident scientific expert isn’t even here! What a waste of energy he doesn’t have. Should he stick around and wait or should he just go and leave whatever information Jim’s discovered for tomorrow? It’s not like he and Ryo are going to follow up on whatever it is tonight…
All Dee really wants is to clock off and go home, maybe grab something to eat on the way, and crash for the night. The human body can only take so much punishment, even a prime specimen like his. On the other hand, what was it Jim had said? Something along the lines of “You’re gonna want to see this right away,” so yeah, here he is, but where the hell is Jim Campbell? Are all scientists flakes?
If he’s gonna be kept waiting he might as well conserve energy and sit. Grabbing a stool, Dee pulls it over to one of the equipment-strewn benches. That’s when he sees them, a plate of fancy cupcakes, covered in frosting and those little sugar decorations. Are they what Jim called him down for, to share a delicious treat with a friend? One thing’s for sure, a cupcake or two will go a long way towards getting Dee’s blood sugar levels back to where they should be.
Dee studies the array, a bit spoiled for choice, finally deciding on one with chocolate frosting and little yellow flowers. He has it almost to his mouth when the door opens and Jim yells…
“Don’t eat that! It’s evidence!”
“Huh?” Dee pauses, cupcake in hand. “Evidence of what?”
“Foul play. They came from your crime scene; that’s what I wanted to show you, the murder weapon. They’re laced with a rare and deadly poison. Death by cupcake; bet that’s one you’ve never come across before.”
Dee hastily returns the cupcake to the plate, setting it alongside the other tempting but lethal confections, and wipes his hand on his pants; as soon as he leaves the lab he’s gonna wash, just to be safe. “If they’re so dangerous, why the hell didn’t you stick a warnin’ label on ‘em?”
“Hello, this is the evidence lab, not the snack shop! I didn’t think anyone would be dumb enough to eat them! You didn’t, did you?” Jim suddenly looks worried, like he’s half expecting Dee to keel over and start foaming at the mouth or something.
“No, thank God, but I was about to.” Dee shudders; he’s suddenly lost his appetite, and he’s pretty sure he’ll never look at a cupcake the same way again. “So, poisoned, huh? Was the poison baked in or added after?”
“Injected after baking; I found barely visible needle marks in every cake. The heat during baking would probably have rendered the poison less effective, so they had to be doctored after they cooled.”
“So that means while the person who baked the cakes isn’t necessarily the killer, they’ve just jumped to the top of our list of suspects. Thanks, Jim; I’ll tell Ryo.”
“No prob. Examining crime scene evidence is what I do.”
Pausing at the door, Dee looks back at Jim. “Just one other thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Next time you join us to watch the game, don’t bring cupcakes.”
The End
Fandom: FAKE
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Dee, Jim Campbell.
Rating: G
Setting: During the manga.
Summary: Dee’s not having a good day, and comes perilously close to making it even worse.
Word Count: 595
Written For: My own prompt ‘FAKE, Jim, “Don't eat that, it's evidence!”,’ at fic_promptly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
Dee isn’t in the best of moods; it’s been a long shift, he’s tired, hungry, and his head aches, probably from low blood sugar. To cap it all, Jim called him a few minutes ago saying he had something for him, and now Dee’s trekked all the way down to the basement evidence lab only to find the squad’s resident scientific expert isn’t even here! What a waste of energy he doesn’t have. Should he stick around and wait or should he just go and leave whatever information Jim’s discovered for tomorrow? It’s not like he and Ryo are going to follow up on whatever it is tonight…
All Dee really wants is to clock off and go home, maybe grab something to eat on the way, and crash for the night. The human body can only take so much punishment, even a prime specimen like his. On the other hand, what was it Jim had said? Something along the lines of “You’re gonna want to see this right away,” so yeah, here he is, but where the hell is Jim Campbell? Are all scientists flakes?
If he’s gonna be kept waiting he might as well conserve energy and sit. Grabbing a stool, Dee pulls it over to one of the equipment-strewn benches. That’s when he sees them, a plate of fancy cupcakes, covered in frosting and those little sugar decorations. Are they what Jim called him down for, to share a delicious treat with a friend? One thing’s for sure, a cupcake or two will go a long way towards getting Dee’s blood sugar levels back to where they should be.
Dee studies the array, a bit spoiled for choice, finally deciding on one with chocolate frosting and little yellow flowers. He has it almost to his mouth when the door opens and Jim yells…
“Don’t eat that! It’s evidence!”
“Huh?” Dee pauses, cupcake in hand. “Evidence of what?”
“Foul play. They came from your crime scene; that’s what I wanted to show you, the murder weapon. They’re laced with a rare and deadly poison. Death by cupcake; bet that’s one you’ve never come across before.”
Dee hastily returns the cupcake to the plate, setting it alongside the other tempting but lethal confections, and wipes his hand on his pants; as soon as he leaves the lab he’s gonna wash, just to be safe. “If they’re so dangerous, why the hell didn’t you stick a warnin’ label on ‘em?”
“Hello, this is the evidence lab, not the snack shop! I didn’t think anyone would be dumb enough to eat them! You didn’t, did you?” Jim suddenly looks worried, like he’s half expecting Dee to keel over and start foaming at the mouth or something.
“No, thank God, but I was about to.” Dee shudders; he’s suddenly lost his appetite, and he’s pretty sure he’ll never look at a cupcake the same way again. “So, poisoned, huh? Was the poison baked in or added after?”
“Injected after baking; I found barely visible needle marks in every cake. The heat during baking would probably have rendered the poison less effective, so they had to be doctored after they cooled.”
“So that means while the person who baked the cakes isn’t necessarily the killer, they’ve just jumped to the top of our list of suspects. Thanks, Jim; I’ll tell Ryo.”
“No prob. Examining crime scene evidence is what I do.”
Pausing at the door, Dee looks back at Jim. “Just one other thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Next time you join us to watch the game, don’t bring cupcakes.”
The End