Beneath My Skin
Title: Beneath My Skin
Author: Lesliiiiiiii
Fandom: Bad Girls
Pairing: Helen/Nikki
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 579
Disclaimer: I have no ownership of Bad Girls characters!
Even through the darkest phase
Be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin
Breaking up with Sean was the third hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. The second, knowing I would never see my mother again. The first…
Realising my love for Nicola Wade.
Seeing as she is top of my list for heartbreaking moments in my life, somehow she makes me feel at ease when thinking of the others in the list. Contradicting my own thoughts, I know. The thing is, I think of it all like this…
Breaking up with Sean was because of Nikki. I know that, she knows that, and most likely the scumbag that is Jim Fenner knows that, too. However, even if she did create the most dramatic break-up that has ever exploded in my lifetime, she also soothes the memory.
The last thing of Sean’s that went from my homely little flat were his bizarre taste in books. Mostly gardening, but also some quite disgusting pictures of Charlie Dimmock in a tight white vest that made me contemplate why on earth I had gotten into a relationship with him in the first place. Whilst discarding of titles involving both nettles and nipples, a certain book came to my hand, the cover causing a soft sensation to travel through my fingertips.
Sophie’s World.
Nikki.
A whole new phase of thoughts entered my mind. Now Sean’s books were gone from cluttering my shelves, I could go out and buy all the great literature Nikki had ever suggested to me. Even without her being near me, she would be able to make me smile, laugh and cry through the works of someone else’s writing. For some reason, the thought allowed me to settle and for the first time in nights I slept peacefully.. Sophie’s World on my pillow.
This continued to happen for several nights. Words, reminding me of Nikki. Of how she spoke, of how she moved. Sadly then, came thoughts of my mother. Her last days, our holidays, birthdays, Christmas’.. Her funeral. Once again my thoughts succumbed to darkness, and I just wished I could curl up alone in the block of HMP Larkhall and be alone.
Until I thought of Nikki.
I couldn’t even imagine being alone when I had her on my mind. Any thought of her made me smile, even the times we had clashed, argued, debated. Those times especially made me think of how much my mother would have loved her. All those holidays, birthday’s and Christmas’. I could see Nikki there, pretending that yes, she did want to help prepare the pudding. Yes, she would be delighted to help write out Christmas cards. Yes, she did want to see pictures of me at three years old in the bath tub..
No matter what I thought of, there was images of Nikki to lighten the mood. Better than any boyfriend, best friend or soppy romance movie to help me through dark times. She was always there, and someone I knew she always would be, no matter what the situation or whatever was thrown in our way.
For now, as a friend. When back at Larkhall I must remain professional. I doubt I will ever admit my love to her, but we will both know that its there. Deep in the back of my thoughts, our love is always there. As is she, always, beneath skin, close to my heart.
Author: Lesliiiiiiii
Fandom: Bad Girls
Pairing: Helen/Nikki
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 579
Disclaimer: I have no ownership of Bad Girls characters!
Even through the darkest phase
Be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin
Breaking up with Sean was the third hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. The second, knowing I would never see my mother again. The first…
Realising my love for Nicola Wade.
Seeing as she is top of my list for heartbreaking moments in my life, somehow she makes me feel at ease when thinking of the others in the list. Contradicting my own thoughts, I know. The thing is, I think of it all like this…
Breaking up with Sean was because of Nikki. I know that, she knows that, and most likely the scumbag that is Jim Fenner knows that, too. However, even if she did create the most dramatic break-up that has ever exploded in my lifetime, she also soothes the memory.
The last thing of Sean’s that went from my homely little flat were his bizarre taste in books. Mostly gardening, but also some quite disgusting pictures of Charlie Dimmock in a tight white vest that made me contemplate why on earth I had gotten into a relationship with him in the first place. Whilst discarding of titles involving both nettles and nipples, a certain book came to my hand, the cover causing a soft sensation to travel through my fingertips.
Sophie’s World.
Nikki.
A whole new phase of thoughts entered my mind. Now Sean’s books were gone from cluttering my shelves, I could go out and buy all the great literature Nikki had ever suggested to me. Even without her being near me, she would be able to make me smile, laugh and cry through the works of someone else’s writing. For some reason, the thought allowed me to settle and for the first time in nights I slept peacefully.. Sophie’s World on my pillow.
This continued to happen for several nights. Words, reminding me of Nikki. Of how she spoke, of how she moved. Sadly then, came thoughts of my mother. Her last days, our holidays, birthdays, Christmas’.. Her funeral. Once again my thoughts succumbed to darkness, and I just wished I could curl up alone in the block of HMP Larkhall and be alone.
Until I thought of Nikki.
I couldn’t even imagine being alone when I had her on my mind. Any thought of her made me smile, even the times we had clashed, argued, debated. Those times especially made me think of how much my mother would have loved her. All those holidays, birthday’s and Christmas’. I could see Nikki there, pretending that yes, she did want to help prepare the pudding. Yes, she would be delighted to help write out Christmas cards. Yes, she did want to see pictures of me at three years old in the bath tub..
No matter what I thought of, there was images of Nikki to lighten the mood. Better than any boyfriend, best friend or soppy romance movie to help me through dark times. She was always there, and someone I knew she always would be, no matter what the situation or whatever was thrown in our way.
For now, as a friend. When back at Larkhall I must remain professional. I doubt I will ever admit my love to her, but we will both know that its there. Deep in the back of my thoughts, our love is always there. As is she, always, beneath skin, close to my heart.