Saved By Grace: Chapter Four - Song of Damon - (4/7)
There are some things that Damon plans out in his head. Mostly they're ritualistic things, like when he thought he was going to die. He had that old bottle of Scotch in the cabinet, and he just wanted to enjoy the flavor one more time before he let it all go. When he killed Rose, he planned to make it nice for her. He'd also had an elaborate plan for when he was finally reunited with Katherine, but why dwell?
Sometimes, he imagines what he's going to do if he ever gets Stefan away from Klaus, which is: he's going to beat the holy hell out of his brother and give him a choice. Come home and be a person again, or he'll finally stake him like he's promised for a century and a half.
And then there's the fantasy about making love to Elena. There's candles and white curtains and a bed that's perfectly made, with strawberries and champagne chilling in a nearby bucket. There's him, pleasing her over and over and over until she can't remember anything but wanting him. And, finally, it's his turn to get everything he's always wanted.
(So shoot him, he's a hopeless romantic.)
What it's not supposed to be is him kissing her so hard he's about to put her through the wall of a Sorority house, or her clawing at him, her arms and legs scissoring against him until he's afraid she's having an epileptic fit. The only thing he can think to do to chill her out is to unfasten her pants and shove his hand down them.
It works like a charm because she's so shocked, she quits moving; his fingers find her hot and wet, and the idea that she wants him that much that fast makes his head spin. A sound he's never heard from any woman before erupts from her throat, something between wonder and desperation and then her hips lift against the pressure from his hand, and she starts riding it, and the only thing left for him to do is watch it happen.
In a matter of a few moments, she blisses out right in front of him, her head lolling to the side as she clenches around his fingers. She sighs his name so sweetly, and runs her tongue over her bottom lip in such a way that he can practically feel the sensation across various portions of his own body. He almost loses his head entirely, almost forgets that they are just outside of a public building. He just wants to shuck her jeans down and sink himself inside because as good as she feels around his fingers, he can easily envision her warm and slick and welcoming around his cock, and god, he hasn't had anyone in a very long time.
He hasn't wanted anyone but her.
The one that he should never, ever have-can never, ever have, really. (Should not even let himself fantasize about much less actually take her when she's offering herself up for some inexplicable reason.)
It's a huge mistake, one that now that he's opened himself up to in a small way makes him feel like he's jumped onto a runaway train. There's no slowing down, and there's no getting off.
Well, actually...there is getting off which is exactly what he needs to happen, the sooner the better.
As if Elena can read his mind, her hands fumble at his belt and then she's sliding one into his underwear the way he just did to her and he finds himself groaning her name as her soft fingers curl around his erection. "'Lena...no, no, not here-oh, fucking hell..." and then she shushes him and her other hand curves around the back of his neck and she pulls his face back to hers so she can suck on his bottom lip while she jerks him off.
If Damon could have a coherent thought, it would be: we are so acting like college kids right now.
But it's fleeting, not coherent, and all he can focus on is the unbelievable pleasure building under her ministrations, and the way her tongue flicks over the tip of his teasingly, like they aren't doing something that could totally get them arrested any minute now.
(This is what he gets for telling that guy in the kitchen earlier to get a room.)
His hands end up on either side of her head, flat against the brick wall behind her, bracing himself as her fist tightens and moves with more speed around him, like she can hear him chanting faster, faster in his mind. He grunts when he comes seconds later, and then he's just standing there with his forehead pressed to hers, breathing hard and feeling completely exposed-not just because he's hanging out of his jeans at the moment.
This wasn't what he planned for this day at all. He really had traveled to Durham to see Elena, to tell her in person that they could never have a relationship, not when he knew he was just a stand-in for Stefan. He was going to be straight-forward, mature, as un-Damon-like as possible about it, because he wanted Elena to understand that all he needs from her is her respect. Anything else is an impossibility, and he has found a way to be okay with that.
Except, now, somehow he doesn't think she'd believe him if he tried to give her that speech, especially since she's using the hem of her shirt to wipe his semen from her hand. (Inconsequentially, he notices her shirt is torn-the only casualty from the fight they’d been involved in.)
She gently tucks him back into his pants and zips him up. Then she slides her arms around his waist and hugs him, burying her nose against his throat and breathing in deeply. Her lips whisper over his skin and she says softly, "Let's go home, Damon."
So, he just lets the train carry him away, because despite his intentions, and the literal, inescapable knowledge that he will regret everything he's about to do, he can't not do it.
He loves this woman, and if he can have her, even for a moment out of time, he won't deny himself.
He never was that good, even back when he was human.
It's a four-block walk from Chi-O House to Elena's apartment, and by the time they get there, they're kissing again. Damon hasn't even attempted conversation at all because he has no idea what might come out of his mouth. It's not worth the risk, so instead, the second he has her inside the door of her quaint little apartment, he's dragging her ruined shirt up and over her head and flinging it aside. She finishes unbuttoning his more than an hour after she first popped the top one undone (which might have been what fried his brain in the first place), and shoving the shirt down his arms, she presses her mouth to his chest, right over his heart. Her tongue dances over his skin and she makes an mmmm-hmmm sound in her throat as she presses another kiss against one of his nipples.
Then her tongue flicks out over it, and Damon is a man possessed.
The rest of their clothes decorate the floor as quickly as he can manage to get them off (both hers and his that he removes himself) as he walks her backwards towards her bedroom; then he's tossing her on to the bed, following her eagerly, and pushing her thighs apart to shove himself inside her with what he would deem necessary roughness.
(She's tight, oh-so-warm, and just where he's needed to be for longer than he can remember.)
Elena moans, then makes a sound of discomfort, and he tries to pull himself back, to figure out what it is. She says softly, "My hair, my hair!" He jerks her up so he can sweep it out from underneath her, so neither of them is laying on it, and mumbles against her lips, "Stupid, pretty hair."
She laughs as her hands surround his face and she locks her legs around his hips as he moves inside her. She arches just right and finds the rhythm with him, and they stare into each other's eyes as they chase the lightning. He's too close, and worried about leaving her behind when she leans up and takes his bottom lip gently between her teeth. He lets his eyes fall shut and focuses on getting her to make just the right sound.
She comes first, but he follows so quickly it's hardly a victory on his part. And regardless, he feels like his heart's been ripped out of his chest. It beats furtively somewhere between them and as he rolls off of her he has a wave of panic wash over him. He just can't deal with all the emotions spiraling through him, all at once, like this, with her.
The only thing that could make this more perfect is if she'd let him bite her, and he really has no expectation for that, because, well, he had no expectation for any of it.
(There's some part of him that knows he can never let that happen. This-whatever this is, it's not a snatch, feed, erase, situation-and it's not the other thing, either; it's not when feeding becomes a part of it the same way intimate touches become second nature.)
This was supposed to be some sort of break-up trip even though there was nothing to break-up. Ric will probably threaten to kill him when he goes home to Mystic Falls, because there is no way he won't know. Damon has no poker face when it comes to Elena.
She curls up beside him, her arm snaking around his waist. She puts her head on his shoulder and whispers, "Don't you dare leave while I'm sleeping," and then she promptly goes right into it.
He tugs a blanket over them and tucks his arms around her. Like he can leave now.
(Or ever.)
He must sleep himself at some point, because the next thing he becomes aware of is her fingers drifting over his belly in a random pattern. She circles his navel and then drags one digit down the line of hair under it. She stops just shy of where he would obviously like her to touch him, because he's hard again.
So he captures her hand and drags it to where he wants it and she immediately embraces him. Then she says, with a smile in her voice, "I wondered how long it would take you to wake up."
He makes a sound in his throat that's partly acknowledgment and partly a moan of ecstasy because her fist has just tightened perfectly to slide all the way to the head of his cock to give it an affectionate little squeeze. "How long did it take?" he asks, and his voice sounds like he's been smoking something for about forty years.
"Less than sixty seconds," she says with a little giggle.
His eyes pop open when she lets him go and moves so that she's straddling his knees. Holding her hair back with one hand, she leans her face down and inspects him before looking up at him. With a smile that outshines the sun, she declares, "You're beautiful." Forget about what even her light touch can do to his most sensitive anatomy, her words more than melt any sort of emotional resistance he might have been trying to recover.
Then she kisses the tip of his penis and involuntarily, he closes his eyes.
(She has way too much power over him, and he can't do a damn thing about it.)
She teases him until the muscles in his thighs are trembling, and just when he's about to curse God and every living thing in the world, she moves up and takes him into her body, which isn't what he's expecting at all. Her hands grip his shoulders and she starts sliding up and down on him with purpose. She makes these delightful sounds, chewing on her bottom lip until he can't help but reach up and yank her head down to his so he can kiss her. Her tongue rushes into his mouth, and he feels possessed by her in all the ways a man wants to be owned by a woman.
Only this woman, forever and ever. That's what he wants, what he needs, and in that moment he can't even remember all the reasons he's got in his head for why it's an impossibility.
He arches under her, his hands sliding down her in a sweeping full-body caress until her hips are in his grasp, holding her tight against him. She sinks her teeth into his bottom lip, and he realizes this is some sort of signature move for Elena, but it seems to signal his impending orgasm more so than hers. When she cries his name, he loses it, pressing himself so deeply inside her he has no idea where he starts and she ends, only that the two of them together is more than even his fertile imagination could have ever dreamed up.
She's so in sync with him, or at least as hungry, which is his only consolation when he puts his hand between them to give her what little she still needs to get there. She groans, low and long, deep in her chest. When it hits her, her neck arches and she throws her head back, and Damon knows he's never seen anything more gorgeous than Elena like that because of him.
It's so arousing, he could roll her over and chase it again, but he's afraid of her hurting her, so he restrains himself.
She lies against his chest in the aftermath, breathing erratically for several long minutes. She seems incapable of not touching him because her fingers are still twitching over the skin she can reach-which is mostly just his shoulders and upper arms at the moment-but then he hears her sigh out his name again, all breathy and sweet.
"Hmmm?" he responds, because really that's about all he's capable of right now.
"I love you," she says, and her voice is incredibly quiet, but totally clear. She lifts her head almost immediately so that she's looking into his eyes. She presses her mouth over his, as if to soothe him. "I love you," she says again, this time with more volume.
The pain in his chest is a combination of hope warring with futility, and he wants to believe her more than anything, he really does. But he just can't let himself be that stupid. He shakes his head and then gently pushes her off of him, moving into a sitting position. He opens his mouth and she scrambles herself right back into his lap and says, "Don't try to tell me what I'm feeling, Damon. I know what I feel. I know that I love you. I've had a long time to think about it, and work it out, and-"
He puts one hand over her mouth and the other around the back of her neck so she can't jerk out of his grasp. "I'm sure that you believe whatever you've convinced yourself of, but-" She shakes her head ferociously and he can feel her trying to bite his palm. "But!" he says loudly. "You've been through so much, and you know if Stefan came back tomorrow, you would be ashamed that this ever happened and-" He stops talking because of the tears that appear in her eyes. He lowers his hands slowly and says, "See? See, I'm right, I'm just-"
Her arms circle his neck and her mouth covers his and he tries to resist her, because he's in the middle of something really important. It's something that he needs her to face so that he can also keep it in focus, so he can just enjoy these stolen moments with her and then remember what's important when things have to go back to normal.
(He doesn't need to remember her saying shit like this. It's enough to pretend she loves him for a little bit, she doesn't need to ruin things by actually saying it.)
She ends the kiss and leans her forehead against his, her fingers combing through the hair resting over his ears. "It's impossible for you to accept, I know, because you've loved Katherine for so long, but normal people don't do that. They don't keep loving someone who left them, who they only spent a brief part of their life with, who they probably weren't going to be with forever, anyway." She lifts her head and looks into his eyes again. "They love the person in front of them who has given them so much, who has been there, who has loved them and-"
"Who killed their brother? Got their aunt killed? Fed them vampire blood against their will? Got their real boyfriend wrapped up with a maniac who has this weird hold over him?" His words get angrier with each utterance, and he finally pushes her off of him and gets up from the bed. He knows it's over now-this break with reality-and it's much shorter-lived than he hoped it would be.
"Damon!" Elena shouts as he jerks open the bedroom door and walks out into the living room. All their clothes lay in a direct path from the outside door to his feet; Elena's lace panties are the first thing he sees as he's about to lean down and grab his own boxers, which are just a few inches further away.
He's naked, and it's late, but not so late that Lydia isn't sitting on the sofa in the living room with her laptop on her lap. Her head jerks around when he comes barreling out of Elena's room.
"Oh. My. God," Lydia says and either she can't or doesn't want to look away. She totally checks out him out, which sort of takes the fire out from under him, and it gets even better when Elena comes running out behind him, dragging the bed sheet with her, wrapping herself up as she goes. She steps in front of him, blocking Lydia's view (he sees disappointment on the girl's face) but then he has to focus his attention on the half-naked girl directly in front of him.
"You're not leaving, we're not done talking about this," Elena says and she body-blocks him, trying to push him back into her room.
"Y'all are already fighting?" Lydia asks. "I thought you'd at least have a honeymoon phase!"
Damon can't help it, he starts laughing because, god; this girl! Where did Elena find her? "How much does she know?" he asks because Elena's face is threatening to crack under the humor, too.
Lydia speaks before Elena can say anything. "I don't know anything, really, because Elena is so mysterious about everything, but I do know she's crazy in love with you because she talks about you all the fucking time. Drives me nuts, actually. Damon this, Damon that, blah, blah, blah. But then I met you earlier and I thought, oh. I mean, dude, look at you? You're like the most beautiful man I've ever seen. No wonder she puts up with your shit-that's the little she's told me. You've been kind of shitty to her, but then you've also been really great. And you are sorta obsessed with your brother, but hey, everyone has their thing they need to see Freud about, you know?"
Elena bursts into giggles and before he knows it, she's resting her head against his chest and shaking it back and forth like she's embarrassed. He doesn't know how this has happened to him, how he ended up in a Woody Allen comedy where a crazy girl succinctly puts all his damage into a monologue that makes it seem...not that bad somehow?
He has no fucking clue how this is his life.
His hands end up on Elena's bare shoulders and she tips her head back as she stops laughing. "Do you believe me now?" she asks.
Maybe it's because his own eyes are so crystalline, but he's always, always, always gone weak in the knees for brown eyes. Elena's eyes-so similar to Katherine's obviously, but really so, so, so different-have this way of making his heart literally feel like nacho cheese in his chest.
(He is so whipped, in other words.)
"I love you," she whispers, pushing herself up on her tiptoes so her mouth can brush over his, which reminds him that he's naked and they have an audience. It's the sweetest of kisses, but it's far from innocent because his bodily reaction to it is sudden and powerful. "I love you," she breathes against his lips.
He does believe her.
He does.
Fuck him eighty ways until the end of time; this is not going to go at all how he planned.
It's sometime on Sunday afternoon that he finally calls Alaric to tell him he's going to stay in Durham for a while.
"What?" Ric asks, suspicion in his voice. "How long?"
"Till Thanksgiving. I'll bring Elena home then so you and Jer don't have to come get her."
"You're going to stay in North Carolina for two weeks?" Now, suspicion has been replaced by incredulity.
"Yup."
"This is you calling to tell me that you're sleeping with my pseudo daughter because you think I won't get you drunk and kick your ass when you get home? I never took you for such a yella-belly," Ric says.
Damon's alone in Elena's room while she's taking a shower so they can go out to dinner (Let's go on a real date, Damon, please!). The privacy allows him to be a little vulnerable to an empty room and his new iPhone. "She says she loves me, Ric."
There's a long, quiet pause. "Well, yeah."
"You knew?" Damon demands, feeling slightly betrayed (but not in the he-wants-to-rip-Ric's-heart-out way).
"I suspected. She had that mopey thing going on sometimes. I thought it was about Stefan but Jeremy was convinced it was about you. I guess he wins that twenty bucks."
"Fuck you, quit betting on my love life!"
"Hey, I never thought you'd have a real love life. You're a mess. Who'd put up with you?"
Damon can't argue that point because he sort of agrees with it. "I guess Elena will."
"Are you freaking out?"
"Little bit. But you know, sex does wonders for nerves. So, I'm dealing."
"You are such a dick."
"I know, right?" Damon laughs because the wheel of fortune has finally spun his way. All he can do is go with it.
"Okay, well, I have to give you the if-you-hurt-my-daughter... speech, you know."
"She's not really your daughter, you know."
"I'm all she's got, though, and I'm serious, Damon. I'll stake you in your sleep."
There's a thread of humor still there, but Damon knows it's not entirely false, what Ric's saying-what Ric means. "I'll treat her like gold."
It's a promise for all of them.
Elena eventually realizes the folly of her error in inviting him to stay indefinitely, because every time she's trying to work on something, he pulls her panties off, or lays on top of her, or starts tonguing her ear until she's yanking his belt loose. When she groans into his neck one night, "I'm so going to end up on Academic Probation!" as she's spasming around him, he can't help the pride-induced smile that stretches his face.
He supposes this is what Lydia meant when she said honeymoon phase. Because he literally cannot get enough, and even though Elena is a good student with self-discipline, nobody would know it by the state of her homework, and the fact that she's missed more classes than she's been to in the last several days.
"If you love me, you'll go, for just a few hours, please," she begs as he rolls off of her.
Her eyes are pleading and her body is sweaty, and the problem is of course that he will never be satisfied. He could make her come all day long, and it would still not be enough for him. "I do need some blood," he says. She gives him a raised brow and he says, "There's a blood bank near here. I'll just go get a couple bags. No worries."
She props herself up on her elbow and asks, "So you really haven't killed anyone-not since that girl on Route 40?"
He shakes his head. "Really. It's because of your blood, too-you know how Tyler gave me his family journal? I've been studying it a lot, and then Ric got some information from that Vanessa girl-'member her? She tried to kill you? Anyway, the thought about doppelganger blood sealing in properties seems to be true, but it also tends to invite some sort of balance. So the best thing that could have ever happened to me was drinking your blood at the moment I did, because it sealed in the new qualities, but it also made it all much more manageable-vampire and werewolf. WolfVamp. WerePire. Whatever."
"You don't think that's just because you've embraced your humanity?" she asks, watching him very carefully.
He shrugs. "It could be a combination of things, I guess, but I like to believe it was your tasty blood that did it."
She grins. "I'm tasty?"
"Hmmm, very tasty."
She puts a hand against his shoulder, fingers caressing lightly. "Would you be interested in tasting it again?" She drops her lashes over her eyes just as she says it, and he slowly reaches over to tip her chin up so that they're looking at each other.
"Don't offer something like that, Elena. Ever."
"But, I-"
"No, absolutely not. It's just better if we don't ever go there."
"You would never hurt me," she says emphatically.
He sits up, and reaches for his pants that are in a crumpled heap on the floor. "Right, because I've never hurt you before. Especially when I took your blood. I was half out of my mind, but that's one thing that's crystal clear about that night. You were hurt, and I hurt you."
"Damon-"
"No," he says, pulling his jeans on as he stands up from the bed. "I'm going to go, leave you be for a while so you can get some of your work done. I'll be back in a few hours."
He gets to the door, dragging his shirt on over his head as he opens it. "Damon?" she asks, and her tone is soft, stopping him. He looks back at her. "I love you," she says, as she's oft repeated for the last nine days.
"I love you," he says with emphasis. What he doesn't say aloud, but hopes she hears anyway is, and that's why I'll never take your blood.
Thanksgiving is a quiet affair in and of itself. Ric, Jeremy, Damon, and Elena make a turkey, eat until they're almost sick and then lay around the living room sleeping and intermittently watching football. It's not until the next day, Friday, when Bonnie and Caroline come over to catch up with Elena that Damon has to leave because of their shrill demands for an explanation as to the state of his and Elena's relationship.
(It's okay that he bails because Elena had told him she would handle it, and besides Jer and Bonnie are on a break right now, so the boys end up going to The Grill to shoot pool.)
On Sunday evening, he and Elena are packing up her stuff to go back to Duke when she grabs him by the arms and says very seriously, "You can't stay in North Carolina with me. If you do, I'll flunk out of college. So no matter how much I want you to talk me into it, please do not. Just take me home, make love to me, and then leave so that I can focus on my studies until finals. And then you can come back and get me and we'll have all of winter break to make up for the time apart."
He frowns at her. "I hate college," he mutters.
Her puppy-dog eyes do something insane to both his chest and his cock, because he ends up pinning her to the bed and saying, "I promise not make you flunk out," as he pulls her clothes off and goes down on her.
When she's panting his name and tugging violently on his hair, he knows the next three weeks are going to be the longest of his existence, ever.
It's remarkable really, that something he never really let himself entertain is happening to him so magically. Like, he's in a happy, stable relationship, with a girl who is so warm and affectionate with him that even while she's steeped in studying, she will still text him several times a day just to tell him she loves him, misses him, or both.
The biggest thing that comes out Thanksgiving break (besides Bonnie and Caroline's reluctant support of their relationship) is Elena extracting another, different promise from him that has nothing to do with school.
She gets him to promise her that he won't go hunting for Stefan anymore.
They're in his bed at the Boarding House, and he is basically a pile of goo that she can shape into whatever she wants because as much as he likes to make sure that she has just as many orgasms as he does, if she gives him a blowjob, he pretty much cannot function for at least an hour.
(He teased her that it must be a doppelganger thing, but really he thinks it's just his own weakness for the woman he loves being that generous with him. Oh, and Elena is like a blowjob champion. If they gave awards for that sort of thing, he would totally nominate her.)
So he's all limp beside her on the bed and she nibbles on the lobe as she breathes into his ear, "Make me a promise."
His response is a hand patting her bare ass and one eye squinching open. "Promise," she whispers again, and the air rushing over his already sensitive eardrum makes him shiver and say, "Anything you want."
(See? Totally whipped)
"Promise me you won't go looking for Stefan anymore."
She doesn't whisper the words all sexy-like into his ear, but says them completely seriously and without any apology. He turns his head and looks into her eyes and they argue for several long seconds without any words at all.
Finally, he agrees because he knows to go back out for Stefan is a futile, hopeless effort. (And because he'll do anything for Elena.)
It pains him to even consider that he'll never get his brother back, but it is foolish to keep risking his own life in the process. Especially when there's someone who would care if he died.
Who cares so much that she totally buttered him up to ask him the one thing he would give her anyway-his life, his existence. It's hers, if she wants it. All of it's hers, and she does seem to want it, and even though the thought often flummoxes him, it also makes it easier to choose a better path.
So after she's been back at school for more than a week, and he's just hanging out at the Boarding House because he has no Town Council duties (yes, Carol Lockwood left him in charge of everything even though the vampire attacks seem to have passed), he realizes he's going to have to learn how to exist without always having a project. It's a hard habit to break after plotting for 145 years on the Get Katherine Out of Tomb project, and then every successive emergency thing that popped up after that until Klaus left town with Stefan.
Rescuing Stefan From Klaus would have to wait until Stefan Wanted To Be Rescued From Klaus, and there was no telling if or when that would ever happen.
One night while they're hanging out, Alaric suggests they decorate the Boarding House for Christmas, and Damon just looks at him. "We're not gay, and we're not going to make the townspeople suspect that we are."
Ric is drinking some of Damon's favorite Scotch with his feet up on the coffee table in the Great Room while Damon flips through a catalog looking for gifts for Elena. He laughs and lifts his glass as if toasting Damon. "Now that would be funny, wouldn't it? You could throw them all off the vampire trail by being that guy who's a friend of Oprah's. What's his name? Nate something? Yeah. Him."
(Ric's a little drunk, Damon realizes.)
"When did you ever watch Oprah?" he asks.
"Oh, you know, sometimes, with Jenna. She recorded it every day. She really loved that show."
Damon can feel that twinge in his chest, the one he gets when he's with Ric sometimes. He knows it's because he loves the guy like a brother, and he wishes he were happier. He especially hates it when Ric talks about Jenna, but he also knows it's important to let him.
He gets a sudden idea. "You know what you should do, Alaric?" Ric's head bobbles a little, but he looks over at Damon interestedly. "You should call Andie Star. She would be a fun girl for you to take out sometime."
Ric's eyes narrow. "Are you trying to set me up?"
"It's time. It would be good for you."
"Fuck you," Ric mutters and he gets to his feet.
"Hey, come on-" but before they can really have it out, the front door opens and someone walks in, uninvited.
Damon knows it's not Elena, and not just because her hair is falling in curls around her shoulders; it's the expression on her face and the way she walks down the hall towards him, and it reminds him why he should sign his house back over to a living person ASAP.
"What do you want?" he asks, and Ric spins around to see who Damon's speaking to.
"We need to talk," Katherine announces.
Normally, Damon would just throw her out. He is so over any tie left between them, and despite her "saving his life" that one time, it can never in anyway even out all the other shit she did to him.
There's just no repaying him for what she put him through. Even if Damon believed in redemption, which he's not sure he does, because if the truth is told, he's really just waiting for the other shoe to drop with Elena. She loves him, sure, but there is a whole lot of free flowing water under that bridge that could still be burned, and he will never entirely believe it's not one tongue of flame away from going up in smoke.
Because he knows everything he's done, and it all leads right back to Katherine. Not that she's any more responsible for his actions than Stefan ever was, but he would not be here, he would not have done any of the things he's done, and there would be no Damon and Elena if not for a chain of events that were set off in 1864. By Katherine. (And the scales of justice, good to bad, are never going to be even, no matter how much Elena loves him.)
And while he's certainly enjoying what it is right now, he doesn't really expect it to last. Dealing with Katherine isn't anything he wants to do either, but she's come there to talk about Stefan. Which is the one thing he has to listen to from her, because it's Stefan.
Ric stumbles into the kitchen to get some water and make some coffee, so Damon waves his arm to indicate to Katherine that she should follow them. "Feeling a little maudlin for the holidays?" she asks sarcastically and Damon turns on her, pinning her to a nearby wall as Ric disappears behind the swinging door.
With his hand around her throat, he breathes in her face, "Do not provoke him, or tease him, or hurt him in anyway, or I will drive a fucking chair leg through your heart. Isn't it enough that you got the woman he loves killed? Just say what you came here to say and then get the hell out!"
"Okay, okay!" she says as if she can't understand what his problem is. She gives him a good hard shove and then precedes him into the kitchen.
"I think Stefan's ready to come home," she says with no further ado.
Damon and Ric exchange glances and then Damon asks, "Why?"
"It's just little things, but his temperament has been changing lately, and I get the feeling he doesn't want to keep running with Klaus. So I've come to retrieve Elijah to finish Klaus off once and for all."
Damon gives her his best what the fuck look and she elaborates. "Klaus killed Elijah before they left town, and Stefan knew where the body was, along with all the other Originals. He left them in a storage unit, here, in Mystic Falls. Stefan told me about the storage unit. It was casual, but he gave me enough information, when Klaus wasn't around, so that I could find it. I got the feeling Stefan thinks Elijah will be happy to put Klaus down now, since he'd know where the rest of his family is, and you know, he'd be pretty pissed about Klaus double-crossing him. Again. So." She arches her brows at Damon, who is still giving her his I don't trust you face. "Look, it's good info, I promise." She smiles in such a way that Damon can't mistake her meaning when she adds, "I had Stefan in a vulnerable position when he told me. He was totally open and honest. I left, as I'm wont to do, and my intention is not to go back until I have Elijah, and you," she points at Damon, "with me. We can finally kill him for good, and bring Stefan home."
"Do you really think I'd ever believe you want to bring Stefan home?" Damon asks. "I can't help but think this is some grandiose plan to get me killed once and for all, and possibly make Stefan your sex slave for eternity."
"If I wanted you dead, Damon, I'd have let the wolf bite do its job." She smiles sensually again and continues, "And, of course, I'd like Stefan to be my sex slave, but it has to be his choice. So I'll let him come home and figure out how boring Elena is in comparison and then he'll choose me, and it will all work out the way it should."
Damon folds his arms over his chest and shakes his head just slightly at Ric who appears ready to say something. Unsure what he might add to the conversation being a tad drunk, Damon hopes he'll keep his trap shut. "I'm not going, not unless Stefan calls me and asks me to come."
Katherine's face grows tight. "He'll never do that."
"Well, then," Damon says, as if that's enough, shrugging carelessly, like it's not eating a hole in his stomach right this minute to think of actually being able to save his brother. He can't go, not until he talks to Elena about it, but he's not going to tell Katherine that.
"What the hell, Damon? You've been hunting him for the better part of a year, getting close so many times, nearly getting yourself killed more than once! Now? Now, you're just going to be all it doesn't matter, Stefan needs to call me. I'm confused. What's chang-" Her eyes snap back and forth between Damon and Alaric and then understanding comes over her expression. "Wait. Are you and Elena-did you finally get the girl in Stefan's absence?" she asks, and then Alaric moves almost as quickly as Damon does, but he blocks any violent reaction Damon might have against her.
She laughs, her eyes flashing as Damon stares her down over Ric's shoulder. "I get it, I understand. You don't want him coming home and ruining your little fantasy world."
"You'd better shut up, if you want any help, Katherine," Ric says, and his voice is a point of calm in a room that has suddenly stirred up everything Damon fears and loves most.
"I'm not helping her," Damon spits.
"Only because you promised Elena that you wouldn't," Ric says quite lucidly, letting Damon know that even though the coffee's not ready yet, the situation has sobered him up quite nicely.
Ric pats Damon's shoulders to get him to back off, and then he turns around to face Katherine. "Elena comes home from school next week. When she gets here, we'll discuss it with her. Then we'll decide what we're going to do. You can go get Elijah and do whatever the hell you want on your own, and probably end up dead if any of us are lucky at all, or you can wait until we've talked to Elena. Then we'll decide if anyone is going to go with you to help."
Katherine's eyes shift from Ric's face to Damon's and then she nods. "Fine. See what the Doppelganger thinks. If she approves your request for time off, maybe you can find your balls and come out to play with me."
Damon goes for her then, and no amount of Ric stepping between them could stop him even if he tried, which he does not. Slamming Katherine against the wall with every ounce of strength he has just causes her to give it right back until they end up on the floor with her on top of him. She smiles down at him, her hand clenched painfully around his throat. "Always older, always stronger," she sing-songs.
"Always alone," Damon says it so quietly that it's surprising how loudly it cracks between them. He remembers standing in this very room with Elena months ago as she got her heart broken by Stefan's break-up text. All the same as he stares up into the eyes of the woman who only superficially resembles the woman he's madly in love with in anyway, he says something he never knew himself capable of. "I'd give Elena up in a heartbeat if it kept Stefan away from you forever."
The triumph of overpowering him melts from her countenance and she stares at him without saying anything. This is what it's come to, and this is how it's changed. His loyalty should always have been with his brother, but he'd made the wrong choice all those years ago. He won't make that mistake again.
"You need to go," Ric says and Katherine stiffens, having forgotten the third party in the room.
After she leaves, Damon convinces Ric not to call Elena and tell her everything now. He just wants her to have a little bit more time of ignorant bliss.
(And maybe he wants to have a relationship with her for just a little bit longer.)
Ric and Jeremy end up going to get her because Damon has a Founder's Council Christmas Party to attend the same day she's finished with finals. He can't get out of it because while he's keeping Carol in the dark, Liz knows everything, and he's constantly trying to prove to her that he's trustworthy and truly her friend, and he can't bail on an event like this just to go get his girlfriend.
(Though, believe him, that's all he wants to do.)
When he gets home from the event, Elena is waiting for him, but she's in the tub in his bathroom and she looks exhausted, so he feels badly about the fact that he just wants to fuck her and that's the only thing he can think about.
The good thing is, even though she looks at him wanly, she reaches out for him immediately and he pulls her from the tub, soaking wet. Once he's as naked as she is, and they're rolling around on his bed, he loses any sort of ability to be subtle.
He missed her like crazy, and as soon as they climax, he's going to have to tell her the whole big thing about Stefan and somehow convince her to let him go. So he loses himself in the lines of her body, the curves of her breasts and hips, and he even has a moment where he thinks she's feels a little bigger in his palms, like she's put on some weight, which is ridiculous since it's only been three weeks since he last had her naked.
He's got one of her knees slung over his elbow, holding her open for him to stroke her deep and hard. She shudders under him, and he follows rather quickly, given the length of time they were apart. When he tries to move off of her, Elena's arms wrap around his neck tightly, and out of nowhere, she starts crying, crying so hard, he wonders if Ric spilled the beans on the drive back from Durham.
"What's the matter?" he asks softly, but she's clinging to him, and he can't move back to look into her face unless he dislodges her; he thinks that would upset her more, so he doesn't. Instead he rolls to his side, carrying her with him so she's resting against his chest. "Elena? Baby, what is it?"
She just shakes her head against his throat, and he's not sure if that means she doesn't know, or she can't speak, so he decides to just shut up and lie there. A few minutes go by and she continues to sniffle, but slowly, she seems to get control, and then she's just laying there, her face against his heart. Then her fingers skim over his abdomen lightly before settling firmly on his side. Her nails dig into his skin and she takes a deep breath. "I love you, Damon. So much. So much more than I ever thought I could love anyone. So much."
The hair on the back of his neck stands straight up. In the space of thirty seconds she just said the words so much three times, and he's suddenly in the middle of it-this is when the edict comes down, whatever it is that she can't deal with, that she doesn't want to put up with for whatever reason, and he'll have no way around it, no argument against it.
(It will kill him to lose her, but then at least going after Stefan won't be a problem.)
"I love you, too," he says, running his hands over the tender skin of her back comfortingly. Following the wave of tension is one of total peace-he can do this, he can let her rip his heart out, and he can let her go without throwing a fit. He loves her that much. He can make it easy on her. "It's okay, Elena. Just say it. Just tell me."
She takes another shuddering breath and then she tips her head back so they can look at each other. The hand digging into his side moves up to caress his face, the tips of her fingers ghosting over his lips and cheek, touching the corner of his eye and then smoothing across his eyebrow before she places her whole palm against the side of his face. "I'm pregnant."
Chapter Five - Leviticus (The Law)