In the Potting Shed
Fandom: Bad Girls
Author: Xclairedelune
Pairing: Helen and Nikki
Summary: After Nikki finds out Sean and Helen are Engaged
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I have no ownership of Bad Girls
The trowel felt good in her hand. She plunged it into the cold soil, once, then again, enjoying the feel of the dirt giving away some of its hardness as the trowel loosened it up. Away from the noise and the chaos of inside, she could control, in such a minuscule way, her environment out here. This small plot of land was her refuge, her own place where she could be as she used to be, if only for this short period of time.
As she added mulch to the soil, she expanded the little patch that was hers alone. Harder and harder she plunged towel into soil, each motion relieving the sadness and frustration with her life here at Larkhall, and she suddenly stopped, looking down at her hands and only then noticed the trowel wet, wet with tears that she had not known she had shed. Quickly looking around automatically to make sure she was still all alone in the yard, she wiped her nose and instantaneously her face became impassive again, the face she revealed to the outside world.
For a small segment of her time here, she had been able to let down her guard, retreating into her own world where she could, over and over again, replay the image of Helen, the one wonderful person who had been able to reach through her tough exterior. Seeing her, albeit only in her mind, could help ease the endless hours of boredom, grit, and harshness that existed always around her in this place. She could see her smile, a hand gesture, her walk whenever she closed her eyes at night, after the stark sound of the door to her room being locked until the next endless day would begin.
She had adjusted to being in this place for the next ten years. She had her place in the social hierarchy of the prisoners, and they left her alone. She had closed down all her social and physical interactions, she mechanically was getting through one day at a time, spending her days reading, looking out the window of her dreary cell, or more recently, gardening in the small patch of ground away from the exercise yard.
She had first seen Helen, who was the new Wing Commander, as she did her walkthrough of the prison. Their eyes met and Nikki had felt a flicker of something she had thought was dead in her, an opening in her heart that she had not realize was still there. She watched through the bars in the prison area as Helen talked with the other guards, and occasionally their eyes would meet, which instant she would retain in her memory to recall as she covered her head with her blanket at night. And then they did meet once in the library and Helen’s smile was only for her. Nikki hoped her feelings and the intense beating of her heart did not reveal themselves to Helen. And she knew she did not imagine the instances when they would find themselves alone together. Helen would be in the library when Nikki was, and Helen would find herself in the garden area when Nikki was and Nikki was sure Helen had the same feelings for her.
She continued working the soil, eyes down at the dirt, and then felt, rather than heard a presence behind her. “Hi, Nikki, getting another bed ready for planting, are ya’?”
“Yes, miss.” Nikki continued working, without looking up.
“I didn’t see you in the library the last couple of days. You know we got a new shipment of books, including the ones you had requested.. I had ordered them for ya’, special.”
“No, miss, I didn’t feel like reading.”
“Nikki”. Helen looked down at her. She pulled her sweater close around her, and took a step forward.
“Careful, miss, you don’t want to get dirt on your shoes.”
“Nikki, look at me.” Nikki continued working, looking downward, eyes concentrated on the trowel.
“Nikki, look at me.” A little more sharply.
Nikki looked up, her face unreadable. “Yes, miss,” looking up. "I’m doin’ what you say...don’t want to get put on report.”
Her heartbeat quickened as she looked up at Helen, and then she remembered the letdown, the desires shattered. Yes, she remembered Sean. Sean, whom Helen had brought to Larkhall, Sean, who had been so very nice to the girls, and that same Sean, who was Helen’s fiancee. So now, Nikki no longer had the dream or any other hope except the endless days and nights that remained for her here in Larkhall. But more than that, now she could not even trust her own thoughts or instincts.
“What’s the matter, Nikki? This isn’t like you.”
Nikki looked at her for a few seconds. She took a deep breath, her hands gripping the trowel tightly before she replied, “Did you and Sean have a good laugh about me, Helen? Yeah, did you and Sean get it on talking about how you snogged a dyke.” She looked back down, continuing her work.
Helen looked at her wordlessly for a bit. Her eyes filled with tears, she said softly, “That’s not how it went down, Nikki.”
“Yeah,”continued Nikki, “I just so enjoyed hearing about you and Sean from Fenner. It fuckin’ made my day. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to be left alone.”
“Nikki, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I hurt you. I should have mentioned something about Sean, I admit it. But things are changing for me, things I should have addressed before, and there are some times, I’m, uh, I’m not even sure who I am. I want do make things good at Larkhall, I didn’t want to hurt Sean, and you are always on my mind. I feel you with me all the time, and then there are the pressures from the staff here. She was stammering, she knew, as Nikki interrupted.
“Hurt me, no....damned near killed me, maybe. And you Helen, that was fuckin’ not fair. You should have told me, and that is so not you. You play it all “by the rules”, God forbid we break a fuckin’ rule. Well, our Wing Commander broke her own rule; that’s one demerit for the Wing Commander.” She stopped, not wanting to let her guard down. She turned away.
Helen started towards Nikki and paused, trying to gather her thoughts. Her perfectly controlled life was spiraling away from her. She had the position she had trained for, had spent years in school for. She and Sean had been together for the past few years, and she loved him. They were good together, he had wanted to get married months ago, but something kept her from committing. Lately had been pressuring her more, and yet the more he wanted a greater commitment, the more she pulled away.
And now, she didn’t even recognize herself anymore. That day she had gone to the library and was looking at the bookcases and had not heard Nikki come up behind her. Her, “Something you would like, miss?” startled her, caused her to fall back against Nikki who turned her around and kissed her tenderly on the lips. Helen had opened her lips instinctively, returning the kiss with passion she did not know she had, and broke away from Nikki simultaneously confused and aroused. “How dare you! Do you have any idea who I am?,” she said to Nikki, and then ran out of the room. Since that day she could think of nothing more. She could still feel the kiss on her lips; she felt Nikki’s embrace, inhaled her hair. She would think back to that kiss and get a feeling in her groin that she had never felt with Sean, she would lie in bed and feel wetness between her legs at thoughts of holding Nikki and lying with her And so when she had told Sean that they would never marry, he immediately had responded, “It’s Nikki Wade, isn’t it?” and she had to admit to him, and to herself that indeed, it was truly Nikki Wade.
Yes, she had broken all the rules, when she had allowed Nikki to kiss her. And then she had handled it all poorly and had been unprepared for the feelings Nikki had unleashed in her. In some way, she thought Sean’s presence at Larkhall might put things all back together for her. But she had been wrong, dead wrong. She could not face telling Nikki about Sean. And now she was answering for her weakness. Nikki had retreated back behind her walls, walls far more impenetrable than those surrounding Larkhall. It would be easy to walk away now, but she could not walk away from her feelings, and would not.
“Excuse me, miss, but I have to put these tools back into the shed..” Nikki’s voice brought Helen back to the present. Nikki walked past Helen and went into the shed. Helen followed her in and closed the door.
Nikki, listen to me.” Helen stood firm as Nikki continued putting the tools away, closing drawers, moving small pots back to their correct shelves. “I am not going to marry Sean. I want you to know that.” I am not in love with him, I don’t think I ever was. What I felt for him was what I was hoping was love. I think that’s why I kept putting off our wedding.”
Nikki was still for in instant, putting both hands on the shelf, her head down. “What do you want from me, Helen? I love you, and my life is shit and you were my only happiness in this hellhole and then you go back into your box of rules and leave me out in the cold. Do you know what that does to me?”
Helen locked the door to the shed. She walked over to Nikki and put her arms around her. Nikki was sobbing and Helen gently turned her around and held her close. She kissed her forehead, her nose and then kissed the tears on her cheeks. “I love you Nikki.” Nikki kissed Helen’s lips as Helen leaned against the shed wall and put her arms around Nikki’s head. Nikki put her arms around Helen and kissed her gently on the cheek, the neck and then reached around undoing Helen’s bra clasp as Helen pulled hastily opened her blouse. Nikki saw her nipples erect and licked them, listened to Helen’s moans of pleasure and as she gently nibbled around them. Nikki kissed her neck and then helped Helen unbutton her skirt as she kissed her way down her stomach to the waistband on the skirt as they pulled it off together. Helen fell to the floor of the shed and Nikki put the skirt under her, holding her close as Helen moved her bodily frantically against Nikki as she pulled down the band of Helen’s panties.
“Oh, God, Nikki...this feels...this feels so wonderful, “she gasped in pleasure as she held Nikki tightly against her. Nikki reached up and held Helen’s arms immobile, as she moved further down on her stomach, licking and nibbling feeling Helen pushing against her.
“Let me hold you Nikki,” she pulled her arms free and held Nikki’s head to her, crying out in joy as she felt Nikki’s fingers in her wetness as Nikki’s tongue found its quarry.
And she lay still allowing Nikki’s tongue to finish its job, as she came almost at once in spasm after spasm as she held tightly to Nikki , moaning and panting in pleasure. They clung to each other wordlessly, Helen’s spasms coming more slowly, her body tight against Nikki, who held on to her. She whispered, “I love you Nikki.”
Together they lay there, the air musty with mixture of the aromas of soil, plants, and the unmistakable smells of their bodies. They clung to each other, as Nikki kissed Helen gently on the head and Helen moved her body into the curve of Nikki. “I love you too, miss.”
Author: Xclairedelune
Pairing: Helen and Nikki
Summary: After Nikki finds out Sean and Helen are Engaged
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I have no ownership of Bad Girls
The trowel felt good in her hand. She plunged it into the cold soil, once, then again, enjoying the feel of the dirt giving away some of its hardness as the trowel loosened it up. Away from the noise and the chaos of inside, she could control, in such a minuscule way, her environment out here. This small plot of land was her refuge, her own place where she could be as she used to be, if only for this short period of time.
As she added mulch to the soil, she expanded the little patch that was hers alone. Harder and harder she plunged towel into soil, each motion relieving the sadness and frustration with her life here at Larkhall, and she suddenly stopped, looking down at her hands and only then noticed the trowel wet, wet with tears that she had not known she had shed. Quickly looking around automatically to make sure she was still all alone in the yard, she wiped her nose and instantaneously her face became impassive again, the face she revealed to the outside world.
For a small segment of her time here, she had been able to let down her guard, retreating into her own world where she could, over and over again, replay the image of Helen, the one wonderful person who had been able to reach through her tough exterior. Seeing her, albeit only in her mind, could help ease the endless hours of boredom, grit, and harshness that existed always around her in this place. She could see her smile, a hand gesture, her walk whenever she closed her eyes at night, after the stark sound of the door to her room being locked until the next endless day would begin.
She had adjusted to being in this place for the next ten years. She had her place in the social hierarchy of the prisoners, and they left her alone. She had closed down all her social and physical interactions, she mechanically was getting through one day at a time, spending her days reading, looking out the window of her dreary cell, or more recently, gardening in the small patch of ground away from the exercise yard.
She had first seen Helen, who was the new Wing Commander, as she did her walkthrough of the prison. Their eyes met and Nikki had felt a flicker of something she had thought was dead in her, an opening in her heart that she had not realize was still there. She watched through the bars in the prison area as Helen talked with the other guards, and occasionally their eyes would meet, which instant she would retain in her memory to recall as she covered her head with her blanket at night. And then they did meet once in the library and Helen’s smile was only for her. Nikki hoped her feelings and the intense beating of her heart did not reveal themselves to Helen. And she knew she did not imagine the instances when they would find themselves alone together. Helen would be in the library when Nikki was, and Helen would find herself in the garden area when Nikki was and Nikki was sure Helen had the same feelings for her.
She continued working the soil, eyes down at the dirt, and then felt, rather than heard a presence behind her. “Hi, Nikki, getting another bed ready for planting, are ya’?”
“Yes, miss.” Nikki continued working, without looking up.
“I didn’t see you in the library the last couple of days. You know we got a new shipment of books, including the ones you had requested.. I had ordered them for ya’, special.”
“No, miss, I didn’t feel like reading.”
“Nikki”. Helen looked down at her. She pulled her sweater close around her, and took a step forward.
“Careful, miss, you don’t want to get dirt on your shoes.”
“Nikki, look at me.” Nikki continued working, looking downward, eyes concentrated on the trowel.
“Nikki, look at me.” A little more sharply.
Nikki looked up, her face unreadable. “Yes, miss,” looking up. "I’m doin’ what you say...don’t want to get put on report.”
Her heartbeat quickened as she looked up at Helen, and then she remembered the letdown, the desires shattered. Yes, she remembered Sean. Sean, whom Helen had brought to Larkhall, Sean, who had been so very nice to the girls, and that same Sean, who was Helen’s fiancee. So now, Nikki no longer had the dream or any other hope except the endless days and nights that remained for her here in Larkhall. But more than that, now she could not even trust her own thoughts or instincts.
“What’s the matter, Nikki? This isn’t like you.”
Nikki looked at her for a few seconds. She took a deep breath, her hands gripping the trowel tightly before she replied, “Did you and Sean have a good laugh about me, Helen? Yeah, did you and Sean get it on talking about how you snogged a dyke.” She looked back down, continuing her work.
Helen looked at her wordlessly for a bit. Her eyes filled with tears, she said softly, “That’s not how it went down, Nikki.”
“Yeah,”continued Nikki, “I just so enjoyed hearing about you and Sean from Fenner. It fuckin’ made my day. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to be left alone.”
“Nikki, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I hurt you. I should have mentioned something about Sean, I admit it. But things are changing for me, things I should have addressed before, and there are some times, I’m, uh, I’m not even sure who I am. I want do make things good at Larkhall, I didn’t want to hurt Sean, and you are always on my mind. I feel you with me all the time, and then there are the pressures from the staff here. She was stammering, she knew, as Nikki interrupted.
“Hurt me, no....damned near killed me, maybe. And you Helen, that was fuckin’ not fair. You should have told me, and that is so not you. You play it all “by the rules”, God forbid we break a fuckin’ rule. Well, our Wing Commander broke her own rule; that’s one demerit for the Wing Commander.” She stopped, not wanting to let her guard down. She turned away.
Helen started towards Nikki and paused, trying to gather her thoughts. Her perfectly controlled life was spiraling away from her. She had the position she had trained for, had spent years in school for. She and Sean had been together for the past few years, and she loved him. They were good together, he had wanted to get married months ago, but something kept her from committing. Lately had been pressuring her more, and yet the more he wanted a greater commitment, the more she pulled away.
And now, she didn’t even recognize herself anymore. That day she had gone to the library and was looking at the bookcases and had not heard Nikki come up behind her. Her, “Something you would like, miss?” startled her, caused her to fall back against Nikki who turned her around and kissed her tenderly on the lips. Helen had opened her lips instinctively, returning the kiss with passion she did not know she had, and broke away from Nikki simultaneously confused and aroused. “How dare you! Do you have any idea who I am?,” she said to Nikki, and then ran out of the room. Since that day she could think of nothing more. She could still feel the kiss on her lips; she felt Nikki’s embrace, inhaled her hair. She would think back to that kiss and get a feeling in her groin that she had never felt with Sean, she would lie in bed and feel wetness between her legs at thoughts of holding Nikki and lying with her And so when she had told Sean that they would never marry, he immediately had responded, “It’s Nikki Wade, isn’t it?” and she had to admit to him, and to herself that indeed, it was truly Nikki Wade.
Yes, she had broken all the rules, when she had allowed Nikki to kiss her. And then she had handled it all poorly and had been unprepared for the feelings Nikki had unleashed in her. In some way, she thought Sean’s presence at Larkhall might put things all back together for her. But she had been wrong, dead wrong. She could not face telling Nikki about Sean. And now she was answering for her weakness. Nikki had retreated back behind her walls, walls far more impenetrable than those surrounding Larkhall. It would be easy to walk away now, but she could not walk away from her feelings, and would not.
“Excuse me, miss, but I have to put these tools back into the shed..” Nikki’s voice brought Helen back to the present. Nikki walked past Helen and went into the shed. Helen followed her in and closed the door.
Nikki, listen to me.” Helen stood firm as Nikki continued putting the tools away, closing drawers, moving small pots back to their correct shelves. “I am not going to marry Sean. I want you to know that.” I am not in love with him, I don’t think I ever was. What I felt for him was what I was hoping was love. I think that’s why I kept putting off our wedding.”
Nikki was still for in instant, putting both hands on the shelf, her head down. “What do you want from me, Helen? I love you, and my life is shit and you were my only happiness in this hellhole and then you go back into your box of rules and leave me out in the cold. Do you know what that does to me?”
Helen locked the door to the shed. She walked over to Nikki and put her arms around her. Nikki was sobbing and Helen gently turned her around and held her close. She kissed her forehead, her nose and then kissed the tears on her cheeks. “I love you Nikki.” Nikki kissed Helen’s lips as Helen leaned against the shed wall and put her arms around Nikki’s head. Nikki put her arms around Helen and kissed her gently on the cheek, the neck and then reached around undoing Helen’s bra clasp as Helen pulled hastily opened her blouse. Nikki saw her nipples erect and licked them, listened to Helen’s moans of pleasure and as she gently nibbled around them. Nikki kissed her neck and then helped Helen unbutton her skirt as she kissed her way down her stomach to the waistband on the skirt as they pulled it off together. Helen fell to the floor of the shed and Nikki put the skirt under her, holding her close as Helen moved her bodily frantically against Nikki as she pulled down the band of Helen’s panties.
“Oh, God, Nikki...this feels...this feels so wonderful, “she gasped in pleasure as she held Nikki tightly against her. Nikki reached up and held Helen’s arms immobile, as she moved further down on her stomach, licking and nibbling feeling Helen pushing against her.
“Let me hold you Nikki,” she pulled her arms free and held Nikki’s head to her, crying out in joy as she felt Nikki’s fingers in her wetness as Nikki’s tongue found its quarry.
And she lay still allowing Nikki’s tongue to finish its job, as she came almost at once in spasm after spasm as she held tightly to Nikki , moaning and panting in pleasure. They clung to each other wordlessly, Helen’s spasms coming more slowly, her body tight against Nikki, who held on to her. She whispered, “I love you Nikki.”
Together they lay there, the air musty with mixture of the aromas of soil, plants, and the unmistakable smells of their bodies. They clung to each other, as Nikki kissed Helen gently on the head and Helen moved her body into the curve of Nikki. “I love you too, miss.”