None of Us Were Angels (Steve/Tony 1/1)
Title: None of Us Were Angels
Rating: PG
Summary: Tony's missing Steve after the war and when someone shows up to kill him, he doesn't even move to stop them. But things might not be as desperate as he thought.
Word Count: ~4000
Author's note: Lots of fluff, lots of angst... Basically, there's something for everyone. This can also be found here.
Tony Stark leaned against his desk and let the memories wash over him. The newscast he’d been listening to still played in the background, proclaiming the appearance of a “New Captain America”. Tony knew it wasn’t Steve, knew because he’d been the one Steve had trusted enough to deliver the message to his chosen successor.
But that cowl, the head held high, justice and honor and doing the right thing written across those features…
The fact that it wasn’t Steve didn’t make it hurt any less.
“Sir, the security system is registering an intruder in Stark Tower.” JARVIS piped up, causing Tony to close his eyes and grit his teeth.
“It was only a matter of time.” he mumbled, taking a deep breath and mentally readying himself for what was to come. He could call for his armor, of course, but something told him that wouldn’t be necessary.
“Sir, I must insist- he’s entering the elevator and his movements imply he is on his way to your office. His vital signs and body language indicate he has hostile intentions.”
“Of course he’s hostile.” Tony said. “Let him in.”
“Sir-“
“I know, JARVIS. I know who it is and I know why he’s here. Trust me on this.”
Thankfully, the computer seemed to give in and said no more, just unlocked Tony’s office door for the masked man walking briskly down the hall. The moment he entered Tony’s office, the doors swung shut behind him
“Evening, Bucky.” Tony said, not even looking up. “Or should I be calling you Captain now?”
When Bucky remained silent, Tony looked up to try and read his expression. It wasn’t difficult- the anger, judgment and resentment was written across his face, plain as day.
“The silent treatment. All right, I can do that. How about you listen a sec before you try to kill me as part of your plan to avenge your best friend’s death?”
“How’d you know it was me?” Bucky asked. “Was it that all-knowing computer of yours?”
“Of course, the second I suggest you be quiet and listen, you start talking. I can see how you and- how you two became friends.”
“Can’t even say his name, can you Stark?”
“No, I can’t.” Tony said, calmly. “I lost my best friend, too, you know. And to answer your previous question, no, JARVIS did not tell me you were coming. As I used to tell- used to say a lot, I have the ability to read a situation and guess what will happen next. It’s what allows me to be such a successful inventor and businessman. Your best friend died, I was part of the direct cause and you still have the mindset of a man from an era in which chivalry was not dead. Of course you would come after me. It was only a matter of time.”
Tony paused to take a long pull of the drink in the tumbler on his desk. He swallowed and looked up to meet Bucky’s stare.
“This is diet soda, by the way.” he said. “Not that I should have to explain myself to you. Must be the costume…” Tony visibly let go of the façade he’d put on as soon as Bucky entered the room, his shoulders sagging and his chin lowering. He tapped the rim of his glass hesitantly and took a deep, shuddering breath, as if holding back tears. “Can you please, just- take the cowl off at least? I can’t do this- not with you looking like that. I can’t let you do what you came here to do and kill me with your looking so much like- with you wearing… It’ll be too much like he was doing it himself.”
A flash of sympathy flitted across Bucky’s face, almost too fast to be noticed, before his expression hardened once more.
“What makes you think I'm here to kill you?”
Tony laughed at that, but there was no joy in it- just bitterness and contempt, but not directed at Bucky. No, these days, Tony generally directed such feelings at himself.
“You think I don’t know? You think I don’t know what you think of me?” Tony said, his tone suddenly harsh, cold. He seemed to be talking more to himself than to Bucky. “You think I don’t know that you wish it were me instead of him? Hell, sometimes…. god, sometimes I wish he’d never met me. Then he wouldn’t be… he’d still be here. Sometimes I wish his side had won and I was the one who was publicly denounced as having betrayed my friends and my country. You think I don’t know that I was never good enough for him?”
Tony’s voice had risen as he was speaking so he now was almost shouting. “You think I don’t wish every second since he died that I could take his place? I’m just a man in a big suit of armor. Take that away and I’m- I’m nothing. But he- he was Captain America, even before the serum, he was a hero- brave, caring, always willing to do the right thing, no matter the consequences he’d later face, as long as no one else got hurt. And look where that got us; He’s dead and I’m still here, and it’s not fair.”
Few people had actually witnessed Tony Stark break down. Jarvis, the butler for which his computer was now named, Pepper Potts and Sergeant Rhodes- but Cap had seen it too. Steve lived through Tony’s alcohol dependency and helped him get out of it.
For Bucky, though, this was an entirely new experience.
“There are so many things I should have said- should have done… I should have taken him dancing at that swing club I’d had picked out for when I finally got the balls to ask him out. You know we all loved him, but… I was in love with him. I still kind of am. And he’ll never know. I guess I kind of deserve it, though- never having my happy ending or my Prince Charming or whatever.”
Tony paused and set down his drink.
“You know, in an alternate universe, we get married? Reed took a look through his fancy spyglass… And I can’t help but wonder if I’d only told him-“
He broke off suddenly, looking at Bucky apologetically.
“I’ll bet you really don’t want to be hearing about that, though. IT only really makes it worse, anyways. Just another way I might have prevented all… this.
“So, yeah. If I were you? I’d want to kill me too. Hell, I sometimes want to do it myself. But, you know, figured I’d let you have a shot at it first.”
Tony took a step back and spread his arms wide.
“So, take your shot. No armor, no bodyguards, no tricks. Do it. I’m begging you.”
Tony ducked his head, a clear sign of submission, something the Tony Bucky knew would never do. He waited, and waited. And when the pain didn’t come, he looked up.
Bucky was looking at him as if he wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure exactly what to say. He opened his mouth, but shut it quickly and pressed a hand against his ear, pressing against the com Tony knew was there, and then looked at Tony, confused.
“You sure?” he said.
“Yes.” Tony said, pleading now.
“No, not you Stark.” He paused and listened to whoever was on the other end of the line. “I’ve got someone who wants to talk to you.”
“Me?” Tony said, confusion coloring his tone, but dropped his arms to his sides, feeling a bit foolish.
“And for the record, I wasn’t here to kill you. I was sent to tell you something, but… well, someone decided he wants to tell you himself.” Bucky looked away from Tony and up to the ceiling as if praying. “Hey, computer- any chance you can put my com on the loud speaker?”
“Certainly, Mr. Barnes.”
Tony heard whoever was on the other end- Fury, maybe. He did move in to take care of Bucky when Cap wasn’t able to, and this seems like his style- took a deep breath, then-
“Is this thing on?”
Tony gasped, not believing what he was hearing. His mind must be playing tricks on him. That, or Bucky’s killed him and his own personal hell would be to hear his voice ringing in his ears, but never be able to see him, touch him…
The second option was starting to seem more and more likely. He’d know that voice anywhere.
“Steve?” Tony said, his voice shaking, his eyes screwed shut. “Cap, is- is that you?”
“Heya Tony. Long time, no see. I see you got my letter.”
“Yeah.” Tony said, laughing, despite the tears threatening to well up in his eyes. “Yeah, I got it. Gave Bucky your shield, just like you asked.”
“Thank you. I know it wasn’t exactly appropriate- given the circumstances- but I knew I could trust you… Hey, Tony?”
Tony waited a breath before answering. If this was going to be the last time he ever heard Steve say his name, he was going to remember every second of it.
“Yeah, Cap?”
“Open your eyes, you creep.”
Tony opened his eyes and saw Bucky smiling at him.
“Thank you.” Tony said, with feeling. “I don’t know how you did it, but hearing him one last time was… thank you.”
“Well, when it turned out Cap wasn’t dead after all- again- he wanted you to be the first person he’d tell.”
“Wait- not dead?”
“Yeah. Who’d you think you’re talking to?” Steve’s voice said, echoing slightly in the large room.
“Steve? What happened? How-?”
“Never mind that now. JARVIS- patch the video feed through to Tony’s office. I want to be able to see him when I tell him this.”
“Right away. Welcome home, Mr. Rogers. Nice to hear your voice again.”
“You, too, JARVIS.”
Then, suddenly, a larger-than-life projection of none other than Steve Rogers opened up on the wall of Tony’s office, bathing the dark room in light.
“That’s better. Now I can see you and you can see me.”
Tony blinked. “Steve?”
“Yeah, I think we’ve been through this already.”
“Sorry for finding this hard to process. You’re supposed to be dead.” Tony said, talking to Steve coming as easy as breathing, just as it had before everything went down. Then, Tony realized something. “Wait… how much did you hear?”
“Enough.” Steve said, looking smug.
“How much, Steven?”
Bucky sighed and rolled his eyes. “Everything- he heard everything- and he’s been yapping away in my ear the whole time, too. Look, Stark, I’ll be outside the door. You two have your moment, then come find me.”
Bucky made a hasty exit, but Tony was too absorbed with the face on the screen to even really notice.
“Steve…”
“It’s good to see you, Tony.” he said, looking down at Tony with a familiar expression that made Tony’s breath catch. “It’s been too long.”
“Yeah.” Tony huffed out with a small laugh. “Steve, after everything… to think that I didn’t just lose you as a friend, but also for good… You asked me once if it was worth it, and I’ve told you this already… You weren’t really there to hear it, but it wasn’t worth it. The Act, my pride- none of it was worth losing you.”
“I felt the same way, you know.” Steve said. “That’s one time, when you asked to met up at the old Avenger’s mansion, all I wanted was to talk it out and to finish the stupid civil war, but… my pride got the better of me, and I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” Tony said, sounding shocked. “You’re not the one who got his best friend killed. You were just doing what you thought was right.”
“Well, so were you. I had no right to say the things when you came to my cell.”
Tony gave him a disbelieving look.
“Okay, maybe I did, a little but still.” Steve paused, and took a deep breath. “When the first shot hit, when I thought I wasn’t going to make it, one of the only things I could think about was that the last thing I would ever say to you was yelled through the bars of a prison cell. I didn’t want that to e how you remembered me.”
“Trust me, it wasn’t.” Tony said, looking a little sheepish. “This is a little embarrassing, but- I mean, you already heard me confess my undying love for you, so… JARVIS, show me Steve.”
Screens blinked into existence all along the walls of Tony’s office with all his favorite pictures of Steve. Some in uniform, their cover of Time magazine, where they had their arms slung around each other, the picture from that one Christmas where Steve dressed up as Santa Claus and passed out presents… all the things Tony had wished he could have again and knew he never would. Or, so he thought.
“This was the Steve I remembered.” Tony said, watching Steve’s face as his eyes travelled around the screens, jaw slack. “Everyone had their own personal version of you- mentor or hero or national icon. This is mine.”
“Tony.” Steve whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “Tony, I- I don’t know what to say.”
“’Tony, you fucking creeper, aren’t some of those from security footage?’ might be appropriate.”
They laughed together and it almost felt like old times. Almost.
“Hey, Tony?” Steve said once the laughter had died down. “About the undying love thing.”
“Yes, that.” Tony said, looking away from Steve for the first time since he’d appeared on the screen. “If you’d like, you can just forget it. That would be a kindness to me, actually. It’s not like I’m expecting anything in return or anything…”
“I’d rather not forget it, if you don’t mind. Because, honestly? That was the most amazing thing I’d ever heard. I could barely believe it when you first said it. I had to make sure I wasn’t just hearing things.”
“What are you saying?”
“Steve’s smile widened. “I’m saying if you don’t get out of that office and let Bucky take you to me soon, I just might go crazy from not being able to hold you. See you soon.”
Tony smiled as Steve’s screen blinked out along with all the other screens.
“I suggest you go with Mr. Barnes as soon as possible, sir.” JARVIS said. “And good luck, sir.”
“Thanks, JARVIS. Don’t wait up.” Tony said, practically sprinting to the door.
“Done with your heart to heart?” Bucky asked when Tony came flying out the doors.
“Less snark, more walking, Barnes.”
“Ooh, someone’s eager.” Bucky said, but didn’t make Tony wait any longer, instead leading him through the Tower towards the roof. When Tony asked, he responded, “We’ve got the quinjet parked up there.”
“Where’d you get that?” Tony asked, surprised. “I haven’t seen that since the Avengers got disbanded.”
“Fury.” Bucky said. “When the War got bad, he contacted me, knowing that Cap didn’t have much time left as a free man.”
“So you stepped in to help.” Tony said. It wasn’t a question. “Was his escape your doing?”
“No, not even close.” Bucky said, leading into the elevator. “So what’s next for Steve?”
“Apparently there’s a full pardon for Steve in the works.” Bucky said. “What with the Registration Act being repealed and his benefit to society, all that political bullshit.”
“Yeah, how’d that go?” Tony said, wondering how those who’d been in opposition had reacted when they found out the Act had been repealed. “We weren’t exactly mourning when the news came.”
“Cap’d only just come back when we heard, so we had a lot to celebrate. Steve was definitely confused. So much had gone on while he was gone- it was almost just like the last time.”
“How did he come back? We all thought he was gone, for good this time. No digging him out of the ice seventy years later.”
“Turns out he was never dead after all.” Bucky said. “He fell through some sort of hole in time. I don’t quite understand it myself, but he was phasing through different times in his life, going through his transformation again, things like that. Red Skull was behind it, of course.”
“And you? I know you were supposed to take over the shield. I was the one that told you.” Tony said. “What now?”
“Cap insists that I stay on, that it’s my turn now.” Bucky said, looking not incredibly excited by the idea. “I don’t know though. It feels odd; in my mind, Steve will always be Captain America. But it’s down to what he wants, in the end.”
Tony followed Bucky to the jet, trying to keep up an appearance of calm, but not quite managing it. On the inside, he was jittery and nervous. It was all so strange to Tony, so familiar and seeming ages away. The last time he was here, he was with the rest of the Avengers ready to go on a mission. So many things had changed since then. Had it really only been a year?
“So, Cap finally fessed up, huh?” Bucky asked, leading Tony up into the jet, towards the cockpit
“Yeah.” Tony said, smiling uncontrollably. “Wait, what do you mean finally?”
Bucky laughed and smiled indulgently. “Oh, come one. The genius billionaire philanthropist couldn’t figure out that his best friend was in love with him? You two were basically a couple already, just minus the physical stuff. The Young Avengers still refer to the civil war as The Divorce.”
“What?” Tony asked. The knowledge that he was seconds from being able to see Steve again, from being able to hold him again, that he might have been missing out on being able to call Steve his for a lot longer than he’d thought, was almost too much for him to process. “He liked me, all that time?”
Bucky smiled, swiped his key card and opened the door to the cockpit.
“Go get ‘im, Stark.”
The doors whooshed closed behind Tony and he stood facing them a moment, gathering his courage.
“Mr. Stark.”
Tony turned to see Steve standing across from him, a smile splitting his face, looking handsome as ever, blue eyes shining.
“Captain.” Tony responded.
Tony did not tear up when Steve’s smile widened, just like he didn’t run across the room to whisk Steve into his arms, to hold him close and feel, really feel that he was actually there.
“Long time, no see, winghead.” Tony murmured into Steve’s shoulder.
Steve smiled against Tony’s hair and squeezed him tight before pulling back to examine Tony closely. Trust Steve to be a mother hen, even now.
“You’ve aged.” Steve said. “Is everyone lying when they tell me it’s only been a year?”
Tony rolled his eyes. “You sure know how to flatter a guy. Not all of us can be super soldiers you know.” he said, falling easily into their old banter. “The war might not have lasted long, but it sure did take its toll on my good looks.”
“Oh, you’re still good looking.” Steve said, smirking. “The last two times I saw you, you had your faceplate down. I couldn’t see your face…”
“I’m sorry about that.” Tony said. “I just couldn’t have you see my indecision. I had to seem strong.”
“What do you mean?” Steve asked.
“Steve, you must know how conflicted I was. I was trying to do what I thought was right, and it was taking my best friend away from me. I barely slept, kept up worrying about whether or not I was doing the right thing. If you’d seen that… no offense, but you might have exploited it.”
“You’re right, I would have.” Steve said. “But, god, it’s good to see your face again. I missed your eyes.”
“You, too.” Tony said. “Don’t leave me again. Please. I don’t think I can take losing you again.”
“Yeah, about that.” Steve said. “I’m kind of planning on never leaving you again. Think you can handle that, shellhead?”
Tony smiled. “I think I’ll survive. Somehow.”
Steve laughed openly, happiness apparent on his face, before trailing off and looking Tony in the eye.
“Tony.” he said, his voice thick with emotion.
“Steve.” Tony said.
“May I kiss you?”
“Like you have to ask.” Tony said, leaning in and kissing him soundly on the lips.
Tony couldn’t believe it. He was kissing Captain America. He was kissing his best friend. He was kissing Steve.
They stayed connected for what felt like a lifetime and much too short all at once. Steve’s taste was addictive and now that he had him back, Tony never wanted to let him go.
“Finally.” Steve breathed out against Tony’s lips.
“I know how you feel.” Tony said, pulling away slightly, tugging at Steve’s lapel.
“Just to be clear, how long exactly have you been waiting for that?” Steve said.
“Well, as a kid, my dad would tell me stories about the great Captain America.” Tony said. “So I guess that was when I fell for Cap. But then I met you, and you were fantastic out of costume as well. You became my best friend, someone I could trust with my life. And that’s when I fell in love with Steve Rogers, the time-displaced war hero who was a little naïve and a lot out of touch with the modern way of life. Seems a little unlikely, the supposed ‘greatest innovator of our time’ and the guy from the 1940s who had problems wrapping his head around the idea of the Internet.”
“Hey, I’d like to see you come back to my time and try and handle it as well as I did.”
“Oh, I know I’d be horrible.” Tony said, smirking. “Imagine me without my phone. Or JARVIS.”
“It was nice to see he remembers me.”
“He’s a computer, Steve.” Tony said, smiling and shaking his head. “And it hasn’t been that long.”
“It’s been long enough.” Steve said, pulling Tony closer. “I love you, too, by the way.”
“I was wondering when you’d say that.” Tony said. “We’re a little late. It seems everyone else knew we were in love with each other before we did.”
“Which means we’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.” Steve said, watching Tony’s smirk grow wider before pulling him in for another kiss.
And suddenly, it was all over. The hurt, the loss, the guilt- they would all still be there for some time yet, but it wasn’t quite as soul-crushing with Steve there with him.
Yeah, Tony thought, he could get used to this. No problem.
This time they’d do it better, do it right. This time, there would be no civil war to tear them apart. No matter what the world threw at them next, they’d get through it, and they’d get through it together.